Business was going well. Our return from the road brought some extra liveliness into the hearts of everyone. Even though they had yet to get their pay to spend, they still had their two days off before they were obligated to help around. This left most of them spending time in the tavern or common house. As for me, I was in our clinic at the edge of town, talking with our physician. He was a calm elderly man who knows his trade well and had seen most things before I invited him to our village. Today, however, he wasn’t calm at all. It looked like he was having small spasms, sitting there in his chair.

“You want me to do what? To cut you open?! To take out your heart!”

“You heard exactly what I said: Cut me open, remove some of my ribs, however you are to do that, take out my heart, and place this orb” I stretched out my hand showing the orb to him, again. “In the place where my heart would be. Then replace my ribs and stich me up again. Simple as that.” Under any other normal circumstances, I would agree with his reluctance. But this is not normal, and I needed it done. He brought one of his shaking hands up to his face.

“B-but, with no heart… you will die.” I sighed.

“Then let me die. It’ll be fine. You just need to put it in there, and stich me up.”

“To have that orb… the veins, the blood will have nowhere to go. What am I to with… oh dear. I could not do this to you; the others would kill me when you die.”

“Do with the veins however you wish, and they don’t need to know that I died, I’ll be up and walking in no time. There is no need to think about it, just do.” I crossed my arms, while being careful not to drop the orb. “Do it.” He looked at me for a long while, then he nodded.

“Great! Do you need to do any preparations or shall we get going?” I gently placed the orb on the bag on top of his desk.

“Let me talk the nurses, wouldn’t want us to be disturbed during a surgery.” He mumbled something I wasn’t interested in and walked out of the room. I took of my vest, my shirt and boots, and laid down on the table. I tried not to think what would happen if it didn’t work, if I died I wouldn’t be here to deal with the outcome anyway. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. After a while he came back and I heard how he locked the door. Then he went and made some noise with his tools.

“You sure you want to go through with this?”

“I don’t know, Mr. Physician. I think I may be getting cold feet.” The sarcasm in my voice was completely lost to him.

“Then we should ab-,”

“Do it!”

“Okay, okay. Breathe this in.” He placed a damp cloth over my mouth and I took a deep breath, it smelled funny. It didn’t take long for my world to go dark. I didn’t know if I would ever wake up.

When I woke up I was alone. My body was aching, no serious pain. Only a dull ache, like I had been chilled for too long. I tried to move my hands and feet, and other than being numb they worked fine. I pulled away the sheet the physician had placed over me. My chest looked fine if I ignored the stitched wound that ran down the middle. He opened me up and I was still alive, either he got cold feet or I was really alive. Then I saw the plate with the black hoop of flesh on his desk. He did it. As I pulled my shirt over my head the door opened.

“You are alive.” He whispered. He was silent for a while. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Other than the general numbness in my body, I couldn’t be better.” He silently closed the door and moved to sit down in his chair before he continued.

“Your heart was black you know.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I did some stretching, trying to ease the numbness, “Think positively, I can no longer die of heartache. No amount of men can break a heart that isn’t there.” Mentally, I dry laughed at my own joke. I put on my vest.

“What to do with the heart?” He asked next, he didn’t do much other than watch me. I turned to him.

“Give it to the priest. Say it’s some sort of tumor that needs to be purified and gotten rid of safely.” He silently agreed, still watching me.

“You know, that orb was bigger than your heart. You might find yourself short on breath during times when you usually have no problem.”

“Thanks, Mr. Physician. I’ll see you around.” He only waved his hand as I passed by him out of the room. When exiting the clinic I took the road going upward, away from the crowded houses down in the valley. I wanted to walk off the numbness and my growing restlessness. I felt a little bad about leaving him like that but it was effectively drowned out by my own excitement for simply being alive.

The road took a sharp turn and continued horizontally high above everything else. When we moved here I had the road created for two reasons: To be the highest vantage point, and because I liked the scenery. The entrance to the uttermost end, where we had yet to build anything, could be seen from the high way.

I contemplated the benefits and disadvantages of my current condition, and what could possibly change it in the future, while watching the last light of the day disappear behind the mountaintops. If the orb held then it would prolong my lifespan endlessly, or until the rest of my body gave out. The numbness might become a problem in the long run if it did not go away. I had no idea how long it would last, but I was never a good fighter anyway. I silently asked the setting sun to give me my sense of touch back, fully knowing it couldn’t do a thing. Lack of breath? That might become a problem on roads with harsher terrain. I shuddered at the thought of our trip to the northern glaciers. A trip I didn’t want to forget, but the memory was still haunting.

I was thinking about all the nuances of my new life when I heard running steps behind me, so I turned. The vice leader of my latest expedition was running towards me. He slowed to a jog when he saw me turn around. He barely panted at all when he came to a stop. The pretend-exhausted pose he did irked me.

“I admire your stamina, Herald.” I said sarcastically, the corner of my mouth twitching. He smiled awkwardly and stood up straighter.

“Ah, it’s true then. You’ve been in a really foul mood these last few days.” I shrugged.

“I can’t deny that. I must have been acting like an ass if they have started to talk behind my back so soon. It will probably pass shortly, or get worse.” To this, Herald laughed.

“Let’s pray for the former lest we get no pay for our trip.” He put a hand behind his head. “That was the reason I wanted to find you. Everyone but you have turned in their spoils.”

“I carried no spoils this time. But still why be in such a hurry to tell me? The counting isn’t happening before tomorrow, and the day has not even ended.” I nodded towards the sunset. He was silent two seconds to long before he answered.

“The… Never mind. I went around looking for you and was pointed towards the clinic. Our physician looked extremely shaken and that- that tumor did not look healthy.” I gestured for him to walk with me.

“So you came to find me to see if I was all right. What did he tell you?”

“He had a patient with a bad tumor that needed to be removed. Baba, I know the old man. He hasn’t been upset by anything we have brought him. And now he looked like he has seen a corpse rise up from the dead! It is really unnerving.” His speech was quick. I could imagine him stepping carefully on shattered glass. While the doctor’s condition made Herald feel unnerved, Herald’s train of thought made me feel sick. I had counted on not being followed today since nothing was due. I had not counted on someone looking for me. By tomorrow’s dawn, my heart would be burnt and ash buried leaving nothing behind. Plus people seemed to know I was in a bad mood so most wouldn’t even want to find me. I did feel bad about the physician but not enough to let myself slowly die so he could feel better. Now I had to feel bad about Herald too. I kept walking forward and started speaking slowly.

“Tell me, Herald. Would you want to know my secrets?” He brightened up at this, only a slight discomfort was left to be seen.

“Which ones do you mean? The normal secrets or the ones you feed the entrance with?” It was obvious to me that he wanted the later. I shrugged my shoulders, flashed him a small smile and said:

“Both. Or on the other hand, it does not really matter. You won’t remember either of them.” I waited.

“No, wait. Baba Yaga, you must have misunderstood. I do not know anything.” He stopped walking and slightly lifted his palms up like he was saying “I yield”. I was always fascinated by moments like this. Where outsiders would not know what was really going on. A grown man cowering in fright by a girl he could easily break the neck on. There was a hundred ways he could harm me, or kill me, before I even had the chance to invoke whatever hold I had on the world. He could even run away. Yet he was simply surrendering to me.

This illusion of power was captivating and frightening. This illusion makes one believe they can act however they want. This, however, is not true. For this illusion is not reality and if you act opposite of what they are willing to submit under, they will no longer submit willingly. I always had to remind myself what is real and what is not. To lower myself to ground level and realize I am not on top of the world. In his mind, his impression of me made him willing to give up so quickly. Whatever his motivations were, I would never know.

“I will remember you where you do not. It will be fine. You just have to forget the tumor, that is all.” He looked uncertain and backed off half a step before he stood his ground. He mumbled something I couldn’t make out and held my eyes. I nodded, like I usually do, and whispered secrets of bittersweet nights. His eyes glazed over and cleared, so fast I wouldn’t have noticed it normally. I forced a smile and asked him.

“Was that all?”

“Yes, Baba, that was it. I am sorry I disturbed your walk but since you visited the clinic I simply could not do without seeing if you were well.”

“There is no need to explain yourself, Herald. I trust you have reason. Shall we walk back?” He agreed so we turned towards the closest road downhill. I must have looked disheartened because he glanced at me several times but never said anything.

I had a simple dinner with him at the tavern that evening. I tried not to be a jerk to him or anyone else, how well I did is up for debate. We parted ways afterwards and I returned to my house with mixed feelings. I had noticed my mood getting worse before any in my crew even noticing it going downwards. I had consciously chosen to ignore it, too busy chasing down the orb at the time. This numbness, the physician and Herald did not make me any happier, and the excitement of surviving my gamble and the free feeling of getting rid of a heavy burden lifted me up next to bliss. I did not know what the source of my mood was but I planned to take a few days rest and see what happened. Stress might be the simple answer. With that, I went to sleep.