《Tales of Idiots.》14. Raccoon
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"The Solstice Empire's Imperial Army has clashed with Bronach's Royal Army at Dead Land, with the Solstice Empire ambushing Bronach."
"And judging from what we can view from our scrying mirrors, it seems that the Solstice Empire is winning why is that, John?" A news anchor asked.
"Well, it's mainly because of the fact that Bronach was ambushed by the Solstice Empire, the fact that Bronach's Royal Army is mainly made of peasants that were drafted and were not given much training also contribute to this," John said. "And compared that to the Solstice Empire's Imperial Army is made of trained soldiers and elites and you can see why Bronach is losing."
"However..." John said. "...This is only one battle and the Cult of the Righteous One has not made an appearance yet and you know how terrifying they are, Jake."
"True," Jake said as he took a sip from his coffee. "For our viewers that don't know what we're talking about the Cult of Rig—"
"Turn it off."
The TV was turned off as Keres drink her glass of wine. Setting down the glass of wine down, Keres called over a servant. "Tell Braven to kill some of the high rankings officers in the Royal Army."
"Yes, Madame Keres," The servant said as he bows. The servant stood up, revealing a rotting face as he walks out of the room.
When the servant left the room, Keres glare at pictures of King Mark, generals of the Royal Army, and members of the Cult of the Righteous One.
*In Riverwood*
"AH! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!"
Cyan was running from an angry raccoon with boxing gloves while the rest was hiding from it.
"You think we should help him?" Basil asks Lester. Lester just looks at him with a look that asks if he was crazy.
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"Are you crazy? I'm not getting my ass beaten by that raccoon!" Lester yells as he points at the raccoon.
Brick was throwing away garbages when he open the dumpster when he was greeted by the raccoon and was chased by it into the inn.
The others try to chase the raccoon out but got their ass beaten.
One cannot beat a raccoon with boxing gloves after.
"Where does that raccoon come from anyway?" Drake asks as he hid behind the couch. Brick was hiding in the kitchen and Cyan was still running around crying for help while Lupin was nowhere to be seen.
"HELP!"
Cyan got punched in the face, left to the floor, and then proceed to get beat up by the raccoon.
"Hey, shouldn't we call the Adventurer's Guild?" Brick yells from the kitchen.
"I don't think they would believe us and would just laugh at us," Drake said, "But we might as well try. Also, where the hell is Lupin?" He pulls out his phone and calls the Adventurer's Guild.
"Hello, this the Adventurer's Guild, what is your reason for calling?" said the receptionist
"There is a raccoon with boxing gloves beating everyone up," Drake said.
"I'm sorry? Are you joking?" The receptionist asks.
"I am not joking," Drake said.
"The Adventurer's Guild does not approve of making prank calls." The receptionist said before hanging up.
Cyan was then sent flying in Drake's direction. "H-Help me..." Cyan groan. The raccoon walk over to Cyan's body and took notice of Drake and hiss at him. "Fuck," Drake mutters.
The raccoon walks toward Drake as he was getting ready to run.
Brick, Lester, and Basil were still hiding as they try to plug their ears while Cyan was groaning as he lays still on the floor.
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Then the door open as Lupin enters the inn and sniffs the room.
Lupin looks around the room and then notices the raccoon and glares at it. The raccoon returns the glare with its own glare.
Lupin reveals his claws, the raccoon raises its boxing gloves and got into a boxing stance. The two just glares at each other and began to circle each other.
The raccoon starts to rush toward Lupin but stops when Lupin pulls out Betty and Chad. Lupin aims Betty right at the raccoon and had Chad ready to punch the raccoon.
The raccoon starts to growls but was cut off when a bucket traps it. Drake put his weight onto the bucket to hold it down as Lester and Basil check on Cyan with Brick carrying a slab of brick and put it on the bucket.
"So...What the hell happened here?" Lupin said as he looks around.
"Boxing raccoon happened," Drake said in a deadpan tone.
"Cyan is still alive," Lester said as he and Basil watch over Cyan.
Brick was grabbing a healing potion from somewhere and pour it on Cyan. The potion heals Cyan's injuries and he shoots up full of energy. "I am alive!" He yells with a smile.
"You owe me five gold coins and fifty silver coins."
"I want to die!" Cyan yells still having a smile on his face.
Lester stares at him with a deadpan look while Basil just watches the bucket thrashing around as Drake tries to hold it down.
"Anyone got any ideas how to release this raccoon into the wild?" Drake asks. The raccoon was still thrashing around and punching the bucket.
"Hello, did you seen my raccoon?"
Everyone turns to the voice and saw someone dress in a green cloak with staff standing in the doorway.
"This is your raccoon?" Lester asks pointing to the bucket.
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