(Oct 3)

Oh god.

No…

I can’t be…

What if…

What if I was the murderer who killed those people in the city and ripped apart those corpses in such a gruesome way?!?!

When I glanced back at the disfigured and warped ogre corpse, it no longer looked like an ogre. You wouldn’t even be able to guess that it used to be an ogre.

But one thing that it did resemble, was the disfigured and warped murder corpse that was in the city yesterday…

The murderer wasn’t found…

There is just too much of a coincidence…

Only a few days after I returned to the city, a sudden murder happens and it’s extremely brutal, very similar to me just now when I went on a rampage.

But that can’t be… If I did do it, why wouldn’t I know it?

Briggs is a berserker and when he enters berserk form, he loses consciousness and goes crazy… what if something similar happened to me?

If somehow my dragon blood inside of me took over and went crazy…

That sounds ridiculous, I would’ve at least noticed something strange if that did happen like a bruise or some sort of mark.

Still… I can’t get the thought out of my head. What if… the small chance that it was me… if I had somehow did it unconsciously…

How ironic, I wanted to go out and hunt monster to distract myself from thinking too much but it’s caused me to worry and stress even more.

And I couldn’t just return back to the city right away either, I had requested to go out and hunt monsters, but I can’t return back empty handed or else people might think I used it as an excuse to skip work.

I needed to bring back some monster corpses or something as proof of my work and I can even sell the monster materials.

I wasn’t in the mood, but I continued hunting more monsters for a while.

After a couple hours, I had hunted a couple more orcs and wolves, nothing noticeable.

I was distracted the entire time though and because of that, it almost costed me my ear when I was fighting against a pack of wolves and one of them tried to bite my ear off.

Luckily, my instincts kicked in and I jumped back while knocking the wolf away and killing it in process.

If I drag the monster carcasses that I hunted back to the city then I can get paid, but the issue here is that no matter how strong I am, there is still a limit to how many monsters I can carry back.

So, I decided to only to gather the more valuable and expensive monster carcasses which would earn me the most money and headed back to the city to get some rest at home.

I was exhausted, both physically and mentally.

.

My wife was acting weird today.

When I got home, Gabi was running around like usual, but my wife was oddly quiet and seemed distracted. In fact, during dinner, she accidently started eating her spoon because she was so lost in her thought.

My wife is a living person with emotions and sometimes she gets moody and feels a little down, so it wasn’t strange and happens quite frequently… but something was different today.

It was as if she wanted to tell me something, but she didn’t know how.

I’ve been her husband for many years and so I know her personality, I can tell that she’s hiding something.

Even so, I let her be.

Sometimes when someone is worried about something, it’s better to just let them naturally work it out on their own unless they request support.

If you try too hard to help someone when they don’t want it, it can backfire.

It seemed like she wanted to tell me something, so I’ll be patient until she finally decides to do so and leave her alone.

Plus, I wasn’t in the mood for much talking either, consider what had happened today. I wanted some alone time as well, writing inside my journal is calming so this is helpful.

Writing in my journal is like therapy, writing out my thoughts and my feelings onto paper and expressing myself.

I’ve realized that when I get stressed, depressed or when I’m worried, I tend to write in my journal more with a lot more details as way of coping with myself.

Maybe, one day… if I ever lose all my emotions to dragonification, this journal will be my proof of my emotions, the fact I was human and not some emotionless dragon.

I am still human with most of my emotions remaining, but I am not sure for how much longer.

(Oct 5)

Even after a whole day, my wife still seemed troubled by something.

I was going to leave her alone to sort things out by herself because usually after a night’s sleep, things start working out, but my wife still seemed worried even today.

So, I decided to ask her about it.

“I-I’t nothing…”

“It doesn’t seem like nothing, are you sick? It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m here to help.”

“Oh. Well… honestly… I’m worried…”

“Worried?”

My wife told Gabi to go play in the living room and shut the door before continuing on.

“I heard of the incident a few days ago… with the murder and the extremely grotesque corpse…”

I was surprised. I didn’t think my wife would have known about it yet, but I guess rumors spread quick.

“I’m worried. Gabi’s birthday is also coming up soon and we need to send her to school. With everything you told me about the possibility of war as well, I just… it’s… hard to keep calm and manage things…”

I hugged my wife.

I had thought that I alone, was suffering but I failed to realize that there are other people with their own problems as well including my wife.

I’m not the only person in this world with problems.

I need to make sure to be more aware of my surroundings, I didn’t even realize that my wife was worried until only recently.

We also discussed a little about Gabi as well, she was turning 7 soon and we’ll need to sign her up for school.

We want her to grow up to be a businesswoman, uninvolved with fighting but still know how to fight to defend herself.

Our topic of discussion continued to change and before we realized it, we had spent many hours chatting and simply enjoying ourselves.

It was fun.

Being able to simply relax and have a nice long conversation with my wife felt amazing.

We chatted.

We joked.

We laughed.

We discussed.

We even argued a little.

But it was fun.

It was relaxing.

Even if things get tough, I’m glad to know that I still have my family.

After speaking with my wife and calming down, I regained a bit of my lost confidence.

I’m going to resolve this issue; am I the murderer who ripped apart those corpses in the city a few days ago?

I am not sure.

But I’m not worried about it anymore.

Stop hesitating.

There is a way I can find out if I truly am the murderer or not, and that’s by finding out who the real killer is.

I will visit William tomorrow, and I will request his help on this matter.

I’ll going to resolve this issue which has been haunting me for the last couple days.

I’m not scared anymore, and I won’t hesitate.