“Hey, Sour Puss,” Lilly said from the railing lining the front porch of the farmhouse the next morning as he returned from the barn with a saddle that had seen better days.

“What?” he asked as he set it on the rail beside her before taking the saddle blanket she’d just finished mending over to where his pale horse stood to graze on the grass.

“How do crazy people get through the forest?” she asked, pulling the saddle closer so she could use her cantrip to fix the cracks in the leather.

“Uh,” he said, obviously not sure how to respond.

“They take the psychopath,” she said, snickering to herself as he groaned. “Hey, Sour Puss.”

He just sighed and went back to saddling up his horse for them to ride to the enclave.

“When does a pun become a Dad joke?”

He paused, not turning around, but didn’t answer.

“When it becomes apparent,” she said anyway and he let out a slight grunt before shaking his head with a long-suffering sigh.

“Your jokes make my soul hurt,” he said, though there was a slight chuckle in his voice.

“Well, at least you know you have one, then,” she said. “By the way, thanks for explaining the word ‘many’ to me. It means a lot.”

The snort of laughter that responded and the shaking of his head was worth the pain she endured for making such a horrible joke and she went back to mending the saddle with a grin.

“What did the grape say when it got crushed?” he asked as he came back to retrieve it.

“What?” she asked with a smirk.

“Nothing, it just let out a little wine,” he answered and she started giggling a little, catching a flash of a genuine smile from Sour Puss as he turned away.

“Did that hurt?” she asked.

“I’m not going to lie,” he said with a chuckle. “I kind of hate myself a little.”

“Could be worse,” she said with a mischievous smirk.

“How so?” he asked, turning back to look at her.

“What do organized crime and pussies have in common?” she asked and he raised a suspicious eyebrow at her. “One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit.”

The chuckling shudder she received made her grin like an idiot.

“Ok,” he said with an evil smile, “what do you call a guy with a giant dick?”

Before she could cue his punchline, an Infernal transportation circle exploded from the ground in a wave of sulphuric heat, startling the horse and knocking Lilly backward off of the railing. Within a heartbeat, Beldor was outside, prepping a spell under his breath, and Sour Puss dropped into a protective stance on the ground level in front of her. Blinking in surprise, she made a mental note that, although she was impressed with their immediate battle-readiness, they were going to need to learn to relax in the face of evil. Standing up and brushing herself off, she looked past Sour Puss and realized her ride was there.

“Hey, Jareth,” called waving at him like an idiot. “I was just getting ready to head out.”

Once again appearing in his Hell Knight armor, he already held his helmet under his arm. And he did not look happy. At all. Which made her want to needle him even more. One thing she loved about her Devil Lord friend was that he was perpetually angry. This set up a situation where being relentlessly cheerful and loving got under his skin in such a way that she could torture him by making him feel happy. It was a mutual hatred that bordered on love because they understood each other so easily. The reason they clicked was so stupid and simple that their entire relationship became absurd in that moment. Jareth and Lilly had first bonded over a fart joke.

"Do you have an idea how much gold you are costing me right now?” he groused, raising an eyebrow at Beldor before flicking his wrist to dismiss the elf’s spell.

“I’m not the one who decided to jump to the Feywild on an unauthorized transportation circle,” she pointed out.

“Where have you been?” chastised her as he came forward, ignoring Sour Puss as he stepped to stay between them.

“Right here,” she said. “The entire time.”

“There was no trace of you, at all,” he said, clenching his teeth against his barely contained fury. “Ten minutes after you left the fortress Asmodeus lost his shit. Big time. He’s had me hunting you the whole time. I had to tip off Sneak to get your Weirdos out of the Hells using your back-up portal to Dis.”

“Is everyone ok?” she asked seriously.

“Of course,” he said with a huff. “Do you think I’m going to let anything happen to your degenerate, sex-crazed idiots?”

“Of course not,” she said, “we amuse you too much.”

Jareth took a deep breath where she knew he was mentally counting backward before shaking his head. With a long-suffering sigh, he looked back at her and shook his head again.

“You knew I’d get called to look into your prank,” he said and she nodded. “So, you knew, no matter what happened, I’d look after your idiots,” he said and she nodded. “You bitch,” he added and she smiled unapologetically at him. “Alright, you got me. It was a long fucking con, but you got me.”

“The nature of the spell was to remind everyone who’s really in charge, baby,” she said with a grin. “The severity of the prank was determined by the severity of dissension. Since you and I are pretty good friends, I figured the worst thing I could do was make your hermit ass leave your cave and get some sunshine for a change.”

“I hate you so much,” he said.

“I love you, too,” she smiled. “So,” she said hopping up on the railing and pulling Sour Puss back a bit to lean back between her knees so she could hold him back if necessary, “has Asmodeus cooled his shit or am I going to have to hide for a bit?”

“He’s calmed down,” Jareth assured her. “He had me tailing Bobeldalion in an attempt to find you and while my spies were watching him, they overheard a conversation between some Erenyes that gave us a lead on a different issue.”

“Bob was digging up dirt on Loth for me,” she told him.

“That explains why he started listening in on their conversation about Drow being a pain in the ass to work with,” he said and then took a deep breath. “Turns out Lolth was working with the Princess to try and overthrow Dear Old Daddy.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she said shaking her head before thumping it against Sour Puss’s shoulder.

“The Princess is in Time Out and Asmodeus laid a smackdown on Lolth in the form of ten thousand incubi on loan from Loviatar flooding the Demonweb Pits,” he said and she groaned.

“Ok,” she said lifting her head. “I think the Dark Pantheon and I need to have a chat. I don’t want to be a killjoy, but I’m getting sick of the retaliation bullshit. It’s like having a pantheon of children bickering fucking constantly and I’m fucking tired of putting out fires. You realize what Lolth will do if her priestesses become harem girls for Asmodeus’s incubus flunkies?”

“She’ll likely find another way to try and manipulate her way into the Hells to try and destroy him,” Jareth said bluntly and she held up her hand in a tada motion. “What’s your point?”

“My point is, when does it end?” she asked. “When will the gods of the Dark Pantheon wake up and realize there’s more to life? Fuck, Vecna had the right idea going into his little pocket universe.”

“Until one of his followers summons him back from beyond the Celestial Gates,” Jareth said.

“Fun fact,” she said, “Vecna doesn’t do shit unless he wants to. And the next person who finds his hand to attempt to bring him back will get the finger from it.”

“Wait, you know Vecna?” Sour Puss asked in a strange mix of horror and confusion.

“Oh yeah,” she said, nodding her head as he looked back at her over his shoulder. “His first words after meeting me were, ‘oh, look. A Bard I don’t have to beat to death with their instrument.’,” she told him. “He likes puns, too, by the way. And sick jokes. Like the darker the better. And, the more uncomfortable you are telling it, the happier he is.”

“Good to know,” he said, blinking at her.

“Your lectures on life aside,” Jareth said after clearing his throat, “I’ve been looking for you for almost a week.”

“I’m surprised it took you so long,” she said honestly.

“Well, as much as I should, I don’t have a tracker on you,” he said. “And whatever method you used out the Hells left no trace of a trail behind it.”

“I fell through a portal, again,” she said and it looked as though the thought pained him.

“That’s it, I’m assigning you a babysitter,” Jareth said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I get a Pit Fiend to play with?” she asked cheerfully.

“On second thought,” he said. “Nevermind. I’m not risking getting the job.”

“Damn, you caught that,” she said with a chuckle. “So, how did you find me?”

“I had to bribe so many people for information it was disgusting,” he said. “It took the whispers of a follower of the Traveler to a cultist about an albino Tiefling in the Feywild that could be the key to gaining Asmodeus’s favor.”

“Ooo,” she said with a mischievous grin, “I’m going to be hunted by cultists.”

“You say that like it’s a good thing,” Sour Puss said.

“Don’t worry, most cultists are idiots. Easy to manipulate, when needed, by preying on their zealotry,” she explained. “That and I’m a Changeling. Worst case, I change my Divergent Persona skin and get used to not posing as a Tiefling.”

“Wait, he knows?” he asked, indicating Jareth with his thumb.

Lilly looked at him with wide eyes and pursed lips as soon as she realized her slip.

“Yeah,” she said in a tiny voice. “Ok, he saw me twitch,” she admitted. “He caught me off guard and startled me bad enough to set off my Disturbing Visage.”

“How many other people in the Hells know you’re a Changeling?” he asked with a frown.

“Destiny, Braxhar, their kids, Bob, Uriah, and my parents,” she said.

“Nymlss,” Jareth said.

“Yeah, but he knows better than to try and use it against me,” she said seriously.

“You sure about that?” Sour Puss asked, making her pause.

“Not really,” she said finally. “He’s known for over a decade and hasn’t told anyone that I know of, but I’ve also been laying low in Malsheem all that time. The only ones that were even aware of my existence down there were the people I just listed off and this guy. But after Beshaba’s Day, I’m not sure how unknown I’ll be. Especially if Asmodeus made it no secret he was looking for me.”

“All the more reason to hurry back,” Sour Puss said, leaning his head back and cupping her head to whisper in her ear.

“Yes, dear,” she said with a chuckle and then looked up to see Jareth raising an eyebrow. “But, to do that, I have to leave, first,” she said more seriously.

Her insides were screaming, “I don’t want to go,” but she hopped down off the railing behind Sour Puss and moved around him to hug him. Beldor came down the steps to hug her as well, giving her a small sack of sandwiches and making her promise to be safe. Jareth seemed to figure something out and nodded to himself as she walked towards him. In the fifteen feet it took to cross into the range of the transportation circle, Lilly replayed the scene in her head from Jareth’s perspective and had to fight the urge to chuckle. She held it together long enough to turn around and waved with a mischievous grin as Jareth put his hand on her shoulder.

“Bye, Love Birds,” she said and laughed at Sour Puss’s expression as the red light of the Jareth’s magic washed it out.

When the light faded out, she blinked her eyes and coughed as the poisonous air rushed into her lungs. Being in the Feywild had done wonders for the perpetual burning it did to her throat. The sudden return of the poison was enough to remind her that, although it wouldn’t kill her, it still hurt like a bitch. As soon as she was able to stop coughing enough to wipe her eyes, she looked around and saw the familiar sight of Destiny’s back room. The containment spells masking the unauthorized transportation magic dulled as Lilly blinked her eyes clear.

“You paid Destiny to send you?” she asked.

“She was the only one I trusted enough to know where I was going to look for you,” he said.

“So, how long do I have before Asmodeus shows up?” she asked.

“Once you step out of this room? No clue,” he told her. “Now, get out of my circle, I’m going home,” he said shoving her forward.

“Love you,” she said smiling sadly at him.

He frowned a little at the expression and nodded his head after a moment.

“Love you, too, kid,” he said and then flashed out.

With a deep breath, she leaned against the worktable where she’d spent so many hours working. Somehow, it didn’t feel so homey anymore. She was taking a deep breath to shove it down deep so she didn’t raise any questions. She wasn’t worried about anyone knowing where she’d been. But knowing how much she missed it, and so quickly, it worried her a bit. She’d told them she was coming back, but she wasn’t sure of it. That was why she’d never said, “I promise.” Promises made were promises kept. Otherwise, it was just a lie in the end. It had been too easy to slip into the idea of living there. And the idea felt so much better than being in Malsheem. She could be herself without having to worry. Looking around she saw her cage for what it was. She’d tried to make a home out of it, but she couldn’t stay there. She wasn’t sure if the Feywild could be her real home, but it felt like it could be. One more deep breath and she stretched out her neck, ready to face off with the Archfiend. At least, she hoped she was.

Stepping out of the back room of the shop, she was immediately glomped by Destiny. She assured her friend that she was alright and was promising to fill her in on the details when she turned to the open door of the shop to see Nymlss. She was able to turn away quickly enough to hide her twitch at the sight of him, taking a deep breath as Destiny stepped between them.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Destiny growled at Lilly’s bearded devil ex-lover.

Lilly didn’t have to turn around to know the expression on his face was one of barely veiled disdain. The corner of his upper lip would be twitching with the need to sneer as he tried to affect an air of reasonable friendliness. If it had been dealing with anyone other than Destiny, it might not have been twitching. But he knew Destiny could destroy him if she so chose. Bitch had lair actions inside her shop. The reminder went a long way to helping Lilly pack her damage away and she turned to face him.

“I hear you’re getting into the transportation business,” he said and put a small sack of platinum on the counter. “I need to get to the Prime Material Plane.”

“Take a Hell-Mouth Portal like everyone else,” Destiny said bluntly.

“I don’t have the authorization contracts,” he explained through his teeth.

Lilly frowned in confusion. Nymlss had a pack of cronies he usually spent his time lording over on the other side of the city. With the amount of coin he was willing to pay to have Destiny, of all people, transport him out of the Hells, he was in trouble.

“What did you do?” she asked him flatly.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” he said, looking at her for the first time with a full sneer.

“Answer her question,” Destiny said in a warning tone.

“Think you’d be better off just talking the platinum and shutting up,” he said, turning back to Destiny with a twitch as his natural tendency to posture in front of others started kicking in.

“I do hate when customers think they have the right to abuse the staff,” a deep baritone voice said from the corner of the shop where Asmodeus was lurking in the shadow. “Especially when they are on the run for treason and only have the one option to escape their punishment.”

“Oh, shit,” Lilly said with a surprised laugh. “He was involved with Lolth, too?” she asked Asmodeus and he shook his head.

“He tipped her off that I was coming for her and caused the deaths on half the incubi,” he said. “Wait, how do you know this guy?”

“He’s my ex,” she told him bluntly.

“So, you wouldn’t mind if I,” asked, pointing a careless finger at Nymlss.

“I legitimately couldn’t give two shits,” she said honestly. “Fuck, if you want, I can suggest a punishment. Up to you whether it’s enough to satisfy the crime.”

Nymlss looked like he wanted to kill her. And not in the way her friends did. The careless disgust he normally showed her was suddenly replaced with pure, violent hatred.

“Go for it,” Asmodeus said with a smirk.

“Trap him inside his mind and have him relive the lives of all of his victims from their perspective,” she said with a shrug. “But don’t take away his sense of identity. Let him remember how much he’d enjoyed what he did so he can dread what’s going to happen to him. When he’s done, send him back to Loviatar, letting her know he was working with Lolth and caused the deaths of his brethren from her church. By then, if he has enough mental prowess, he’ll have turned himself into a masochist. She’ll have fun turning him back into a sadist. Either that, or she’ll keep him as a pet. She’s still not happy about him driving me into the arms of Ilmater to recover from him. So, she’ll make the call.”

With a smile of appreciation, Asmodeus snapped his fingers and Nymlss vanished from the shop. With a nod of respect, he held out his hand to her.

“Might I have a moment of your time?” he asked, taking her back a bit.

“Do I have a choice?” she asked and he tilted his head a bit.

“Of course,” he said and she shrugged as she looked at Destiny.

“You might want to stash that platinum before one of his cronies comes looking,” she suggested. “Just because he got caught doesn’t mean they won’t come looking for it.”

Destiny looked between her and Asmodeus, assessed that she was ok, took the coins, and left.

“Is what he said true?” the Archfiend asked once Destiny was out of sight.

“About what?” she asked leaning against the counter with her elbows.

“The unauthorized transportation circles,” he said bluntly.

“Only transportation circle she’s ever summoned was for Jareth,” she said honestly. “And she only bent the rules because I was involved. So, by all technicality, it wasn’t unauthorized since it was summoned for the Lord of Dis at your bidding. He just didn’t want anyone to know where he was going until he had me.”

“Smart,” the Archfiend said. “I put out a 50,000 gold piece bounty on your head,” he said with an unapologetic smile.

“It still active?” she asked and he nodded.

“Give me two hours and I’ll have Sneak turn me in,” she said with a smile.

With a chuckle, he dipped his head and vanished to the tune of, “I look forward to it.”

She was in so much trouble. But she had a feeling she’d enjoy it anyway.

After convincing Braxhar to watch the shop, she grabbed Destiny to come with her to the transport-center where Bob repaired carts. She figured it was easier to tell them both at the same time instead of trying to bounce back and forth. On the way, she poked her head into the library to see if Uriah was around. When Destiny said he was out on a job, she decided to just let Destiny tell him. When they reached the repair shop and spotted her Firbolg, she immediately pounced on him. With a grin of surprise, he hugged her tightly. As Destiny caught up, she was chuckling a bit.

“Ok, what’s got you so excited?” she asked and Bob nodded before looking at her.

“Bob, pack your shit, we’re getting out of here,” she said, proudly putting her hands on her hips.

She took the next half hour to fill them in on her trip to the Feywild, as well as Beldor’s invitation to crash. As soon as she mentioned that the elf wanted to get into the exotic animal trade, Bob lit up. She knew, if nothing else, that would get him. He was a big softy when it came to animals, avidly agreeing they were better than people. Adding to that the fact that his pet Nightmare, Clip-Clop, could have the chance to roam around the lands instead of being pent up all the time and he was in. She extended the invitation to Destiny to come and visit whenever she wanted, and she agreed to do so as soon as she was able. Then, the best thing she had ever seen took place. After ten years of dealing with bullshit politics and shitting management, Firbolg Bob quit his job spectacularly.

Slamming through the last of the work he’d been assigned in less than an hour, with Destiny and Lilly running ahead to mend every part he needed, he tendered his resignation in the form of a handful of smites and a few middle fingers. Never piss off a Paladin of Ilmater. Especially when he was one of her Weirdos. Using the portable hole she’d given him, he packed up his tools and they left with Clip-Clop. Destiny went back to her shop while Lilly and Bob went back to her parents’. She filled him in on the information she’d learned about them in the Feywild and, as sad as it was, it didn’t surprise him. Once again employing the portable hole, Bob made her wait in the cart while he packed. Thankfully, they didn’t have much more than tools, books, and clothing.

The last thing he grabbed; he didn’t pack away. Instead, he put it on. Bob emerged in his war clad armor, changing his shape to fit into his persona as Sneak. When Lilly started working in the Prime Material Plane, he hadn’t wanted her to travel alone. But the work they did wasn’t exactly good, so he came with her as Sneak. With a blessing from Mask to suppress his nature and alignment, Bob was the best Rouge she’d even worked with. Before her parents even knew they were there, they were packed and departing for the Citadel. She arrived under the “custody” of Sneak right at the two-hour mark. She smiled when she saw the guard reward Sneak and called out that she loved him as he left with the bounty. After that, he’d head to the Church of Asmodeus as Bob to pay off their ledger. He had enough left over to book passage for him and Clip Clop to head up to the Prime Material Plane. From there, he’d head for the Feywild with a letter from her to verify his identity to Beldor.

With a sigh of relief to see him go, she walked at a casual stroll behind the guards that led her to Asmodeus’s bed-chamber.

“I appreciate you keeping your word,” he said as the guards exited the room.

“I appreciate you giving me a choice,” she responded an instant before he snapped his fingers and she found herself suspended.