《Respec Ted》Chapter 5 - The Unsullied Siren

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A woman appeared before Ted. She was the reason the room had gone silent moments before. Her appearance wasn't like the other soaring monkeys. There was a sense of glamour to her, unalike the other monkeys. Her face, neck and chest were shaven bare, while the rest of her body was covered with fur. The hairs were a mix of platinum and auburn blonde. Her skinfolds together with her fur created a resemblance of an elderly lady wearing a fur coat. The only actual clothes she was wearing was a veil. The veil was made out of sewn together leaves with many layers removed leaving only a thin transparent tissue and it's veins to cover her face.

"Good to see you have returned safely, I was growing concerned the golem might have bested our mightiest warrior. You have once again proven yourself worthy of being called our savage hero. The tribe is grateful to you and a reward is in order. I hereby give thee, Ba-" her sentence cut short. A brow raised and her whole demeaner changed: "Everyone out! Give space, as I tend to his wounds." She demanded in a screech while raising her arms. "Scram!" Her open arms revealed her strange limbs; they ended in handless knots of bone. Thin skin hung with bony folds extending downwards from the knot like fingers. "Leave!"

Every monkey fluttered out in a hurry, without raising a question. They crawled up the trunk's inner walls, jumped off the other side, spread their wings and glided away.

Disoriented, Ted was left alone with the woman. The new stillness in the room brought out Ted's fleeting heart.

The woman sat down, "You are not Bamm..". Both concerned and intrigued she leaned in and lifted her veil revealing a grotesque, flat-nosed and wrinkled abomination. An unlovable face. She puckered her lips and spat on Ted's chest. The spit was a black thick clutter of mucus. Ted was only wearing a loin cloth, so the spit landed on his exposed hair and skin. It felt somewhat grainy, as it glided down and smeared into the skin. Ted's breathing became rapid and his face turned pale as he gasped for air. The spit build up a warm sensation from a heat, which was likely carried over from her mouth.

Her eyes gleamed with colourful specks fluttering about like fireflies in her vision. "I see.. Ted.." Ted reeled at the reveal of his name. She not only knew someone had taken Bamm's place, but also who.

She spoke in a soft tone "I am Shirley." Her chapped lips challenged Ted's concentration. Lipstick had been applied in a negligent attempt at hiding her dry and peeling lips. It was clumping and smeared across her face.

As she leaned back, she continued "I am the root of the soaring monkey tribe..." her heavy foundation confused Ted. "....if you want to live..." It was failing to cover up her dreary and irregular skin. "...you will have to take his place." The blending was so bad the foundation did not match her neck and her attempts at covering up her boils had instead highlighted them by caking them into hideous lumps.

Shirley turned away and gestured blankly in the air. The motion sent shivers down Ted's spine.

"Is it correct to assume you were the poor soul trapped inside the golem?"

Ted hesitantly nodded, then he caught on to the question and made the connections. Ted sat up to speak "Eh.. Bamm's soul.. it should be in the golem now." He attempted to explain, but Shirley interrupted.

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"OH! Oh! You can speak our tongue" she exclaimed , while pointing a bony tip at Ted and doing tiny tippy tap bounces on her feet. Even Ted was taken aback by this revelation. Ted thought back to when the monkeys still filled the room with dance and cheers. They had also been engaging in noticeably intelligible chatter, opposite the times they were throwing pinecones at him.

"Yeah... but I don't think I used to" Ted was shivering as he thought about it "Is it because I am in Bamm's body?"

"No.. no" Shirley shook her head, "his vessel didn't provide such thing." Ted sat in cold silence, he had realized she was much more knowledgeable.

She continued. "Look at your screen and check your status effects for anything with Bamm in it's title." Ted froze up momentarily. She knew about the screens. Following her words, he turned his attention to the status screen.

Shirley once again turned to gesture blankly in the air. Ted's body was shaking, he had been feeling cold sensations throughout the conversation. Shirley revealed "The battle left you [Bleeding], it will disappear soon as I have tended to it."

The [Bleeding] status effect faded from Ted's screen.

Shirley gently caressed Ted's cheek with her stub and reassured "With rest you will recover~" Ted was too afraid to refuse her gesture and stayed focused on the screen.

He saw a status effect fitting Shirley's description. "I have [Bamm's Aping of the Monkeys]" Ted exclaimed confused and tapped the effect, "how did I get this?" an information panel popped up.

[Bamm's Aping of the Monkeys]

Through Soul Entanglement you have gained the knowledge of someone else and learned the dialect of the Monkey kin.

Bamm's Soul Essence: 3%

After sharing the details of [Bamm's Aping of the Monkeys] with Shirley. Ted had one question filling his mind and asked. "Could this mean Bamm is still alive?"

"Possibly" Shirley leaned back, softly shaking her head "I may look wise, but even I do not know the intricacies of Soul Essence."

Ted's concentration was dwindling.

Shirley tilted her head, as she thought it over. "You have been asleep for days. There have been no sightings of the golem since the tower's doorway crumbled. The scouts has only seen Petramus, who is busy reconstructing his tower."

"Days?! What about the monkeys celebrating their victory in here?" Ted was shocked and confused, but hardly heard her answer: "They were convinced you would bleed out... Great Warriors in the Soaring Monkey Tribe's culture are celebrated even in death... Ted?... So they were sending you off with a ritualistic party... Ted.. Ted!? Wake up!"

Ted's vision blurred and Shirley's voice was fading away "Ted... stay with me.. Remember. you are Bamm now... I will make arrangements for the transition period..."

Shirley shouted up into the sky, "Prio! Someone get Prio now!", Ted was fainting and eventually fell unconscious.

Ted woke up once more. This time the hollow trunk was filled with a tranquil quiet. A feminine monkey was sitting by his side. She wasn't Shirley. Her appearance was a sight for sore eyes. Ted jumped up and shook his head wildly. She is a monkey! His sudden movement startled her and she let out a loud scream.

Shadows emerged above them. It was guards, who were descending down from the top of the trunk by spreading their wings and gliding in circles. They had likely been posted there.

"Ohh~ hohooo.. Bamm! You are finally awake once more", exclaimed one of the guards in a thundering yet joyful voice, upon seeing Ted awake.

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"Prio, go ahead and inform the palace. We will bring him to the hall." The other guard was tending to the feminine monkey, who turned out to be Prio.

Prio nodded, crawled out of the trunk and soared off.

"Bamm. Your shiv, thought lost in the battle against the golem has been retrieved." The guard pointed to a dagger sheath made out of bone next to Ted. "Bring it."

Ted, still adjusting to his surroundings, complied and leaned down to pick up the sheath, but was confused when he looked to put it on his waist. Ted was too used to wearing nothing but loose yoga pants and plain t-shirts. He had not worn any formal attire with a belt since he dropped out of his education. Now he was a hairy ape, in a primitive loincloth, holding a bone made into a sheath for a shiv trying to find a place in his loincloth for it. He tried to find a way to attach the sheath, but didn't dare to experiment with the cords, which held up his only cover.

"Brother, remember her words!" The guard who helped Prio shouted at his workmate and hurried to Ted's aid "Here let me do it." He took the sheath and nonchalantly attached it to Ted's waist by running it through a cord.

"Tsshh.. what's next, don't tell me you are going to carry him to the hall." his workmate sneered. The friendlier one wrapped himself around his workmate's shoulder and whispered "We may have to. It could end up being an uncomfortably pathetic display, if we don't." Using his bare hands to claw his way up the insides of a huge tree trunk was another talent Ted's childhood education hadn't taught him.

"Fine!" both of them were clearly displeased by what they had to do. One more so than the other. "This only happens because he is Bamm! If he stays like this I'll put him out of his misery."

With a smirk on his lips, the supposedly friendlier one responded "Suit yourself, haha, just do it the traditional way."

Ted stood still adjusting his sheath as they grabbed him. He learned quickly he had to play along to survive, but his cover may not keep him alive.

The guards lead him deep into the soaring monkey tribe's dwellings. They had been walking downhill ever since they crawled out of the hollow trunk. They eventually saw gentle burning lights behind a larger hill with exposed stone faces only covered in moss. They followed the gentle flames around the hill to end up at the entrance of a grotto with more guards standing outside.

"Heey! You took your sweet time! Prio has informed us and the preparations are complete, go on inside." Greeted one of the guards from afar.

Both of the guards with Ted growled and the grumpier one shouted back "Bamm is so pathetic, he made us fucking walk here!"

Ted spoke softly "...I-...I am..." It had dawned on him that the guards could have drifted from the top of the tree trunk, but had walked to stay with him.

"Hahaha! We can't stop Bamm, if he wants to kill you for that!" Shouted the guards at the entrance, but their echoing laughter stopped abruptly as the grumpy one shoved Ted to the ground.

Lying on the ground, Ted wasn't sure what to make of it and stared intensely back and forth between the guards.

"Look at this! Nothing! He didn't even unsheathe his shiv damnit!" The grumpy guard screamed with disappointment in his voice. "What has happened to you Bamm!"

Ted, for once, quick on his toes shouted back "Fuck off!!" startling all the guards for a moment before they all turned to laughter.

"Ahahaha!! That's more like it! Bamm is still there deep inside!" there was a sense of relief in their voices and chatter began about Bamm's accomplishments throughout his time with the tribe.

"Okay enough of this. We better stay on schedule, your casual stroll down the road has already caused enough delays." interrupted a guard. Another guard cleared his throat and, while trying to keep his laughter down, ordered "Grab him and toss him in the hall."

The two guards that had lead him from the hollow trunk grabbed each one of Ted's arms and dragged him into the grotto, into a hall with Shirley majestically sitting on a throne at the end of it. They tossed Ted to the floor.

The hall was kept much like a natural cave, but with the occasional candle lighting the walls with their glow. Monkeys were sitting in big crowds clinging to the sides of the walls, to make a path down the middle. The flooring was covered with large leaves resembling fern and while people were walking over them, they looked to still be alive and cared for.

Shirley rose up as to begin a ceremony. "As you may all know. Bamm experienced heavy trauma to his head when he suffered a direct hit at the hand of Petramus' golem. He experienced internal bleeding. The golem tied him down, making breathing difficult. He is now unaware of many of our tribes traditions. Bamm may not know his own deeds. He may never recover. Yet I believe in him. We need him. Our scouts at Petramus' Garden most recent findings are distressing to say the least. Petramus is preparing for open war. We must respond in kind."

Shirley walked up to stand before Ted and as she stood towering over him she continued "Bamm must recover. He will do his duty. "She brought her gaze down on Ted "A fitting mission has been prepared for your rejuvenation. You will scout the outer edge of the forest and report back any findings. During this time, find yourself and recover your strength." Shirley turned around and began her walk back to her throne.

As she stepped away she continued "I have assembled a party to accompany you, they will make sure the mission succeeds. With or without you." Shirley once again sat on the throne.

"Gavin. Rise. You will carry the [Map of Projections] and be equipped with our [Goggles of Orienteering]. Your responsibility shall lie with charting any changes to the landscape." Shirley waved Gavin in, "Gavin, you may step forward."

A slim monkey rose from his seat and sleekly maneuvered through the seated audience to join Ted's side. He was already wearing the goggles, but were given the map ceremonially before joining Ted's side.

"Gab and Gib. Rise. You shall bring your fighting prowess and may carry your signature weapon, the [Rope "A Vendible Horrid Knish"]. As well as a [Shield of Deflection] and a [Dagger of Immobilization]. Your responsibility shall lie with bringing back our valuable equipment, should the mission be compromised. Shirley waved Gab, then Gib, in "Gab, you may step forward. Gib, you may step forward as well."

Two members of the audience sitting next to each other rose up and began the walk. Ted recognized them. They were the pissed guards who had brought him there. Ted already had a hard time differentiating between any of the monkeys, but those two were like mirror images of each other. They were both covered in scars from their many battles. The scars were somehow perfectly reflected on them. When one had a scar on his right brow, the other had a similar scar on his left brow.

Ted's best chances to not mistake their names and piss them off any future was their equipment. One of them held the shield while the other held the dagger.

Before Gab and Gib reached Ted's side they were given the rope. They each took one end of the rope and knotted the it around their waist. It seemed completely impractical, but they did it as second nature and joined Ted's side, soon after. They stood one on Ted's left and one on his right. The rope dangling between them.

Ted stayed bowed down during the proceedings and while he kept attentive. Worried to his core. He couldn't help but get distracted by the equipment's names. The rope, now hovering above him, was especially distracting.

"Lastly I shall entrust you with my most dear apprentice. Prio... Rise." Prio swiftly rose, she was shaking and seemed surprised, as if it was unexpected. Shirley continued: "You shall carry the [Stick of Mending] and ensure our men will return in good health." with this, Shirley made only a small flick with her wrist and finalized the introductions. "Prio, you may step forward and join the others."

Prio needed no introduction to Ted. She was the one who screamed when he woke up and called down Gab and Gib, who quickly brought him here. If it wasn't for her, he might have been able to experience his first peaceful morning in this forsaken world. Even as she slowly made her way through the crowd, while apologizing to everyone in her way. She carried a bedazzling aura, that no other monkey had brought on Ted. Prio left an impression and Ted could tell her apart from any other monkey.

As Prio took a last step, joining Ted's side. Shirley rose from her seat and with a slow wave of her arm through the room brought down any cheers and chatter that filled it.

At the last moments, a monkey brought a stick to Prio. It was the [Stick of Mending]. Prio apologized repeatedly with short swift bowing and clapped hands.

"Go now. Carry out your duties to the tribe."

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