Chapter 1: Completely unremarkable

Hello Roger.

Due to a stray sandwhich dropped on the sidewalk you have slipped into oncoming traffic and died. Your Karma points and the impact of your actions in life are now calculating

The weird blue box floated in front of my eyes. I hung in a vast space of nothing but serene white light. Almost like clouds, but without substance.

I tried to look around. Though, the sensation of movement whilst nothing changed soon disoriented me. Maybe it was that it was the only sensation I was experiencing. The silence was deafening and my limbs numb. The box followed my changing perspective, remaining fixed in the center of my view. Semi-transparent and now that I thought of it, with symbols I did not recognize. Though that did not seem to keep me from understanding them. With a pleasant chime the box was replaced with a new one.

Calculations completed.

After tallying your life's work, your good and bad actions. You have been found to have had a negligable effect on those around you in your earthly life. Having achieved nothing of note your Karma points are tallied at +113. Denying you access to the extreme negative karma options. As well as severely restricting what you can afford from the positive karma options.

Name Roger Peabody Level 2 Paths Allegiance Health 100% Mana 120/120 Health regen 0.01%/sec Mana regen 0.6/sec STR 9 AGI 8 END 8 DEX 10 VIT 7 INT 12 Skills Completely unremarkable Completely unremarkable Due to how unremarkable you were and how little impact you had on people in life it has now been manifested here. People will overlook you just like everone did on Earth

As a sense of injustice grew in me I started getting frustrated.

”Wait what? What is this strange, absurd.......”

My indignated rambling was ended as I felt a strange calm being forced upon me, draining all will to fight. Smoothing over my thoughts untill my mind was blank for an indeterminate ammount of time. Leaving behind neither awareness nor thought. My mind returned from it's rock-impression, as yet again the chime was heard.

With your Karma points you may now buy bonuses to take with you into the afterlife. Please take your time to peruse and select the bonuses that would fit you. Select carefully since your eternal soul may depend upon it.

”Wait wait wait! My eternal soul MAY depend on it? What the hell kind of afterlife is this?

Before I could shout out again the strange calm was once again thrust upon me.

My awareness exploded as what seemed like an infinite list expanded in my mind. Dizzyness causing me to fall over. Probably. It's very hard to tell if you're standing up hunched over or lying down when you're suspended in nothing.

Suddenly I was very happy to have the strange calm, keeping me from freaking out about all of this. Allowing me to actually thing about it all.

”Okay, this seems to be real.” I muttered to myself. ”Shit, Okay. Lets see what my Karma can get me.”

I started to browse through the list and very soon, WORRYINGLY soon ran into the end of what I could afford. The list went on for millions upon millions of options. Browsing through the parts i could afford I noticed some marked 'popular purchases'. These popular choices included tickets for 10 points each, change haircolor for 70 and pet-spider for 100. That last one confused me a bit. Leaving behind what I could afford I kept looking. Dagger: 190. Beginners guide 200. Keeping your earthly memories: 10.000.

”.... Oh...” now that I thought about it, I really could remember nothing from before this white space. ”Oh, Well. Ain't I glad for that calm now......” I once again muttered. Okay okay... Well. According to the box, my life probably had nothing worth remembering, right? Considering how little impact it seems I had... I tried to convince myself without much success, though I managed to make me feel a little less pity for myself. And that way of death? No thanks for having to remember that, I'd probably instantly die again from embarassment.

That beginners guide also seemed like it would be useful. Probably explained everything that was going on. Like what the hell everything was. 9 strength, was that a lot? Was I a weakling? Flexing my arms I pondered the slight bulge that appeared. Right, I guess I could scratch any hopes of being strong.

Still wallowing in my own pity I despodently selected 11 lottery tickets. Since I couldn't afford anything I might atleast take a chance.

lottery ticket nothing lottery ticket nothing lottery ticket nothing lottery ticket fistful of sand lottery ticket nothing lottery ticket New lottery ticket lottery ticket goblins worth of exp lottery ticket nothing lottery ticket Honors of Valhalla [Rare skill], Honor of Valhalla attribute. lottery ticket nothing lottery ticket + 1 agi lottery ticket nothing Any items gained will appear in your pockets Name Roger Peabody Level 2 Paths Allegiance Health 100% Mana 120/120 Health regen 0.01%/sec Mana regen 0.6/sec STR 9 AGI 9 END 8 DEX 10 VIT 7 INT 12 Honor of Valhalla 0 Skills Completely unremarkable Honors of Valhalla Honors of Valhalla As one of the honorable Einherjar who have sworn allegiance to Valhalla you get rewarded points for slaying opponents that you may spend with this skill to grant you comforts, skills and much more.

My face was slack with disappointment as the first few tickets yielded little. On the sand one I put my fist in my pocket, and yes. Finally a tactile sensation. The coarse unpleasant feeling of sand clinging to my hand. I tried to shake the sand off my fingers when I got the the exp notification. There my face perked up in intrest. My eyes widening, I gasped as I saw the Rare skill.

A rare skill? Though I wasn't sure how much use it would be. With the whole slaying business, which I didn't really get how that would happen. But the Valhalla part was intresting. That was a hall of gods in the ancient Norse religion.. Does that mean they were correct? Also I had never sworn any allegiance to anyone! Though now that I look at my status some more, my allegiance indicator is still empty.

Congratulations on finishing your selection.

Since you failed to attract the attention of any of the recruiters from any of the pantheons, you will be sent to the Pits of dregs. You will have with you what you had just before you died. Good luck on surviving and reaching more pleasant areas.

”Wait! Pantheons? So there are gods? Could you-”

The brightness disappeared. In its place was a dark dank cavern, dimly illuminated by luminecent lichen. Filled with between 30 and 40 confused humans.

”Please explain...” I lamely trailed off.

All around me was confused chatter, as everyone tried to ask everyone else what was going on. In return recieving little in the way of answers. Trying to listen in and gather the courage to speak, I was ignored by the people. This continued on for several minutes before shouting could be heard. I whipped my head in the direction of a tall and handsome blond guy, who had climbed up on a rock

”Everybody calm down and be quiet!”

The stunned crowd quieted down and looked at the man.

”I get that everyone is confused. Hell, so am I. But we must remain calm and focused here.

Now, my name is Jake and I got here the same as you. By dying it seems. And here would appear to be in som god-forsaken part of the afterlife. Now if you looked through the karma store before, you should have noticed several food sections. Which should be an indicator that we still require food. So, who here brought any food with them?”

A few hands were raised tentatively.

”Alright. Anybody that brought enough to last themselves for more than a day or two?”

The hands were slowly lowered again

”Okay. Now it would seem that our first priority, should be to find food and a way out of these caves. And seeing as there appears to be only one tunnel out of here I suggest we stick together and all head out now” The man named Jake said, as he pointed towards one of the walls. Standing on the tip of my toes I peered over the crowd and just managed to make out what appeared to be a poorly lit tunnel.

Jake smoothly jumped off the rock and started heading towards the tunnel. The chattering started growing again and I fellt the press of bodies. Half walking, half pushed, I started following the rest of our mob of the confused.

While walking, people seemed to have calmed down a bit. The formation becoming looser. Those near me started discussing the white space and what was going on more.

”Yeah. I mostly just stayed in my house all life. Except when I went to the store to shop, or to pick up my trust fund check. That's probably why I only got 7000 karma points. I didn't speak to a single human the last 5 months of my life...”

”Yeah, I ended up with 12000. I queried from where. Apparently I got 4000 points from holding doors for people. 10 points per person. and 8000 from taking care of my dog all its life. As well as an animal tamer skill and Path. I apparently lost a lot from not recycling and stuff”

As I listened to people chatting I became more and more embarassed over the measly 113 karma points I'd managed to gather. When I got to hear that a 7 year old had managed to get 3000 points, by just playing every day, it made me wish I'd just sink through the ground. I was then VERY happy that nobody seemed intrested in asking me about my points.

We went through the tunnel and passed by several, lichencovered branching paths. As we passed more and more tunnels, grumbling from the crowd grew. Until we arrived at a cavern with 5 exits. Jake led us towards the opening opposite the one we'd entered through. When a drawling voice shouted out from the crowd. ”Oi! Why should we follow that wanker eh? He's not led us anywhere at all! Probably just wants to be in charge! Be the man with the big brass balls, yeah?”

Jake turned around and stopped. A wave of curses spread backwards as people collided with those in front of them. Packing the crowd closer together as those in front were faster to halt.

A heavyset man in an orange hunting vest and a rifle slung across his back pressed through the crowd. Moving up towards Jake.

”Well wanker? Why would we follow you eh?”

I started tugging at my foot. Which had somehow ended up under the foot a woman to my left.

”I assure you tha-” Jake began. Before rudely being interrupted by having his throat torn out, as what looked like a corpse took him in an embrace from behind. A typical lovers embrace, were it not for the blood.

”What the fuck!” The hunter shouted as a jet of blood arced over Jakes extended hand. Splashing the mans face. Sputtering, he started fumbling with the strap holding his rifle in place.

A stunned silence had befallen the crowd as we tried to wrap our minds around what just happened. I stared into the shocked face of Jake. Who still had a finger raised in the typical lectruring position.

Pandemonium erupted.

Screaming, shoving and crying began as I stood there frozen. Staring at the tunnel as more of the beings came out of it. Shambling their way towards the crowd. Out of the corner of my eye I saw more of the living corpses. Coming out of the other tunnels they started to surround the crowd.

A loud bang reverberated through the cave. Snapping me out of my daze, as the hunter had finally managed to get his rifle ready and fired on Jakes killer. A large chunk of its arm was blow off, but it showed no sign reaction, not even dropping the rapidly dying Jake. Only dropping down with its lover as a second shot took it in the throat, going through the spine.

Before the man had time to do anything more, a green bolt of light slammed into his chest from the tunnel. Causing him to fall down on the floor, spasming and dropping his weapon.

The screaming began changing pitch, as the shamblers reached the group and started tearing into them. Jostled, I kept getting shoved around as one of the beings leapt at the woman next to me, pushing her into me, causing me to fall down with her. The last thing I saw before my head painfully struck the ground and all was dark, was the tallow sunken face of an eyeless corpse.

I tried to open my eyes, finding the left one unable to do so. Automatically my hand jerked to rub it before my other eye took in the surroundings. Memory of the attack came back to me. A weight was pressing down upon me. A corpse, hiding my twitching arm from the sight of any potential observers.

Taking in the dim cavern where I laid, I saw the torn body that was pressing me down. Dripping blod into my face, blocking my left eye. My heart stilled as I recognized the mangled corpse of the woman that had stood on my foot.

Turning my head slightly I took in my surrounding. Corpses littered the room. Both those from my group and the walking ones that had fallen upon us.

Though, they were turned away it seemed. Standing by the tunnels, looking out. As if standing guard. They were unmoving, making no sound.

It seemed as if once again I had been overlooked. Though at the moment I did not mind this. In fact I praised whatever I had done (or more like not done) in my past life that was so boring. Thinking about what to do I heard approaching footsteps. Freezing up. I saw what appeared to be a slavic man in adidas sweatpants and a dark, frayed hoodie. He walked in, bearing a staff made out of four pieces of bone. With a skull on top, completing the strange staff. Under his left arm he had several candles. As well as what appeared to be a leatherbound book.

Walking over to the corpse of a rather heavy woman, he prodded her fat with his staff.

”This one. And the child next to her. They are fat for candles and dinner. They wouldn't make very good Ghouls, yah?”

The man chuckled to himself, as if he'd told some great joke. A small smile spread on his pale face, showing under his grimy, patchy beard.

Three of the creatures picked up the indicated bodies. Two of them took a leg each of the woman, dragging her into the passage. The third one slung the body of the child over its shoulder, walking off. The child who had so badly outclassed me in karma points I noted.

The man looked around a bit, walked over towards the tunnel, squatted down and placed one of the candles. Then walking along the wall, out of my field of view.

By the sounds he was making it seemed like he walked from tunnel to tunnel. Placing candles by the 4 other entrances as well.

Letting out a content grunt the man walked back to the first candle, surveying the room.

Chanting out some strange, guttral words he thumped his staff into the ground. ”Kruethan mahaek.” Immediately the candle lit with a sickly green light. Suddenly the cavern filled with this green light from all directions, as one by one the candles seemed to light up.

The man opened up his book and started chanting, waving his staff.

Starting low the chanting was impossible to make out, except for one word that he repeated several times throughout the chant. ”Sethmak” His voice raised. ”Sethmak!” the mumbling chant continued.

Fascinated and very, very afraid, I watched as the chanting went on for well over a minute. Then the staff struck the floor with a last shouth ”SETHMAK KRUEAUSTEN and the man silenced. Wonder, as well as utter dread filled me, as the green flame in the candle took into the air. It then split in two, then split again and then yet again before they started circling the room. Dozens of the flames danced around in my vision. A dread-inspiring singing filled the room as they circled, faster and faster.

Then suddenly the singing and dancing stopped. The flames hung there for a moment, before shooting inwards, towards the bodies. I liked to think it was my immense willpower keeping me from screaming like a little girl. Definitely not the shock of one of the flames flying towards me, right into my one open eye.