《Exploit》Dinner For Two

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Gold is love, gold is life. Gold is the backbone of every good rpg. You grind for hours or do dangerous quests. Then you gather your loot, sell off all the useless bits, and buy some better gear. Classic rpg's make this a necessity, though I will admit there are some styles where loot isn't that important. I guess it all comes down to how you wish to play the game. Personally, I like having spare gold, I like having enough spare gold that whenever there is a ridiculous request in game, for like 999999 gp or something, something the game doesn't expect you to possibly be able to gather. I can plop that fat sack on the table and get access to some bonus quest/dialogue.

In real life money is much more important. For instance, a mans gotta eat. Most rpg's overlook food and use it mainly as a healing mechanism. The real world is a bit different though. Turns out, whatever world I'm in, I still feel hunger, and in order to appease that hunger, I need gold. I thought I had found a way to acquire gold using mana crystals. Turns out, that isn't so viable, at least not in my current state. So, I've decided to go with the next best thing. Looting til my ass falls off.

I instruct walter to help me gather all the crossbows and bolts. Milord, isn't that a cowards weapon? A real knight uses magic and steel! He responds. I roll my eyes, and repeat my instructions. Justin, isn't looting the dead unseemly? He asks yet again. I roll my eyes even harder this time. I calmly explain that they were trying to kill us, we don't need to respect the dead in this scenario. But my lord, my honor as a knight forbids me from disturbing their rests. He states. I roll my eyes so hard that for a brief moment I think I saw the face of god. Walter, stop asking questions, pick up any carry-able loot, and get the fuck on! I loudly demand.

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He does as instructed but I can tell he isn't happy about it. I guess it's a good thing that his happiness is secondary, or uh, tertiary even. We quickly gather what we can carry, which honestly isn't alot. We each have two crossbows and about fourty or so bolts strong together. Sure I would have taken them all if I could, but speed is of the essence. In addition we also manage to loot a bit of gold from the them. Combined with what I had on me and what we looted, combined we now have 8 gold, 5 silver, and 3 copper. Not a bad haul if I do say so myself.

We then set out back on the road. Good thing I have Walter, or I'd be completely fucking lost at this point. Here's where the boring part comes in. We walk, and walk, and you get the idea. We walk all fucking day and decide to settle in just before the sun goes down. It was at this moment that I realized a fatal mistake. One that could truly be the bane of my existence.

I have all this fucking loot but no food. The bandits didn't have any on them, just weapons and their coinpurse's. Fuck me, maybe Walter has some. Sir Walter, do you have some food on you? No my lord, I do not. Shit, alright, time to get creative here. Walter, go find us some food while I make a fire. Yes sir, right away milord. Yes, I know, I am quite the creative person. After I gather a few pieces of wood I start a small fire and settle down with my back against a tree, alert, ready, prepared.

Time to just be patient and wait for Sir Walter to bring us something to eat. Hopefully he can find some tubers or something. Whatever, I don't know, I grew up in the 21st century and he's a farm boy. Whatever he finds will be decent I'm sure. Time to just sit back and wait on Walter. Yep, sit back, remain alert, relax. Totally relaxed, nice warm fire, calming energy. Relax, yes, relax and stay awake. Yes, certainly staying awake. Not falling asleep or anything.

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