《Tales of Idiots.》14. Raccoon
Advertisement
"The Solstice Empire's Imperial Army has clashed with Bronach's Royal Army at Dead Land, with the Solstice Empire ambushing Bronach."
"And judging from what we can view from our scrying mirrors, it seems that the Solstice Empire is winning why is that, John?" A news anchor asked.
"Well, it's mainly because of the fact that Bronach was ambushed by the Solstice Empire, the fact that Bronach's Royal Army is mainly made of peasants that were drafted and were not given much training also contribute to this," John said. "And compared that to the Solstice Empire's Imperial Army is made of trained soldiers and elites and you can see why Bronach is losing."
"However..." John said. "...This is only one battle and the Cult of the Righteous One has not made an appearance yet and you know how terrifying they are, Jake."
"True," Jake said as he took a sip from his coffee. "For our viewers that don't know what we're talking about the Cult of Rig—"
"Turn it off."
The TV was turned off as Keres drink her glass of wine. Setting down the glass of wine down, Keres called over a servant. "Tell Braven to kill some of the high rankings officers in the Royal Army."
"Yes, Madame Keres," The servant said as he bows. The servant stood up, revealing a rotting face as he walks out of the room.
When the servant left the room, Keres glare at pictures of King Mark, generals of the Royal Army, and members of the Cult of the Righteous One.
*In Riverwood*
"AH! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!"
Cyan was running from an angry raccoon with boxing gloves while the rest was hiding from it.
"You think we should help him?" Basil asks Lester. Lester just looks at him with a look that asks if he was crazy.
Advertisement
"Are you crazy? I'm not getting my ass beaten by that raccoon!" Lester yells as he points at the raccoon.
Brick was throwing away garbages when he open the dumpster when he was greeted by the raccoon and was chased by it into the inn.
The others try to chase the raccoon out but got their ass beaten.
One cannot beat a raccoon with boxing gloves after.
"Where does that raccoon come from anyway?" Drake asks as he hid behind the couch. Brick was hiding in the kitchen and Cyan was still running around crying for help while Lupin was nowhere to be seen.
"HELP!"
Cyan got punched in the face, left to the floor, and then proceed to get beat up by the raccoon.
"Hey, shouldn't we call the Adventurer's Guild?" Brick yells from the kitchen.
"I don't think they would believe us and would just laugh at us," Drake said, "But we might as well try. Also, where the hell is Lupin?" He pulls out his phone and calls the Adventurer's Guild.
"Hello, this the Adventurer's Guild, what is your reason for calling?" said the receptionist
"There is a raccoon with boxing gloves beating everyone up," Drake said.
"I'm sorry? Are you joking?" The receptionist asks.
"I am not joking," Drake said.
"The Adventurer's Guild does not approve of making prank calls." The receptionist said before hanging up.
Cyan was then sent flying in Drake's direction. "H-Help me..." Cyan groan. The raccoon walk over to Cyan's body and took notice of Drake and hiss at him. "Fuck," Drake mutters.
The raccoon walks toward Drake as he was getting ready to run.
Brick, Lester, and Basil were still hiding as they try to plug their ears while Cyan was groaning as he lays still on the floor.
Advertisement
Then the door open as Lupin enters the inn and sniffs the room.
Lupin looks around the room and then notices the raccoon and glares at it. The raccoon returns the glare with its own glare.
Lupin reveals his claws, the raccoon raises its boxing gloves and got into a boxing stance. The two just glares at each other and began to circle each other.
The raccoon starts to rush toward Lupin but stops when Lupin pulls out Betty and Chad. Lupin aims Betty right at the raccoon and had Chad ready to punch the raccoon.
The raccoon starts to growls but was cut off when a bucket traps it. Drake put his weight onto the bucket to hold it down as Lester and Basil check on Cyan with Brick carrying a slab of brick and put it on the bucket.
"So...What the hell happened here?" Lupin said as he looks around.
"Boxing raccoon happened," Drake said in a deadpan tone.
"Cyan is still alive," Lester said as he and Basil watch over Cyan.
Brick was grabbing a healing potion from somewhere and pour it on Cyan. The potion heals Cyan's injuries and he shoots up full of energy. "I am alive!" He yells with a smile.
"You owe me five gold coins and fifty silver coins."
"I want to die!" Cyan yells still having a smile on his face.
Lester stares at him with a deadpan look while Basil just watches the bucket thrashing around as Drake tries to hold it down.
"Anyone got any ideas how to release this raccoon into the wild?" Drake asks. The raccoon was still thrashing around and punching the bucket.
"Hello, did you seen my raccoon?"
Everyone turns to the voice and saw someone dress in a green cloak with staff standing in the doorway.
"This is your raccoon?" Lester asks pointing to the bucket.
Advertisement
- In Serial52 Chapters
Modern Age Online Book 1
(Book Two on Amazon here) (Book Three on Amazon Here) Both books should be available through Kindle Unlimited. It is the Future. The realm of online video game entertainment has grown, creating vast and wonderous worlds for people to explore and enjoy. This is the story of Kaleb, a young gamer, and his adventures in the latest Super-Hero Virtual reality MMO: Modern Age Online. Join him as he takes on villains (both player and NPC), joins forces with other player heroes, and even deals with some of the bureaucracy of being a hero in a perfect virtual recreation of the world. No cheats, no guides, just one newbie Super-Hero against the forces of villainy in his new virtual home. Notes: 1.) While not my first time writing, this is my first time throwing anything I've written at the tender mercies of the internet. All criticisms welcome. 2.) Just to inform people early: There is no evil corporation looking to control the world with VR, there is no Krueger-esque "if you die in the game, you die for real.", and this isn't a story of some OP harem-loving god of the system. Nothing wrong with those stories this just isn't one. This is a simple story about a guy playing a game and finally 3.) This story is extremely rough, i did very little editing, this is just me gauging interest really. oh, and English is my 1st language, if for some reason you find that important. Note 2) from now on Book 1 will exist in its entirety on Royal Road while Books 2 and 3 (and any others) will be released on Amazon. I want to thank everyone who has been reading and has taken this weird journey with me. I will continue to write in my spare time and will always be thankful to Royal Road for giving me a space to be creative. Thank you to everyone.
8 200 - In Serial46 Chapters
The Daily Diary of a Mushroom
I was just a farmer and when my farm was attacked by bandits I fought them off as best as I could, but it turns out a single untrained woman fighting a band of twenty experienced killers doesn’t end well. Thinking I was dead I awoke to find that I had no arms and was only one ft tall. I have been reincarnated as a Mushroom Monster. What am I going to do now?__________________________________________________________________________This will be my first attempt at any kind of written novel or story, I have had a lot of ideas and tried writing some but realized they were too big in scale or too difficult for a newbie. So after thinking about what I could try for my first attempt, I came up with this. The premise is quite heavily inspired by Re:Monster (also more recently Re:lovely) and many other resurrection web/light novels. Warning Tagged [15+] for Some Strong Language, Gore, Violence.
8 212 - In Serial16 Chapters
Intertwined
The Warp and Weft are the weavers of the universe. Their beautiful textiles depict what was, what is, and what will be. However, when an argument leaves them at odds, the Weft is left to depict a tapestry, alone, to prove their commitment to the Warp. As such, a romantic adventure ensues: A clever and charismatic mercenary signs on to escort a smartass false prince to the Wise Magi in exchange for a hefty payday. With the world turning topsy-turvy, chaotic, and just wrong, can they survive the journey?
8 140 - In Serial66 Chapters
Sanctuary
[WRITTEN FOR NANOWRIMO.] - Heroes have bad luck. Rusk wants to be one anyway. When Rusk was a kid, he was rescued by an adventurer calling herself a Hero who told him about a place called Sanctuary. Ever since that day, Rusk has aspired to become a Hero himself, and the first step to take would be visiting Sanctuary in person. But Sanctuary is practically unreachable, located on an island outside the kingdom, and both societal and familial pressure stand in the way of Rusk’s aspirations. At nineteen, he’s getting impatient. THIS IS A FIRST DRAFT. IT'S RAW, UNREVISED AND UNEDITED.
8 173 - In Serial10 Chapters
The Runaway Wolf
Noah is a werewolf who has always wanted a mate but discovers that his mate is someone he doesn't have a good history with and gets rejected. This makes him impulsively leave his pack together with his best friends in search for something fulfilling with the help of a strange girl he just met. Little did he know that something has been waiting for him beyond the outskirts of town. New Chapter every Friday Also available to read in Tapas and Wattpad
8 134 - In Serial44 Chapters
My Brother is Napoleon
A naturally persuasive engineering man, for some unknown reason, traveled to France before the Revolution and became the big brother of the future Emperor Napoleon. He is to cling to this thigh, and from then on to live and die, or to seize this opportunity to create their own altruism?
8 119

