Chapter One:

This is How I Get Eaten

[Welcome, Guest User!]

[Initializing tutorial...]

[t-T-tuTO-orial ofFLinE—]

[Have fun playing!]

Adi fell face-first into a pile of sand.

"Ow!" she said, pushing herself up and drawing her myriad of thin braids up out of the sand. "Sand! I hate sand!"

One might find a far larger problem at hand than a bit of sand in inconvenient places, and one would be right. However, it was a stereotypical human thought process, to manage to ignore big, obvious problems in favor of minute ones until directly confronted with the reality of their situation.

A wave of cold, salty water splashed up around Adi, drenching her clothes. "Oh, uh-uh! Hell with that!" She scrambled upright, stumbling over the rocky, sandy shore in her flip flops like a disheveled goose.

It was only now that Adi was forced to look around and recognize this was not where she last remembered being. She felt as though she had just woken from a deep slumber, and she wasn't quite right but not wholly wrong

"'Have fun playing'? Guest user?" Adi muttered as she picked her way across the sandbar, which was turning out to be more rock than sand. Farther out were trees. "Beaches, with the sand, and the rocks, and seaweed, and ... crabs?"

Adi paused her trek as she ran across a small group of tiny crabs, each about the size of her thumbnail. Crouching, she admired their red and orange coloring. "Cute crabs."

As if coordinated, the crabs' pincers snipped at her, sound effect and all. Adi's smile froze.

Movement caught her eye as more crabs came out of the water. The hairs on the back of her neck raised.

"Friends, huh?" Adi laughed it off, standing up. "Crabs aren't out to kill me." She stepped over the crabs, continuing on.

She decided not to say things like that, later on. An ominous skittering started up behind her, chuckling nervously before looking back.

Three seconds later saw Adi sprinting across the sandbar as a wave of crabs rollicked after her.

"Was this covered in the tutorial!?" she yelled in between huffing breaths, jumping over and on top of driftwood, moving as fast as she could.

Her doctor had been right: she should have done more cardio.

The crabs had none of Adi's difficulties. They moved like fluid, going under, around, over, and sometimes through obstacles, and never seemed hindered by endurance. TTRPGs decidedly didn't illustrate just how terrifying swarms were.

"Murdered by crabs" was not Adi's idea of a fun death or obituary. The thought motivated her as a flip flop caught on a branch and tore. She hopped around one step, two, and then shook it off, stumbling uphill. Sand changed to grass as she made it to land proper.

Adi had underestimated how big the trees were from a distance. What had looked large from a distance was massive up close, and these pine trees were just that—and she wasn't even to the tree line yet.

"Stop! Chasing! Me!" she gasped at the crabs.

A finger on the monkey's paw curled. Before her, from the trees, rose up a dark cloud. She could hear the calls already.

Seagulls descended on Adi and the crabs. Adi covered her head, still running, as a hurricane of white and gray feathers pressed in.

Something razor sharp cut her arms. She cried out, crouching low to the ground. The birds pecked at her head and arms, and she felt more wounds opening.

As soon as the birds had come, they were gone. Adi was left panting in the middle of a field, wide-eyed and bleeding from shallow cuts. A few crabs scuttled around behind her still, but now they were disjointed and fleeing while a seagulls gleefully swooped at them. They must have determined Adi was inedible.

The human lowered her arms, examining the myriad of small cuts the attack had left all over her arms. Her sleeves were in tatters. None of the wounds seemed too deep individually, but together they amounted to a fair amount of blood loss.

And they stung. "Ow," Adi said, applying pressure to a couple on either arm. "What I wouldn't give for a first aid kit." What was up with those birds? They'd looked normal, but then...

[Leveled up! Congratulations on becoming Level 1!]

[Gained Skill: Obstacle Runner!]

[Become a Basic User to claim these rewards.]

What? She shook her head, straightening with a groan. Now that she'd stopped moving, her forced sprint caught up with her. Muscles hurt in strange places. She took a few steps, stretching out her legs and rubbing her side.

The cold water, rocky beaches, crabs, seagulls, and type of trees indicated somewhere along the west coast of the US. Given the major differences, like evil crabs, evil seagulls, huge trees, and zero evidence of civilization, Adi couldn't say with confidence where she was. Or which way she should go.

She did know that she was wet, cold, sore, and probably hungry. She needed shelter, pronto. She looked up again at the trees.

Every instinct in her, natural and cultural, told her not to go into the dark, giant forest of untold horrors. Trees meant wood for building shelters and fires, but they also meant dangerous animals and like, traps. Following the waterline, on the other hand, might find her a fishing settlement or something, right?

A scream came from within the trees.

"Oh, come on," Adi groaned underneath her breath, but she was already moving as more shrieks followed. "Try to do something smart and it's like, 'Oh, you were trying to not die? Let me help with that! Just come into my murder woods!'"

She picked up a sturdy stick as she jogged past the first giant tree, her one shoe slapping against her one foot while the other foot struck against a soft bed of pine needles. She hopped on her unshod foot for a moment, taking her flip flop off so she could keep running without a lopsided gait.

Adi jumped over a large root with the help of her stick, noticing what seemed like colorful cement tied up in the roots. She didn't have time to investigate.

She should have expected a giant squirrel. Adi stumbled to a stop, breathing hard, as she took in the scene. The squirrel's huge, bushy tail was to her as it evidently played with its prey, which was humanoid, but not any species or race Adi recognized. "Deer person" was the best description that came to mind, since it had antlers and fur, but also wore clothing.

The squirrel hopped after the fleeing creature, knocking them down with a smack of its hand. The poor thing landed with an 'oomph!', clearly running out of stamina.

Adi threw her flip flop at the squirrel. "Hey!" she shouted as the shoe whipped through the air, smacking the thing on the back of the head. "Pick on someone your own size!"

The squirrel turned and opened both its mouths to screech at her.

"Oh, fuck me," she chuckled nervously.

The squirrel lunged, and Adi threw herself to the side. Her shoulder hit the ground and she rolled. The giant creature tried pouncing on her. She raised her stick in time to jab it in the chest. It hissed, backing up a step.

She swung at it with her stick, yelling, "Why would you have two mouths! That's not okay!"

Adi inched towards the deer person as the squirrel leaned forward on its front paws, sizing Adi up. The deer person stumbled upward, stumbling and almost falling on an injured leg. Bright red bled through their white and blue robes.

The lower mouth of the squirrel chattered while the upper one hissed. It kicked off the ground again. Adi swung the stick and it caught it in its lower mouth, snapping her stick in half. It turned its head to throw the wood out of its mouth and Adi yelled desperately, lunging forward with her stake.

The squirrel hit her with its paw, throwing her down. She hit her shoulder and cried out, rolling. The squirrel pounced, paw coming down. Adi rammed the stake upward at the same time.

It reared back, both mouths screeching in pain as it held up its paw, stake sticking out of it. Adi staggered to her feet, and realized she was weaponless. The squirrel fell forward onto its hand, trying to pluck the stake out of its other hand with its lower mouth. Now was her only chance to do something.

Adi stripped her shirt over her head, rushing the squirrel while she was still getting her arms out of her sleeves. The squirrel struck at her with its good hand, still hissing in pain. Adi ducked its addled blow as she got a hand free. She slung the wet shirt around the squirrel's neck. Mindful of its mouths, the woman ran off to its side, tightening the shirt.

The squirrel reared again, taking Adi with it. Her feet lifted off the ground.

"It worked!" she cackled.

Oh no, it worked.

The squirrel tried flinging her off, which nearabout yanked her arms right out of their sockets. It crashed forward onto its paw, bounding forward a few steps. Adi bounced up and down uncomfortably, keeping her feet up.

When it stopped to try and pull her off while biting at her with its lower mouth, righting its body somewhat, Adi wrapped her legs around its body as well as she could. She tightened up the shirt as much as it would go, growling through her teeth about claws in her sides. She couldn't hold on for much longer.

The squirrel stumbled as if losing its footing. Adi's strength surged with hope and desperation, and she could now hear it struggling for breath. It clawed at its neck desperately.

Finally, it collapsed on its side. Adi's arms were shaking as she kept a hold on it, scooting into a kneeling position. She waited. Counted. Ten seconds. Twenty.

She released it, gasping. Its glassy eyes stared into the distance.

[Congratulations on surviving your first fight!]

[Gained Skill: Staff Fighting!]

[Gained Skill: Undermounted Riding!]

[Leveled Up x8!]

[Become a Basic User to claim these rewards.]

Adi rubbed her forehead. She felt something smearing and drew her hand away. Blood. She was covered in it.

Someone spoke words in a foreign language at her. Her head jerked up to the deer person. They shied away at that, ears flicking forward and backward. They might have been looking around, but it was impossible to tell since their eyes were solid gold.

"There's dinner," she said, then started laughing. "This is some screwed up shit."

They limped a step backward, almost falling. They hadn't done anything to stem the bleeding, she guessed.

"Let me have a look at that." Adi got to her feet, approaching. They stumbled back again, ears down. She held up her hands. "It's okay. I promise I only murder things with two mouths."

They fell down as they tried backing up more, ending up on their butt and hands while they blabbered something.

Adi shook her head, crouching down next to their leg. "You're gonna bleed out." Feeling scandalous, she pushed up their robes, then a bloody, torn pant leg. She couldn't tell what the wound was without cleaning it.

"It seems I'm running perilously low on clothing," Adi said, abruptly realizing she was doing all of this in her sports bra. Scandalous indeed. "Your clothes, then."

She took the bottom of their robes in hand, trying to tear a wide strip. It was tough stuff. Using her teeth, she created a rip at the edge. The deer person said something, maybe like, "What the hell are you doing to my clothes?" Then she was able to tear it.

The deer gasped, pressing a hand to their chest. Adi ignored them, getting her strip. She found the middle of it, then started wrapping the deer person's bloody leg.

Tying it up, Adi looked up. "That's all I've got, Antlers. I'm a programmer, not a doctor."

[Gained Skill: Field Aid!]

[Become a Basic User to claim this reward.]

"It seems like it's just 'giving' me skills I already have," she noted, getting back up to fetch her shirt. Antlers was occupied with investigating the wrap. She started to put her shirt on when she noticed the cuts and bruises left by the squirrel's claws on either side of her ribcage. "Ow," she muttered, shrugging into her shirt while wincing. Everything hurt. The scratchy fur stuck to her shirt didn't help matters.

"How heavy do you think this thing is?" Adi wondered, looking down at the corpse. "Not that I have anything to uh, skin it with. Just seems like food might be hard to come by." And leaving it here felt disrespectful. They'd been in the squirrel's territory, after all. Or at least she was; she didn't know about Antlers. To leave its body like trash sat poorly with her.

Adi picked up a back leg. She had to drop it for a moment, shuddering at the unnatural feeling. Then she steeled herself again, picking up the leg and testing its weight.

Her ribs protested as the body shifted. "Okay, that's a little heavy. Eighty or a hundred pounds? Hey Antlers, you got a knife on you?"

They looked up as Adi threw her voice their way, straightening on their uninjured leg. She gestured them over. They looked over their shoulder, then back at her.

Different cultural gestures, she guessed. Approaching again, she said, "I'm going to need your help." She grasped their hand and they didn't draw away, so she pulled them over to the squirrel. "We gotta take it with us. Here, pick up one of its legs." She pointed down at the body.

Antlers looked at her like... well, like a deer in the headlights, blank and confused. Adi leaned down to pick up one of the back legs, gesturing for them to do the same. When they didn't follow, looking maybe offended, she took their hand to put it down on the other leg.

They straightened, shaking their hands and saying something in objection.

After considering their clothes and jewelry for a moment, Adi said, "You're probably not used to this, but if we're both stuck out here, we've gotta take what we can get, alright?" She pointed down at the squirrel again. "Come on. I can't carry it on my own."

With great reluctance, they leaned down and tried lifting upwards on the body, straining with the effort and barely getting it to shift.

"Good, that's good," Adi said, lifting up her side. Their help was minimal, to say the least, but it was still help. "Let's find somewhere to make a fire or something." She picked a random direction and started walking.

[Gained Skill: Persuasion!]

[Gained Skill: Scavenger!]

[Become a Basic User to claim these rewards.]

"Yeah, okay, just how do I become a Basic User?" Adi griped under her breath, already sweating again. "And why can I hear capitalization?"

Antlers spoke, ornery. She glanced their way as the two of them made their slow progress over giant roots. They kept talking. It turned out they were an incessant talker, despite a total inability to communicate with her. Adi felt a headache coming on in just five minutes.

They rounded a tree and Antlers abruptly gasped, dropping their end of the squirrel. Adi lifted her head, blinking at the sight of a building, untouched by the ravages of time, in the center of a clearing.

Antlers started limping off after it eagerly. Adi dropped her end too as she jumped forward, grabbing their arm. "Wait! Doesn't that look suspicious to you?"

They looked at her, trying to shake her grip as they said something.

"It could be a mimic or something," she said urgently. "That's a thing in games, right?"

It was pretty clear her words weren't getting through to them. Adi gave a short sigh, then tried a new tactic. She pointed at the building, then mimed a door with her hands in front of them. With two fingers, she represented walking into the "door" while saying, "Why yes, I would love that!" Her other hand promptly mangled her walking fingers while she went, "Aaarghllble, I eat you!" and scooped her hands at her mouth.

After a moment of considering her miming with a head tilt, Antlers started laughing, and their jewelry clinked together. After a moment, they spoke again, sounding like they were assuring her. Adi wasn't certain, and she shook her head.

They limped towards the building again, and Adi sighed, going back to the squirrel and watching. Antlers made it to the beautiful stained glass door and pushed it in, stepping inside. The door swung shut behind them.

After a few moments, they poked their head out of the door again, using the 'come here' motion to gesture her.

"This is how I get eaten," Adi muttered, then pulled the squirrel's body the last few yards. Antlers held the door open for her while she got it inside.

A rainbow of dappled light came in from the arched stained glass ceiling. What an impractical building! How had nothing collapsed the ceiling?

"Okay," Adi panted as she got the squirrel all the way in and dropped it down. She needed to sit. In the middle of the tiled room was a ring of stones surrounding a domed pit of some kind. Fireplace? Whatever. She went over to it, sitting with a sigh of exhaustion.

Antlers came over too, speaking while leaning over the stones to hold a hand over the dome. Adi started as something popped up beneath their hand and the dome, like a flat, rectangular box. "What is that?"

The deer person pressed an entry field, typing on a holographic keyboard that popped up. Adi stood back up to watch them interact with the dialogue box. After a moment, it disappeared and red flames burst to life within the dome, putting out a wonderful heat.

"Levels, skills, users, dialogue boxes," Adi muttered to herself. "Magic?" She rubbed her forehead.

[Welcome, Guest User! Identifier: Adeline Chantrea Kramer.]

Adi froze, looking up for the voice resounding around the cathedral. Antlers had much the same reaction.

[Would you like humanity to become Basic Users?]

"Humanity? What the fuck is this?" Adi hollered, putting her hands on her hips. "I want to go home, you sadist!"

[Would you like humanity to become Basic Users?] the thing forcefully asked again, both in her head and from above. Adi stumbled back onto the ring of stones, holding her head.

She laughed once the initial pain was over, looking up. "Didn't like that answer, huh? What's your deal? Are you what brought me here?"

[Time to elimination: ten seconds.]

"What the hell?" Adi said at the same time as an outburst from Antlers.

Antlers paced a few steps, yelling up at the ceiling, limping all the while.

[Sanctuary safeguards disabled. Elimination in eight seconds.]

The deer person turned to Adi, eyes wide to the point of stress and ears down, wringing their hands together.

"Are you threatening to kill me if I don't say yes?" Adi yelled. "How's that going to work for you?"

[The question will be posed to the next human to find a core processor. Elimination in five seconds. Four, three, two--]

"Fine! Yes! I want humanity to be Basic Users!"

[Elimination canceled. Integrating humanity as Basic Users.]

"Oh you are such a fu--"

[System updating!]