Five of Cups

Lilly sat with her legs crossed on the dusty wooden porch outside Beldor’s farmhouse in the Feywild. In her hands, she held her tarot cards, shuffling them absently as she stared down at the seven-card spread before her. She’d been tripping around through Sigil labeling portals and picking up jobs here and there, dropping her ads in taverns all across the Prime System. All anyone who wanted to hire her need do is burn the parchment it was written on and it would auto-cast Sending to her. As long as the caster could get her all of the needed info to find them in twenty-five words or less, she’d head in that direction. Until then, she’d gotten a pretty good section of the map done and could get pretty much anywhere she needed to. Sitting around waiting for work was maddening. Even walking in other worlds whose mechanics and technology differed from the norm felt hollow.

With a sigh, she chastised herself internally for getting so strung out over the fact that she didn’t have a partner to tool around the cosmos with. She needed to find a way to live her life without looking over her shoulder wondering why no one was looking for her or if she’d been forgotten. Looking at her tarot cards again, she gathered the spread up in her fingers before replacing them to the deck. She needed to distract herself somehow. Lifting her head, she listed for the rhythmic sounds of pounding on steel and decided to go sit with Bob in his forge. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been gone when she got there, but Beldor and Bob had done wonders for the farm. They grew enough crops to provide a start-up source of funding at the market and were slowing building up their inventory of exotic animals.

Understandably, the only enclosure near the forge was Clip-Clop's. The stallion Nightmare was trotting around, happily pawing at the ground before running across the paddock and back tossing his flaming mane around. In Malsheem, Clip-Clop's stable had barely been big enough for him to find a spot to lay down at night. Even though he couldn’t be penned with Beldor’s Wild Horse, the two paddocks were built close enough for the two of them to run side by side for a length before their paths curved away. For a Nightmare, he seemed pretty happy. And, so did his owner. Coming around the corner of the barn and climbing up onto the fence to walk along the top, Lilly watched Bob hammering away at a new piece of armor. With the farm back up and running, the random adventurers stopping by had to give him the chance to practice a new craft.

He’d been the one to forge the Sneak armor before Lilly asked Mask to bless it for him. The severe curving lines and cleanly etched angles were a thing of beauty. Since he’d started making some extra coin for the projects, and the adventurers were willing to provide materials for special orders, Bob had started developing a reputation for high-quality work. She was so proud of him it hurt.

“Hey, Fur-Face,” she said, walking across the wooden fence to perch behind him as he hammered out the flaws in a chest piece small enough for a halfling to wear.

“Hey, Crazy,” he said warmly, setting down his hammer long enough to kiss her cheek as she settled on the wooden beam. “What’s up?”

“Just in my head again,” she said and he frowned at her.

“Ok, you pace and rant,” he said, gesturing for her to stand. “I’ll listen.”

“I love you,” she said and he just shook his head with a chuckle before gesturing again.

Sharply exhaling as she jumped down, Lilly put her hands together at the small of her back and paced as instructed. As she walked, wearing a path in the dirt, she thought out loud as her mind latched onto a tangent that felt less like a whine and more as it could lead to something better.

“Ok, just for my edification, the road so far has been rocky at best,” she said, inflecting it like a question to Bob who nodded. “It’s been up, it’s been down, it’s been break-neck paced at times that lead to moments of rest. There’s been joy, there’s been sorrow, there’s been pain, there’s been love. A well-rounded experience for a well-rounded individual. Introspection always seems to be the flavor of isolation and I’ve been isolated to my mind since childhood. I use the distractions of the world around me to take away the impact of constantly feeling lonely. So much so, that I fixate on other people. How do I look at myself through their eyes, see the real me, and still feel accepted?”

Firbolg Bob just blinked at her, his watery brown eyes slightly vacant. He was listening intently enough for his world to go blurry, but he didn’t understand how to respond to the question. With a gentle lift at the corner of her mouth, she paused in her path to pat his furry chest so he would bend enough for her to kiss his nose.

“I know,” she said. “Sorry, I know I really shouldn’t be complaining about anything, honestly. Yeah, I came from a shit background, but it didn’t hurt me so much as it made me wiser. Yeah, it hurt. Yeah, it was traumatic, but I need to find a way to get beyond it. I need to get out of my head and connect with someone. But everywhere I seem to go, the only connection I feel is intangible. I look at the people that I seem to attract into my life and I always see someone else. I don’t even feel like I belong in this world. I always feel like I’m on the verge of something great, but the world is designed to constantly distract me. The enemy of imagination is constant interruptions, so how can I trust my instincts when I can never hear them? I look at who I am, where I came from so much, I forget to look forward. And this whole Order thing is giving me the scratch because it doesn’t feel right. Every time I do a reading, he crops up in my thoughts and the messages get mangled as a result.”

“You think it has to do with the spell?” he asked, chewing on his cheek.

“I doubt it, honestly,” she said. “Mystra was the one that worked it. All I did was give her my essence to fuel it. She gave me this,” she said holding up the blood-red teardrop charm, that glowed blue in the darkness, by the chain suspending it around her neck. “It connects me to it so I can still have access to my magic. With her behind the spell, I know it was flawless. And yeah, it was rough in the very beginning because I was grieving. But, I’ve been gone for how long now?”

“Ten months,” he said.

“Yikes, I didn’t realize it was that long,” she said with a wince. “Sigil Time is fucked up.”

“We got regular updates on you,” he said, waving his hand at her.

“From who?” she asked.

“The God Squad, who else?” he asked in return.

“Fucking gossip mongers,” she grumbled. “See, this is what I mean. Every time I think I’m free to move about my own life, something comes along to remind me that I’m not. I don’t need a fucking squadron of divine babysitters; I need a real team of friends to work with.”

“For what?” he asked.

“Trying to fix the world?” she asked sarcastically. “I’m so invested in saving this world when it doesn’t feel like I belong to it. Honestly, it feels more like this world belongs to him. I’m just playing his game to try and maneuver myself into a position where I can catch him in it. The ever-maddening twisted pathways that are always riddled with pain and angst. Almost. Too Much. Never enough. Tragically romantic,” she says with a hint of a sneer. “It’s bullshit. If that’s all this life has to offer then I stop playing altogether. All I've ever wanted in life was a place that I belong to. A community. A family. Is that so wrong?” she asked and she stopped and looked around. “I wonder if that’s the same argument my mother would use if I confronted her about why she did what she did.”

“Please, don’t compare yourself to her,” he said in a borderline angry tone.

“Why not? She’s always said I’m just like her,” she pointed out. “What if she’s right?”

“She’s not,” he said, grinding his teeth. “You’re still trying to be better. She isn’t. End of story.”

“Ok,” she said, nodding her head a little trying to swallow the burn in her eyes. “I’ll try.”

“What about the Changeling enclave?” Bob asked and she blinked at him.

“I don’t know if it’s right,” she said.

“They're just like you,” he said encouragingly.

“Racially,” she said. “But the only other Changeling that I have knowingly been around before I got here was Kitty. Her main thing was not being able to decide on a character. I totally relate with the identity issues, but she wears it on the outside instead of within,” she said touching her chest with her claws. “She knows who she is inside and I am damned proud of her for it. As for the enclave, I don’t know what to expect. I know Sour Puss and the others travel as elves because it’s easier. But I don’t know if that changes at the border. Or if I’m expected to wear my Changeling skin at all times unless I’m traveling. I’ve gotten so used to the Tiefling skin at this point, I feel more comfortable like this out in public. Even when I go to worlds where Tieflings aren’t trusted, I still feel more like me with my horns than without them. I don’t know what the protocol is.”

“Sour Puss should be stopping by within the next day on his way back from the market,” Bob said, “you can always ask him.”

“It still tickles me that you started calling him that,” she said with a smile.

“That’s how you identified him to me so that’s what I call him,” he said with a shrug.

“The only thing I’m worried about is him thinking I’m staying there when I’m not sure if it’s right for me,” she admitted. “He was jazzed with the idea of me going, but it feels like he’s developing reasons for me to stay there. I have no issues with helping teach the twins. But it feels like I’m walking into a trap.”

“He does keep asking if you’d said when you were coming home,” he told her.

“I don’t live here,” she reminded him. “Not really. I sleep with you in your room when I crash, but technically I’m homeless. And, I’m ok with that.”

“Try explaining that to him,” he said. “I tried, but he’s convinced that you’ll love the enclave.”

“See, that,” she said, pointing at Bob. “That’s what I’m worried about. I’m worried that I will still want to explore and he’ll find some way to convince me to wait until there’s no time left. Yes, I like him, and I’d love to get to know him better. He helped me remember who I am and, for that, I love him. But I just escaped a life in the Nine Hells with my only vacation spot in the wastelands of Gehenna. I don’t want to be trapped again. Period. Not by him, not by my parents, not by me or my fucking loneliness. I don’t mind making new friends, but it feels like he’s absorbing me and I barely know him.”

“Shit,” Bob said as his conical ears perked up.

“What?” she asked and he pointed down the pathway a few hundred yards out.

“Speak of the devil,” he said. “If you go now, you might be able to hide before he sees you.”

“Relax,” she said. “He honestly doesn’t scare me. I just don’t want to hurt him.”

“The same statement applies, though,” he said.

The sharp whistle and wave from Sour Puss on the cart told her it was too late anyhow. She raised her hand and waved back at him and saw two heads pop up in the back of the cart as he spoke over his shoulder. A second later, one disappeared just before she saw an eagle launch itself to fly towards where she was standing. With a grin she watched, backing away from the forge to a safer area as the eagle transformed into a Changeling and glomped her.

“You’re back!” Leax crowed, grinning as he stood from where they’d landed and helped her back onto her feet.

“Obviously,” she said with a chuckle and gave him a proper hug. “How you been, kiddo?”

“I’m good,” he said and then shifted a little, “Beldor said you’ve been traveling around Sigil, is that true?”

“Mhmm,” she said, nodding her head.

“Can I ask you some questions?” he asked, a little uncomfortably and she smiled.

“Sure,” she said. “But first, I want you to go help your brothers unload the cart for Beldor.”

“Ok,” he said happily and took off back towards the house where Sour Puss was waiting.

“Why are all of his siblings so adorable?” she asked Bob who shrugged.

With a smile and a sigh, she headed off towards the house. No sense in postponing the inevitable. And from the look on Sour Puss’s face, it wasn’t going to be easy. He had that look of uneasy hopefulness that didn’t sit well with him. He was bracing himself for something. An easy smile still on her face, because she was genuinely glad to see him, she walked over and hugged him. Looking up at him from his shoulder, she felt him relax and his smile settled.

“How you been?” she asked.

“Pretty good,” he said, hugging her tightly before letting her go.

“Oh yeah?” she asked. “Tell me about it,” she added, hopping up into his seat on the bench at the front of the cart with her feet hanging over the edge.

“I’m sure your stories are much more interesting than mine,” he said with a half-smile.

“Probably,” she said. “To you. Last time we were together you told me a bit about yourself, but the majority of the time I was ranting. And adventure stories are best told to an audience. We’ll save my no-shit-there-I-was stories for fire, yes? In the meantime, tell me more about your life.”

“My life is boring,” he said.

“Again. To you,” she told him.

“You seem different,” he said, a crease forming between his brows.

“I’m in a good mood,” she said with a shrug. “The only time you’ve seen me, I’ve been exhausted, or in a state of trauma for several reasons. I have the chance to work a few things out of my system. Got some clarity of thought, essentially drank myself sober on madness, and thanks to you, I’m lucid and ready to move on. Start fresh, you know.”

“What do you mean?” he asked in deepening confusion.

“Relax, dude,” she said feeling a ripple of worry roll over her skin. “What’s wrong with me being in a good mood?”

“Nothing,” he said with a frown and stared at the ground.

“Nu-uh,” she said, “spill it.”

He rocked back and forth on his feet for a moment, making her wonder what his deal was. Internal warning bells were starting to ring.

“Ok, you need to start singing, songbird,” she said. “You’re making me nervous.”

When simply shifted uncomfortably, she hopped back down and moved to catch his eyes before locking onto them with hers.

“What’s wrong,” she said flatly without blinking.

“I may have told a friend of mine about you,” he said, wincing.

“So?” she asked. “Did you tell them what I am?”

“No,” he said instantly. “No, I didn’t,” he said more reasonably. “I just said you were an interesting person. I told her your name, she said it was familiar so I told her what you look like as a Tiefling, and,” he said, letting the sentence hang.

“And?” she asked.

“Tiz was a maid in a land baron’s house a few years back,” he said.

“Where are you going with this?”

“She says she saw a snow-white Tiefling with blue hair wipe out the entire court during a party,” he said. “I tried to say it might not be you, but then she pointed out that she recognized your name.”

“It was me,” she said easily. “I remember that night. I was working with Mystra on some homebrew spells, testing the limits of my power. That was the inaugural and only run, on Beshaba’s Karmic Justice. Essentially, I walked into the middle of this dude’s party, got as close to the baron as I could, snapped my fingers and said, ‘fuck this guy in particular.” He was sitting on his throne, doing what Bitch Lords do, and he got fried with a lightning bolt through his throne originating on the floor to the ceiling to spit-roast his ass and unleash Beshaba’s minions. Her unseen servants ripped through every guilty party present and left a bloody mess.”

“Why?” he asked, emphasizing his question with his hands.

“The land baron in question was the head of a child exploitation ring,” she said. “I was working with this little rebel group that was so desperate for help they summoned a demon to overthrow him and got me on their behalf. Mystra had given me the approval to try the spell one time only. I was saving it as a coup de grace move until I found out what he was doing and I lost my shit. As far as I was concerned, sometimes, for the law to be upheld, chaos must reign. So, instead of allowing the rebellion to move forward to try and take him out slowly, I cut off the head of the snake. The rebel leader moved in and put everything to right. I got paid and came home.”

“You traumatized Tiz,” he said, like what she was saying didn’t make sense.

“I had no idea she was there,” she said. “Beshaba’s minions didn’t touch any innocent party and Tiz wasn’t my target. Which means she has no reason to worry about me coming for her or anything else like that. That was also six years ago.”

“You honestly have no remorse,” he said, studying her face.

“I have more guilt than you would believe. So much so, that I’m numb to it. It came with the territory as far as my work was concerned. Do I regret causing your friend pain and trauma? Absolutely. If I could go back and prevent her from bearing witness to it, I would,” she said. “Do I regret completing a job that also took down a complete scumbag? Not in the slightest. Why would I?”

“You can’t just go around killing people,” he chastised her.

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with killing the hags,” she pointed out.

“They almost killed Fuk,” he said in a dangerous tone.

“Exactly,” she said. “Now imagine for a second that, instead of being picked up by the best big brother on the planet, she’d been sold to the land baron. Every face of every victim was looking up at me when I found the rotted warehouse he was keeping them in. I did what needed to be done. And in situations like that, the right thing overrides my reputation. If you want me to apologize to Tiz for her getting caught in the crossfire, I will. I would love to try and make amends. But I’m not going to back down on the motives for my actions nor will I back down on the actions themselves.”

“Tiz is warning everyone in the enclave that you’re a psychotic killer,” he said.

“She’s not wrong,” Lilly said with a shrug. “And it’s better that they know exactly what I have done upfront instead of hiding it. I’m used to people being afraid of me, anyway. Anyone who wants to hear my side can ask me.”

“Do you not want the others in the enclave to like you?” he asked.

“Of course I do, but not from pretending to be or feel something I’m not. I have a past,” she said. “Everyone does.”

“You don’t understand, the others aren’t adventurers. They lead simple, quiet lives,” he told her. “They don’t see the darker parts of the world as we do.”

“They accept you, don’t they?” she asked. “Do they know about your past or how dark you’ve gone? Or have you been keeping it hidden?”

“They don’t need to know every single detail,” he said seriously.

“I figured,” she said. “Kept the adventuring stories to heroics and didn’t leave room for the dirty work. So much more entertaining when there’s no damage. It seriously makes me wonder if you can even face it yourself without cracking.”

His face locked down.

“That’s what I thought,” she said, shaking her head and walking away.

“Where are you going?” he asked from behind her.

“Inside,” she said, looking back over her shoulder. “You coming or not?”

“I feel like you’re fucking with my head,” he said.

“I’m not,” she said. “I’m not angry or upset. Truth is, I’m not even disappointed. It just is what it is. And I’d rather not fight with you about it. Honestly, I’d rather hang out inside with you and your brothers, getting to know you guys better.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I like you,” she said, raising an eyebrow at him. “You’re a good guy and you take care of your own. You’re afraid to face your demons, but it doesn’t matter to me at this point.”

“Why not?” he asked with a scrutinizing expression.

“Because, it’s not my problem,” she said. “You’re a big boy you can take care of yourself. I’m not going to rip your demons out and show them to you unless that’s really what you want. Honestly, I don’t recommend it. Not unless you are truly prepared for it. If you’re not, that’s fine with me. You don’t have to. You have a family that loves you for who you are in their eyes. A hero. If you don’t trust them to have your back if you showed your true demons to them, don’t test them. I just hope your life is filled with joy and is a fulfilling one enough that you never have to face them.”

“Is that a threat?” he asked.

“It’s a warning,” she said. “Trust me on this, the demons inside you will always be worse than the demons I work with. Mine at least can be civil enough to have a conversation if you sit them down and speak respectfully with them. I learned a lot from them. There are a few I would prefer not to face anytime soon, but I’ll always listen to their lessons. The one thing I can promise you about yours is that someday soon, they’ll get your attention. And, it’s up to you what to do when they start talking.”

“I’m not sure you coming to the enclave is such a good idea,” he said and she nodded solemnly.

“If that’s what you think is best,” she said as neutrally as she could.

With a shrill whistle that made her flinch, he called out his brothers. The twins came tumbling out of the door, confirming her suspicions. They’d been watching intently from the window with Beldor. The two of them stood with their haunted expressions, looking confused and disheartened.

“Load up, we’re heading home,” Sour Puss said.

“But, Lilly promised,” Leax started.

“She promised a lot of things,” he said in a low tone. “Get in.”

“I want to stay,” Leax said, making him growl.

“Go with your brother, Leax,” she said. “He’s angry with me, not you. I’ll catch up with you the next time I come through.”

Both the brother came down off the porch and hugged her before obeying their brother. She clenched her jaw when she heard them sniffle as Sour Puss pulled the cart around so they could head away from the house and back to the enclave.

“Just once I’d like to have an angst-free day,” she said to herself.

“What happened?” Beldor asked making her turn.

“Total bullshit,” she said. “No offense, but your nephew is an asshole.”

“None taken, I know,” he said, shaking his head. “What has he done now?”

“Confused me for someone else, apparently,” she said. “I thought I would give a shit about somebody name Tiz telling everyone that I killed a bunch of people. When it turns out that I didn’t because I won’t apologize for the things I do on purpose, he decided I’m not welcome at the enclave. Effectively cutting me off from the chance to redeem myself in their eyes to show I can be trusted. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle trying to do so, but damn. That was a pretty deep cut.”

“Oh, fuck him,” Beldor said waving his hands. “Just because he says you’re not welcome doesn’t mean you are. It just means he’s going to be BroodieMcBrooderton the entire time until he remembers why he was so excited to see you in the first place.”

“And why is that?” she asked.

“Oh, honey, he’s twitterpated,” he said bluntly.

“Yeah, well,” Lilly said with a shrug. “Maybe once he cools down, we’ll sit and talk it out like reasonable, level-headed adults. But, until such a time as that might happen, I will continue to search for where I belong elsewhere. For now, I’m going to go inside and drown my sorrows in Fire Whiskey strong enough to kill brain cells. Care to join me?”

“I’ll get the glasses,” he said sympathetically, patting her on the shoulder.

The Tower

Two glasses in and Lilly could no longer feel her lips. Making a face that was similar to a duck as she tried to look at her lips, she was pretty sure they were there but she wasn’t entirely convinced of it. Beldor laughed and said something but her head was all swimmy and she wasn’t entirely sure where her lips went. She looked as Beldor hoping he could see her smiling at him as she blinked one eye and then the other.

“Heh, Light Weight,” Beldor said as her ears tuned back in.

“Hey,” she said with a pout. “Just because I’m a cheap date doesn’t mean anything. And this shit is strong,” she added in a defensive tone and grabbing the bottle shaped like devil skull set aflame and looked it in the eye-sockets. “It was a present from Asmodeus the last time I checked in with him. Which by the way, every time I check in with Jareth so he knows I’m not blowing up the universe, I have to go see Asmodeus now,” she said in a sarcastic tone.

“I thought he was some great lover,” Beldor said.

“No, he’s a great Dom, which means every time I see him now, he thinks he gets to play with me and the fact that I keep telling him no is driving him crazy,” she said. “I kindly remind him that I’m not collared to his harem and therefore am not his property. That more than anything gets under his skin.”

“Are you doing it on purpose?” he asked.

“Not really,” she admitted. “I’m just at a point in my life where I’m out for quality, not quantity. The only people I have sex with now are Mystra and Lucifer. I’ll still cuddle the shit out of Bob as often as I can because it’s awesome. But sex? Nah. Well, unless he’s interested in joining us.”

“You, a Firbolg, the Goddess of Magic, and the Original Fallen Angel,” Beldor said.

“There has to be a punch line to that,” she said with a hiccup.

“Give me enough time and some more of that whiskey and I’ll think of one,” he said, grabbing the bottle and refilling his glass.

“Anything to wash out that mental image?” she asked and he glared at her.

“As of now? Yes,” he said, tipping the glass to his lips and downing it in one swallow.

“Keep the rest of it,” she said, “I’m done with it.”

“You sure,” he asked and she nodded.

“I’m not a big drinker, to begin with, honestly,” she confessed, “but your fuckwit nephew put me in a very dark place for a hot second and I figured it was better to drink than to scream. I just wanted one fucking day was both angst-free and not so busy. A chance to unwind instead of recover, but instead, he chastised me like a child on my behavior without stopping to ask the motives. Instead of trusting me like an adult and asking me if I do shit like that often, he just assumed that I go around killing and maiming without purpose. And he never once stopped to ask about the aftermath of it. How about the part where after saw what I’d done, I broke down in sobs in the middle of the ballroom? I’d known the baron was going to die, but I hadn’t realized how many people were involved. I got hit with the guilt instantaneously and it was crippling. On top of that, I didn’t have the strength to stand. I had to be carried out by one of the rebels and put under the care of a Cleric of Mystra. It took Lucifer almost a year to get through to me enough to talk about what happened and he had the balls to chastise me for it. It took me a long time to get to a point where I could live with myself after that and he,” she said, letting the sentence hang. She was getting herself worked up and she could feel it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I feel like I’m slipping backward,” she said.

“You’re sitting still,” he said.

“No, mentally,” she clarified. “He just dragged up a lot of old questions about whether or not I’m worthy of finding a home.”

“You have one here if you need it,” he assured her, patting her hand.

“I know, and I love you for it,” she said. “I’m going to go for a walk try to sober up.”

“Stick to the property so, if you die, I don’t have to go looking too far for the body,” he said, pouring himself drink number eight.

“Understood,” she said with a chuckle.

With a lot more effort than it should have taken, Lilly managed to stand and walk out the door. She could hear Bob in the forge around the corner of the barn, but she’d already ranted to him enough for one day. Instead, she busied her hands with shuffling her tarot cards as she walked into the wheat field, following the long rows towards the road. As she wandered, she tried to process the cycle of her depression. She was no stranger to it by then. She knew the anger would rise at some point and she could either let it out or swallow it down. The night in question replayed in her mind in stunning detail as she remembered it all the way through in a second, all the way forward to the numbness she felt.

It made her wonder why she thought she could ever belong anywhere. Every world she’d visited as an agent for Asmodeus or the Demon Lords would see her as the villain no matter what she did. How did she know she could be trusted not to act like one in a world where she hadn’t? Especially when no one would let her forget it. Not even herself. She’d done pretty well at keeping her temper under control, speaking to him calmly and making sure she meant everything she said. It was almost like he was trying to piss her off and the fact that she hadn’t snapped made him angry. She’d seen those warning signs before. Needless escalation was a big one and she replayed the conversation in her head just to be sure. She could admit she was cold in her assessment of the situation. She had to be to deal with it. But was that the reason he was so angry or was it something else?

He didn’t know what that night did to her. She couldn’t hold that against him because he didn’t have that knowledge to work from. Granted, he hadn’t asked either. She thought once again about finding the victims and remembering what had brought her to them. Her decision that night to let chaos reign instead of upholding the law as a good person, was the moment she blackened her soul and said, “fuck being a hero.” Sometimes bitches just gotta die. It was that moment while working for Lucifer that her anger woke up the Demon Lords. She’d coldly shoved the rebel leader towards the warehouse and told him to take care of them. Without asking permission she started barking orders at people but the look in her eyes and the tone she spoke in brooked no argument. Without question, they’d fallen in line. Prepared to accept the consequences of their actions in the name of their people’s freedom from tyranny, they followed her. And they only had to get her as far as the gates.

Once she was inside, she walked unchecked through the courtyard because the commotion of the rebel attack drew their forces out to investigate. In the center of the house, there was a party. A celebration of corruption and wealth. The over-ripening, fat of society was slobbering away as they gorged themselves on the spoils of exploitation. Their macabre display of jovial laughter, patting themselves on the back for their accomplishments as one by one she recalled all their faces. She walked right through them all. No one ever paid attention to the jester. And all of them had seen her routine. She’d pointed out every one of their flaws to them and they’d laughter everything she’d been saying. She was smiling when she approached the land baron and he’d had the gall to titter with glee because he thought that meant she was happy.

She’d gotten five feet from the baron and laughed, took a step back and gave a flourishing bow. With her hand extended in front of her and her eyes tilted up from the ground over a manic smile, she’d continued to laugh until they were all laughing. Falling on the floor holding their guts. Only the land baron had managed to keep his laughter in check, but her eyes kept him pinned into place. Fear ripped up his throat, choking him on her laughter until she inhaled to whisper, “fuck this guy in particular.” With a snap of her fingers, she cracked her soul, fractured it into a thousand pieces and unleashed the pent-up chaos within. An Abyssal lightning bolt heralded the awakening of the Demon Lords, shredding through her victim straight from Gehenna to give them passage to feast on the entrails of anyone who knowingly profited from the exploitation. She’d even lost a few rebels as a result. Some of them had become her friends.

To tell herself she’d done the right thing, she’d followed each one of the children to make sure they were able to move on. Blackening her soul further as she acted as their Guardian Demon to make sure they didn’t have to with Lucifer as her Guardian Angel to get her through. Making hard decisions and being hated for it, to give them their freedom. But she could only help one child at a time. So, she’d set a pin in the gears of her watch to form a time loop between the moment she found them back to the first time she died. Two deaths to link so many lifetimes, each one with a different child.

By the time she’d lived enough lifetimes to know every single one of them would be safe, no matter what, she’d knowingly walked into the party and done the same thing for the seventieth time. Solidifying her place as a Demon Lord. She had knowingly and willing fractured her soul every time to keep them safe, and would do it again. Except, she’d pulled the pin out. She knew the kids would be safe without her influence because every last one of them had remembered her lessons. Each little bastard had recognized her the moment she opened the door the last time she found them in the warehouse. And each one of them had remembered their families and found them. She sent them off to be with the rebels who had adopted them in the lifetimes she’d spent with them. They knew why she did what she did. Evil for the right reasons was a concept she was given out of the mouths of babes.

But Evil for the right reasons was still Evil. And in that world, she’d never escape it. She’d had so many dreams of being a hero when she was a kid. She’d never liked the damsel in distress aspect of the tale. She’d always dreamed of being the knight. Riding hard into battle against the monsters that threatened the world to have her true love back home waiting to embrace her with kisses when she returned. But once the violence and gore had subsided and she stood calmly surveying the damage, she realized she was the villain. The evil force that began a cascading effect of upheaval that started a revolution in a tiny kingdom on a random world in the Prime System. A world she’d lived on for all of a month in that one life she had left.

The first year of that life after the incident with the land baron had put her in a catatonic state as the only thing left she could feel without the kids around was the guilt. In those days, Lucifer and Mystra were on suicide watch even though she didn’t have the energy to go through with it. The very first day she spoke again, she’d asked Lucifer if she was evil. He knew she would doubt him if he said she wasn’t because he was biased, so he took her to Vecna. The benchmark for Chaotic Evil. The King of the Sadistic Sociopaths. Walking into his pocket dimension with her Demon Sigils intact, she’d bypassed his alarms. No Good may enter his domain. Vecna doesn’t care for the smell.

Lucifer had led her to the foot of his throne of twisted torsos and limbs, pushing her forward to ask Vecna the same question. Humbling presenting herself, he’d allowed her to tell the story of her crime. With tears in her eyes, she’d finished by asking if she was evil. In response, he’d only laughed.

“Oh look, a Bard I don’t have to beat to death with their instrument,” he’d said to Lucifer and patted her head. “There isn’t an evil bone in your body,” he’d told her quietly. “You did what you did because you were strong enough to endure it when you didn’t have to. I do ten worse things before breakfast because I enjoy it. Did you take pleasure in what you did?”

“No,” she’d admitted. “The fact that I did it makes me sick.”

“Stop crying,” he’d said. “You’re not evil. You’re so good it’s making me sick.”

“You know,” she’d said with a wane smile as she’d brazen climbed in his lap and he’d frozen not knowing what to do. “It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.”

That was the first time she’d confused the fuck out of Vecna. He’d started laughing at the inappropriate humor, which made her smile because he seemed so surprised by the sound. So, she kept telling him jokes until she’d fallen asleep in his lap. When she’d woken up, she’d been back in Gehenna with a note from Vecna saying he was keeping an eye on her. She’d only laughed knowing he’d never give her his left eye. But the note did make for a nice breadcrumb to fuck with adventurers who went snooping in her bag when she was asleep. And, thinking of Vecna, she thought once again, he’d had the right idea creating his pocket dimension. His little world. What equated out to Vecna’s Happy Place was nightmare fuel for moral senses, but it made him happy.

She just wished she could find a world of her own. And, with that one thought, she knew what to do. She tucked her tarot cards next to her pipe and her herb in the pouch at her hip. They might come in handy and the only other items she had on her person were her dagger, her watch, and a coin purse. Everything else, she left in the farmhouse. Tipping her head back, she looked at the sky, memorizing the colors one last time. The Feywild was beautiful and the realms of magic were incredible, but she just didn’t feel at home in that world. It felt like it was a game created by someone else. And she’d said before that she was done playing by their rules.

In her mind, she said her goodbyes. All of her friends and those who had touched her life so deeply. She filled herself with the hope that in that moment they feel her love and, in case they couldn’t, she felt it for them. Filling herself up with the sensation until she was trembling under the weight of it. She held onto it for as long as she could, then she exhaled and let it all out with her apologies. One by one, the connections broke. The voices and faces faded away. Beldor and Bob. Destiny and Braxhar. Jareth and Asmodeus. Sour Puss, his siblings, and Anzora. The Weirdos. Even Tiz for reminding her that she didn’t belong there. The last ones to go were Lucifer and Mystra, their love snapping away like broken silk ropes leaving her reeling. And they were the ones that hurt most, bringing her to her knees in the field as she whispered, “Grandpa, please, take me home.”

With a yawning crack, the ground split open in front of her, the dirt crumbling in front of her knees. A few heartbeats later she heard yelling voices behind her and she stood to see Beldor and Bob. She whispered her love to them on the wind and smiled as she tipped herself back. With the only reminder of Mystra clutched to her chest, she let herself fall into the maelstrom. The gnashing of teeth and the deafening winds gave life to the vortex surrounding her as she tumbled downward, only righting herself again at the entrance snapped shut. The last thing she saw was Bob’s distressed face as he called out her name before tears blurred her vision and she spun out of control down the tunnel.

Shadows coalesced in ways that didn’t make sense as she fell through existence past the Abyss and soon, she was being thrashed by the sides of the vortex. Her body felt like it was being tenderized for what felt like forever, but it really must’ve lasted only a few moments until she came to a painful sudden stop at the bottom. Opening her eyes for the first time, she knew she was real. She could feel the weight in her muscles and bones. She was bruised and bloody, probably suffering from a few broken bones and internal ruptures. More than that, she could feel the absence. Wherever she was magic didn’t exist. The most she could feel was the tiny vibrations in the charm she’d gotten from Mystra. But it wasn’t enough to heal any of her injuries. She couldn’t even shift form.

Seeping through the pain, she felt cold and wet. The scent of pine, dirt, and blood flooded her sinuses. She could barely hear her heartbeat about the ringing in her ears. The only thing her eyes could make out around her was white. Above her was darkness and with a pained whine, she succumbed to it, closing her eyes against the tears.

Death

Jessie pulled her knees up to her chest in the passenger seat of her husband’s F350 as she looked out the window at the snow. The sun had gone down about an hour earlier and they’d been driving back home since noon. She didn’t mind going with Luke into the city to get supplies for the school, but she’d been sitting in the truck for so long her ass was numb. With a deep breath, she pulled her hip-length black braid over her shoulder and started fidgeting with the end.

“You’re in your head again,” Luke said, his deep, growly voice a bit raw from sitting in silence.

Jessie turned to look at his profile as he watched the road. With a slight lip of the corner of her lips, she shifted her seatbelt a bit to put her head on his shoulder. When his arm came over to rest his hand over her legs, she hugged it gently.

“You ok?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her, his crimson eyes glowing slightly in the light of the dashboard.

“Yeah,” she said with a deep breath. “I just keep getting this weird feeling in my chest.”

“What does it feel like?” he asked, his heavy brow furrowing.

“Like this ping,” she said, screwing up her face not knowing how to describe it. “It’s kind of making me itch.”

To her surprise, he pulled over to the side of the mountain road and off the shoulder. Without explanation, he turned off the car and got out. At nearly 7’ tall, 250 Lbs. of solid muscle, Luke dropped to the road from the cab easily. Jessie, however, was over a foot and half shorter and about a hundred pounds lighter, so she sat in the seat waiting for him to come around. When he opened the door, she reached for his shoulders as he helped her down and grabbed his coat from her seat. She’d been using the heavy black leather duster as a blanket while they drove.

“Ok,” he said, running a hand over his shortly cropped black hair. “Which direction does it feel the strongest?”

“Huh?” she asked, huddling into her lettermen-style jacket.

“What you’re describing is the sensation I feel when I’m hunting,” he said. “There’s something out there you’re reacting to. All we have to do is find it.”

“What about the supplies?” she asked.

“They’ll be fine,” he said as he double-checked the tarp covering them. “Come on.”

She knew better than to argue when he got that determined look on his face. The Spirare Work-Mode expression. Rolling her eyes, she half jogged along to keep up with his long-legged strides. Even if she hadn’t been an avid hiker that liked to run, just walking with her husband would keep her in shape. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he turned the flashlight on and stopped just past the tree line. Putting a cold bare hand on the back of her neck to touch her skin, he looked out into the trees. With a deep breath, she closed her eyes and relaxed a bit as she tried to focus on the sensation.

“A few hundred yards that way,” he said, shining his light towards the North and into the trees.

Holding onto his hand so she wouldn’t get turned around, Jessie followed Luke into the woods. She stayed silent, focusing on the ping. He stayed silent, watching their surroundings. Through the connection their kind shared, as well as them being a Bonded Pair, they were communicating. It was more like an exchanged haze of emotions and scattered images than a conversation, but it worked. Between her passing the sensation of the ping to him and his knowledge of the area, they were able to find the source within twenty minutes.

“What is that?” she asked as they came upon a heap of snow covering what looked like a person splayed out on the ground.

Broken branches surrounding them as well as red stains in the while that marked injuries sustained from a fall told a pretty clear story. Whoever they were, they fell from pretty high up in the trees. To her surprise, as she approached slowly, she could hear tiny labored, wheezing breaths.

“They’re alive,” she said and rushed forward.

“Watch it, Jess,” Luke said. “I don’t think they’re human. Look,” he said, pointing at a long tail laying at an odd angle beside them.

He leaned down as carefully as he could, leaving Jessie a few feet back from the person.

“She looks like a Tiefling,” he said, his brow furrowed as he looked at her.

“No fucking way,” Jessie said.

Jessie had seen a lot of weird shit over the last five years since she’d come to MERCE. But finding a Tiefling topped the list of WTF moments, and she shook her head.

“What do we do?” she asked. “You’re the expert on this one.”

“She’s hurt pretty badly,” he said. “We’re going to have to get her back to the campus and into the infirmary. But, I’m not sure if we should move her. The way her arms are laying, it looks like they're both broken and her ribs are probably at least cracked. No telling if there’s damage to her spine.”

“I’ll call Theo,” Jessie said, pulling her phone out of her back pocket as she did.

The Terramancer answered on the third ring. She filled him in as briefly as possible and agreed to send her GPS coordinates to him on the promise that he’d been there in half an hour with Lena and a First Aid trailer hitched to the back of his ATV. Tipping his head back as soon as she’d hung up, Luke let out a blasting, shrill whistle and Jessie heard a familiar howling in the distance. Thankfully, Puff was out roaming the grounds. A few seconds later, a black wolf the size of Luke’s truck appeared out of nowhere beside them, pausing to nose Jessie’s cheek.

“What’s up?” Puff asked, his voice echoing in their heads.

“I need you to lay down beside her and keep her warm, but be careful not to touch her,” Luke said, motioning for the hellhound to come closer to the Tiefling.

“Whoa,” Puff said as he looked at his new charge before settling down on the ground and curling around her. The tufts of bright red at the tips of his ears twitched as he sniffed at her and he swished his tail a little. “She smells like a fairy.”

“Just keep her warm,” Luke said.

“Right,” Puff replied and let out a chuff as he started raising his body temperature.

The snow around them started to melt and Jessie stepped closer to warm up herself as they waited for Theo and Lena. The Tiefling was wearing a long, sleeveless, black tunic that hung in four panels at the waist over black leather pants and boots. A larger brown leather pouch hung from her left hip off a braided belt secured in the front. Her skin was so marred by blood and bruising, she wasn’t sure if the Tiefling was pink, purple, or grey. But her hair was most definitely bright blue making her black, gazelle-like horns visible. With a strangled gasp, the Tiefling opened her eyes and started to jerk, only to let out a howl of pain.

“Just lay still,” Luke said, cradling her head in his large hands and speaking gently.

“Where am I?” the Tiefling croaked as soon as she’d settled again.

“Colorado,” he said and she just stared at him. “Earth? 2020?” he asked and she winced and passed out. “I honestly didn’t know how to answer that,” he said, looking up at Jessie.

“Neither did I,” she said, shaking her head.