《Come Back To Me, Kiwi.》Chapter 25 - Horrible Suggestions and Fifi
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Vivi and I had moved into his apartment a few days ago and I originally felt afraid that I'd be bored. But I was wrong to think that. Vivi and I have visited the animals two times, baked a cake and cookies, we've gone to a beach where not a lot of people go.
We went skating too and somehow no one was there except us. Vivi taught me how to skate since I didn't know how. It was super fun, except I almost froze my fingers off.
He told me stories about him and Theo from when they were younger. He told me how they'd always get into trouble, but he'd usually get out of whatever crazy thing they were doing before anyone caught them and Theo ended up in much more trouble than him.
We had more of those deep conversations where I set aside my childish barrier and we actually talked about serious things. Turns out Vivi is a lot like me, he just kind of hides it all when we're around other people. He's sensitive, he's insecure and he's scared of a lot of things. Just like me. But I'm on another level of course.
It had been a few days, but he had already told his aunt and uncle that he wanted to talk a while back, and they were finally in town and not too busy, so they were coming over. He asked me if I wanted to be there and I told him I'd rather stay in bed since it was still early morning.
When they arrived, I was still half asleep, but I could hear them too well to ignore it. It turns out Vivi was hiding a huge conversation he'd had with the psychiatrist and I felt like he should've told me. But I completely understood why he didn't and I was ready to be part of their conversation.
"What did you want to talk about?" Uncle Rico asked him.
"I visited the psychiatrist with Kiara the other day and she said some things, or I guess she suggested some things that scared me. And to be honest she confused me to a point where I'm not sure she understood what she was saying either." Vivi said.
"Like what? What did she suggest?" Aunt Sophie asked.
"Like that we should adopt the DDLG lifestyle. Or not exactly that lifestyle... she mentioned age regression and like a bunch of stuff... in the end, I'm completely uncomfortable with what I understood her suggestion to be. But I don't want that to interfere with Kiara's path to getting better." He sighed deeply. "She said I needed punishments and rules.... And she needed someone to take control."
"So you want to do it?" Aunt Sophie asked him.
"No. I definitely don't. I don't think it's right for us, but it came from a psychiatrist who knows what she's talking about and she said some things that made sense." Vivi told his aunt and uncle. "I just don't think controlling her with rules and punishing her for them is completely unnecessary and potentially damaging."
"Personally, I think it would hurt more than it would help. Kiara is in no state to be treated that way. The thing about you two is that you seem to watch her behaviour and use it to grasp what you should do. Like if she's acting particularly sensitive, you're more gentle. If she's refusing something in a way that'll harm her, you're stern. If she's ready to talk and open up, you're ready to do the same." Aunt Sophie said.
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"That's exactly it. We are like that. But with certain things, sometimes Kiara just doesn't want to listen and I'm willing to stand there for hours and show her how stubborn I am, but maybe that's not the right thing for her, maybe it isn't working for her. I don't want to hold her recovery back." Vivi sighed.
"Vivi!" I yelled, making their conversation stop and having him run to me.
"You ok, baby?" He asked softly when he got to the bed.
"Were you aware that I could hear everything?" I asked him.
"No.... shoot! Did you really hear everything?" He asked me.
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Do you want to be a part of the conversation?" He asked me.
"Yes." I nodded.
"Ok. Just know that I don't like any of the doctors suggestions at all. I personally think they're not right for us. But if you disagree, you have to tell me so that I can do whatever it is you need. I'll be comfortable with anything as long as I'm doing it with you." He told me.
I nodded and he picked me up. I rubbed my eyes as he carried me to the living room couch where his aunt and uncle were waiting. His aunt smiled at me and I hid in Vivi's shirt a little but I couldn't help but smile too. She was so pretty.
"Hi, Kiara." Aunt Sophie said.
I waved a little, not feeling particularly outspoken just yet.
"So.... I'm an idiot and Kiara heard everything we just said. She said she wanted to be part of the conversation and so here we are." Vivi said.
"Do you know what DDLG is?" Uncle Rico asked me.
I shook my head, knowing it was something that made Vivi uncomfortable but not actually knowing what it was.
"It's like.... I d-don't know how to explain this please someone else do it." Uncle Rico said, his face turning red. Aunt Sophie took his hand and leaned against him, making him a little less uncomfortable.
"Ok, forget DDLG. The doctor was suggesting a way of life for you guys. If you two were to adopt it, you would have a child-like role and Vidal would act as a caregiver to you. He would have rules and you would have to follow them. If you didn't, there would be a punishment. It can sometimes help if you're confused and you need a way for someone to guide you on how to act and what to do." Aunt Sophie explained and I noticed how Vivi was shaking.
I didn't understand why anyone would ever suggest something like this. I didn't want to be Vivi's child in any way, nor did I want any kind of punishment. I guess rules made sense but I didn't want them, I was enjoying my freedom.
"I think the doctor was mostly focused on rules and punishment and not so much on the fact that Vivi would be like an authority figure to you.... or control you." Uncle Rico said, clearly not comfortable with this topic of conversation.
"I mean it's not really like he would be treating you like a child. He would only treat you like that if you were feeling particularly child-like... or you wanted it.... DDLG involves sexual stuff, so you would sleep with him when you guys are ready for that. I don't think the doctor was suggesting that though. I'm trying to say, you can have a full romantic relationship, but with this caregiver stuff on the side... if that's something you think could help." Aunt Sophie told me, seeming a little confused herself.
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I felt completely against the idea right away. I didn't want him to treat me like a child. Ever. And I especially didn't want him to punish me and then have a romantic relationship with me like everything was normal. It reminded me too much of what they wanted me to become at the facility. Like I could never be equal to him, I always had to be the child who needed to be told what to do.
I began shaking my head and the shaking became more and more vigorous as I thought more about it. I didn't want this. I hated this idea. I hated the doctor. I hated everything they were saying. This was a very bad idea. I wasn't going to be able to handle anything like this.
"Hey, hey. No one said we had to do it. It's just if it would help you." Vivi said.
Help me?! How would this help me?!
The only thing going through my head was how stupid that doctor was to have even thought of it. But then I was reminded of my very baby-like behaviour and that just made me feel sick. I'd brought it on myself and here I was rejecting what my own behaviour had gotten me into.
"Is this because I suck on my thumb?" I whispered as tears began to leak from my eyes.
"Kiwi, we aren't doing anything you don't want to do. Maybe that's why the doctor suggested it, but it's ok, we don't have to do this." Vivi told me.
"Hey, Kiara? I think that the doctor only meant for you to have rules. I don't think they were even talking about anything else." Aunt Sophie explained, trying to calm me down.
I started shaking my head. I didn't want rules. I didn't want any rules. I wanted to be able to do things for myself, to learn how to live around Vivi and eventually be able to take care of him like he takes care of me. I would listen if that's what they were concerned about.
"I'll listen to you. But please.... don't." I whispered to Vivi.
"No, Kiwi. I never wanted this. I'm just as uncomfortable with it as you." Vivi reminded me.
I wiped away my tears and attempted to forget the terrible suggestion, but I just felt sick. I didn't want any of it and my mind was stuck on the one thought of hating the idea and needing to beg Vivi not to do it.
"I think that this isn't what Kiara needs, Vidal. Kiara seemed perfectly happy with the way things have been and I don't think you guys should change anything. Kiara's a good girl, she listens when she needs to and just like every other good girl she doesn't listen when something is scary or uncomfortable. Which is why you two are going to work on making her more comfortable. She doesn't need rules. She needs time. The doctor had good intentions but she doesn't know Kiara the way you do, Vidal." Aunt Sophie said and I just wanted to hug her.
"I think you're right." Uncle Rico told his wife.
I just wanted to hug her. But part of me was reluctant. I worried she'd hurt me.
"They're not going to hurt me..." I whispered and Vidal kissed my forehead.
"Of course not." He told me, brushing all my hair back as he looked down at me.
I remembered how Aunt Sophie was in a situation like mine before she met her husband and she would never hurt me. She knew how it felt.
I got up on shaky feet and I slowly made my way towards the couch she was on. I sat down beside her, shaking vigorously and then she held a hand out for me. I took it and then burst into tears nudging her arm and then hugging her as she hugged me back.
"Aw, it's ok, baby. The doctor didn't understand. I know, My Love, I know." She said to me, stroking my hair as she gave me a warm, safe hug.
I cried my heart out with my head laying on her shoulder. She repositioned me so that my legs were draped over her lap and her arms were wrapped around me, all her attention focused on me. I was basically sitting in her lap.
"You're ok. I promise." She said to me, rubbing my back gently.
She was safe, just like Vivi. Except it was a different kind of safe.
"I heard you like to bake." She said softly once I'd calmed down a little bit.
I nodded softly.
"What do you like to bake?" She asked me.
"Cake." I whispered.
"Would you like it if one day I showed you my special chocolate cake recipe? Vidal is obsessed with it. I could teach you how to make it so you can try it. It's delicious." She told me.
"You'll bake with me?" I asked her, looking up into her pretty green eyes.
She smiled and nodded her head, kissing my forehead softly.
I smiled and nodded. I wanted to make that chocolate cake, but maybe another day when my body didn't feel like it was going to fall apart from the underlying fear of not being in Vidal's lap but another person's. I really liked Aunt Sophie, but she was still a little bit of a stranger.
I wanted to bake with her and get to know her more, but my heart was pounding and I was nervous. Mostly because of the strange man that was sitting beside us.
"Fede, go sit beside Vidal." Aunt Sophie said softly as she kissed my forehead and rocked us back and forth.
I watched Uncle Rico stand up and walk away from us, making me feel a lot more comfortable.
"Is it ok if I come over more? I won't bring my tall, big husband around with me. Just me. And I'll bring recipes." She said to me.
I smiled and nodded my head, my hands shaking vigorously.
I looked over at Vidal and saw how calm he was. He hated the idea of me being hurt, so if he thought I was in danger, he would have been nervous. But he was sitting back against the couch, his eyes fixated on me and his aunt and a huge smile spread across his beautiful face.
"He's pretty isn't he?" Aunt Sophie whispered to me and I giggled softly, looking up at her.
"He's pretty." I confirmed.
"Are you feeling better now?" She asked me.
I nodded my head and she smiled, rubbing her fingers through my hair and kissing my forehead again.
"Did I scare you when I talked about my past?" She whispered hesitantly.
"No. It just made me sad and angry, that's why I panicked." I explained.
"I'm sorry." She said, looking down at me guiltily.
"No. You shouldn't be." I said softly, hugging her tightly.
Just like me, she couldn't help what happened to her in the past. She was taken advantage of, just like me. But we were both safe now.
"Vidal is taking good care of you, isn't he?" She asked with a smile.
I nodded.
"We went to visit the bunnies." I whispered.
"Bunnies are so cute, aren't they?" She asked me.
"Yes." I nodded my head vigorously.
This lady was perfect. She just understood me.
"What else did you guys do?" She asked me.
"Skating." I said and she laughed, telling me how she felt on her butt when she went with her daughter.
I giggled, remembering the countless times I had fallen too. We sat there for quite a while longer just talking about the most random things. But it was comfortable, it wasn't forced. I was still on edge, but I was beginning to realize that Vidal wasn't the only safe person on the planet.
Maybe one day I could be comfortable enough with other people that Vidal could go and leave me with them. The thought made me extremely uncomfortable, but I was safe with Aunt Sophie.
"Can I call you Kiki?" She asked me at the end of cour conversation.
I chuckled and nodded and then I looked up at her.
"Can I call you Fifi?" I asked her.
She laughed and nodded her head making me smile.
Before I knew it, I was scooped up into the safest arms in the world, my Vivi's strong muscular ones. Uncle Rico went to go to work and so did Fifi. Hopefully she wouldn't forget about baking with me, I wanted to do that. I knew it would help me get better to be around other people and right now Fifi was the most comfortable option.
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