Almost a week after the awful evening at the Stockholm Haven café, February thirteenth, Christina walked down a street with Noriko at her side. They were heading for Noriko's home to make chocolate. Noriko for Nao-kun, and she for Ulf. At least that was Noriko's plan.

Christina heard from her steps how listless she was. By now sharing her life with Ulf had faded to something bleaker than a hope.

“Noriko, is there really a point in me doing this?”

Ryu called her his larger than life midget sister, and Christina saw why. She had an endless amount if energy.

“If I tell you there is, then there is.”

“Why? Why are you trying so hard? You even tried helping me while you were still in love with Ulf. I don't understand.”

They came up to the gates outside Noriko's house.

“Because you're a genius teenager and a moronic fifty year old.”

Huh? Excuse me? Did she just tell me to grow up? Her?

The lock clicked, and Noriko swung the gate open. “After you.”

Christina passed her in silence and waited for Noriko to open the door. After that both girls went inside, dropped their shoes and walked to the kitchen area.

“I don't see how making chocolate will change anything,” Christina started.

Noriko silenced her with a look. “You sound like my father,” Noriko said. “Mom told me rituals are important. That you shouldn't get hung up on them but respect them anyway. They have meaning.”

She put two bags on the table. Christina helped her with the third.

“Meaning, maybe.” Christina sat down on a stool and tidied her hair. “We don't even celebrate Valentine much in Sweden.”

Noriko looked around and smirked. “You're not in Sweden now. Everyone in school know it's Valentine tomorrow. They'll feel it. Urufu as well. He...”

“Will notice how important it is. I get it.”

Noriko rummaged around in the cupboards and pulled out utensils she needed for the evening's work. “Look,” she said. “if it doesn't mean anything, then you just spent an evening with me learning how to make home-made chocolate and he gets something sweet to eat, and...”

“Something bitter,” Christina interrupted. “He likes his chocolate dark and bitter,” she said when Noriko gave her a questioning look.

Noriko shrugged and took out two bowls. “Bitter, sweet, doesn't matter. Important thing is, if he doesn't care he just gets a treat, and if he cares he'll understand the love that comes with it. You made it for him. You spent this evening for his sake.”

“OK I'll make him some chocolate. It's the last straw.” Christina took a deep breath. “I'll make you a promise. If he likes it I'll take a break from modelling and mend what we broke. I'll make him understand. I'll even ask him to say he loves me. Beg him if needed, because I need to hear those words from him.” Christina was speaking faster and faster as if she had just found her way home again after being lost.

What am I saying? He'll never forgive me if I give up my career. But the truth was she didn't want a life without him. If she could just make him understand being with him was more important than modelling. She could still join a university and make a career in design. I wouldn't have to search my clothes for needles if I did.

“Don't promise me anything. I don't need them.”

“Noriko, you're a good girl, you know that?”

“Yeah, mom tells me every time I break something.”

Huh?

“She wanted me more lively. You're a good influence she says.”

Now that's a first.

“So, warm water in this bowl. Melt it slowly.”

After a few moments of hesitation Christina allowed herself to be directed by Noriko. The promise to her friend she'd keep though. If she managed not to destroy the chocolate, for the first time in her life, she'd read it as a sign to change her mind. If, if, if. She'd drop anything that threatened to take Ulf away from her. Magic thinking, like a child, but from a life in fashion Christina knew just how valuable instinct and belief really was.

Two girls in a kitchen. At this moment they were just that, not a woman and a girl. When her life lay in the scales she was only the teenager she looked like. The most important of all lessons she had learned since she arrived here. Her old life were just memories and experience, but here she had to live her new life.

“What about these?”

“I was thinking I could use those for a cake.”

Christina smiled and started melting the next to pure chocolate in her bowl. “Like this?” she asked.

“Uhum, just be careful you don't overheat it.”

“OK.”

They worked on their creations in silence. At the moment working mostly meant melting, but after that Christina had something different in mind than Noriko. With almost no sugar in her chocolate a traditional cake might be a bit too much to eat.

Half an hour passed while they continued working, and after that Christina deemed hers to be ready for cooling. Noriko's was headed for the oven. Suddenly there was nothing to do but to wait.

“Kuri, I'll take a bath. Mind taking care of the dishes in the meantime?”

Christina nodded. “I'll handle it. Thanks for helping me.”

Cross my fingers. If it's good I'll be the good high school student. If not… she didn't want to think about if not. If not meant walking down the road she had chosen thus far. It meant walking alone.

Sleep a little, and then I'll look at it. Dishes can wait.

Thinking was acting, and Christina quickly wiped her hands and headed to the sofas.

***

It was broken.

The room was dark when Christina woke. Some kind of timer must have switched off the lights. Still sleepy she moved her legs out of the sofa and rose. They were a bit wobbly when she walked to the fridge. On her way there she hit the water tap in preparation for cleaning up the sink and its contents.

It looks good! she thought when she looked inside. Maybe I can stay with him after all. That her magic thinking lacked any semblance of reasoning wasn't important. She had made life changing decisions based on even weaker reasons before.

Let's see how it looks in the light before I write on it. She took out the heart-shaped, flat disc from the fridge. It was heavy in her hands, compact in the way only dark chocolate can be.

With her elbow she switched on the lights and walked to the work surface beside the sink. The sound of running water followed her there.

There are reasons why people should stay rational, because when we don't our reactions to the results will refuse to stay in proportion to what happened. This was one such time.

A few threads, most likely her sweater had caught in something while she slept. Now they caught in the fridge, and just as she was about to place her Valentine's gift to Urufu on the workspace those threads pulled her left arm back.

A second. One second.

It was broken.

Among the dishes, in running water, lay her failed attempt at making him home made chocolate. She stared at the disaster in disbelief.

No!

She spun the wheel of fortune, and lost. This time she lost. Every fibre in her body reacted as if the universe conspired against her. So unfair!

Christina broke down and wept. First sobs, but then as she slid down onto the kitchen floor those were replaced by the anguished wails of a hurt animal.

It was broken.

She loved him so much it hurt. There would be no other love like this. Not for her. For the first time she understood what Ulf had feared so much. For the first time she wondered if it had been worth it daring to love fully.

Her magic failed her, and only one road remained.

She cried as she crawled over the floor to the entrance. She cried as she put on her shoes, and she was still crying when a naked Noriko came rushing down the stairs still wet from her bath.

From upstairs came two more voices filled with worry. While Kuri slept Ai-chan and Kyoko must have arrived.

Before they had a chance to descend the stairs Noriko barked an order of silence to them.

I never heard that voice of yours before.

It was broken.

“It's only chocolate! You can use mine,” Noriko said from where she hastily jumped into panties and a tracksuit. She blocked the door, so there was no way for Christina to get out before Noriko agreed.

“I don't want yours!”

“But dammit! You can't just give up on him because you dropped some sweets.”

“It's bitter. I told you Ulf wants his chocolate bitter. It's not sweet!” Deep inside her Christina heard how hysterical she sounded.

“Kuri, please!” Noriko begged, but she obviously didn't trust Christina, because she stepped into her loafers.

“I promised him chocolate. I'll give him what I promised.” Then the pain stabbed at her again and Christina doubled over and let her tears run.

She felt Noriko hug her. Ryu's petite twin sister wasn't a rival any longer. Hadn't been for a long while. Now she was the only support and friend Christina had to manage walking down to the convenience store.

“You're an idiot, and I'm one as well for doing this with you.” Noriko opened the door and stepped outside. “I'll make you company at least.”

Outside it was as dark as in her mind. Her body moved. Coat and boots, and she stood beside Noriko in the night.

What's happening with me. What am I doing?

“I promised him I'd always love him. I promised him I'd always stay by his side. I promised him he'd never lose me if he only loved me.” And again Christina sank to her knees. “I'm a disgusting woman! I'm awful! I'm broken!”

It was broken.

She had to lean on Noriko on their way to the convenience store. Christina used her as support when she picked up a couple of bars with the least sugar in it, and she held Noriko's hand when she paid the cashier.

He must have thrown her a strange look, because at her side Noriko shook her head and waved away any questions before he could voice them.

I don't want this.

Christina dropped her chocolate in a coat pocket and started on the way back to Noriko's house.

“Kuri, are you sure?”

“I have to.” Her voice came out a rough whisper. She had cried too much.

It was broken.

“Please, Kuri, why? It's just chocolate. You can't break up with the man you love because of chocolate. Please! At least make me understand!”

“Because I promised.” Even Christina heard how it made no sense, but a promise was a promise.

Noriko blocked her way and grabbed her coat. For a while the short girl stood there shaking her. “Why? It's a stupid promise. It's wrong!”

Christina, for the love of all gods, listen to her! Christina, why are you doing this to yourself?

Because she had never dared to stay happy. She knew that. Because breaking her heart over a stupid promise was easier than feeling the pain that always was the closest companion to happiness.

“Because I promised,” Christina repeated again. Something in her cracked when she said those words.

“But it's a flawed promise. You can't keep a promise as broken as that one!”

It was broken.

This is where Fallout catches up with my main site for publishing. From now on my publishing pace on RRL will follow the normal one, which means two, possibly three chunks per week. And those are good weeks when I have the luxury to write a thousand words a day.

Bad weeks should see a chunk posted every four days.