Chapter song: Let It Be – The Beatles

Chapter 77: Upstart Goddess

Someone shouted above the noise while pointing to the right of the altar. "Look!"

The congregation hushed as they all turned to face a glowing statue of the Virgin Mary in the corner of the church. Her skin darkened to a more lifelike tone, and she slowly stepped down from her pedestal. Except for Joan's pew, the entire congregation dropped to their knees.

«Please don't turn out to be another psycho bitch like Hera,» Joan prayed. Sensing her concern, Marc drew a knife while Tamara and Joe drew pistols.

Unperturbed by the weapons, Mary continued approaching at an easy pace. "Upstart goddess, I believe she called you."

«Upstart whore,» Joan corrected silently.

Mary continued speaking as if Joan had voiced her thoughts. "She used that word to confuse you. Hera knows full well what you are becoming and wishes to halt the process."

Joan looked at Mary's gentle aura of pure light, put a hand on Marc's shoulder, and he sheathed his knife. The bodyguards lowered their pistols as well. "So, you've been talking with Hera?"

"If you could call it that. She mostly screamed and ranted before I reminded her that I too had an immaculate conception."

Joan blinked. "You . . . you're calling my conception immaculate?"

"Of course. I don't see how else four men can father a single child."

"I mean, we did have a big orgy," Joan admitted.

Mary shook her head. "It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do to the outside of your cup. The inside was clean. You conceived through love, not through physical means."

Endless questions raced through Joan's mind, but she knew she wouldn't have time to ask them all. She had to make the most of this precious opportunity. "I need to understand a few things. Why does Hera have a problem with me, but you don't? I thought God was a jealous God."

"Hera doesn't want you seducing Zeus. Adonai, on the other hand, has mellowed out over the years. He now realizes He would get bored without a little entertainment every now and then."

"Say what now?"

"You amuse Him, not to mention you remind us so much of our daughter-in-law Mary Magdalene."

"So Jesus really got married?"

"Of course!"

"Then why did that part of the Bible get erased?"

"Many don't truly believe but rather use Him to gain power over others."

"So all that talk about virginity and monogamy?"

"People are always putting words in Adonai's mouth. He gave up trying to correct them after that Joseph Smith incident."

"Oh. Mormonism. Right. So, you know that curse Hera laid on our unborn child? Can you help us get rid of that?"

"That is between you and Hera. It is not my place, nor Adonai's, nor my son's to meddle." Mary began walking back to her pedestal.

"Wait, can I at least have a hint?"

Mary stepped onto her pedestal, turned to face the congregation, and spoke her final words. "I've given you more than a hint; I've given you a flock. Their faith should alleviate the burden on your men. You'll find wielding your power easier from now on." Mary's aura faded as she whitened back to marble.

Joan wanted to ask much more, but she knew Mary would not speak again.

The entire church remained motionless until Father John tore off his red chasuble and flung it to the ground. "That's it! I'm done. Mass is cancelled."

Oswald's parents grabbed him and dragged him toward the front door. Several others mumbled and started to leave.

"Wait!" Joan called after Father John.

John's stole fluttered to the floor. "If you want to play priest today, be my guest. I'm through." He headed for the back door, tossing his cincture behind him as he walked.

Joan pushed past Marc and ran after John, followed closely by Tamara.

Marc smirked and strode up to the altar. "Apparently I'm playing priest today." He faced what remained of the congregation and held his palms high and wide. "Please open your missalettes to page what-have-we-all-been-doing-with-our-lives and join me in reading the parable of the upstart goddess." Marc began telling the story of how he first met Joan, starting with her online dating profile.