Winniefred Witherwelts of St Agnes reported in the farming magazine ‘Grow and Slither’ that she has had a bumper year for her quality slugs and snails, much to the delight of her clientele.

They are used in many high-class restaurants as appetizers, or as substitutes for human digits when they are in short supply (Ghouls endorse the St Agnes Squidges brand) and they are also important ingredients in a number of necessary spells. This means that they are always in high demand but of limited supply.

Squidges as the slugs and snails are referred to in the trade are best when allowed free range of at least a hectare of land, and fed on a variety of fruits and vegetables.

The fruit and vegetables themselves must be maintained to a high quality and this is not easy to judge when they are well eaten by the Squidges. The fruits and veg must also be available in the correct quantities to enhance the flavour of the meat. Onions represent about twenty percent of their diet, its presence cutting through the blandness of the soft bodied and rhubarb adds a sharp tang. Turnip helps to add a crisp smoothness to their flavour. The weather can seriously affect flavour of the squidges as some of the plants respond poorly to the weather and it reduces their influence on the final flavour of the slug or snail.

The weather can also affect the survivability of the squidges.

The slugs and snails are kept separately and raised from microscopic eggs for five years. They are moved to different ranges as they grow larger. They must be collected and checked individually for health every three months on the full moon while it is preferably raining.

Of course, the squidges can be raised in moisture-controlled tanks and on re-constituted plant chips but intensive farming does not lead to the same taste and texture as free range squidges according to the connoisseurs. The weather last year allowed for a ten percent increase in population and Ms Witherwelt has had to pickle more squidges than normal. The pickled squidges promise to be a fine vintage. Buy they while you can.

Quothe, the raven.