“She lives!” Galen was pouring coffee behind the counter when Taryn stumbled into the bakery at 2:07. He set the kettle down beside a set of pewter mugs and reached both hands behind his back to untie his borrowed apron.

“I know. I’m late,” Taryn said between breaths. “Where’s Rai?”

“She got sick of waiting for you,” Galen said. “She asked me to cover the counter while she took some deliveries out. Did you run here?”

“I had another… disagreement with the faithful citizens of our fine city,” she said. “It took me a little longer than expected to get away from them.”

“Ah,” he said. “More challengers come to defend the Seat against the Perversity of Pine Keep.”

Taryn had been expecting a warmer welcome. Preferably in the form of baked dough covered in powdered sugar. Instead she got veiled hostility, something she thought she’d left behind at the palace. “How much longer will you be here?”

“Don’t get any ideas. This was only supposed to be until you or Kem got back. Then he had to run out again and you never showed. Now he’s in the kitchen, and you’re here so…” With the ties loosed from around his waist, Galen stripped off the borrowed apron and tossed it across the counter to Taryn. “The disloyal duo are on their third refill. Their pies should be coming out soon. I’ll let you finish this up for them.” He motioned towards the pair of mugs; one half full, the other empty. “The guests at table number three should be finishing up in a bit. I don’t have to tell you where the bucket and towels are. And the customer at two wants that slice…” he pointed at the largest piece of a blueberry pie inside the counter’s glass display, “…and a coffee; no creme, no sugar.”

Taryn glanced around the small dining area as she pulled the apron over her head. There were still several bites left of assistants’ late lunch at table three. In their corner booth, Sadie absently smoothed her afro while Elarus drummed his fingers over the table. Their eyes roved over everything but each other. “There is no one at two.”

Galen stepped out from behind the counter and walked to table number two. He pulled a small book from the rear pocket of his trousers and sat with his back to the window so the light would hit the page. “Last I heard, my parents are expecting me to mince sausage meat once I get back. So please, take your time.”

He disappeared behind his poems and Taryn went to work. One cleared table, two served coffees, and seven walk-ins later, she loaded three pieces of blueberry pie onto two small plates. She carried a mug of black coffee in one hand, black tea with honey in the other. With the plates balanced on her forearms, she carefully made her way to table number two.

Galen set his book down in his lap and sipped the black liquid. “I didn’t order your company.”

“Well, then I won’t charge you for it.” Taryn sat across from him and eviscerated her pies. She liked to eat the filling first, leaving the crust to soften in the syrup until the flavor she loved saturated the texture she craved. “How did it go when you spoke to Andon?”

“It didn’t,” he said. “I haven’t had the time.”

“You seem pretty free now.” The city schoolhouses would have let out an hour ago. And with Pine Keep still on its toes about Denan’s escape, Andon was sure to be nearby, trying his best to stir up mischief with the youngest Garunell boys.

“I’ll get to it when I have the chance,” Galen said. “Why do you care so much?”

Taryn sighed. The boys’ adventures usually called for the Beast’s interference once every week or so. This week, Taryn had already stopped them from pestering a mean-looking dog, exploring the city’s animal garden and sneaking onto Pine Keep’s gatehouse compound. It was all still a game to Kaz and Gerrie but Andon grew more defiant of her warnings every time. “I’m just worried about the trouble he could get into if he continues the way he is.”

“If you were really worried you would have reported the mutant you found, instead of letting him get away. Now, not only is he convinced that he can be friends with a mutant, he spits when he sees a blueback,” Galen said. “He’s got no respect for their capabilities or authority.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Though she wasn’t surprised.

“What are you even doing out here? Aren’t you supposed to be hiding in the back?”

Taryn was sick of hiding. And she could hear the pump running in the kitchen from behind the counter. She’d spent too many afternoons washing dishes after the lunch rush and she didn’t like the way the coarse soap stripped all the moisture from her hands. “Somebody has to man the counter.”

“It’s been well over an hour. The Lovely Rai should be back any minute. As late as you were, I’m sure you wouldn’t want her to catch you eating up the product and disturbing the customers.”

“Maybe. But she’ll change her tune when she sees this.” Taryn pulled a frayed sheet of paper from her shoulder bag and laid it before him.

“You’ve got the permit already?” He wiped his palm against his trousers and picked up the certificate for closer study. “Well done, Taryn! She’ll be so happy when she sees this.”

“Perversity has its uses,” she said.

The kitchen door swung open and Kemen backed into the dining room, the golden crust of a steaming pot pie in each hand. “Oh! Taryn. You finally made it.” He smiled at her. Then his eyes found the tea in her hand, the gutted pies before her. He raised a brow. “How long have you been here?”

“She’s accomplished more in half an hour than you have all day,” Galen said. “Now get those over to the disloyal duo or you’ll have three more angry customers telling you how useless you are. And be quick about it.”

Kem clenched his jaw and turned away.

“It might be a good idea to get them spoons first,” Galen added. “Save yourself the extra trip.”

Kem pivoted back to the counter, huffing audibly through flared nostrils. He fumbled behind the counter for a few seconds and when he walked past their table to reach the corner booth, Galen kicked an empty chair in his path. Kem instantly hopped over the obstacle, almost as if he’d been expecting it. He landed on his feet, with no loss of pastry or flatware, and bid the surly couple an enjoyable meal.

Taryn was tempted to tip Galen’s chair over; see how well his reflexes would save him. “That was mean,” she said instead.

He shrugged. “I’m keeping him on his toes.

“Thank the gods you’re finally here.” Kem righted the overturned chair and joined Taryn with Galen at the table. “Mother was killing me in there.”

“Hasn’t she done enough?” Galen asked. “She’s already bailed you out with The Lovely Rai’s permit and now you need her to bail you out of the kitchen? What is the point of you? Are incapable of doing anything on your own?”

Kem glanced between Galen and his barely touched pie. Blueberry syrup oozed out of its sides.

“No,” Galen drawled. “You don’t have the–”

Kem took up the small plate and shoved the pie in Galen’s face, rubbed it all over for full coverage. Then he flashed Taryn a triumphant grin and it was like the wall was gone.

“Well played, Kemmy. Well played.” Galen wiped his face with his hands and tried to shake the sticky mess back onto the plate.

“Be careful.” Kem rescued the sheet from the splatter and rubbed the dark purple spots into pale streaks. “After all the fuss, it’d be a shame if you ruined this. This is great, Taryn,” he added as he looked it over. “Now I can focus on destroying you all in this race.”

“What do you think of the winner getting a prize from each of the losers?” Taryn asked. As it stood, their only personal stakes were bragging rights. “If I win, I’d ask Galen not to step foot in the bakery for a week. That way it’ll be like we’ve all won.”

“Oh, I like that,” Kemen said.

“Har, har,” Galen said. “Too bad we might not even be able to race. Apparently, there’s talk of raising the city’s Alert level to Red. Pine Keep will be in the Black.”

“That can’t be true,” Taryn said. A Black Alert meant curfews, checkpoints and limited gatherings. It meant a temporary withdrawal of her privilege to leave the palace grounds. “They wouldn’t have approved our request if it were.”

“The order is coming down from the palace,” Galen said, licking syrup and bits of crust from around his lips. “A mutant escapes the Guard one day, and the next the King’s mistress is outed in an assassination attempt? It doesn’t look good for the bluebacks.”

Now Taryn knew it wasn’t true. Anyone with any power at the palace knew the truth of both of those situations. “It wasn’t an assassination attempt.”

“Whatever it was, something happened. Everyone is scared and that’s not good for us. The last time there were a lot of scared people gathered for an event, it didn’t end well.”

“We’ll be fine,” Kemen said. “The race isn’t for a few weeks yet. I’ve never heard of a Black Alert lasting that long.”

“A few weeks out is still within a week of the Lady’s Day,” Galen said. “If we try to go through with this, we’ll be harassed by a new pair of Guards every few minutes. That’s not the most ideal condition for a contest.”

Kem frowned and turned his attentions to Taryn. “Maybe you can do something to let them know that he’s gone.”

Taryn couldn’t imagine how Kem thought she could accomplish this. But she didn’t have to consider it to know this was a bad idea. No one at the palace seemed to be paying attention to what was happening in Pine Keep. So if anyone was going to assure the bluebacks that Denan was no longer their problem, it would have to be her. With her newfound infamy, she couldn’t get near anyone within the sector’s leadership without being stopped and questioned by no less than a dozen bluebacks and officials. Her passport had been given to preserve her secrets, not disseminate them.

The kitchen door swung open again. This time it was Mama Kebar who emerged, and she did not look pleased. Taryn and Kem stood at attention.

“Why is it that every time I come out here, my workers are rarely working?” she said.

“The shop got a little slow so I decided to take a break,” Taryn said.

Mama Kebar glanced at the farthest end of the counter, where someone had laid out a list of orders to be filled and a stack of boxes to be folded.

“A short break,” Taryn clarified. “I’m nearly finished here. Two more minutes. Then I’ll fold so many boxes you won’t know what to do with them all.”

Mama Kebar looked around Taryn; saw the pie crusts still soaking on the plate behind her, the dark syrup smeared all over Galen’s pale face.

“I’ll pay for these,” Taryn offered.

“Oh, I never doubted that,” Mama Kebar said. “Kemen, you’ll get started on those deliveries now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said as he moved.

“I want them out of here within the hour. Taryn, if you’re not in the kitchen in two minutes, that’s another hour off your pay. And you–” she pointed at Galen, who rose to his feet.

“Yes, ma’am?”

Mama Kebar pointed at the door.

“Moving.” He took a last sip of his coffee and wiped his face with the sleeve of his arm before he hurried around Taryn and out the door.

As the door closed behind him, two more flames walked in off the Fall. Taryn recognized the synchronized footfalls of soldiers moving in step. She saw a mass of blue and heard the creak of leather straining to keep a shield strapped to a broad back. She turned away from the door, though it was pointless. Every blueback in Pine Keep – and probably all the Guards in the city – knew where to find the golden eyed girl who’d attacked the King’s Infantry. But it was a habit. And there was the pie crust to finish.

“Mrs. Kebar?” one of the bluebacks asked.

“Yes?”

Taryn froze. The last time a pair of bluebacks came in for something other than food, it had been with news of a Yellow Alert. She sent a quick Sentry out for Denan and found him still trapped in the basement of the abandoned paper mill.

She returned to her pie.

“You might want to sit down.”

Taryn snapped her attention to the Corporals. Behind her, she noticed Sadie and Elarus had ceased their hushed conversation. Mama Kebar and Kem only had eyes for each other, though; she with tears pooling in her eyes; he with all the blood rushing to his face, slowly shaking his head. It was never good news when a pair of bluebacks asked someone to sit down.

“Rai?” Kem’s voice was a croaked whisper.

Taryn’s heart clenched. Her mind filled with shadowy images of waterlogged faces she would never forget and the sounds of names that would never be called again. She tried to focus on an image of Rai, bathed in light and full of laughter. She begged it not to join all those others, even as she felt the despair begin to drag her heart into her stomach.

“She is safe at home,” one of the Corporals said. “We have a pair of guardsmen with her now.”

“Oh, thank the gods!” Mama Kebar swayed in her relief and Kem rushed to help her into a chair.

Taryn let out a relieved breath of her own. With it, despair unhooked its claws from her heart. Rai was alive. There was no heart-wrenching despair to contend with; no anguish to sap the energy from all the other emotions that came with grief.

“But there has been an incident.”

But then anger reached its fiery touch to the secarin in her veins, and she let it. Because while Taryn had taught herself to anguish in silence, rage was one thing she allowed herself to feel.

“Was she involved in an accident?” Mama Kebar asked.

“Not an accident,” Kemen said through clenched teeth. Veins pulsed on the back of his clenched fist. He understood, as Taryn did, that an accident meant a driver might have lost control of a spooked horse and it trampled someone. It meant a builder’s fingers may have cramped up and sent a brick falling on a bystander’s head. Or a misstep leading to a fall. He knew that an accident meant unintentional harm, and it did not require the presence of a standing guard.

“At approximately one thirty-seven this afternoon, one of our patrols were called to investigate reports of an assault near the intersection of Peacemakers Road and Broken Pines Avenue. There they found one Karai Nia Kebar, the apparent victim. By her account, she had been out delivering goods when she was set upon by a group of young men who…”

Taryn didn’t wait to hear more. By the time she ran out of the bakery, she’d already identified over five dozen flames who satisfied all the requirements of the bluebacks’ report. To narrow it down, she had to look for images of Rai’s freckled face twisted in fear; the sound of her screams; the warmth of her tears running onto a filthy hand.

She didn’t find any, which only fanned her rage and spurred her to run faster. Because it meant that they were still thinking about it; glorying over the terror they’d wrought. And Taryn hated that such thoughts even existed; of Rai in pain, of Rai terrorized. She would find them, all the thoughts and memories, all the sick pleasures that had been drawn from them. And she would obliterate every trace of it.

Taryn didn’t release her rage. She let it swirl within her. She let it build up within her until it became a burning beneath her skin. She let it fuel her run.

Faces passed. Blank faces, angry faces, scared faces, curious faces. The flames behind them were not the subject of her rage so they and the burdens they carried were only obstacles to her. Taryn dodged around them. She leapt over some and she may have even shoved a few aside.

In her mind, she had already eliminated two dozen suspects. Her Inquiries of everything they’d lived since the last time they crawled, sprung, or rolled out of bed didn’t dissolve into fog when they approached Broken Pines Avenue and Peacemakers Road. She had begun her work on number twenty-five when she felt something slam against her throat.

Her mad dash came to a gasping halt as the blurred faces around her came into sharp focus. Then she felt herself falling backwards, pulled by her own collar. Her tail bone slammed onto the street. The back of her head would have been the next but she felt a hand there. She felt another hand at the nape of her neck, holding the scruff of her shirt in a fist. And hovering above her was a small, oval face capped with an afro.

“Apologies for my use of force,” Sadie said. She pulled her hands away and Taryn scrambled to her feet.

Taryn ignored her and turned back to her mission.

“Wait.” Sadie was right there with her. This time she held Taryn’s sleeve, keeping her rooted with a surprisingly strong grip. “Whatever you’re thinking, it will not help your friend.”

“I don’t have time for this.” Taryn employed a simple move, curving her palm in a circle to strike down on Sadie’s arm and break her grip.

Halfway through, Taryn was on her back again. Sadie straddled her, one hand trapped Taryn’s left arm across her throat. The other still held Taryn’s right arm in a vice grip. This time it was leveraged against Sadie’s thigh. Just a little pressure and it would bend the wrong way. Taryn thought about bucking the woman off but she felt a gentle pressure against her abdomen and guessed the woman had a knee pressed against her gut. Taryn might have blamed simple physics and luck for Sadie’s success in grounding her before. But this second success required considerable skill.

“Who the hells are you?” Taryn asked.

“I–”

“Ma’am, are you alright?”

Taryn craned her neck to watch Elarus hurrying their way.

“I’ve got this under control,” Sadie said.

“Ma’am?” Taryn’s mind raced as she looked between the two. “You’re an officer. You’re his officer. You’re both bluebacks!” They weren’t secret lovers, but agents of the City Guard. Using the bakery, Taryn assumed, to plan and discuss some covert mission. Unless observing the bakery was their mission. With the timing and Denan’s escape, coupled with her growing infamy, it made sense that the Guard would try to keep eyes on her. “I don’t care what you’ve heard or what you think I’ve done. But if you think you’re going to arrest me for anything, you will be sorely disappointed.”

“We haven’t come to arrest you,” Sadie said. “We’re here to stop you from doing something you’ll regret.”

But they’d been quiet regulars at the bakery for months; long before she ever became infamous. They must have been sent for another reason. Were they investigating the bakery? Or protecting it against a threat? What if it was a small part of a larger, sector-wide operation? Whatever the reason, it wasn’t what mattered now. “I don’t have time for this. If you don’t let me up right now, you’ll be the one with regrets.”

Elarus made as if to get his hands on her. Sadie held him back with a flick of her head. “If you were scared and hurting,” she said to Taryn, “where would you want your friends to be?”

Her words doused all the fire in Taryn’s blood. For the first time since the rage took her, she thought about Rai as she was now, not an hour ago. Rai wasn’t in the street somewhere being tormented by some unidentified attackers. She wasn’t crying out for someone to save her.

“Rai doesn’t need vengeance, Taryn. She needs her friends.”

Rai was safe, Taryn remembered. Rai was home. Scared and hurting. “Let me up.”

“Have you tamed your fury?” Sadie asked.

“I’m not going to ask again,” Taryn said.

Sadie released her. They both rose to their feet.

Taryn shook her arms loose as she surveyed the crowd gathered to witness her newest clash with the law. She forced herself to melt the scowl from her face; to unclench her jaw and fists; to breathe normally.

“They’ve arranged for a carriage to escort the family home,” Elarus said.

Sadie turned to Taryn. “I’m sure they’ll have a seat for you.”

“I’ll walk,” Taryn said. She needed time to dispel the dark energy.

* * * * *

Taryn had been to the Kebar home once before, and that in secret. It was a white stone building in an area of the Market District that was slowly transforming to look more like the Manor. There were small gates on either side and low walls to bar access to the rear of the property but nothing so much as a fence to keep people from traversing the slate stone walkway that cut a path in the lush lawn from the street to the recessed doorway.

She stood uncertain at the door. She had seen enough during her watches to imagine what she might find on the other side and she couldn’t bear to see that on this side of her life. And what would she say? When it happened on the street, those people didn’t look into her eyes. She didn’t have hands to reach out to them or a voice to sooth their worries with. All she had was her power, lent out in their defense. They didn’t always know that she was there but she made them feel safe because they saw their abusers thwarted. She had none of that for Rai.

She’d narrowed her list down to seven flames, scattered in seven separate parts of Pine Keep. Their memories of Broken Pines Avenue were all shrouded in fog and since Taryn had spent her secarin in a losing battle against her rage, all she had was herself.

Movement on her left drew her attention to a pair of flames coming around the side of the building. They belonged to the roving guards patrolling the perimeter. A third flame at the rear of the house showed Kem sprinting the length of the grounds. The bluebacks tensed when they noticed her, nervous hands moving to the wooden clubs resting on their hips. Their faces settled into hard frowns when they recognized her.

“Good evening,” the one on the left said. “You were expected a while ago.”

It had taken her a while to stop her mind from compiling all of the most vicious attacks she’d ever witnessed into an assault on Rai. Those thoughts only stoked her rage, which drained her secarin and left her feeling worn. She’d never raged for longer than half an hour before, let alone three hours. And when her entire body suddenly began to ache and throb at the overexertion, her sense of self-preservation finally cooled her blood. “How bad is she?”

He shrugged. “The physician didn’t seem too worried. She told her to rest for the next few days.”

“Do you know why she was… attacked?”

“She was alone, with an arm full of goods and a purse full of coins,” he said. “An easy target for a group of enterprising young hoodlums.”

Taryn could imagine Rai might try to stand up to a lone attacker, or to outrun a pair. But to hold out against a group? No. If all they wanted was coin, she would have given it up and ran. She wouldn’t have resisted. She wouldn’t have given them any opportunity or excuse to put hands on her. But greed was not the only thing that rose in a group of enterprising young hoodlums when they cornered a young woman. Taryn felt herself getting angry again; felt the aching strain on her secarin. This time, her heart raced with it and she reminded herself that she wouldn’t be doing Rai any favors if she raged all the secarin out of her body. “Were you at least able to learn anything about the men responsible?”

They shook their heads. “We’ve been here since it happened. Marshals should be coming by with news once they have it.”

Just then, the door opened behind her and Galen poked his head out. “Oh,” he said, glancing between Taryn and the bluebacks. “It’s just you. Come in, then. She’ll be glad to know you’re here.”

The foyer was dressed with polished wood floors that stretched to another door at the end of the candle-lit hall. On her left was the sitting room, decorated with a single cushioned couch and several chairs arranged around a table. It was bathed in warm light from the large fireplace. The room on her right was poorly lit but Taryn could make out a large dining table and chairs enough for ten. Just ahead was a staircase that separated the sitting room from what smelled like the kitchen, with a banister bordering the open space that overlooked the sitting room.

“Where is she?” Taryn asked.

“She fell asleep a couple of hours ago.” He pointed down the hall. The only bed on the first floor of the Kebar home was in Kem’s room behind the kitchen. If Rai was sleeping there, then she must not have been strong enough to get up the stairs to her own room.

Taryn could see the soft yellow orb of light that was Rai’s sleeping mind. As she watched, it shifted slightly to one side, then back again. Then, for a few seconds, a violent orange flare burst forth and stirred it into a full flame, with red streaks of pain throughout. Finally, it quieted back into the soft yellow orb of a mind a peace.

Rai was having nightmares. And Taryn was tempted to plunge in and beat them back. Only time could fade the physical wounds into an unpleasant memory. But Taryn could wipe away all the emotional pain in an instant. She could change them into a vague memory, or no memory at all. That’s how she could help Rai in the moment. But she knew that would be worse; to not know, to always be wondering. The nightmares and the pain, the fear and the hurt; they were necessary steps on the path to living beyond a single traumatizing moment. Taryn didn’t know what to do with herself but she knew she couldn’t take that from Rai.

“What should I do?” she finally asked.

“All we can do is wait.” Galen sat down with a notebook and a pen.

Taryn sat with him and waited.

And waited.

She couldn’t remember a single time she’d ever sat still for so long without a meal in hand or a mission in mind.

After a few minutes, Mama Kebar emerged from the kitchen with a pitcher of water and a few mugs. She also brought out a small platter of fruits with nuts and cheeses to sate their appetites before supper. Taryn refused it all. It wasn’t safe to feed her secarin without giving it anything to do.

She distracted herself by exploring the library Rai so proudly boasted of; a single four-tiered bookshelf against one wall of the sitting room. Most of the titles were sappy romances, filled with mythistory and other such Lorric drivel. Though there were a few recipe books with stained, scribbled and half torn pages. Taryn perused many of them and tried to remember which were Rai’s favorites.

She discovered a reading nook in a curtained corner of the sitting room. The cushioned bed was still warm from roasting under the sun all day. The windows faced out into the lawn where a lone weeping cherry tree offered shaded branches for nesting birds and a hint of pale pink petals to stimulate a romantic imagination.

But Taryn’s mind kept falling and lingering on the restless light of Rai’s mind, cycling between violent flame and peaceful orb. The longer she stared, the less she noticed around her. Until the sound of Galen’s pen scratching against the page grew dull in her ears. The warmth of the fire melted away and the smell of meat and spices from the kitchen wafted past her. The turmoil in Rai’s mind was all she could think about; all she could see. Until–

A door slammed and startled Taryn back to herself.

A fourth mind entered the home and her head snapped to the door behind her before her Survey told her that Kem had come in from the other end of the house.

“That was the back door,” Galen said, a sly smile tugging at his lips. “Stop worrying. Sleep is good for her and staring isn’t going to wake her up any faster.”

“Maybe,” Taryn said. There was no violence in Rai’s flame now, and the orb didn’t make a reappearance. Rai was awake, siting alone with her thoughts. Taryn shut her mind’s eye to the flames around her to avoid falling into Rai’s mind and focused on interpreting what her natural senses were telling her.

She watched Galen pick up an illuminated copy of ‘Primus’ and start sketching an imitation of the colorful illustration of the First receiving the Master’s Sword from the gods – there was no mystery there.

The thick aroma of spices from the kitchen wasn’t very fatty so she identified it as a white meat gravy; likely chicken, or turkey.

Kem’s footfalls were heavy against the polished wood and she used the sound to track him to the kitchen.

“Feel better now?” Mama Kebar asked softly.

Taryn heard a faint creak; a door opening. Kem wouldn’t ignore his mother so Taryn imagined he’d nodded. Then another faint creak and a wet crunch. Taryn guessed an apple or a crisp pear. But pears were Rai’s favorite and Kem knew better so it was definitely an apple. Unless he’d decided to snack on a carrot or a celery stick. But even those idea were quickly discarded: who in their right mind would select a vegetable for a snack?

“You should wash up,” Mama Kebar said.

“In a minute,” came his muffled response. “I think I pulled something and I just want to sit for a bit.”

“I think you should go now,” Mama Kebar said, even as Kem’s heavy steps made their way into the sitting room.

The only mystery for Taryn now was the color of the apple. Red was the safe guess. Golden yellow was her own preference and she knew Kem shared her hatred of tart or sour fruits. Taryn watched for him to emerge from behind the stairs, confident in her final guess.

When he did show himself, she didn’t get a chance to see if she had guessed correctly. The creamy stretch of his bare chest, soaked in sweat and peppered with fine dark hairs, was all she could see. Her eyes followed the faint trail of tiny chest hairs down the center of his abdomen before his arms crossed over his body to cover himself, every inch of exposed flesh flushing red.

He backed out of sight.

Taryn looked away.

Galen smothered a laugh behind his hand.

“You could have told me she was here,” Kem hissed as he passed the kitchen.

“I told you to go wash,” Mama Kebar answered.

“It’s so good that you’re here,” Galen told Taryn. “He’s sure to find a dozen other ways to embarrass himself before the night is through.”

Taryn ignored him and buried her own embarrassment in a book as Kem disappeared in the depths of the house. She let the image of a shirtless Kem melt into the familiar story of Gyala and Leo. Though it was of the highest order of Purist drivel, she still thought it was a well crafted tale of a mutant woman and her middling lover. It ended in betrayal and tragedy and the reminder of the doomed lovers served to quell the naive thoughts brewing in her own mind.

“I guess he’s finally done hiding,” Galen said, just as Leo began to come to his senses. With a childish grin plastered on his face, Galen twisted in his seat towards the stairway.

Taryn could hear the tentative steps coming up the hall. Despite the warning in her hands, she couldn’t stop the quiet hope she felt. Gyala and Leo weren’t real people. She and Kem were.Mentally, Taryn crafted an apology. She didn’t know what she was apologizing for but she felt it was needed.

Then Rai stopped at the base of the stairs, taking slow breaths as she leaned against the banister, and Taryn forgot all the distractions of the last hour.

She didn’t need to ask about what happened. Rai’s wounds told the whole story and Taryn watched it run its course in her mind. She saw slender fingers close around Rai’s neck and squeeze so hard for so long that they left those dark marks. She saw an untrained fist that didn’t land properly. It came in as a cross, reinforced with studded gloves because it tore the skin above Rai’s right eye. Someone had come by to stitch the wound and it glistened with ointment now but there had been blood.

A more practiced hook had caught Rai’s left cheek. There were over a dozen thin red lines where small granules of rock or the rough imperfections of a stony surface had scraped the skin from her face. The way Rai leaned to avoid putting pressure on her left leg told Taryn that she’d been stomped on. Her left arm, covered in purple bruises and held stiff against her chest, had been used to shield her head from a hail of boots and fists.

A beating like that was not the work of common thieves, out for an easy coin. It may have fed into a sick sexual fantasy but there were no signs that Rai had been rendered unconscious or that her arms had been pinned. The beating itself had to have been the entire reason for the attack.

Taryn didn’t have enough secarin to give her rage any force. She didn’t have the energy to hunt down the seven sadists. Even with all the power coursing through her, she felt useless. Rai stood before her, drowning in pain, and Taryn was powerless to help her.

“Sorry for taking so long,” Rai said. “I didn’t want you to see me all… bloody.”

Galen sprung to his feet and moved to her side, his arms reaching but unsure where to land. “You shouldn’t be out of bed,” he said.

“I’m not helpless,” Rai said as she waved him away. She turned to Taryn, a tight smile on her face. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Sorry,” was the first thing that came to mind to say. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“You look worse than I feel,” Rai said. “Let’s get you fed.” She turned away and hobbled into the kitchen. Galen followed close behind with Taryn trailing after.

“She’s fine.” Galen’s hands hovered near Rai’s elbow and over her back, ready to catch her if her bravado failed. “Your mother put out a spread but Taryn hasn’t touched it. Why don’t you come and sit with us?”

“I hope your aren’t starving yourself for my sake,” Rai said. She paused for a few breaths and rested against the kitchen’s prep table. It was dusted with splotches of flour and garnished with the colorful remains of carrot tops, celery roots and naked corn cobs. “What would you like?”

Though it obviously pained her, Rai forced another smile. It twitched back but she held it in place until Taryn finally realized that it wasn’t going away. Rai didn’t want to think about how terrible she felt, or be reminded of what had happened to her. She wanted to pretend that it hadn’t; that Taryn had come for a friendly visit. She wanted Taryn to pretend with her. That, too, was a necessary step and Taryn wouldn’t take it from her.

Taryn unclenched her fist. With a breath, she let her rage wilt away and plastered a smile on her own face. Rai’s smile widened into the cuts and bruises on her face but she laughed more than she winced.

Mama Kebar stirred a pot of a thick white gravy over an open fire. Behind her, another fire heated a brick oven. It was smaller than the one in the bakery but it burned just as hot. She left it all to put an arm around Rai; to brush her hair away and kiss her forehead; to cup her face and give her an appraising look. “You’d be more comfortable lying down,” she said softly.

“I’m fine, Mama. Better than fine,” she added, strengthening her forced smile. “Taryn’s finally here and I’m just trying to think of things we can do to make her come back.”

“We won’t be able to do much.” Kem came in still damp from his wash. His hair was a tousled mess atop his head; his shirt clean and tied loose at the collar. He looked like one of the heroes described in Rai’s sappy romances and he smelled like lavender and honey. “She isn’t staying long.”

Rai sniffed at him and frowned.

“What? The sun is going down. She never stays around much longer than that.”

“I’ll stay as long as you want me to,” Taryn told Rai.

“Perfect! I’ll help Mama get supper ready. I want you–” Rai pointed at Kem, “–to give Taryn the tour. Show her everything. And Gale, I need you to get the baskets ready. We’ll need extra blankets, some pillows and drinks. We can warm some cider for Taryn.”

“Are you sure you want to do this tonight?” Galen asked. “You can hardly make it up the stairs.”

“You don’t have to do so much,” Taryn said. “I didn’t come to see the house. I came for you.”

“Nonsense,” Rai said. “In all the time we’ve known each other you’ve never come over. I won’t waste the opportunity. Go; explore. We’ll let you know when its time to eat.”

Before Taryn could object, Kem had taken her hand in his and pulled her away. He didn’t release her until they were back in the sitting room, safely out of sight. “When she’s in a mood, cooking becomes medicinal for her,” he said. “She gets cranky when people interfere.”

“Does she get cranky often?”

“Just a few days every month or so,” he said uneasily. “We can go back for a closer look when she’s through – if you want. Where would you like to start?”

Taryn shook her head. “We don’t have to take a tour.”

“Rai controls the food. If you want to eat, it’s best to give in to her demands.” He looked around at Galen’s abandoned poems and sketches; the pile of books Taryn had disheveled. “I guess you’re already familiar with the sitting room. It’s where we come to… sit.”

“Yes,” Taryn said. “I am familiar with sitting.” Taryn wanted to kick herself. She was sure she sounded as awkward as she felt.

“Right. Listen, I want to apologize for earlier. I didn’t know you were here and I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, it was my fault,” Taryn said. “You’re home. You should be comfortable. I should have… announced myself.” Had it really been so long since they’d spoken alone that they’d devolved into awkward exchanges?

“O…kay. Well, this is the dining room.” He swept his arms out towards the dimly lit room. Long curtains stopped the twilight sky from entering but the firelight from across the hall danced across the skin of Kem’s face and caused a tuft of fine hairs sticking out from his loose collar to glow.

“Should we set it up for dinner?” Taryn thought would be a good idea to keep her hands busy and her eyes focused. On something other than Kem.

“Oh, no. We don’t eat here outside of the winter.”

“Right.” Of course, Taryn knew they usually had all of their meals at the bakery. She’d joined them there every night of Vares’s absence. They’d explored the city’s night haunts, drinking and dancing and making sure Galen and Rai never had too much unsupervised time together. In truth, the rest of them drank while Taryn remained their sober companion. They all knew she was under-aged and that fact saved her from explaining why it was a bad idea for her to be inebriated.

“When they had the house built, Mama wanted to be able to host some of the squad. Many of the patrols didn’t have anyone in the city and we had a lot of officers visiting with their families,” he said. “We don’t get many guests, now that its just the three of us. It always feels… empty.”

Taryn couldn’t help thinking of her own dinners with the King – or lack thereof. In the months that he’d been gone, she’d spent her nights with Galen and the Kebars. Her time with them had taken some of the sting out of Vares’s absence. Now that he was back, and too distracted to meet with her, she could see all too clearly the day when their dining hall would look like this: dark, dusty and empty of any sign of all the food fights, disagreements and laughter they’d shared.

“Is something wrong?”

Taryn wasn’t sure. A week ago, she believed Vares would have done anything to keep her close. His support was the most powerful weapon in her arsenal and, save for a minor hurdle with Dr. Seir, she was on track to getting everything she’d ever wanted. Now, she was burdened with proving whether or not the Countess of Mayville was connected to the King of the Lane; a man who had stolen a piece of his city and who may very well be after his life. Would Vares thank her if she proved the woman he loved a spy? Would he ever forgive her?

“Tell me.” Kem stood so close that he seemed to tower over her. When he spoke, his breath was a brush of air, warm and sweet against her face and she thought he might be able to soothe her fears like that. Through her sleeve she felt the gentle grip of his hand on her elbow and she thought he could hold her secrets just as safe.

Taryn shook her head. This was a part of her life that was only safe to discuss within the confines of the palace. So she took a step back from him and forced another smile onto her face. “What’s the next stop on the tour?”

He hesitated, his lips pursed as if he wanted to say more. Then he let it go, his shoulders slumping a little as he stepped around the table to pull the curtains away from a pair of glass paneled doors. “This leads out to the patio.”

His words were as stiff as his expression. Taryn took a moment to remind herself that it was better this way. This wall would protect the both of them when her immunity expired.

She followed him out onto a paved space. It was bordered with wooden posts all around, connected with latticed woodwork overhead. Wild weeds grew all over it, their long vines reaching so low that they brushed her ear as she passed. The trellis housed a few weather-worn chairs. They were arranged around a round brazier; fitted into a stone pit and filled with more weeds than ashes.

“After dinner, I used to follow the boots out here while Mama and Rai kept the families entertained inside. That’s what Rai and I used to call them, because they always stomped around together.” He lingered, a sad smile resting on his lip as he stared at the weathered pit and remembered. “We’d have picnics out here on warm nights, just the four of us.”

“It sounds like you all had some really nice times together,” Taryn said.

He nodded silently and moved on, leading her to the rear of the house. And Taryn began to think she might be able to chisel a few openings in the space between them.

“This is where I go when I need to hit something.” He threw a lazy punch at a nearby sack hanging from an iron lattice alongside half a dozen others. The canvas tore and spilled sand into a pile and he kicked it over. “I’ve been doing a lot of hitting lately.”

More sand bags and weighted vests were scattered at one end of the yard. Between where Taryn stood and where the extra weights rested lay a series of challenges and obstacles. There was a crawling pit with a well worn and dusty rut. It let out into a stretch of hurdles. A rope ladder suspended from the center of a beam fifteen feet high; with a lone rope hanged from one end and climbing pole on the other. One section of the yard housed a dozen standing beams measured at heights between eight and fifteen feet. They had footholds carved out of their sides for climbing and were capped with small platforms to leap from and land on. Taryn couldn’t fathom what the pyramid of logs was used for but she wanted to try it. “This is where you train?”

Kem raised a brow. “You like it?”

“I think this might be better than powdered sugar.” Taryn always expected that the best the city had to offer could always be outdone at the palace. Hers was the largest garden she’d ever seen. No one else could claim a rooftop pool. The palace kitchens staffed an artist who cut fruit into bouquets! Yet, though the training yards at the palace were filled with targets for weapon strikes and plenty of sparring rings, they offered little sport to the lone practitioner. Even when the sun set and the Infantry gave way to the Black Knights in training, nothing happened there that Taryn couldn’t replicate in her training room. They focused on developing and perfecting specific skills. Kem’s yard developed the strength, stamina and agility necessary to perform no matter the situation. “How have I never known about this?”

“You never wanted to come over,” he said. “Besides, I thought it was too advanced for you.”

And Taryn hadn’t thought he took his physical training so seriously. She thought all the light swordplay they practiced was a sport to him. A thing he’d picked up watching his father as a boy and only dabbled in now when he had a few moments. She had no idea it meant so much to him. “Why aren’t you in the Guard?”

He scoffed. “I can’t leave Mama and Rai.”

“But you wouldn’t be gone for long if you enlist.” Only those seeking to be commissioned as officers required four years at one of the military training academies in the counties. They had no guarantees that they’d be posted near home once they graduated. Enlistees, on the other hand, could be gone and back in a few months. Kem had to know this. His father had been a First Marshal and had to have at least mentioned the process to him.

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t go either way.” He hurried ahead, and Taryn gathered she was not the only one who hid behind a wall of secrets. “We’re losing the light.”

Dark shadows stretched over the stone windows of the washroom, crossed the door at the rear of the house and rounded the corner of Kem’s room behind the kitchen. He gave no commentary as they passed them since she was already familiar with them. It was the only part of the home she’d been concerned with at her last visit.

“Why’d it take you so long, anyway?” he asked her.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s twenty minutes between here and the bakery. I know you didn’t get lost. Where’d you go?”

“I also needed to hit something.”

“And did you?”

The expectation in his eyes cast such a weight on her that she was afraid disappointing it would crush him. Because it weighed on him too, she saw. The urge to avenge what he’d failed to protect. “Right now, Rai doesn’t need rescuing,” she answered carefully. “She doesn’t want me gone somewhere punching strangers. She wants me here – being a friend. That’s what matters right now.”

Kem sighed at that; hope deferred was better than dead.

Their next stop was at a small herb garden on the western side of the home. Wooden planks separated each green into square plots, arranged in a neat grid.

“I don’t know everything planted in here but Rai thought you might,” Kem said.

Taryn shook her head. “I might recognize the flavors but I’m more familiar with flowering plants; not herbs. Is this the kitchen?” There was a small wooden door and a stretch of decorative openings in the wall behind the garden. Taryn could smell vegetables stewing in gravy and her hunger was overpowering her urge to rage. “I didn’t see a door leading out.”

“It’ll take you through the pantry first, then the kitchen. It should be locked, though.” He tried the handle. “We’ll just go around. This was the last stop, anyways. Rai might forgive you but I’ll catch a pin if we go in there.”

They walked slowly towards the front of the house, their shadows turning to stretch across the lawn before them. Taryn wasn’t sure which one of them shortened their stride first but neither of them seemed to be in a hurry to end the tour. The two of them, walking alone while the sun crept below the horizon; it was like the last month hadn’t happened. Like she was sure of her future and her biggest challenge in life was finding reasons to keep her hand in his.

“So history, fine woodwork, and flowers,” he said. “That’s an unusual combination of interests.”

“You should see my collection of gowns,” Taryn said. “They’re all light fabrics and bold colors with skirts that are perfect for twirling.”

“Was that an invitation?” he asked.

They both knew that it wasn’t.

“Maybe,” she said. Because she knew that it could be.

The blueback patrol stood at the street-end of the walkway. They offered the pair curt nods and were acknowledged with the same.

Inside, they found Galen shoving pillows into a basket.

“You’re back already?” he scoffed. “Gods, Kemmy, I know she isn’t the most agreeable of women but if you can’t keep Taryn entertained for more than a few minutes, I fear for the Kebar name.”

“We went around the whole house,” Kem said. “There isn’t much to see.”

Rai poked her head into the hall. “You didn’t even go upstairs.”

“It’s just bedrooms up there,” Kem said. “You’re not missing anything,” he added quietly to Taryn.

“Show her!” Rai said.

He growled back at her and stomped up the stairs. When Rai gave Taryn a pointed look and motioned for her to follow, Taryn began to piece together what was happening. She thought about resisting but remembered that Rai controlled the food. Taryn’s rage had already caused her to miss a meal and it had burned through everything she’d eaten at the palace that morning. So she followed Kem up the stairs.

“Make sure you come back down straight away,” Mama Kebar called.

Kem waited for her with a nervous smile. “I’m sorry about all of this. I suspect Rai is only trying to keep us alone.”

“Yes, I noticed,” Taryn said. “It’s fine. If she’s plotting a scheme then she isn’t thinking about… other things. We’ll just stay up here long enough to keep her satisfied.”

“Right,” he said. “If she thinks this is working, she’ll be happy.”

“Exactly.”

“In that case: this is the banister.” He ran his hands over the smooth handrail. “From here you can observe the local buffoon in its domesticated form.”

Below, Galen let out an exasperated breath. He stood with one hand on his hip, the other scratching his forehead. Two baskets lay open before him. One was filled with a steaming kettle of mulled cider, four mugs, some plates and spoons piled atop napkins. The other housed three pillows. He still had a fourth pillow in need of packing, and a stack of blankets beside.

“In a moment, you’ll witness the four-step process it’s developed to solve simple problems,” Kem whispered. “Step one: he will try and fail to force the pillow to fit. Step two: he will –”

“Do we need four pillows?” Galen asked in a loud voice.

“He’ll request further instructions,” Kemen said. “I guess we missed step one.”

“Of course!” Rai said.

Galen shook his hands at the basket and turned his head up to deliver a noiseless scream to the ceiling. Mouth wide open, he froze when he saw Taryn and Kem, smiling down at him. Then he picked up the pillow to hurl at them.

Kem wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him as he backed away from the railing. It wasn’t needed. The pillow hit the bars of the banister and fell back into the sitting room. But Taryn found that she didn’t mind being all wrapped up in arms.

“And that’s our cue to move on.” Kem released her, and Taryn told herself to let him. “He’s more amusing when he doesn’t know he’s being watched.”

“What about the other steps?” she asked once she recovered her better sense.

“Um, well for step three he’ll just go back to step one. Step four is when Rai comes out to do it herself. Or, in this case, I guess she’ll tell him exactly how she wants it done.” He motioned to the door above the dining room. “That’s Rai’s room, by the way.” He walked along the hall and pointed to another set of glass paneled doors covered in curtains. “The balcony that overlooks the patio – also useful for watching the sun rise over the city. And across the hall: Mother’s room.”

“Slow down,” Taryn said. “We’re supposed to be taking our time.”

“Yeah, well, the sun doesn’t rise for another twelve hours and the weeds are so overgrown you can’t see the patio. We don’t go into Mother’s room and I’m sure Rai will want to take you through her room herself.” He turned away from her and opened the door at the left end of the hall. “This is what she really wanted you to see.”

Taryn stepped into what looked like a simple bedroom. There was a bed in the center, a dresser by the door and a desk in the corner under a window. The blankets and sheets that dressed the bed were mismatched, as were the cases that housed the two pillows. They were of different fabrics, stitched into different patterns. And different shades of green. Taryn’s favorite color.

There were two books on the desk. ‘Prophets & Kings: The Secret History of Lorria City’ made Taryn wonder what she didn’t already know about the mother of the Lorric faiths and this great city that bore her name. She thumbed through ‘The Fifth Book of Floral Wood-Carving Patterns’ and found sweeping patters she’d never tried before, intricate decorations she’d never even thought possible. “What is all this?”

“This was my room until I moved downstairs. To be closer to the yard,” he explained. “Mother always kept it as a guest room but Rai started filling it with stuff for you a few months ago.”

“When I started staying later.”

He nodded. “We figured something had gone wrong for you at home. We thought you might need a safe place. But you never mentioned anything and I guess its all worked out now. It’s all still here. If you ever need it.”

Three colorful bricks rested atop three plush towels folded atop the dresser; one purple, one green, one tan. Taryn picked up the pale purple one and held it up to her nose. The fresh scent of lavender, mixed with a scent she’d recently grown familiar with while washing dishes at the bakery.

“That’s lavender, cucumber and… shee butter?” he finished uncertainly.

“Shae butter,” Taryn said.

“Yes! That’s what they called it at the apothecary. I’m glad you recognize it. I had to sniff through dozens of bars before I found the right ones.”

“The right ones?” Taryn couldn’t even remember mentioning any fragrances, let alone her favorites. It wasn’t something that came up in conversations at the bakery. “You… remembered my favorite scents?”

“No! I – We just… smelled… everything until something reminded us of you. I mean, if you catch the same… few fragrances all the time, at some point they just… become familiar. Did you know there are nearly a hundred different scents – for soap!? And you can mix them together to make completely new scents. It’s in–”

Taryn hugged him. Closed her eyes and breathed the cheap, floral scent of him. Squeezed tight and memorized the strong, steady beat of him.

“–credible,” he finished softly. Then he held her; with both hands to still the trembling back of her.

Taryn thought of all her secrets, delivered into the hands of people who cared more about finding ways to hurt her than they did about learning things that made her smile. She’d placed all of her trust in people who rarely made time for her in their lives. Instead of here; with him, with them. People who treasured every piece she gave them of herself, no matter how small. She didn’t deserve this kindness. She didn’t deserve them. And they deserved so much more than what she could give.

Taryn peeled herself away.

“Please,” he said. “Don’t–”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“I only meant to thank you,” she said, and wiped a tear from her face. “For all of this.”

“You’re welcome.” He brushed his thumb across her cheek. “You’re always welcomed.”

He wiped the moisture from her face then his knuckles traced the line of her jaw. His hand settled at the crook of her neck and she grabbed his wrist. She didn’t push it away, only held it there until she could remember why she thought she had to. Then his hand was on her waist, stirring heat in her core, and she stepped closer. Then the full length of him pressed against the full length of her and there wasn’t a single breath of hers that wasn’t mingled with his.

They had never been this close before and there wasn’t a single part of her that didn’t yearn for more of him.

And that included her secarin.

“No!” Taryn broke away and Kem let out a frustrated groan.

She watched in panic as the bars of soap and towels behind him fell free of her power. They landed with a muffled thud near the edge of the dresser. She took a step back and searched the room for any other signs of movement. The pillows had made their way to the center of the bed and the books teetered dangerously over the edge of the desk. Kem hadn’t noticed any of it.

Taryn let out a long, bracing breath, grateful for the small mercy. If he had seen and known her for what she was, Taryn hated to think what might have happened. She took another step back, putting the width of the bed between them. “I can’t do this.”

“Why do you keep doing this? Why do you act like you don’t feel this, too?”

“Just because you feel a thing doesn’t mean you have to act on it.”

“Is that what happened to us?” he asked. “You walked away and told me that we should just be friends. Was that truly how you felt, or something you didn’t really want?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, what did you mean? Because you say one thing then you do another and I don’t know what’s true. A month ago, I was having the best summer of my life. I thought you were too. Then, all of a sudden it was over and you won’t tell me why. You won’t tell me anything! Was that the truth, and the end something you didn’t want? Or was the end the only real thing?”

A month ago they’d been able to laugh together; to walk together and plan adventures outside of the bakery together. She wanted it back. She wanted more moments when he’d stand so close that he enveloped all of her senses. She wanted to know what was on the other side of them. But she couldn’t give him any more. “I do want to be your friend.”

“Friends don’t sneak into my bedroom at night and cry themselves to sleep in my arms. They don’t disappear in the morning and never talk about it. Friends don’t lie.”

“I’ve never lied to you,” Taryn said.

“Every time you ever smiled at the sound of my name on your lips, you lied to me. Every time you reached for my hand, every treat you ever saved for me, every trick you ever played on me. Every day you stood across from me with a waster in your hand, you were lying to me!”

They weren’t all lies. Taryn couldn’t help smiling when she said his name – he always knew how to make her laugh. She only reached for his hand when she wanted him to stay close; gave little gifts because she had to hold so much of herself back. And he’d laughed at her tricks, even as he thwarted most of them. And she never wanted to hurt him. That was why she’d pretended when they sparred. It wasn’t for the sport; she had mannequins and Infantrymen for that. She liked the way his face lit up when he discovered a cut or sequence she’d long since mastered; the absurd names he gave to centuries-old techniques. He enjoyed it and she thought he might have quit if he knew he was the blind kitten in her eyes. “I’m sorry I misled you.”

“You know what’s better than an apology?” he asked. “The truth.”

Taryn opened her mouth to respond but she had nothing to say against that. It was the same argument she’d been making to Vares for seven years. Nothing he ever told her seemed to justify it in her mind and if she tried to refute Kem now, she’d only be giving him more lies.

“I’ll start,” he said. “I hate this. I hate this… thing between us. I don’t even know what it is. I hate the way we’ve become with each other.” He stepped into the gap between them, cutting the space in half.

She hated it too; all the secrets, all the half-truths, all the wanting things she could never have.

“I miss you.” He reached for her hand and she let him take it. He tugged, gently asking her to cross the other half but she wouldn’t budge. She wouldn’t make that mistake again. “You’re all I ever think about. The way your skin seems to radiate in the sunlight. The silly chirping noise you make when you laugh. All the things I wanted with you. All the things I still want. I don’t understand why I can’t have any of it.”

All because of some stupid rules she’d agreed to keep when she was nine years old and didn’t know any better. Because the LAAMP would have given anything to have Dr. Seir’s Genesis serum and the King would do anything to keep it. Because the world hated what she was and it would have buried her if one dedicated scientist hadn’t promised to protect her freedom.

“Why can’t we have this?” he asked softly.

But Taryn wasn’t free. She wasn’t free to leave the palace without sacrificing a part of herself. She wasn’t free to leave the city without an armed band of soldiers following to drag her back. The minds who cried out for her to help them, the minds she rescued them from; they were more free than she. Free to make their own choices. Free to change their minds and follow different paths. Taryn wasn’t. And she wasn’t free to tell him any of this.

“There is nothing to have,” she said.

She watched her words sink into his mind, cold and unfeeling. They moved across his face like a wave, swallowing all the hope and leaving nothing but hurt in their wake. This time, he was the one who pulled away. And it took everything she had not to take it back, to trade the terrible lie for the truth.

Taryn steeled herself. “You need to accept that and focus your affections elsewhere.”

“I don’t want anyone else.”

“Then, I’m sorry. But I’m here for Rai. Not for you; not any of this. If we can’t be friends, please, just leave me alone.” Taryn hurried out of the room before her facade failed.

At the bottom of the stairs, she found Rai snuggled up against Galen on the couch, smiling and together and free. And Taryn ran out of places to escape to.

“Taryn!” Rai said. “Oh, no.”

“Are you… crying?” Galen asked. “Gods, Kem what the hells did you do to her?”

Kem charged down the stairs after her and Taryn turned from the sight of him. Still, she could feel him there; hear his desperate breaths caught between the things he wanted to say. Things that could unravel her. In her mind, she begged him not to say her name, not to reach for her again and destroy her resolve. This was the second time now that she had crushed both of their hearts and she couldn’t stomach the idea of a third.

Kem finally gave up.

As his steps against the polished floor took him away from her, Taryn reminded herself that it was better this way. He would work out his frustrations against his swinging sand bags and she would recover.

But it didn’t feel better. Every step away felt like death; every dull thud an unanswered knock on the door of her heart. And when the door slammed behind him, the wave of hurt Taryn had been holding back rolled free. This wasn’t a rage that boiled her blood and sent her surroundings into turmoil. Nor was it like the longing that spread heat from her core and quietly drew everything towards her. This was an ache in her chest, violent and miserable and she didn’t know what it would do.

So Taryn gathered up all her desires to collapse into a heap of misery and moan and wail and she let them roll. Away from the reach of her power that ached like a cavern in her chest; for one breath, then two, and three. Then she swallowed them back. She closed the door on them and it didn’t feel better, but she knew the alternative would be worse.

“What just happened?” Rai had managed to make her way to where Taryn stood, to take Taryn’s cold hands into her own and stopped them shaking.

“Noth-” Taryn stopped the clear the croak from her throat. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. I just saw it. It was… all over your face and now its gone.”

“Yes. It’s over now.”

“No, Taryn, you’ve buried it. That’s not healthy. Something is wrong. You’re hurting. You need to let yourself feel it.”

“No!” She didn’t have the experience to know what her sorrow would do. Silencing it was the only way she knew to control it; to protect her secret and possibly the people she cared for. “I can’t.”

“What does that mean? Why not?” Rai asked.

“Please, Rai can we just…” Taryn forced a smile onto her face.

Rai pulled Taryn into a hug. Her battered arm remained an awkward barrier between them but she tightened her grip and Taryn’s false joy fractured. Not by much. Not enough to stir the ache; only enough to allow this kindness in to soothe it.

“Come.” Rai took Taryn’s hand and led her to the couch. She pulled the napkin back from one of the baskets and took out a chocolate cupcake. “You need to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“If you don’t want to eat, all that’s left to do is talk.”

The cupcake was still warm, with a rich chocolate aroma and a moist, spongy texture. It hit the pit of Taryn’s stomach and it might as well have been sand. Taryn didn’t feel better, but Rai was pleased and the yawning cavern of her empty stomach cried out for more. So she ate cupcakes, and she even laughed a few times while Galen told riddles for her and Rai to solve.

Four cupcakes and six riddles later, Mama Kebar announced that the chicken pies were all baked and cooled enough not to burn. Galen carried an empty basket in to collect them. Rai had Taryn stack the pillows onto an open blanket and tie them into a sack. And a familiar dread began to settle in Taryn’s mind.

It was obvious the pillows and blankets were for an outdoor picnic. What if she saw Kem out there, working out the anger and frustration she’d caused? What if her feelings stirred again? Would she have the will to force them down again? What if he made a final bid and she said something foolish? What if he didn’t and she got angry and frustrated herself and did something reckless?

She could see him now, his flame bobbing through his yard of obstacles while one of the soldiers watched. The other remained at the front of the house, walking the length of the yard back and forth, slowing to watch any passers by.

Until a pair actually breached the property and Taryn watched them, alert for trouble.

Then the soldier’s flame moved towards the house, running along the side to join its partner in the rear. A moment later, all three flames were running to the front and Taryn wondered what had happened.

“I’ve got food.” Galen took careful steps, arms straining to keep the basket steady as he held it’s heat away from his body. “Are you two ready to head out?”

“Yes.” Rai allowed Taryn to help her to her feet. “The only question is whether Kem is joining us or not. Would you be okay with that?”

Taryn was saved from answering when Kem walked in the front door. His eyes locked with hers for a brief moment, then he set his jaw and stepped aside to allow the two patrolling bluebacks entry, followed by Elarus and Sadie.

The disloyal duo were not dressed as commoners. They’d donned their patrol uniforms, blue shields strapped to their backs and swords resting at their hips. The silver patch sown onto the the Sadie’s shoulder identified her as a Captain in the City Guard, responsible for maintaining peace in a portion of Pine Keep. And Elarus was her First Marshal, responsible for helping her manage the bluebacks under her command.

“We’re sorry to disturb your evening,” the male blueback said. “But this is Captain Sayers of Pine Keep’s B Company, and First Marshal Duall. They have some news.”

“The disloyal dou?” Rai asked before she could remember her manners. “I’m sorry. I like to give the customers nicknames, sometimes. You two always seemed… Please, forgive me. I didn’t realize who you were.”

“The fault is our own,” Captain Sayers said. “Our presence was part of a covert operation we were not at liberty to divulge. Please forgive our deception.”

Taryn didn’t miss the subtle side glance the Captain cast her way. It made her think that Taryn had been the subject of their covert operation. But that didn’t make sense. She couldn’t think of anything she’d done to win the attention of the City Guard – much less the personal attention of a Company Commander and her First Marshal. A week ago, sure. But this disloyal duo had been lingering at the bakery for months.

“No forgiveness is necessary,” Mama Kebar said. “I know how these things can get.”

“Please accept my condolences. I had the privilege of serving with First Marshal Kebar several years ago. I was one of two executive officers under Captain Reil over in North Fold. Your husband taught me as much about leadership as any officer. The organization was rocked by his passing.”

“I remember Barson,” Mama Kebar nodded. “But isn’t it unusual for a company to have two executive officers?”

“It is,” Captain Sayers said. “But we were responsible for managing all the activities and personnel stationed throughout the entire city. We needed the extra minds.”

“We really don’t mean to take up too much of your time, Mrs. Kebar,” First Marshal Duall injected. “But we have some news concerning your daughter’s attack we thought might be best delivered in person.”

“They think they’ve found the men responsible,” Kem said.

“Not exactly,” Captain Sayers chided him.

“Perhaps you should all be seated,” First Marshal Duall said.

Galen sank into a chair. Rai took a tight grip on her mother, who maintained a tight grip on her. They sat on the couch together. Taryn and Kem remained standing. Compared to the rest of the day’s disasters, the news could not be that bad. Taryn still tracked the seven flames she’d identified earlier. They were still scattered all over Pine Keep so they hadn’t been captured yet.

“Within the hour of 12:30 and 1:30 this afternoon,” Captain Sayers began, “many citizens across the span of Pine Keep had fallen prey to unprovoked, violent assaults.”

“What?” Galen asked. “That can’t be normal, can it?”

“You mean, I wasn’t the only one?” Rai asked.

Taryn’s heart filled with dread as her mind worked. A single group of five or six could not cover the stretch of Pine Keep in an hour while stopping to attack its citizens at random. There had to be multiple groups. All in one day. All at the same time. That wasn’t normal.

The Captain shook her head. “Our headquarters received notice about an hour ago that a group of young men calling themselves the Princes of the Fall –”

No.

“– have laid claim to Pine Keep on behalf of their… father…”

No!

“…the King of the Lane.”

Taryn’s knees buckled. They slammed into the hard wood as she absorbed the Captain’s words. It was the very thing she’d feared. She was unable to monitor the King of the Lane’s activities and now his reach had expanded beyond the border of Larisport. And not just anywhere, but here. To Pine Keep. To her friends.

Why?

“Finally,” Galen said as one of the soldiers helped Taryn into a seat. “An appropriate reaction.”

“He must have gotten bored with Larisport. Now he’s making a play for the rest of the city,” Kem said. “Do you know if similar gangs have surfaced in the other sectors?”

“We’d considered that,” Captain Sayers said. “So far, its only happening in Pine Keep.”

He couldn’t know, Taryn assured herself. Could he?

“We’re aware of 32 attacks that can be attributed to them,” First Marshal Duall said. “Several more were pouring in as we headed out. We will be sure to keep you informed as we learn more.”

“As far as how we’ll be moving forward,” Captain Sayers said, “let me assure you that Pine Keep is not Larisport. The soldiers posted here will not be coerced against their oaths. The officers who lead them will not be bullied into giving any concessions. We will find this gang and we will stop them.”

No, they wouldn’t. Because the King of the Lane didn’t make a move unless he was assured of victory. Taryn thought back to her own encounter with Faulii and Drell. Had that been a part of it? It was well within the time frame.

No, that had been a recruiting mission. If they’d wanted to hurt her, they would have sent more than two guys. Still, that didn’t mean the two events weren’t connected. Faulii and Drell could have been sent at the same time as Kol’s castoff army to distract her, to keep her from interfering with what was happening in Pine Keep.

But Kol didn’t know who she was. He didn’t know that the Perversity of Pine Keep was also the mutant he’d been hunting for all these years. He had no reason to think she might have interfered.

What if he did?

That was impossible. Her actions at Soren manor may have garnered her a reputation as a lawless brute, but nothing suggested mutant power. Taryn was careful. She rarely used her power outside of the palace. When she did, no one ever saw her. No one outside of her immunity agreement knew that the the golden-eyed girl connected to a bakery on the Prince’s Fall was also a mutant.

But what if Kol did?

“We’ve arranged a relief for you,” the First Marshal told the soldiers. “Marshals Wane and Place should be here within the hour. Make sure its a smooth change-off.”

“Yes, First Marshal,” they said.

“No,” Rai said. “We don’t need a guard.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Kem said. “You just heard what they said. Kol is trying to make this into Larisport. We need the guard.”

“I hate to say it, but he’s right,” Galen said. “You’ll be safer with a guard.”

“Its the city that they want,” Rai said. “That’s why they attacked me. I am a part of this city. I’m not the only one in danger. We all are. So is everyone out there. We need more guards patrolling the streets, not babysitting me.”

“Are you sure?” the First Marshal asked.

Rai nodded. “I’ve got Kem and Gale and Mama to look after me. We’ll protect each other.”

“Very well then. If there are no other objections–” he spared a glance at his Commander, who inclined her head, “–you two are relieved for the night. I’ll notify Wane and Place of the change and we’ll have the local patrols stop by sometime during their rounds.”

“Sounds good, First Marshal.”

The bluebacks bid them all an enjoyable evening and took their leave, gratefully receiving Rai’s thanks and a pair of chicken pies.

Mama Kebar settled herself in the sitting room and Kem led the charge for the rest of them to follow him outside.

“Are you okay?” Rai asked quietly as she leaned on Taryn’s arm. “I’ve never seen you so rattled before.”

Of course, Taryn was rattled. This whole day had been one bit of bad news after another. No part of her life felt safe and she didn’t know if she’d be able to turn them all around, if any.

“Well, I’m here,” Rai said. “If you ever want to talk about it. Until then, hopefully this will make you feel… maybe not better, but at least less troubled.”

They followed the boys past the kitchen and out the back door.

“We’re not going out to the patio?” Taryn asked.

Rai shook her head. “You can’t see the stars from there.”

Outside, the sun had fully set. By the time Taryn and Rai crossed into the cool evening, Galen and Kem were already carrying the baskets and pillows up a narrow, moonlit stairway built into the rear of the building.

“Has this always been here?” Taryn asked.

“Of course,” Rai said. “What did Kem show you on your tour?”

“We were a bit preoccupied with this training yard,” Taryn admitted. It looked particularly gruesome in the dark, shadows creaking in the wind.

“Ugh, isn’t it… the worst? I keep… telling him… to take it down. But no. He keeps… changing it… adding to it.” Rai spoke between wincing breaths as she forced her battered leg to hoist her up.

Taryn cringed along with her, following close behind with both hands ready to catch her if she fell. “I don’t know,” she said when they reached a landing halfway up. “I kind of like it.”

“Of course you would.” Rai paused to catch her breath. “You’re part monkey, too.”

“You don’t have to do all this for my sake,” Taryn offered.

Rai waved the thought away and reached for Taryn to help her the rest of the way. The two of them squeezed onto the narrow stairway and Taryn half-carried, half-dragged Rai onto the roof. Kem and Galen had already emptied their baskets. The blankets were piled into a thick bed in front of a large truck. The kettle of mulled cider rested on a tray at the center, next to a a second tray where the chicken pies were stacked into a pyramid. They’d even arranged and lit some candles, resting some on the floor, others on short stands drawn out of the trunk.

“You must come up here often,” Taryn said. Kem and Galen rarely worked well together. For them to have accomplished all of this in so little time, they must have had plenty of practice.

“A couple of times a week,” Rai said.

“We used to have to bring all this up and down every time,” Galen said. “Then Kem figured it was better to leave it all up here so he made this to store it all.” He kicked the side of the trunk. “Its not the best workmanship, but it gets the job done.”

“Well, it all looks very nice,” Taryn said. “Cozy.”

“Is this really the first time you’ve been over?” Galen looked between her and Kem. “It’s hard to believe you’ve never been invited before.”

Taryn remembered all the invitations. The rejections.

She let Rai down onto the blanket bed. Rai tucked one pillow under her arm and propped her leg up on another two. Galen brought her two of the small pies on a platter and sat behind her. She leaned into him and sighed, long and deep. He kissed her forehead, soft and sweet.

“Sit,” Rai told her, patting the space next to her.

Taryn placed two pies on a plate, grabbed a spoon and complied. When Rai laid back to look up at the stars, Taryn set her plate aside and followed suit.

“This was Papa’s favorite place to be,” Rai said. “He used to carry us up here and teach us how to find the gods in the stars.” She took Taryn’s hand and traced the shapes in the stars; a long line with a cross near the end; a massive swath that crossed back over itself. “That’s the Master’s Sword and Shield, he would say. And, ‘All the stars inside of them are the souls of those chosen for his Academy.’ I used to come up here to wait for him when he worked late. I would pray that another little star wouldn’t form. I was always the first one to see him come home.

“After he died, I was terrified to come up here. I was terrified I would look up and see his star in the Master’s Academy. I didn’t want it to be real.”

Rai sat up and wiped a tear from her cheek. The bruise that covered that side of her face was still tender, so she dabbed at the moisture with her sleeve. “Then one day I was angry with Kem. I don’t remember why. It was three years ago.”

“We were home sick together,” Kem said.

“Right,” Rai said. “You’d eaten – no, you spilled an entire pot of the stew Mama had left for us. The smell was so nauseating that I couldn’t stop throwing up.”

“You didn’t have to clean it,” Kem said.

“You weren’t going to!” Rai snapped. “Anyways, I went out for air. I don’t know why I came up here that first night, but I did. I only had the one blanket but it was quiet and cool.”

“Maybe for you,” Kem said. “We couldn’t find her. I wandered the street for hours looking for her. Mama was so mad at me, she wouldn’t stop screaming.”

“I’d fallen asleep,” Rai explained. “Their yelling woke me. I opened my eyes and someone was there, a dark silhouette against a field of stars. It was the Master.”

“The Master?” Taryn wanted to believe it. How sweet it would be to believe that her own parents were up in the stars. That they existed in one of the Houses of heaven. That she could see them when she looked into the night sky.

“The Caeltar Knight that’s dressed as the Master,” Kem explained. “Or so she says.”

“Oh.”

“It was him,” Rai insisted. “His face mask was a shining star and he had a shield and sword for hands. I know it wasn’t really Papa. I know it wasn’t the real Master. But it was a sign that he is there. And he is watching. Since then, I’ve never felt safer than when I’m under the stars.”

“He never came back,” Kem said. “We spent weeks out here, waiting for him to come back but he never did. Papa didn’t send him. He was just a fraud in a fancy suit of armor.”

Still, it was a fun fantasy to believe in. If it gave them the excuse to sit over the city, with friends all around and a tapestry of starlight above, Taryn was grateful for it. “Did you ever see it again?”

“No,” Rai said. “But Galen has.”

“Not out there,” Galen said. “But I think I saw one fly overhead one night.”

“These… people are not mystical,” Kem said. “They don’t have any special power. They certainly can’t fly.”

“I know what I saw,” Galen said. “It was midnight. The light of the full moon was nearly swallowed up by clouds.”

Rai laughed. “Last time you told it, it was raining at twilight.”

“Each telling has to be tailored to the audience,” Galen said. “Taryn will never believe that Kolmen were out marauding in the rain.”

“Wait,” Taryn said. “You’ve encountered Kolmen before? Here, in Pine Keep?” The activities of Kol and his thugs were always limited to Larisport, especially since Taryn started her night watches. It was an unspoken understanding she’d established with Kol back when she’d first set her mind against him. She never touched his thugs when they reigned their terror in Larisport, but as soon as they set foot in a another sector of the city, they ended up in a cell. Granted, her immunity had been amended to forbid her from crossing minds with any of his followers regardless of locale, but he didn’t know that. Now, even in that, he’d found a way to win out against her efforts.

“No! Of course not,” Galen said. “You seemed deeply concerned to hear about Kol’s connection to all of this. I thought it might ease your mind to hear about the Caelter Knights defeating them. They’ll never let the poison of Larisport spread.”

Kem scoffed. “Those frauds won’t stop this.”

“They will,” Galen said. “They’re the entire reason Kol’s been confined to Larisport all these years. He’s afraid to go against them.”

“The Caeltar Knights come out at night,” Kem said. “These bastards attack at midday. They can’t help us.”

Taryn nodded. That would explain the bold, daytime attacks. She would have to look over her immunity agreement when she returned to the palace, find out if she were forbidden from engaging Kol and his followers, or if Vares had specified his Kolmen. Taryn planned on routing them regardless. But she liked to prepare the arguments she’d make when Vares found out.

If he still cared.

“What about you?” Rai asked her. “Have you ever seen a Caeltar Knight?”

Taryn shoved a spoonful of chicken and gravy into her mouth and pretended to think. She’d seen more of the so-called Caeltar Knights than anyone else in the city, rarely through her own eyes. But that was too much truth for her friends. “Once,” she recalled, “I saw one stop a thief.”

“Where?” Rai asked. “And which one was it?”

“Honestly, I can’t remember,” Taryn said. “It was before they started wearing specialized armor so it was just a shadowy figure in padded training gear. It had a wooden broadsword, though. Very well made. It think it was mahogany.”

“Leave it to you to focus on the mundane details,” Galen said.

“You must have been very well hidden,” Rai said. “Before they could hide themselves in armor they never stayed anywhere long enough to be seen. How tall was he? I know the Master is the shortest of them all. He comes up to my shoulders. The Scholar and Prince are about Galen’s height but the Scholar is heavier, like Kem. Did yours seem like any of those?”

“You’ve really studied this, haven’t you?”

“Everyone who’s ever seen a Caeltar Knight has only described one of four: the Master, the Prince, the Scholar and the Saint; never the King. So most people choose not to believe in them because if there are five gods and there are five sectors of the city, then there should be five Caeltar Knights,” Rai said. “I know you think it’s all silly but I believe the Caeltar Knights exist because of the city’s faith in the King and his power. If we allow our faith to die out, we’ll lose them.”

“It’s not silly.” It was Purist dogma, sure. But Taryn had once believed that a King could do the impossible; that he could possess a supernatural power necessary to ensure the safety of his people. She hadn’t thought herself silly for it; only naive. She knew enough now to know better but she didn’t have the heart to tell Rai that Kem was right.

The Caletar Knights were not immortal beings armed with an ancient Lothor power. They were frauds and tricksters, who’d actually grown several inches since Rai had first seen them three years ago. Taryn believed in the work that they did but the legend the city had built around them was dangerous. If she wasn’t certain the people would descend into a terrified hysteria – or worse: what the LAAMP would do to her – she’d put an end to them. “I don’t remember much more about the one I saw. I’m sorry.”

The four of them stayed under the stars for the next couple of hours. Kem drew a lute from the trunk and his untrained fingers worked a discordant melody from the strings. Taryn found some cards in the truck and beat them all. Galen told them the story of an epic love affair between two stars, and Kem kept injecting ridiculous scenarios to divert the story. Taryn and Rai helped Galen think around the digressions and find a path back to its intended conclusion.

It was foolish, incoherent and such a satisfying end to her day. Taryn began to believe it wasn’t such a bad thing that her dinners with the King had been suspended indefinitely.

At the end of the night, when the cider cooled and the blankets offered little warmth, Kem began putting the candles out, and he and Galen packed everything back into the baskets and the trunk.

Rai wrapped the last two pies into a napkin and placed it in Taryn’s hands. “For the road,” she said.

“What do you mean?” Taryn asked.

“I’ve enjoyed having you here and I do hope you’ll consider coming back. But its getting late. You should go.”

“Do you want me to go?”

Rai hesitated. “I know you have to.”

“Rai, is that what you want?”

Slowly, Rai shook her head.

“Then I’m staying.”

“You’re sure?” Rai asked. “You won’t get into trouble?”

Taryn shrugged. “You’re worth a scolding, or two.”

“Thank you.” Rai gave her another one armed hug. When she pulled away, she was laughing and crying.

As they made their way back into the house, Taryn set her mind on the flames at the palace. The LAAMP Administrators had all gone home for the night. The kitchen fires were cooled and Wendar was settling into bed.

No one at the palace worried that she hadn’t come home.

* * * * *

Mama Kebar explained the rules they were to follow if they wanted to spend the night;rules to keep them quiet, sober, indoors and chaste. After she made each of them agree to obey and recite all the rules, she kissed them all goodnight, and gave Rai an extra long hug.

The group stoked the fire and rearranged the furniture in order to rebuild the blanket bed in the sitting room. One by one, they drifted to sleep in a tangled pile of hair and limbs.

Taryn kept a vigil from Rai’s reading nook, watching over her friends, watching over the city. Kol’s castoff army didn’t arouse any beacons but she found some satisfaction in thwarting a few opportunistic marauders and professional thieves.

‘He should be safe there,’ she Echoed to Commander Kura.

He’d just delivered Drell into the custody of one of the few physicians in Larisport who’d been fortunate enough to remain untouched by Kol’s empire. ‘Thank you.’

“I hope so,” he answered into the night. “And what of you? How are you holding up in all this?”

‘In all what?’ she Echoed.

“I heard about Pine Keep’s cockroach infestation.”

Taryn watched him untie and mount his horse. He surveyed the street before he cantered away. ‘Why should that bother me?’

“You’ll never overtly reveal anything,” he said. “But I am a trained investigator and you like to talk. You’ve identified the city Guard as bluebacks on more than one occasion. I think its a safe bet that you lay your head in Pine Keep.”

Taryn wondered at that. When she Shadowed a mind, she could see the color of the uniform. But if she just tracked mental flames… She understood how she could have made the slip. She thought about deflecting, but then who else could she talk to about this?

‘They got a friend of mine,’ she Echoed.

“Last I heard, it was upwards of 50 separate attacks,” he said. “Always in groups so we’re looking at a hundred roaches, minimum. Let me know if you need help exterminating them.”

Taryn smiled at the offer, despite the gross imagery. ‘You don’t have jurisdiction here, let alone against middlings.’

“Well, I heard that a mutant was running around Pine Keep making mincemeat out of ignoble young men. Our blue brothers aren’t exactly famous for their ability to handle mutants right now so I’d think my interference won’t be a problem.”

‘Thank you for the offer. But I’ll manage.’ The Black Knights protected their secrets by operating in secret. The Caelter Knights were the same. Kol’s castoff army operated in the full light of day and Taryn had decided to humiliate them where they felt safe. She was comfortable violating her immunity for it but she could not condone compromising the safety of Black Knights across the kingdom.

One of the minds behind her stirred.

‘I have to go.’ Taryn swept her gaze across the lawn, pretending to look for trouble.

Rai dropped down next her, squinting in the fading orange light. “Tell me what’s wrong,” she demanded.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Taryn said.

“I can see that. Why can’t you sleep?” Rai asked. “And don’t say its nothing because I know its not.”

“I’d rather not burden you,” Taryn said. “Go back to sleep.”

“No.” Rai rubbed her eyes clear. “Now you have to tell me. It’s another rule for spending the night here: If you’re not sleeping, you must explain why. You promised to obey all the rules.”

“You just made that up.”

“Of course I did. This is my house and you stayed for me, so I make up the rules.” Rai leaned in to nudged Taryn with her shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Taryn asked.

“Bad dreams,” Rai admitted quietly. “Every time I close my eyes it’s…”

“I’m so sorry,” Taryn said. “I should have been there. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop this happening to you.”

“If you’re going to keep starving yourself and losing sleep because you think this was your fault, I think I might get annoyed.”

But it was Taryn’s fault. Rai had been at Soren Manor with her. If Taryn had come under attack because of it, she should have expected Rai to suffer the same. She should have been watching her, then she could have prevented this. She could have avoided taking the fun route with Faulii and Drell. She could have avoided engaging Mr. Baral in the first place. Then she would have been the one out making deliveries while Rai stayed safe at the bakery.

“Maybe if you’d been there, I would not have gone out,” Rai said. “But they would have found someone else. With the city under attack, no one is safe. Everyone is a target. That’s not your fault. Kol is the one responsible for all this. He is the one who chose Pine Keep. He thought we were weak–”

“Because of me!” Taryn said. “I’m the one who helped Denan escape. I’m the one who attacked the King’s Infantry. I’m the reason anyone thinks this city’s defenders are incapable. The King of the Lane sent his minions here because of what I did. You were hurt because of what I did.”

“Tell me this, then: Did you think, at any of those times, that you were doing the wrong thing? Did you believe that it was wrong to help Denan or that it was wrong to defend me?”

“No,” Taryn said. “Of course not.”

“Then you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s too much to take on the responsibility of all of the possible consequence for every possible action; that’s for the gods. You did what you thought was right with the information you had. That’s all anyone can expect from you. That’s all I expect from you. And I don’t blame you for this. I’m not upset with you about anything that’s happened. If anything, I’m grateful for the chance to spend this time with you. Thank you, for being here.”

“This isn’t fair,” Taryn said, wiping tears from her eyes. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be comforting you.”

“We’re supposed to help each other,” Rai said. “That’s what friendship is.”

Four words had never been so precious.