The last thing I remember I was sitting at my table a bowl of cereal in front of me and a spoon in my hand, half way to my mouth. All I can see now is a cool grey fog of nothingness. I look down at my body, yep it’s there. Beneath my feet there is nothing, I’m just naked, floating. After an endless space of no time, or a millisecond, a blue rectangle with text on it appears before me.

[Greetings Joseph Isiah Walker, of the planet Earth! Congratulations, you have been selected for a unique opportunity! Adventure and Exploration await you in the world of Devona!

Please be patient and a specialist from the onboarding department will be with you shortly. You are fifth in line, estimated wait time is 3 minutes.]

Then quiet marimba and flute music began to play.

I brought my hands up and looked at them. Short thick fingers, a wide palm. My skin with that golden factory installed tan I’d carried since birth. I reached up and pulled my hair where I could see it. Shiny Sausage curls, a brown so dark it looks black that ran past my shoulders. Women often told me my hair was my best feature, but the truth is, personality and attitude are the main romantic draw for me, not looks. My body was fit and strong, but my spare tire was a clear indicator that while I loved fighting, I also loved food. Though I could not see it, my face was too cherubic for masculine beauty. I’d probably been an irresistible baby, but aren’t they all? Years had put their mark on my face too, my nose transitioning from straight up cherubic to something along the hobbit line. A neat near black beard covered my chin creating the illusion of its ruggedness. Every man with too much in the cheeks department and a small chin should grow a beard, it’s powers are mighty.

Bored, I pulled my arms in and curled my back I found if I concentrated, I could make myself rotate and move slowly in any direction.

I checked the blue popup screen again, and I was down 2nd in line with 1 minute to go.

Suddenly I was someplace else. I felt a chair beneath me, and I was back in the clothes I’d been wearing while I ate cereal. A pair of Jogging shorts, a tee shirt and a bathrobe. Across from me was a simple desk, piles of paper strewn upon it, and a mouse, monitor and keyboard. The monitor was a flatscreen, about 20 inches. In the chair behind the desk was an aged skinny woman of nondescript ethnicity. Black straight hair, Golden skin like mine, but like it hadn’t seen the sun in years. The wrinkles on her face told both the story of laughter and of pain. They told the story of a life lived well and with strength. The eyes however said that those days were behind her, and youthful enthusiasm was no longer a companion on her journeys.

In a tired, 5 pack a day alto voice she said “Just a moment Mr. Walker, I’ll be with you in a second. “

She was dressed in business casual, and was stuffing a sandwich back into a Ziplock bag, and shoving it into a drawer of her desk. I felt like I was at the DMV getting plates and registration for a used car I’d just purchased.

I looked closely at her cluttered desk and tucked behind her monitor was a tiny plaque that read. “Agatha Orebite, Sr. Onboarding Specialist IV, Department of Immigration.”

I made a little ahem noise clearing the phlegm in my throat. Politeness, if you don’t know what going on, start with politeness. My granny would be proud of me.

“Just a moment Mr. Walker. I’m pulling up your file.” Her fingers began the clattering dance of the keyboard.

Musingly she said “Yea, Earth, been getting a lot from there lately. Going to Devona. Class 5 world. Modified magi-tech system. Yes, everything looks in order. Do you have any questions for me before we begin?”

Blinking I opened my moth a few times and said “Uh, yes please, where am I and why am I here?”, polite… can’t hurt, might help. When in danger or in doubt, ask the nice lady to figure it out…

She looked at me like I was an idiot. “You’re in my office in the Onboarding section of the Department of Immigration.”

“Um, can I ask why?”

“Mr. Walker, couldn’t you at least have read the handbook before you got here?”

I felt the muscles in my back and arms get tense, like I’d forgotten my homework.

“Madame, I wasn’t given a handbook. I was eating breakfast, then suddenly, I was floating naked in a grey fog, with a popup talking about opportunities and a World of Devona. Then suddenly I was sitting here. Aside from some really mediocre Musak, that’s all there was to it.”

“So, what you are telling me is, you were not contacted by someone from the Recruitment Department, not given a welcome packet, a hand book, or sent new recruit orientation camp?”

“No Ms. Agatha, nothing. I have no idea why I’m here.”

She shook her head in exasperation, “Typical laziness. Let me mark a complaint on your file for being misshandled and I’ll try to get things straightened out. In the meantime, read this, and she pulled a sheet of paper from a stack on her desk and handed it to me.”

I held the sheet of a4 paper in my slightly shaking hands, and bent to read it. Everything was blurry. I didn’t have my glasses.

Raising my head, I said “Ms. Agatha, I don’t have my glasses, I can’t read this.

Agatha tilted her head back and made a noise of disgust. “Ugh incompetents, I don’t have time for this. My break starts in 15 minutes. Hang on.” She began clattering at the keyboard, and hit enter aggressively.

“Try it now Mr. Walker.”

My vison was suddenly crystal clear. I could read perfectly, hell I could see the grain in the paper clearly. I don’t ever remember my vison being this perfect. I burst out with “Whoa, how did you do that?

“I just made a small administrative edit of your character sheet to speed things along, I appreciate your patience”. The way she said the last, was like a rote formula empty of all meaning.

“The paper Mr. Walker, if you don’t mind.” The lady went back to clattering on her keyboard.

I jumped slightly in the chair, started from my enjoyment of the clarity of my vision, and turned back to the paper.

It read

“Welcome Packet. 1-23 rev 1.2.4

Greetings _____________________,

You have been selected for a life of wild adventure and exploration on the world of Devona. After a rigorous selection process from hundreds of millions of candidates. The God ____________ has selected you to be one of their heroes in a magical world of fantasy adventure.

Your skills of _____________and _______________ have prepared you for this epic quest.

The training you received from the Training Department has honed you into a lethal fighting machine. Soon you will be dropped in your new home and the adventures will begin.

Congratulations,

Sincerely,

[Marketing form gs-11c/9: Devona]”

I looked slowly up from the paper, feeling my forehead wrinkling and my face screwing up. The tension in my back got worse.

“Ms. Agatha, it doesn’t ‘list my god, or my skills. Nor have I gotten any of the training mentioned that is supposed to have turned me into a lethal fighting machine. Can I just go home?”

Agatha hunched in defeat, clearly seeing her upcoming break receding into the mists of memory. She whispered to herself quite audibly, “Can nobody do their goddam job anymore? Why does this always happen to me!” Turning her head to catch my eye, she continued in a normal tone, “Unfortunately, you can’t go home kid. I’m sorry, that would force the bureaucracy to admit it was wrong, the one thing it can never do.” She pulled out a thick book and flipped through what was clearly an immense flow chart of procedures and solutions. Marking her place with one finger, she turned back to me.

“Ok Mr. Walker, here is what we can do.” She glanced at the screen. “You clearly have some previous combat training in these SCA, Karate and Hema things of yours. I’ll put that in as one of your specialty skills. Someone already entered a skill for your other specialty,” Sleeping”. No, that can’t be right. Someone is clearly playing a joke, or just screwing off. Typical recruiting department nonsense. Recruiting and Training only get reviewed on their numbers, above or below quotas. I bet someone got behind and tried to pull a fast one. Let’s make sure to roast her, ahem, them but good. “She glanced up meeting my eyes with a wicked twinkle in her own, a fire in her eyes for the first time in a long time. Suddenly she looked like a hunter on the scent. Her eyes swept back to the book and the computer. ”This might actually be fun Mr. Walker. We can make them pay through the nose for this.” She turned her face back towards me grinning delightedly.

She tilted her head up slightly, as if looking through a pair of glasses that were not there. “Do you have any other skills or specialties Mr. Walker?”

“I’m a pretty good programmer, I worked both in game development and business development. I like making things, I’ve learned a little of a lot of different skills, blacksmithing, armor making, leather work, costuming, metal casting. Carpentry, Carving. Stained Glass. And dozens of others. I’ve never been able to settle on just one hobby of making things. I like to learn a little about everything. I’ve thought of myself as a Specialized Generalist, a Jack of All Trades. It was super handy back when I made computer games. I love learning about new things, and new skills. I love reading books. I’ve laid concrete, installed carpet. Repaired cars. Sewn my own clothing, You name it. Oh, and I’m an Eagle Scout.”

Musingly Agatha looked at me again through her missing glasses. Raised her hands to the keyboard and said “Specialized Generalist. I like the sound of that, let’s try that out. At least it’s a new one. I can’t do much about training in the time we have but let’s start by turning on your interface.”

I rocked back in my chair as a heath, mana and stamina bar appeared in the upper left corner of my vison. A small blue? appeared in the upper right. Thinking about the question mark brought up.

Joseph Isiah Walker, Terran Human, Unmodified. Age 35.

Warrior, Specialized Generalist.

Mind: Exceptional

Body: Average.

Spirit: Above Average.

Divine Sponsor:

Skills:

Combat Trained

Wilderness Trained

Specialized Generalist

Crafting

Perks/Advantages:

Disadvantages:

Chubby – 10% speed.

Inventory:

---

Raising my head and focusing on her over the sheet. “I can see my sheet Ms. Agatha, but it’s kind of empty. It doesn’t list much. No god, no gear no perks. No magic. There is magic, right? It said fantasy setting?”

Still looking at the computer, “Yes, yes, Magic is real. Let’s see if we can pick a god for you Mr. Walker. Do you have any aberrant desires or kinky hang-ups?”

Shaking my head and waving my hands in negation “No, no, nothing like that. I’m not opposed to it mind you. I’m just super Vanilla. I love women and sex. Hanging with my friends drinking and partying. I love making stuff, and fighting. I love fighting. I just want to have a good time. Is it aberrant to still be attracted to 20-year women at my age, that’s the closest I can think of?”

“She looked at me, for once her eyes going just slightly soft, “No honey, I’m afraid that’s perfectly normal, not wise, but all too common.” She stopped for a moment, looking at something far away, and said softly “Far too common.” Agatha continued, her words coming crisp and precise again. “Okay, so no evil gods for you, Let’s see drinking, fucking, fighting, and making stuff. Who have we got that’d be a good fit? Would you like to change your race to a dwarf Mr. Walker? Lots of good gods for you there.”

Screwing up my face I started talking faster, “I’m not super keen on it. When picking races, I usually min max. I want night vision, EQ sucked if you didn’t have night vision. I learned that lesson quickly and rerolled. Then I pick the best race for whatever class I’m picking, or any race + class combo that has clear OP advantages. I also try to pick races that look nice. I don’t want be a zombie or something for the rest of my life. If I had to pick short or tall, I’d probably pick tall. Ugly to hot, I’d pick hot. Life is just so much better and easier for good looking people. Hell on average good-looking people earn 20% more than average looking people. Oh, and I like my hair.”

Agatha replied, “We don’t really have classes. Things are more organic. With a specialty in Fighting, Wilderness and Crafting, what can we do.”

I say, “I’d like to have magic too, if possible, being non magical in a magical world sounds super lame. I often play casters, or hybrid caster tanks. If aging is a thing, long life would be handy. A magical & crafting generalist sounds okay that way I can grow whatever direction I want.”

Agathe stared off into space and drummed on her lips with two fingers for a moment. “Tell you what, Let’s give you a modified Human race called ‘Elder Human’ sometime called Eldar, or ‘the old race” rare, but they fit your description. Long lived generalists with strong magic and crafting.” She paused and she looked off into the air turning slightly away from me, her lips going tight. her voice continues very softly, her brisk tone and energy suddenly deserting her as iff a cool breeze through her spirit had blown them away. Her eyes too lost the devilish sparkle as if a switch had been hit. ”That would help us pick a God too. He’s a little passe now, but I met him at a Christmas party, sorry I mean “Winter Festival” a few millennia black and he’s always struck me as a nice guy, not great taste mind you, but a solid dude. He’s a generalist too. I think you two would get along. Might be good for both of you, actually. You seem like a nice polite boy. You’d be surprised how many come in here screaming their heads off asking for a manager, or just sobbing on the floor.”

My character sheet changed to show “Elder Human” and my God as “Garabal, The Elder God.”

Her business-like briskness energy had returned when I look back up. “That takes care of the basics, Mr. Walker. Now let’s see what the procedures say about having skipped training through no fault of your own. “She flipped through several more pages of the book. “Hm.. Looks like we have a bit of leeway here. You said you wanted magic, yes?

“Yes please?” my voice rose and came faster again. Magic is cool.

It looks like I can give you some free boons, or system granted perks, to make up for missing training.

“First, let’s add the help system. It’s part tutorial, part map, part wiki. With a basic AI help agent.”

“Then let’s give you the boons ‘Gifted Mage’ and ‘Gifted Maker’. Your God will give you a Magic Tome that allows you to pick 1 School of Magic once you are on the ground. The magic system is flexible, but the schools are complicated. Be sure to read up on them before picking. Okay Mr. Walker?”

I find myself sitting straight up in my chair, feeling light instead of heavy for the first time since I left my breakfast. “Yes mam, thank you Ms. Agatha.”

“Just to be cautious, I’m going to assign you a case worker, to help you get those talents and magics set up. Oh, look Bills free. You’ll like Bill. Good guy, a looker too, tell him Agatha says hello.” Her voice took on a purring quality at the end, her eyes warm and distant.

“Almost out of leeway, I’d love to give you a basic adventurers starter kit, and some magic armor and weapons.” Her fingers clattered away on the keyboard again. “But those are rewards for excelling in training, which you missed. The system will not let me give them to you. Procedures say, that since you missed training, I have to drop you in a starter zone deep in the wilderness. If you could pick 5 things that would exist in a fantasy setting, from your possessions in the old world. What would you take? Remember starter zone, wilderness setting. I can put you someplace with a nice climate. But that’s about it.”

“Do I get anything by default, specialized clothes, etc?”

“No Mr. Walker that’s what we are doing now.”

“Okay can I get a set of fatigues as one thing, Olive green Jacket, wicking tee-shirt, combat pants, socks, boots belt and a hat.”

“That’s pushing it, but I like how you are thinking. I can swing that, I’ll call it ‘uniform’.”

My chin down, I pictured myself wandering around my house in my head looking into each room and closet.

“I’ve got a bug out/get home bag half packed in the closet, it’s mostly a place to keep all my camping and survival toys organized. But when I want to feel cool, I call it a bug out bag. Can I get that? Just swap out technological gear for fantasy equivalents? That gives me good set of basic survival gear. I wish I’d kept a pistol packed in it now. Always seemed an unsafe place to store one before. Picking a “thing” that is a collection of things, seems the smart way to go here.”

“Yes, we can do that. I think you are going to go far Mr. Walker; you have the right attitude. Stretch things in your favor as far as you can, without quite breaking any rules.” Agatha was looking at me over her imaginary glasses again. “That God is going to be an even better fit than I thought too.” Her soft small tone was suddenly back, her eyes distant, so very unlike her the rest of the time.

I was on the edge of my chair now, leaning forward. “Okay, my basket hilted Scottish broadsword. I need a good melee weapon, and that’s the best I have.”

“Yes, back to business, done. Two left. I’m going to soul bind the sword to you, don’t tell anyone ok? That’s a freebie for being so pleasant.”

“Sure, of course, No guns Right? I’d love to take my gun cabinet.”

She tossed her head and laughed quietly; the last bit of her darkness gone again. “Yes, typical fantasy setting. They have magical technology, and alchemy, but no modern firearms. All the guns and ammo would be removed, not even converted. It’s out of my control.”

”I have a box of tools I’ve been acquiring for a Viking woodworking and blacksmith setup. Can I get that? Wait crap it’s split across two boxes, one in the living room and one in the garage. I wanted to get some armor and a cloak …A ranged weapon would be nice too.”

I rocked slowly back and forth thinking, “How does the inventory work, is it unlimited wide open, or limited in some way.”

“With the God we chose it’s wide open, 100% weight reduction even.” Agatha chuckled.

“Easy, I want my house and all its contents.”

Agatha head lean back and she let out a large laugh. “Ha!, that’s hilarious, you will not have an inventory till you land in Devona, it reduces smuggling problems. But just in case...” Her computer made a series of small beeps. “Nope. System refused it. Exceeds volume, complexity and weight limits on an item. “I had to try though, think about the tech departments faces if it worked, HA!”

“Can I get a set of shelves and their contents from my garage? The set of shelves between the black and white fridges in my garage?”

“Let me see “Her fingers clattered on “nope still too big.”

“What’s the money system, is silver worth much? Say a 1 oz coin of silver?”

“Most skilled people would earn less than that in a month. Silver is good money, and gold unheard of outside of merchants and nobles.”

“Man now I wish I’d bought some gold,. Add the box of silver coins in my Safe. Should be between 20 and 40 coins there”

Agatha’s fingers danced a bit, “Nope, 48 1 oz pure silver coins. 2 quarters and 1 50 cent 90% silver coins. 15 bronze US dollar Sacajawea coins. I went ahead and added it, good call.”

“Okay last one, lets cheese this as hard as we can. Can I get my entire blacksmithing setup, including the historical kit I mentioned It’s in a couple places in my house but it’s logically 1 thing?”

The clickety beeping dance began again on her keyboard., “Nope system Refused it. Too complex”

“By they way Ms. Agatha, If I haven’t thanked you, I really appreciate you helping me with. You’ve been amazing.”

“No trouble kiddo, every penny of this is getting billed to the Training Department as an emergency fix. I’m earning double time too. Besides, you are nice kid.”

Thirty-Five, and she calls me a kid. I smiled back at her. “Any way, I just wanted to make sure you know I appreciate it.”

“Sure, sure kid. One more thing. Can I give you the one of boxes of your Viking kit?”

“Better give me the box in the living room. It’s got all the wood working tools too.”

A beeping sound came from her computer, and Agatha, waived her hands in the air. “Hang on kid not so fast. System Kicked that back for too complex. It limits your crafting kit to 10 items. Looks like that backpack of yours is already pushing max individual items too far. I got it to let you pick them from across the blacksmithing and other crafting gear.

I wrinkled my brow and screwed up my mouth. “Okay, 125lb Hay Budden anvil. Heaviest Post vice, 2 pairs of tongs, one of the giant flat bit ones for use with power hammers, one that universal v-bit pair I made, a 2lb straight peen hammer, whatever the biggest package of carbon steel hacksaw blades is, the large spools of Kevlar cord from my leather kit. The biggest bar of 1095 or 1084 steel, and the biggest piece of high carbon steel on my scrap shelf. Finally, either my gas forge & fuel converted to magical equivalent, or the large green hand cranked blower. I wish I still had that hand cranked forge, The guy left it at my house for 15 years and then wanted it back. So I gave it back to him, despite him being a fairly epic douche.“

Agatha chuckled. “Back pack used up the conversion allowance and some. You get the big green hand cranked blower. For the biggest piece of high carbon steel it looks like you have a complete bearing from a piece of heavy machinery, about 10 inches across and 2 and a half inches thick. In aggregate, it’s the biggest weight and it’s easier to break up into smaller bits.”

“Oh, wow Agatha, great catch, thanks for that.”

Agatha leaned back in her Chair, “Okay kiddo, we’re about done here. After I hit go on my keyboard, you’re going to go meet Garabal. Have a nice talk with him, and tell him I say hello. When you are done there, You are going to land in a safe clearing in the woods, your Immunity ends when you exit the clearing. You crafting kits and silver will appear in your inventory when you land. To find the nearest town, head east to the river and south several days to town. Don’t tell anyone I told you that by the way. Any questions before you go?”

I toss my head back laughing back at her, “Hundreds I’m sure, but I can’t think of any now. Thanks again for being so helpful. I really appreciate it. Bye, Ms. Agatha”

“Bye kid, good luck” Agatha hit enter on her keyboard.