《Pacifist - Champion of the Death [ON HIATUS]》Determination

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'~Stop here, if you go any closer bandit-scouts will notice you. Right now the fight have already ended and most of the villagers are still alive. Those bandits were talking, that more slaves they bring back, more money they will get, so they are unwilling to kill too many of them. So far they've killed some of the villagers that tried to flee but were unlucky and some of the brave ones that tried to fight them.

All of the villagers are terrified, bandits used the bearman, the village-chief as example, beating him half to death on everyone's eyes and no one is trying to resist them anymore. They will wait until the sunrise before moving the villagers, and such a huge group will be slow. I advise you to sit down and patiently learn the body strengthening while you still have the time~' (Spirit)

He is right, as much of an advantage I might have right now that the bandits still don't have the control over the villagers and probably are tired after the fight, it doesn't matter if I don't have the power to fight them.

I sat dawn and closed my eyes. I wasn't worried about random bandit spotting me, because I'm sure Spirit would tell me beforehand. It's pretty useful to have an all seeing all hearing being as your ally. Although I haven't asked, I'm sure his range shouldn't be reaching too far outside of the forest. But it's more than enough. Even if the imperial army start to pursue, they will have even bigger problem moving through the forest with their numbers, in their place I'd intercept the way out of the forest, but right now it's not important for me. My problem right now are couple of dozen bandits.

'~Oh, I have a good idea, can't we use your spiritual flower to lure them inside your cave like you did with me and then you can kill them freely?~' (Anubis)

'~It's still a direct intervention, gods aren't so stupid. All I can do is bend the rules slightly and assist you in the fight, by making them dizzy in the most decisive moment. It will increase your chances fighting a huge amount of enemies. If you don't have swordsmanship skills, you would have practically zero chances against such a number of enemies.

Even if you manage to learn the body strengthening, most of the bandits won't be able to scratch you, but they have a few B ranks, and even if you have indestructible body, it doesn't mean you can't be defeated. They won't need to destroy you, just restraining would be enough.

And all of that even if you manage to use the body strengthening on the Master lich level, which is to say channeling your mana evenly through all of your body without any error. It's hard and requires years of practice.

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The only way for you is to use the cheat given by Kaster. And it's still a question did he even give you anything of that sorts.~' (Spirit)

*Sigh* Yeah... it couldn't be as easy as that.

Concentrate on my core, wait.... but where is my core? Thinking about it for a second, I instinctively reach with my hand towards my forehead, where I can feel a gem-like object. I guess it's my core huh? I want to see how it looks like. Well, for another time I guess.

Concentrating on my core, I imagine a vortex around it. When I first heard about the vortex, I imagined a water-vortex or an air-vortex. But now that I think about it, probably imagining 'physical' vortex wasn't the best idea. I am supposed to use my spiritual energy after all. And I have an idea of exactly what that is.

I remember in the fight Kaster showed me, before they used the white and black magic, which I assume is life and death magic, there were a lot of invisible wave crushes between them. And before that Kaster was using those waves to send any soldier near unconscious. I think that's exactly what Spirit used to make me dizzy, so I'll use the images Kaster shared with me of those waves to imagine a vortex.

And right as I did, I sensed something moving, like how would you feel making a wave inside a water with a hand, but the feeling didn't come from my hand, it's difficult to explain. I opened my eyes startled from the new sensation, and a smile crept on my face. (not really, I'm still a skeleton remeber?)

I instantly closed my eyes again and tried to repeat the success. After what felt like couple of minutes of concentration, I felt the same sensation again, and this time I was ready, so I guided the 'water' that I was sensing through the vortex, spinning, while drawing even more from the surroundings, inside my core.

Once the first drops entered my core, after a slight resistance, no more would enter, like the core was already full, I was confused once more, and tried to guide the drops than entered out of the core.

Actually the little amount that already entered the core, was successfully drawn out and channeled through my skull. But the vortex dispersed because I was too focused on the mana that was already inside the core and lost my concentration. Also the mana that left my core was somewhat different. I didn't need to use the 'wave hand' which is obviously called the spiritual energy to guide it anymore, it followed my orders directly.

I repeated the process once more, and this time managed to draw a little more, but it was still far from enough to cover even the little part of the skull near my core. And that was the moment when I heard the Spirit's voice inside my head.

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'~You made quite a good progress for someone, who manipulates the mana for the first time. But it's already morning, the sun has risen an hour ago, and the villagers will soon leave. You better forget about saving them, because with the laughable level of body strengthening that you now possess, it is an impossible task to save them.~' (Spirit)

What? It's already morning? How many hours have I spent meditating?

So even if I am able to draw mana, and strengthen my body, if I can't find a way a summoned puppet-lich does that, I don't have a chance. Well, it would be ridiculous if I managed to beat dozens of trained and seasoned fighters after just entering this world and meditating for couple of hours.

I won't be able to save them? And the worst part is I don't feel anything thinking about that. I feel nothing when I think about all of those villagers dying. Apathy...

The fact, that the power is somewhere inside me, but I can't draw it is frustrating though. And the fact, that I don't have any emotion is making me angry and a also rising inside of me a tiny spark of a guilt.

But why am I feeling guilty? Didn't I try as hard as I can? Was there something I could do, is there something I still can do?

Probably, I would be able to save them if I had the emotions to drive me, probably I would be able to find the solution like the heroes from mangas and novels. The only emotion that I felt all this time is the desire to kill people. Consume their souls. All of them, not only the bandits.

But I tried to avoid those emotions, forget them, deny them. I was afraid of my own thoughts, and maybe because I denied and ignored them, I was unable to use the cheat that Kaster leaved with them. But if the price of obtaining that power is becoming a mindless monster, who can only kill people, I'd better not have that power.

At the same time I remember the Spirit mentioning, that my soul wasn't strong enough to surpass those instincts and my real emotions will be back once I become strong enough.

Is it how this ends? I wasn't strong enough to control the power I have, and just left the villagers to their death or slavery?

How will I be able to live with this after I get my emotions back? I won't be able to forgive myself. No, I can't, I won't be able to live with that, I have to use anything I can, at least try to. Determined, I start to talking to the spirit.

'~I think I have an idea how to acquire the cheat, but it will be dangerous. Please, if you feel that I lost control over myself, stop me. If that really happens, I hope just knocking me off will solve the problem, but if you have to, kill me. Don't let me harm anyone.~' (Anubis)

'~If it's your choice, then so be it~' (Spirit)

Should I be concerned of how easily he agreed? Then again, I know him only for couple of hours anyways, and I don't think spirits are very sociable beings, if they choose to seclude themselves inside a cave for centuries.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I concentrate on my anger. I'm angry of how powerless I am, angry of how close I am to my goal, angry, that I will have to leave this villagers to their cruel fate, without doing anything.

As my anger rises, as do the desire to devour those bandits. Kill them. Slaughter them. Eat their souls. Trying to accept and multiply those emotions, my mind gets clouded, and I give a loud shout.

"I WILL DEVOUR YOU ALL" (Anubis)

And right at that moment I feel the mana entering my core and dispersing through the whole my body by itself, I didn't feel any invisible waves, spiritual energy or anything else that would guide the mana, it just entered my core and dispersed through my bones on its own. And it wasn't like my core was sucking it itself, but like the mana had a will of its own.

'~Oh, interesting. I was always wondering how can a mindless summoned lich have any knowledge of manipulating or applying the mana, but it looks like they never did in the first place. They are just toys, containing buttons inside. When the summoner pushes those buttons, giving the command to the puppet, it just works on its own.

Gods never gave a creature, who can understand and use the mana, but a creature, that can be ordered to use a function, given to him by the gods. Marvelous.~' I heard the Spirit's voice, but my mind was too clouded, to even register what he was saying.

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