《Terms and Conditions》Argument
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“DO YOU THINK HE’D BE OK THERE?” NICK ASKED.
“He’s fine,” Exflibberaguil replied sternly, “What’s really worrying me is just how credible this Odriew is. The last thing I need are your Sodriew authorities chasing after me.”
“Don’t worry. He’s only an archeologist,” Nick replied.
“Still, he’s a scientist. That means he was taught to question everything, even dreams.”
“You are a criminal, you know,” Nick pointed out, “you set fire to McDonalds.”
“That’s was Box’s fault.”
“Sure. Blame it on Box,” Nick muttered.
“Anyway,” Exflibberaguil continued, “I can’t save your planet flying around in this ship. It’s way too obvious. I plan on sending it to space and let it orbit around Uranus while we’re here. I can call it back easily. But the real problem is my transportation. You’ve been on this planet longer than me. How do you suggest we travel?”
“We can steal a car,” Nick said sarcastically, “You know, we’ve already set fire to a fast-food restaurant. Why don’t we nick a car as well? A sports car, maybe. Or a limousine. Hey, how about we hijack a private jet?”
“That would be too obvious. However, what is this ‘car’ thing you’re talking about.”
Nick gawked. “Don’t tell me you’re considering it.”
“Of course I’m going to tell you I’m considering it,” Exflibberaguil replied, “But don’t change the subject.”
“You’re so advanced in technology! How can you not know what a car is?”
“I don’t know what a car is.”
Nick rolled her eyes. “It’s hard to explain. I suggest we send this thing off to space, and then you can tell me what you plan to do next.” She waved vaguely towards the hulking structure coated in the darkest black known to Odriew. It reflected almost no light, making the structure seem two-dimensional. Nick didn’t like it. It hurt her eyes.
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“Then where do you suggest we sleep?” Exflibberaguil argued. “You can’t make these sudden decisions. It’s my ship.”
“But how re you going to hide it? It’s too big. And I want to finish this adventure as soon as possible. You may not have the authorities at your heels, but you have my mom.”
“You should have thought of that—”
“before I agreed to the Terms and Conditions. Yeah, yeah, I know,” Nick sighed. “But that’s not the problem. You need some way of covering this, or we’re bound to be discovered.”
“Heard you the first time,” Exflibberaguil snapped impatiently, “Come on. Let’s get back inside.”
“Hey, it was you who posted the Terms and Conditions. I can leave any time,” Nick shot back, “So I suggest you be nicer to me.”
“That would be against the Galactic Yelling Papers, exiting the Terms and Conditions without the other’s consent.”
“Yeah, right. The “Terms and Conditions” on some shady website I didn’t even sign with my hand? I could have left the tab on by accident. It could have been someone else who agreed. I could have said that my computer was malfunctioning. And hey, how come we haven’t heard of this ‘Galactic Yelling Paper’ thing?”
“You are too primitive.”
“Which would mean we should be excused from these laws.”
Exflibberaguil glared. “How did you know?”
“Well,” Nick began, her voice laced with anger, “maybe if you haven’t been so conceited the whole time, and so condescending, maybe you’d see that I can actually come to simple conclusions. Primitive ones, yes, and it does take me a bit of time. But hey, maybe if you actually did something nice once in a while I can help. Stop ordering me everywhere.”
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“Hey, what’s with the sudden change of attitude?”
Because I don’t trust you. Because I still don’t know enough about you. What are you keeping from me? What rule of nature did you violate? Nick thought bitterly. “There you go again. Changing the subject. Making me and box the scapegoat.”
“Well, what do you want me to do?”
“Just think of others for once!”
“I am!” Exflibberaguil hissed, “I’m thinking of you right now! I’m think how stupid you are, for yelling. We could get caught, you know? And then we’ll all be in trouble.”
“You. Not we. You would look like a kidnapper, with your ship and your equipment. You’re the one that would get in trouble.”
“I wasn’t talking about you,” Exflibberaguil snapped, “I meant your planet. Your planet will fall from the rabbits.”
“Better than being a slave for you.”
“What do you want!” Exlfibberaguil hollered, “What, some pampering? Or do you want me to make you forget all this and send you home.”
“No, but—”
“Then I’m going back inside.” Exflibberaguil turned abruptly, and stomped inside.
Nick stood in silence in the middle of the forest.
What was she doing? What was she trying to achieve?
Nick kicked at the pine needles layering the ground.
Was she really this angry at Penguin? She was irritated, of course, and impatient. She was certain Exflibberaguil was hiding something from her. And Exflibberaguil was certainly rude and obnoxious. But did it really call for an argument?
It gave her a headache. Or maybe it was the pine trees that made her angry. Pine cones and need kept on falling in her hair. Which was odd, because there was no wind to blow them down.
But what was really odd was how short the anger lasted. Nick was quite sure that now, the phase had completely subsided. She felt no reason to yell anymore. In fact, the only thing stopping her from stomping inside the ship and apologizing was her pride and dignity.
And just now, you were criticizing Exflibberaguil for being too conceited.
It was getting cold now, Nick had to admit. The ship would be awfully cozy. By now, Nick shouldn’t bump into Exflibberaguil. She wasn’t sure how she’d find a bedroom, but Nick had confidence in navigation powers. If she really didn’t find a bedroom, she could just take the opportunity to give herself a little tour.
Nick headed back in the ship, nearly stepping on the ferret’s tail. It squealed.
“Sorry, little guy,” Nick apologized sweetly.
Strange, she thought, my headache is gone.
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