“SIR?”

“Sir?”

“Oh, dear.”

Exflibberaguil awoke. His face was slammed against his helmet, which was slammed against an air bag.

“Is this a cloud?” he asked. Exflibberaguil opened his helmet, and bit into the air bag. “Bleh. Bad cloud.”

“Sir?”

He blinked again. It seemed rather hot. “Can we please go to another planet with less than two suns in close vicinity? It’s hot.” Exflibberaguil attempted to stand, but slipped on who-knows-what (as he was hallucinating), and fell. “Whoopsie. Must’ve stepped into a puddle of CLOUDENSATION!” he laughed uproariously.

“I think it would be better if you remained asleep,” Box said, and whacked its master on the head with a boxing glove that ejected from the front. Exflibberaguil went unconscious.

“I always wanted to do that,” Box said happily.

NICK OPENED HER EYES SLOWLY.

“I’m dead,” she proclaimed, testing the phrase out. She didn’t like the way it sounded. She’d have to practice saying it more.

“That’s a pity,” an Australian said. Nick jumped in fright, then looked around.

“Down here.”

Nick followed the directions. A little cleaning robot spoke. “Hello. I’m Box.”

“I’m dead,” Nick repeated, with more conviction.

“Hi, Dead.”

“That was a horrible dad joke.”

“Then you should practice phrasing your words better. I told you my name, and you told me you were dead.”

“What?”

“No matter. It’s a real pity you’re dead.”

“Why?”

“Well, everyone here seems to either be unconscious or, in your case, dead.”

Nick looked around. Who else was here? “Is that fire?” she asked accusingly.

Box looked at the Odriew very oddly. “Why yes of course. What else would it be?”

Nick thought about this.

“Anyway, I need help,” Box admitted, “as I do not have hands.”

“Why should I help you? I’m dead.”

“Well, if you don’t help me, all this would be my fault, and I rather prefer it not to be.”

Nick looked at the robot. “This doesn’t make sense,” she said, “but then again, I’m dead.”

Box decided not to correct this.

“Shouldn’t we call the fire department? The fire is spreading,” Nick said with worry.

“Fires tend to do that.”

“I don’t know why I am worried. Can you die when you’re dead?

“I’d advise you not to find out.”

“What should we do about the fire?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Box said, “Someone would take care of it. It’s a LAPOP.”

“A what?”

“A Large, Annoying Problem for Other People.”

Nick blinked. “Ok. But what about the plane that looks suspiciously like a spaceship?”

The spaceship was almost invisible in the dark sky, the large fire barely illuminating its silhouette. Nick couldn’t see any features on the shape. It seemed to be made of blackness itself. There was a little open door at the bottom, visible only from the light pouring out of it. This was where the robot had descended.

“That’s a LAPU,” Box explained, “A Larger, Annoyinger Problem for Us.”

“Typical.”

Nick was now very sure she was dead. She wouldn’t dream of something as complicated as this. The most complicated dreams she had always involved Nick thinking that everything made sense in the dream, only the realize that nothing made sense when she woke up. But this was different. Nothing was making sense in the dream, and sure as hell nothing would make sense when she woke up. Therefore, the only logical conclusion was that Nick had died, perhaps from the explosion. However, she didn’t know that being dead was so annoying and worrisome, and that you’d have problems to solve when you were dead.

“Aren’t you going to come in the ship?” Box asked.

“Um, are you sure it is perfectly safe?” Despite not being able to see anything worrying inside of the ship, Nick had an unsettling feeling that she would disappear in the pure blackness once she stepped in.

“You’re dead, aren’t you? You shouldn’t worry.” The robot wheeled itself toward the open doorway.

Nick still felt slightly unsure. “I thought you told me I shouldn’t try to find out if I can die twice.”

Box sighed. “That’s true. But the ship is perfectly safe for anyone, unless they are an extremely primitive species in their early stages of evolution.”

“Oh good. We humans are quite advanced.”

“But then again, Sodriew have only gone through a few millennials of evolution.”

Nick decided she was a human, not a Sodriew. So she would be perfectly fine. Where had she heard Sodriew before?

With care, Nick stepped into the smoldering ship.

The first thing she saw was a figure biting a plastic bag. He had a very pronounced cheekbone and jaw. His hair was also amazingly long, for someone that looked almost certainly no older than fourteen.

Nick regretted her decision to follow the robot instantly. “Is he dead too?”

“I don’t think so.” Box punched the figure.

The boy awoke.

The boy looked around, confused. His eyes settled on Nick. “Who are you? Would you like some cloud?” he gestured to the plastic bags.

“What?”

“Quick,” Box said, “The medicine for concussions is in the bottom right Fayckbawtum cabinet.”

Nick opened the cabinet. “Where?”

“I said, Fayckbawtum!” Box hissed.

The boy bit the plastic again. “Ooh. Rubbery clouds.”

Box ignored him. “Pry the F-ay-ck b-aw-tum up!”

Nick blinked. “Fake bottom? Oh!” she did as she was told, and retrieved a small vial. “This it?”

“Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Would you like to step in this Cloudensation?” the boy said loudly, then broke into an uncontrolled laugher.

“Is he drunk?” Nick asked Box.

“No, he’s fine.”

Nick looked at the robot, unconvinced. “You can be drunk and fine, you know.”

“Just give me the pills.”

“Pills,” the boy said dreamily, “like the platypus in la-la store. Poisonous platypus. Or is poison platynous? There’s no way of finding out. Life has so many mysteries. Like these strange clouds. Can I have a chocolate-tasting cloud? I’m getting tired of rubber.”

Nick handed the pills to the robot. “Are you sure this is a concussion? Is he drugged?”

Box, tired of Nick’s chattering and the boy’s moaning, said nothing and deftly began curing the boy with the aid of its boxing glove. Nick wasn’t able to see the exact procedures, but it looked rather uncomfortable for the boy, as pills seemed to be shoved up his nose. The boy fell unconscious, and Nick supposed he was going to die.

However, within minutes, the boy woke up. He stopped biting the plastic, and looked around in confusion.

“Oh, hello there,” the boy said to Nick, “I’m Exflibberaguil. I trust Box here told you that it was all its fault?”

“Yes,” Nick said, stunned. The boy spoke flawlessly, though his lips seemed to move a second before the words were spoken. It reminded her of movies when the captions were half a second too late.

Exflibberaguil waited. “Well,” he said at last, “in my home planet, which I can’t remember, it was polite to reply a greeting with your name.”

“I’m Nick,” Nick muttered.

“Oh, I see,” Exflibberaguil said, “Conspearisee? However, I always imagined you were a boy?”

“Well, I’m not,” Nick said shortly, “though I’m not sure if I’m alive.”

“I think you are. It would not be so pleasant if I were interacting with the dead. However, I would recommend you not to keep asking questions, as it is delaying our take-off time. We will have to leave soon. Has a fire arisen?”

“Yes, sir,” Box replied dutifully.

“Have we soaked up enough fuel to leave?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then we will leave now.”

“Where to, sir?”

“You know, I never really thought about that. Nick, what do you think—Nick?” Exflibberaguil looked around. Nick was nowhere in sight. “Ugh. Sodriew are so jumpy.”

They found her outside the ship, her face illuminated ominously from the growing fire.

“Hey, Exflipper. Are you sure this dude’s okay?” Nick asked, squatting down next to a fallen figure. “He looks sort of funky.”

“I’m sure he just fainted or something. Let the authorities take care of him. You do have a civilized enough society to have authorities, right?” Exflibberaguil asked with a hint of condescendence. “There’s an awful lot of Sodriew coming. I don’t want anyone taking pictures. And I see flashing lights on fast cars coming our way.”

“But this guy probably saw this ship. Isn’t it dangerous for anyone to witness a UFO, or whatever this is?”

“UFO?”

“Unidentified Flying Object, sir,” Box quickly filled in.

“Don’t worry, Nick, I’m sure nothing bad would happen,” Exflibberaguil assured her, “None of these people look like they have any credibility. I’m sure the authorities would dismiss them as weird Driew beings.” Exflibberaguil laughed, though Nick didn’t know why. However, Nick did remember that Exflibberaguil had used ‘Sodriew’ instead of humans, for whatever reason aliens had.

“But I do know this guy,” Nick insisted, “He was just on the news. I think he was an archeologist, and he just found something that further solidifies the theory that dinosaurs had feathers.”

“Oh,” Exflibberaguil clucked, “That greatly complicates things. He has credibility then?”

“Yes.”

Exflibberaguil glanced again at the approaching blinking-vehicles. “Then quickly, haul him up. We have to go.”

Nick did as she was told. As soon as she was safely in the ship, the doors slammed shut, and the UFO started to rise. There were plenty of windows in the ship, though for some reason, she hadn’t been able to see it on the outside. Nick didn’t look out the window too long though. She was awfully tired, and maybe just a minute of shut-eye…

Suddenly, a survival instinct kicked in. This was very much like alien kidnapping humans she saw in movies.

“Wait!” Nick cried, “Are you going to kill me? Because if you are, I’d much rather be on the ground!”

“Well, you’re dead, aren’t you?” Exflibberaguil said, “I haven’t yet found a way to kill a dead person.”

Nick thought this was a pretty good answer, and instantly fell asleep.