Hmm…should I start naming my Pokémon? I mean, I am beginning to get stronger duplicates. I have another Golbat, Pidgeot, and Raticate, with some Pidgeotto being raised. I also have Kakuna and Metapod, along with a Wartortle.

The other eggs need more walking in order to hatch them, so nothing new there…I’m hungry.

Breakfast! On the house! No? Okay, then. Just some eggs, hash browns, and bacon.

What? No bacon? Why not?! Pokémon cruelty? That’s bull. It’s not cruelty if I eat it. Then it’s called survival.

Speaking of, aren’t we all Pokémon? I have heard of people using psychic powers and martial artists who actually train against their own Pokémon. From what I’ve heard, the more intelligent a Pokémon, the harder it is to catch. That’s why the Legendary Pokémon are so hard to capture.

“Hello.”

So that means the reason we can’t be caught has something to do with our intelligence. Or maybe the people who made the pokéballs set it so we can’t be caught.

“Excuse me?”

I wonder what my type would have been…

“Hey.”

“What?”

Oh, it’s Bernie Mac, the Charmander Hack.

“Give me back my Charmander.”

“Yours? I found this guy in the middle of the park. Some Valor flunkies said they were trying to catch it but ran out of pokéballs.”

“Really? May I please see him?”

Great…I know how this is turning out. I am going to get called out because this might actually be his Charmander. Those idiots will say I stole it, and pin all the blame on me, especially since I’m not from Valor.

“Fine, but if he does belong to you, I had no idea.”

“Just let me see him.”

Shit, why are you angry at me? You were the one that is so weak you get picked on by your own Team.

“Sheesh, just rub it in my face, why don’t you?”

“Oops, I said that out loud.”

“Yep.”

“My bad.”

“Whatever. Yeah. It’s my Charmander. Thanks, I guess.”

“No problem, just catch more Pokemon and get stronger. Don’t rely on solely rare Pokemon.”

“…”

“Oh, and the hooligans from before are right outside.”

“I know.”

“Great. Then you won’t know where to find me. Never see you again! Bye!”

And away I went. Out the side door and onto my bike, and back to Headquarters. I wasn’t sticking around for any more mess. My idea was further successful when I saw the Valor idiots trying to stop me. Bernie just stood there glaring at me as I fled.

I didn’t have beef with you before, but now I do, piss pants. It looks like I have some training to do.

Right now, my team consisted of my main Golbat at 609 CP, Vaporeon at 607 CP, Pinsir at 464 CP, two Pidgeots at 431 and 350 CP respectively, and finally another Golbat at 336 CP. I doubt I would be able to win against that 1,000 CP gym, but against some of these lesser buttfaces, maybe.

This would take several montage moments as my Pokémon and I work on getting stronger.

After a little while, I decided to try a small gym. Get some experience in. Luckily, none of Team Valor knew my actual name or where I lived. The Rangers were not going to get involved in this unless I had decided to keep the Charmander.

A good looking Golbat mask would hide my identity rather nicely! I am the idiot this town so desperately needs, I’m Golbatman! Hehehe, and since I did such a good job recently, I received a Team Rocket pin. A little red R attached to my collar under the flap. I look swanky.

On my way out, the clerk girl said hello. She may have thought I was someone else, but today is looking up!

I got to be a gym leader! So what if it was by accident! He didn’t want to stay any longer and so he just left, making me, the next guy who walked along, become gym leader.

Aaaand I lost.

Stupid 1,000 CP Electabuzz…Most of my powerful Pokémon are weak to electric types.

Well, I’m done here. Better try a different gym. Oh look, the guys from when I ate that veggie burger. I haven’t seen them for…a couple days…From the way they spoke about Bernie, they must actually be strong. Better not mess with them.

“Hey! Yeah, you! The one with the red hair!”

“You have red hair.”

Shit. Wasn’t supposed to reply.

But hat man did have red hair. Wait, where is his hat? You can’t tell if you are a part of Team Valor that way.

“What do you guys want?”

“You’re the guy who stole one of our Charmanders.”

“Nope. I found a Charmander that just so happened to be someone else’s. And then when he asked me, I gave it back to him. Get your facts straight.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“You were there? No? Then how do you figure what I am saying is wrong?”

“Because some of our men saw you do it!”

“Then why didn’t they stop me?”

“What?”

“Yeah. Do I look like I could run away? And besides. The three flunkies are nothing but trouble.”

“Who?”

“The dumbos who stole the Charmander from Bernie. They decided to push the blame onto me.”

“Why?”

“So they wouldn’t get in as much trouble.”

“…”

“There’s still when, where, and how, if there was more you wanted to ask.”

“Just shut up. We need to go investigate.”

“Cool, see you guys around.”

“And you’re coming with us.”

Ooh…I get it. They are hiding their Team logos so they don’t make Valor look bad. Too bad.

“HELP! TEAM VALOR IS TRYING TO KIDNAP ME!”

“Shit! Get him and shut him up!”

POW!

Ow…that…hurts…

Great. Just great. Not everyone can act like this, right? This isn’t some sort of gimmick, right? I thought trainers were better than this.

Hell, Team Rocket seems like the good guy now.

I’m hungry.

“Shut up in there, stop talking to yourself.”

Oops.

They took my device, my wallet, and my shoes. Why my shoes? Well, at least they didn’t find my Team Rocket badge. That’s still hidden within my collar.

I really hope they didn’t take my Pokémon and money. Wait, I hear footsteps. There’s the door opening. And hello, Candela. And some other dude.

“Hmph. Nice to see you again, cheater.”

“Ha, that is perfect, coming from a Team Valor scum. Who would have thought that you guys were nothing more than gangsters?”

“Shut up!”

Oh yeah, hit me, bitch. I will sue you and press charges. The other guy walks forward.

“I don’t think you understand your predicament. Look at your situation. You’re not going to just walk out of here, you know?”

Hehehe, sure. Talk all you want. My Team has my back. Thanks to this conveniently disguised tracker badge. What? Why would I wear jewelry for no reason?

“Man, I had such a crush on you, Candela.”

“What? What are you trying to say?”

“Why, I wanted so badly to join Team Valor. But now look. You have to deal with me causing you guys trouble. This isn’t about the damn Charmander, is it?”

“Huh? What do you mean, it isn’t?!”

Hmm. She actually looks confused. But the evil guy, who I just can’t make out, keeps standing in the shadows. I can tell he is amused.

“Yes, you are smart. I bet you would have made a fine addition to our team.”

“Yeah, fat chance now that I know what you really do.”

“Oh come now. Don’t make us out to be the bad guys. We are merely dealing with someone who stole from us.”

“More like I must have gotten three strikes somewhere in your book.”

Eww, what a creepy grin this guy has. It looks like one of those half open mouth grins.

“Quite right. You have messed with Team Valor too much. Now we have to deal with you.”