《Toxic Marriage》Chapter # 15
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We reached home and had dinner. I went to our room as my heart skipped a beat, remembering all those agonizing memories that room gave me. We awkwardly stood in the room. We were lost in our own thoughts.
I, in dread which he can never eradicate. He, in penitence that I can never forgive him.
We looked at each other for a second as we both said at the same time,
"Let's sleep." This all is so awkward. I quickly went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I realized that I forgot my clothes outside. I was about to call Christian but he knocked first,
"You forgot your clothes." I heard his voice. I slowly opened the door, he was looking away while holding the clothes. He isn't trying to look at my exposed form, well that's unusual coming from him. I took the clothes and wore them and walked outside. He went to the bathroom without sparing a glance at me. I laid on my side and tried to sleep but I just couldn't. I sensed him coming out of the bathroom and laying on his side and shifting close to me. My heart skipped a beat when I felt him wrapping his arms around me. His arms were protectively wrapped around me but my apprehensions can never let me relax in his presence. I remained still, I don't want him to proceed further. If you think that I am feeling secure in your arms like before then you are wrong, I am filled with revolt and detest.
"I am sorry for everything. I swear I'll try my best to fix everything." He whispered, holding me close.
"You can't.." I whispered back as I looked at him and a tear released from both of our eyes simultaneously. He flinched when he knew that I was awake. He was about to pull away but I held his shirt and curled like a baby and put my head on his chest.
"You can't.... please don't try... it will break me more..." I whispered again as tears began to release from my eyes without any halt, drenching his shirt. I let go of his shirt and looked at his gaze filled with pity and grief.
"That poison is running through my veins.." I said lowly. He shifted his position and put his hands on either side of mine, terrifying me as I startled. He leaned in and I closed my eyes, preparing for that dreadful moment. But instead of that, he pressed his forehead against mine and whispered,
"I will suck this poison out from your very soul."
I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were closed and the sadness emitting from him made me melt too. I want to melt badly in that. For a second, I want to start an actual relationship with him but then the memories of those horrendous days hit me so hard that I came back to reality.
This is the first time, the silence wasn't crushing; it was soothing. I don't know what took over me at that moment as I felt like there's no past, no future. There's nothing but this moment. I lost control over my being as if I'm made for him.
I cupped his cheek as he slowly opened his eyes and looked at me with those obsidian gems. His eyes flicker with an unfathomable look while mine showed a glint of desperation for what I never want- him. I pulled his face close to mine and slowly closed my eyes. That moment I wanted to kiss him not as a toy but as his wife.
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I want a kiss as sacred as a husband and wife relation should be. Lost in the desire of that euphoria, I brushed my lips against his. We both were panting as we both looked at each other for the last second. My lips curved upward because I am going to kiss him as my husband.
Just for once, I want a touch of love from him. I want to receive a divine feeling from him. I want to know the feeling of receiving a sacred kiss.
We're about to kiss but his grip on the duvet tightened as he let out a growl. I gave him an innocent look as he let out a scowl,
"Don't, Sophie..." He whispered. He was breathing heavily as if he was controlling his urges that are driving him crazy.
"I don't want to do anything that will make you hate me or yourself anymore." He said desperately and pulled away. Before I could say or do anything, he stood up and left without saying another word leaving me all alone and...rejected...
I held the covers and curled like a ball. I just want him to touch me lovingly, maybe that way the feeling of disgust would fade away... I thought his one action of affection could eradicate the disgust inside me... I just thought that a tiny spark of his love might eliminate this abhor. That moment I felt what he did when I left him alone when he was drunk.
Tears rolled on my cheeks as I let out soft sobs. What else is left to happen to me?
Hated... Disgusted.. and now Rejected...
'Rejection is far better than eternal regret.' my mind said. I know it but what's wrong if I crave his touch for once. Just once...
As I was crying, the truck of realization hit me as my senses came back to me. I was yearning for the touch of the person who defiled me that much.
When I understood that, The only person I felt hate and repulsion for was me. How can I lose myself in desire? Just what the hell happened to me?
I closed my eyes, wanting to forget what happened tonight for forever... I never yearn for his touch and I never will.
***
Today is Sunday, two months of our marriage. After that day, Christian never tried to go through any intercourse and avoided me- too much to my pleasure. I have made my mind, today, I am going to tell him to liberate me. Even if he is not doing anything but I still feel haunted in his presence, in this house. Every time I see his face, those disgusting images of us flashed in my mind. Those apprehensions took over me.
I saw him in the hall talking to someone on the phone. I walked to him. He spared a glance at me and smiled. He cut the call as we both said at the same time,
"I want to tell you something." He let out a chuckle.
"I'll tell you first. It will shake your very core" He said excitedly. He seemed so happy. I want to say it first but his words can't make me change my sentence. I wonder why he is so elated? I looked at him as he grinned and said,
"Congratulations! Eugene woke up!" Upon hearing that, my eyes widened as my mind lost its senses. It took me some time to register what he was saying. Tears fell from my eyes as I gasped when my senses came back. I looked at him as he was grinning at me. I hugged him and began to cry out loud. He rubbed my back.
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"Get ready, we are going to meet him." He said hugging me back.
"Thank you, Christian. If it wasn't for you.." I cried. He kissed my head and pulled away slowly. He smiled and wiped my tears with his thumb,
"I should be thanking you.. for coming in my life." His words were genuine. It made me feel like these words are not for my consolation rather, he actually meant it. He looked at me sweetly and was about to kiss my forehead but pulled away as he took a step back. He was smiling but I can see the distress behind that smile. I took a step closer and kissed him on the cheeks and smiled,
"Thank you," I whispered and went to my room to get ready to meet Eugene. I felt so happy. My content is beyond anyone's understanding. The day I strive for, finally came, now, everything will be alright.
We reached the hospital and I am so exhilarated that I forgot that I am with the person I hate as I cling onto his arm. To my delight, I forget everything. My heart was beating fast with glee. I pushed the door open and saw Eugene sitting as he looked at me.
I covered my mouth with my hand as tears brimmed in my eyes. I rushed to his side and hugged him and began to cry out loud.
"Eugene!" I cried. Mother's eyes also teared up seeing us like this. I continued to cry out loud as he rubbed my back. Just how much agony you made me go through my brother...
"Sophie..." he whispered. I pulled away and smiled at him. He smiled back and spoke in faintly,
"You stopped paying visits so I thought I would wake up and ask." I laughed a little and replied,
"You should have told me before. I would have done it earlier." We both laughed a little as he wiped my tears.
"You always cried... Now I am awake, I won't let you cry.. not anymore.." He assured me and I smiled. I felt safe, protected and loved in my brother's arms as if he'll protect me from every harm. He then looked at Christian and asked, "Who's he?" I grinned and wrapped my arms around Christian,
"Christian Elvis. And I am Sophie Elvis." His eyes widened for a second.
"Christian Elvis, the entrepreneur? And Sophie Elvis? You guy are married?!" He was taken aback. I nodded and beamed. He looked at him and smiled,
"Nice to meet you, Sir."
"Same here. But I am your brother-in-law Eugene." Christian smiled.
"Aren't you married before?" Eugene asked.
"That was years ago." Eugene nodded and looked at me and opened his mouth to ask something but he didn't see my smile.
"How old are you Sophie?" Eugene asked.
"21"
"I see... I am still young." He smirked. I giggled and replied, "But your form isn't." Eugene is a boyish version of mine. He has brown hair along with his hazel eyes.
We talked a little and then the doctor entered,
"You have enough conversations, Mr Skye. It's time for rest now." He said as we left.
"When can we take him home?" Christian asked.
"When he'll be able to walk." We nodded and I smiled radiantly. I am so glad.
We went home and my smile is not leaving my face. Christian also looked happy looking at me like that.
We are having dinner and I am telling him about my old times since I am so happy that I forgot about all the bad things that happened to me. I want to live in this moment.
"And I rejected that guy for prom. Later, I and Eugene learned how to dance. He wanted to learn how to dance because his crush was his partner. So we practised a lot at home." I told him the story of how I learned to dance.
"That crush whose brother's leg you broke and later got suspended for it?" Christian asked laughing. I also laughed and nodded, "You even know that?" I asked slightly embarrassed. He nodded and said,
"I even know, When you make tea for the first time, you put salt in it instead of sugar." We both laughed. "Oh, that was funny. Aunt Eleanor came and I made tea for Mother and her. Ah.. their faces were hilarious."
"Oh, from Aunt Eleanor I remember she once told me about her son, he put cockroaches in his teacher's bag and recorded her reaction and spread it all over the school," I told him as he blushed from.. embarrassment?
"That.. was long ago." He said childishly. I tilt my head in confusion, "What?" He shook his head and said, "Nothing."
I took a bite of my food and said, "I am still waiting for you to fulfil your promise."
"I will. Just wait." He assured me.
"Oh, yeah, You want to talk to me about something?" He asked.
"Oh, I do? I forgot." I said sheepishly as he shook his head. I am so content right now. I know if I ask for a divorce, he'll surely wreak havoc. I have to wait just a few more days.
Christian laughed as I looked at him nervously,
"What?" I asked.
"That game of hiding and seek."
"That? Don't make me remember it. We all were playing hide and seek and they all left the house leaving me alone in here." I pouted.
"What a prank they pulled upon you. How much you cried when we came back." He said.
"Hmm. Wait, we?" I asked. He smirked and stood up,
"I was also present at the party but you are lost in the kids of your age." He said.
He was about to leave, leaving me perplexed but I remembered someone and almost yelled,
"That thin guy who suggested to leave me behind and go for ice-cream?!" He chuckled and turned to look at me. "You remember?" My mouth gaped.
"I was just 13 and... You're the worst!" I shouted. He laughed a little. "It was funny."
"You guys leave me behind with all the adults!"
"You're an adult back then, how could you!" I continued to ramble as he continued to laugh. I stomped on my foot and went to the rooftop to stargaze.
Hmph! How could he? I was left alone back there. I won't talk to him. An involuntary smile formed on my lips. He was so thin back then, It's hard to recognize both persons. They seemed like two different people.
Who is he? He came to the party with whom? What was the party about in the first place? My memory about it was blurry but... How are we related? He is a billionaire and we are from a middle-class family. I know he wasn't born rich but still.
"Thinking too much will affect your little mind." A voice came jokingly.
"Oh, that 'little mind' is bigger than your prank." I scoffed.
"Now, you are hung up on something that happened 8 years ago."
"So what?" I pouted again. "Come." He said holding his hands as I was sitting on the ground with my legs crossed. "Where?" I asked. "To end that old grudge of yours." I puffed and took his hand.
We went to an ice-cream parlour.. at midnight, not to mention. I smiled widely, we ordered chocolate ice-cream for ourselves.
We were eating as I spoke up,
"You didn't take me with you but brought back a bucket of ice-cream for me.. just for me." I smiled. He looked away with a shy smile. "How can I still remember you? Because you gave me the bucket and told me you took them and was sorry to not take me with you and I was so angry that I didn't accept it. But you left it there and said that we might not meet again. "
"You still are angry and yeah.. we met. But, finally, after years, you accept my offer not like before." He smiled as I smiled too. I smirked,
"You even kissed my cheeks, Old man." A blush appeared on his cheeks.
"I did? I don't remember that part." He said nervously. I laughed as he kept looking away. "I'll miss you," I repeated his words to which he again remained silent. I smiled widely, remembering those days. After a few moments of silence, I spoke up,
"I wish every day could be like today." I smiled sadly. This is the first time I am relaxed in his presence and we are having fun.
"It will... I know I have hurt you, heck, I broke you and you are still laughing with me. I feel repentant for my deed but Sophie, I can't you promise love but I can promise that there will be no hurt. I'll never hurt you." He promised. I smiled,
"It's okay... as long as you don't touch me. I... am afraid of your touch" I said honestly and he nodded. "I promise. I won't touch you." Then I asked,
"Christian... Why do you run away from love?" He looked down and sighed, "Everyone I love leaves me behind."
"Then, Why do you divorce your wife?" He looked at me for a moment.
"She cheated..." A glint of anger flashed in his eyes. I felt bad for him, I understand now why he asked loyalty from me. "You must have loved her a lot. That her betrayal broke you that much.." I said with a sad smile, holding his arm.
"More than anything.." He whispered sadly. A sad smile crept upon my lips and continued to eat our ice-cream.
Maybe this is the first time I relaxed in his presence and the first sweet memory we have created together...
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