Cecilia

"Umm... Is there anything I can do to help?" (Cecilia)

"I'm blind. I am fucking blind in the middle of a forest that can kill me. I should have paid more attention." (Descal)

Descal just sat there and began to blink rapidly as if it would change his situation. Realizing it was futile, he simply sat down and did nothing. He looked empty. I truly wanted to do something for him, but I didn't know what to do or say. Obviously, he wasn't alright, and I had absolutely no idea what to do in this situation. The best I could do was simply sit down and hold his hand to reassure him that I was close by until he calmed down. However, I don't think he was calming down. For one, he stopped glowing red and began to grow dark until he was a pitch black color.

"Cecilia. Run. Right now. My emotions are overloading again." (Descal)

"What? Emotions? What does that have to do with anything?" (Cecilia)

"Just run!" (Descal)

"I can't run away! First, I am tied to you. Second, you can't follow the path without me. Three, it is still too dark to accurately follow the path! I can't see yellow with this night vision!" (Cecilia)

"Gahh... This isn't good..." (Descal)

With those words, he pushed me down and cut his hand with one of his blades. When I tried to question him, he told me to stop talking, and he hastily began drawing some magic circle around me and begged me to stay in the circle crouched down and to close my eyes. I was about to retort him until I noticed the desperation in his voice as he repeated what he said a couple seconds ago. I complied. I curled up and covered my eyes and began to wait when I stopped hearing Descal grunting in pain. That was when it happened.

It was almost impossible to describe the feeling, the atmosphere that came over the area when I was in the circle. Even twenty years later, I had a hard time believing such a powerful presence could be emitted from anything that walked these lands. The best description I could come up with was the feeling of not belonging in this time or any time. It felt like a power that predated time itself. Something that can destroy this world's foundations. It took all my willpower to even stay awake. It was simply suffocating. I had absolutely no hard time keeping my eyes closed since I didn't even want to open my eyes to see what is happening. Stay small and hide. These were the only thoughts running through my mind.

Descal... just what are you to be able to emit such a powerful aura? I don't think anything in this world could release such power... You said you were human. What are you now? What did you do to get this strong? What did you do? Stop. I can't take this anymore. It's too much. With those thoughts, I lost consciousness.

"Disgusting child. Get out of my way."

I'll kill you.

"How dare she show her face in front of us purebloods."

I'll burn your lands and salt them.

"Quiet, son. Although she has commoner blood, she is still royalty."

You have no idea of how many of my "royal" siblings I have ordered an assassination on recently.

"Bah. What can she do? She is useless. Can't even be used in a political marriage."

For no suitor ends up living long enough to have the satisfaction of marrying me.

"The King has arrived! All Hail the King."

Ah. Father. The one who has caused me much suffering by bringing me here. Soon, he shall die, and I will bargain for my freedom of this accursed court with the new king.

"Today, as many of you know, will be the day that I announce my heir. Although some may question my decision to choose the crown prince or princess in this time of political instability, I believe this to be a great time to train my next successor. After all, hardship is the best teacher. What better time than now to have the crown prince experience as much political negotiations and connections than this time. Before I make my decision known...."

Enough with this sweet talk. It sickens me to the core of how it is impossible to say what you truly want in this god damn court. I know that you just want to tell the nobles to piss off and that they will have no control over who is next in line to the throne. Even a 13-year-old can figure that out.

What. No. That smile. What are you smiling at me for? King Tennesley the Second. What are you going to do? No. NO. NO. NONONONONO. HOW DARE YOU SELECT ME AS THE CROWN PRINCESS? I WON'T FORGIVE YOU!!! IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU. You are FORCING me to stay in this HELL!

"Cecilia. Wake up. Cecilia."

"GAAH."

All of a sudden, I woke up from my dream. Of all the dreams I had, it was that one. The first year I spent with all that corruptions, scheming, and assassinations really messed me up. SIgh. I really don't want to think of that time again. It seems that it was daytime again. And the mist is gone too. That's not right. I have never heard of any reports of the mist disappearing from the Misty Forest.

"Are you okay? Just what happened... Your eyes... Your arm." (Cecilia)

Just when I was going to question Descal over what happened, I saw the state of his body. First, he was missing his left arm. No, that wasn't right. In the place of his arm, he had this black shadow that was in the shape of his arm. It wasn't a normal black shadow as well. The longer I stared at it, the harder it was to focus because the shadow looked as if it was absorbing the surrounding light causing this weird halo to farm around it. To make things worse, his eyes weren't there anymore. Instead, a red light was glowing in the hole where his eyes should be. This was really creepy.

"You're not freaking out?" (Descal)

"I am freaking out. I am just hiding it." (Cecilia)

"Oh well. I guess I have some explaining to do." (Descal)

"Yes. Yes, you do." (Cecilia)

"So umm. I'll give you the short version. A long time ago, one of my experiments succeeded, and I successfully managed to transform my body. Problems occurred with controlling my emotions. I don't know all the conditions yet but at times of extreme emotional times, my emotions go out of control resulting in my mana going out of control. My body is breaking down due to my mana surge. Because my body is already in such a complicated situation, I can't use powerful spells. Questions?" (Descal)

"Uhhh. I have lots of questions, but I have a feeling that you won't properly answer a lot of them. You're probably going to twist them up." (Cecilia)

For once, Descal had a guilty look on his face and didn't look me in the eye. It seems I was spot on. If anything, he probably prepared all sorts of answers to the questions I would have asked. However, right now, I wasn't in the mood for that. Descal can tell me whatever that was when he is ready. Until then, he hasn't been wrong so far. I'll trust him with this secret. But first...

"So. I am just gonna ask two questions. How long can you hold on for? What countermeasures have you prepared for your... issue? I don't want this to happen again." (Cecilia)

"Wait... So you still trust me to help you with your goal despite me looking this suspicious? Even though I won't answer the questions you want to ask me?" (Descal)

"It's because I trust you. I have spent nearly 2 weeks with you. Not once did you do something that made me question my trust in you? I'll trust you with this too." (Cecilia)

"Wow. That is a 180 degrees turn from what you said when we first started traveling. Also, isn't two weeks to quick? Most relationships with deep trust usually take years if not decades." (Descal)

"Well... I am under time constraints, I am a good judge of character, and I can't ignore the time we have spent together." (Cecilia)

"Stop right there. I have no romantic interest in you." (Descal)

"You pig! Why do you have to ruin this." (Cecilia)

I then proceeded to slap him once on the head as he dropped down laughing. After a few seconds, I couldn't help laughing too. It was too much trying to keep a straight face, and it helped relieve some of my worries since Descal could joke around even with his current situation.

"Okay. So, I can hold out for one more month probably. As for countermeasures, I have none currently. My body breaks down faster the more I use magic. It's one of the reasons why I want to go to that mountain range because there is a dungeon there with some items that I can use to bind my mana and keep my body from breaking down like this. Thankfully, the Fortress City is only a week ride away as soon as we get out of this forest so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. I should be able to drop you off at the front entrance, and you can make your way from there. Once I get everything settled, I'll come back to see if you still want me." (Descal)

"Okay. Sounds like a plan. How long will it take you to get that item and do whatever you need to do?" (Cecilia)

"About a month. " (Descal)

"That should be long enough for me to solidify support. I hope it won't turn into a civil war, but with the way things are going..." (Cecilia)

"I know it is really late for me to ask this, but how do we know that the lord of the Fortress City will help you?" (Descal)

"He was one of my king's closest supporter, and he strongly supported the king's decision. I have also met with the lord on numerous occasions. At first, he really hated me and was strongly against the King's decision, but as time went on, he changed his mind. In addition, the eastern part of the Kingdom has less focus on blood and more emphasis on meritocracy which allowed many people to thrive under my Father's rule. I am positive that the coup would not have much support with the Eastern Lords. Anyway, I need to get to the Fortress City first. Let's go..." (Cecilia)

"Stop! Don't go out of the circle. I am still oozing out powerful mana pressures. It is weaker than before, but it is still strong enough to kill you. The only reason it hasn't yet is because of the magic barrier." (Descal)

"We can't stay here for too long. How long will it take for you to stop whatever you are doing?" (Cecilia)

"A week..." (Descal)

"Too long. Any other ideas other than waiting things out?" (Cecilia)

"Well... There is one way to resist the pressure, but... you need to have strong willpower and a mindset of accepting death." (Descal)

"What? I understand the willpower, but what do you mean about accepting death?" (Cecilia)

"You don't fear death, but accept it." (Descal)

"That's easy then." (Cecilia)

I have made peace with death ever since my mother died. I don't fear it. I couldn't fear it when I lived in the castle. Not only that, since I was the next in line to the throne, I had to accept that I could die at any moment due to an assassination. With these thoughts, I stepped out of the blood circle and immediately felt my whole body freeze from a feeling of fear. So this is what he meant. Anyone unprepared would probably have his or her heart stop from the intensity of the fear. The fear of death. However, I was no stranger to feeling this intense fear. I began to forcefully calm myself, taking deep breaths, and trying to slow down my heartbeat. When I opened my eyes again, I saw Descal staring at me with his mouth open.

"Wow... Umm. I am stating the obvious, but you must have had some fucked up experience to be able to survive this pressure." (Descal)

"What makes you say that?" (Cecilia)

"Because in the past, the only ones who survived being near me when I am pulsating this atmosphere were people who had everything taken from them and managed to rise above their despair. Usually, it was their desire to kill me that drove them, but either way, they were willing to lose everything for their goals since they had nothing to lose." (Descal)

"...." (Cecilia)

"You did a phenomenal job hiding it, but if you need anyone to talk with... there's me... I think that's what I am supposed to say in these situations?" (Descal)

I didn't say anything and started following the yellow trees. I should probably tell him of my first few years living as royalty. I was already depressed about my mother's death, and I was alone. I had no more friends. Everyone around me was trying to find out how to use me. For the first month, all I did was stay in my room. But something snapped inside me when I heard a servant gossiping about my mother and how one of the nobles were responsible for her death. It turns out it wasn't a simple disease. The corruption and scheming of the nobles rubbed off on me, and I have done things that I wasn't proud of. My father realized who was behind the string of tragedies that plagued the aristocrats during that time period, and I guess it really impressed him so that was why he picked me as his successor. If my father found out, so could anyone with a high intellect and enough resources. If anything, this coup is most likely led by the victims of my schemes.

It wasn't until I met a scapegoat in the execution chamber that I snapped out of it. I went to this guy because I knew that he was innocent, and I was planning on lying to him about canceling his execution and squeezing out any dirt he had about the nobles responsible for his imprisonment. I was then going to use that dirt to start a territorial dispute between two nobles who supported someone who made an enemy out of me, and I would later blow the dispute out of proportion resulting in a resource drain and the weakening of my enemy's faction. Of course, a lot of commoners were going to die, but what did I care back then. He took one look at me, spat on the floor, and said your mother must be proud of what you have become: a monster.

Shocked, I couldn't say anything, left the chamber, and then locked myself in my room for a week. When I looked deeper into that man's background after his execution, it turned out that he was the childhood friend of my mother. He worked at the university as a poor researcher in monster anatomy. He had a habit of spending too much of his money on obtaining the corpses of monsters since whole contact corpses are extremely expensive. Apparently, he too was an unintentional victim of one of my schemes in which I caused an accident to occur in the university where a highly talented commoner was accepted over a scum child of a high ranking noble family. This was a disgrace and caused the noble family to lose face in upper-class society just as I planned; however, the university professors involved in the admission process started dying off due to assassins. As a result, my mother's childhood friend attempted to make a deal to stop the assassinations to save his remaining friends, but it only resulted with him getting falsely accused of the deaths he did not commit.

It was common knowledge who my mother was. What was not common knowledge was who the mastermind behind all these incidents was. Almost all of the nobles thought these were simply unrelated incidents or simply blamed their rivals. Almost no one thought it was me behind all of them. In addition, I already knew the people who found out the truth. My father and 2 of the upper echelons of the kingdom knew or had a suspicion that I was behind all these incidents. But even with their private spies, they never could get any proof, and they kept their mouth shut about it ever since a little letter came with some really compromising information. Apparently, my father loved it for a reason that I found out much later and the day that letter was received, the servants recalled that the king had a slight bounce in his step for the entire day.

But for a commoner who had no private spies, no information networks, and no money to just take one look at me and seemingly realize all of my misdeeds with one look... During my one week stay in my room, I took a good long look at my reflection in the mirror. Who am I? I looked at my hands. What have I done? Then, I glared at the reflection of my eyes. What should I do from now on? Should I just die? Why should I keep living?

"Descal. How have you coped with doing things that you regret?" (Cecilia)

"Regret? I don't really have anything I truly regret. The only regret that I tend to feel is trivial regrets. What happens, happens. If I make a decision that produced unsatisfactory results, I just do something different in the future." (Descal)

"Really? So you don't regret giving up your humanity?" (Cecilia)

Descal suddenly paused and stared at me. His red eyes continued to bore straight into me as if he was trying to pry into my life and history. His left arm started to become increasingly volatile.

"Umm. Descal. Your... abnormalities are starting to creep me out." (Cecilia)

"Ahh. Sorry about that. I can wear the mask again if you'd like. As for the arm, I'll wrap it with some bandages." (Descal)

"So. Do you regret it?" (Cecilia)

"I've already told you that I..." (Descal)

"Don't lie to me Descal. It's kinda clear that you do have some deep regret over this issue." (Cecilia)

"Right... you have those magic eyes. It's just... I have an extremely powerful arsenal of knowledge, strength, and power at my disposal ever since I gave up my humanity. Due to this power, I had the ability to know everything, do anything. Yet, my mental restraints as a former human prevented me from doing everything or knowing everything. My biases as a human being lead me to see this world in an awfully screwed up way. As a result, this discrepancy drove me insane. I just couldn't understand why this world was so "screwed up" and so "beautiful" at the same time. So, I tried to mold this world into my mental image, resulting in lots of deaths and suffering until my banishment.

To finally answer your question, I can't regret losing my humanity because I have never really lost ALL of my humanity. I merely lost my human form and physical limitations, and some of my humanity was lost due to years of loneliness and insanity. Do I regret losing human form? Well... maybe? Umm. Cecilia. I have lived for a long time and for a good chunk of that time, I sort of went insane and became a very apathetic individual with a ridiculous amount of power. I have only recently come to terms with beginning to feel emotions once more. Right now, I haven't really sorted out all my thoughts on this issue yet. So, any regret I am might be "feeling" right now is only superficial regret. Heck. Almost all the emotions I feel right now is superficial emotions. I am like the last person you should be asking advice for regarding your emotional and psychological state." (Descal)

"So... You never really felt regret cause you went insane?" (Cecilia)

"Uhhhh... Yeah?" (Descal)

"Oh..." (Cecilia)

I am starting to think that Descal may have had a hand with the first Calamity War. I still remember the time he shattered the cup when I mentioned it. Maybe he was one of the generals of the Emperor? He definitely would be strong enough...

"Are you alright? Being next to me while I am releasing this much pressure is not good for your mental state. Let's take a break. Here. Let me just make another cir..." (Descal)

"Don't. I'm fine. Thinking that I am gonna die the next second has allowed for some serious reflection on my life. It's kinda eye-opening. Also, I think it's kinda cute how you are treating me so nicely so far. I am fine Descal." (Cecilia)

It really was reflective. The Misty Forest is actually quite peaceful without the mist. The way the sunlight beams down and the silence of the woods made me feel at peace. Not a bad place to die. To take off all the weight from your shoulders and sleep. Ahh, but I still have my obligations, don't I? Can't die just yet. But I wouldn't mind if I get killed doing my job. It might even be preferable.

"Hey. Cecilia. I've managed to get my powers under control. You can stop looking so depressed right now. Smile. We're almost out of the forest! Soon, we'll be at Uwile, and you will be able to work on reclaiming your birthright!" (Descal)

"Yeah..." (Cecilia)

Descal took one look at my face, and we finished our trek through the forest in silence. For the entire trip, there was an uncomfortable atmosphere. Descal continued to act strangely around me. It was understandable since he was probably worried about what questions I would ask and how he would weasel his way out of them. But I won't ask him. We all have our secrets, don't we? Pasts we don't want to dig up. Descal probably already has a good idea of the things I went through, but he isn't asking any deeper. He even mentioned that I sleep talked... Since he never pushed me on my own issues, I feel that I shouldn't push on him. We'll probably talk things over when we are both ready.

Descal

So... Cecilia never really pushed me on my personal matters. I am grateful for that. However, I also can't help thinking about the things she said when we first met... Anyway, we are finally out of the forest, and on the road to Uwile. Our first journey is almost over.

I've managed to regain control of some of my powers. My eyes are back to normal, but my arm is still made of the abyss, and I've stopped emitting pressure thankfully. Not a lot of monster attacks. A couple of bandit attacks, but they were quickly killed. It wasn't until the second day on the road that something felt wrong.

The reason being that Lehai was found standing in the middle waiting for us. He wasn't an illusion. I knew for certain because there wasn't high magic density to mess around with my radar. The surroundings were filled with tall grass. Perfect for hiding numerous people. I quickly stopped Cecilia from going over and hugging Lehai. Something didn't feel right.