"Rowan." Rhea cooed as he cried in her arms. "Come on buddy, sleep." She coaxed.

Rhea sat on the sofa, a five week old Rowan in her arms as he cried louder.

"You don't need a feed, you've had a bath, a fresh nappy, you're warm enough, so what's wrong, little one?" She was on the edge of tears.

Rhea held Rowan upright as she patted his back. "Is it gas?"

Rowan let out a burp and instantly settled. Letting out a sigh in relief, Rhea tried rocking him back to sleep.

Once she placed Rowan in the bassinet, she wanted to scream. She had a week left in holidays then back to work. Rowan wasn't sleeping properly, only having ten minute naps.

Instead of going for a much needed shower, Rhea curled up against the bathroom door and cried. "You bastard." She whispered to herself. "How dare you do this to me when I've done nothing wrong!"

It wasn't that Rhea was still angry with Ryder because she was, it was the fact that she was alone, doing this alone.

Now

I pushed Ryder off me as I got up and fixed my clothing as I rushed to the front door, tying up my gown.

I opened it and dropped to my knees as Rowan jumped on me. "Momma! I miss you."

"I missed you too baby." I said to him as I kissed his head. "Were you a good boy?"

Rowan nodded his head and turned to Sasha. "Thank you."

I looked at my friend. "Thank you." I smiled but I noticed her eyes went behind me.

"Did you have a date last night?" I saw the mischief in her eyes.

I shook my head. "No."

"Whose that?" She whispered to me. I looked behind me then to Sasha as I rolled my eyes.

"That is Rowan's father."

"His father? Wait, back up, girl."

"Lunch tomorrow. I promise."

Sasha grinned at me. "You better! I want to know everything!" I said goodbye to Sasha and waved to her family in the car before going inside.

I heard Rowan down the hall. "Look, Ryder. My new toy!"

My eyes went wide as Rowan came to me, showing his new car off. I saw Ryder's frown behind him as I knelt down to my son.

"Rowan. You can't call him Ryder." I told Rowan as I pointed to Ryder.

"Why?" Rowan asked, a frown on his face. The same frown Ryder had on seconds ago.

"You call him dad. That is dad."

"Dad." Rowan repeated, rolling the word on his tongue. "My dad?"

I smiled again and nodded. Rowan's face lit up. "I have a dad?" He turned to Ryder and took his hand. "Dad." He said again.

Ryder looked at Rowan to me. "Thank you." He said as he followed Rowan.

I sighed as I went to my room and locked the door, to get dressed. I didn't want any interruptions while I got changed.

I left my room and went for the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of juice and poured myself a glass as I could hear the noises down the hall of Rowan playing.

Ryder joined me a few minutes later, holding a folder. "I went to your room, thinking you were there and I saw these." He told me, putting the folder on the bench.

I looked at it. "I wish you wouldn't go through my stuff." I growled as I took the folder.

"Are you going to get your masters?"

"Yes. I signed up for a course that will be starting next week."

Ryder frowned. "That's a weird time to start a course."

"It's an online course." I said as I put my cup in the sink. "I need my masters for a job promotion, if you must know."

Ryder smiled at me. "I never pegged you to climb the career ladder."

"I like my job, I enjoy it. I like helping people. So what if I'm trying to achieve more?"

I watched as Ryder crossed his arms. "It's a shame you don't follow your own advice." He muttered.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I snapped at him.

"Dad!"

Ryder just smirked and shrugged as he walked backwards towards Rowan's room.

"Next weekend, you, me and Rowan." He told me.

"I can't." I called out to him.

Ryder stopped walking and gave me a look. "Why not?"

"I have Rowan's birthday."

Ryder gave me a huge grin. "I know. That's why I want to take you somewhere."

"Well we can't. I already have a party happening." I instantly regretted the words as they left my mouth.

With eyebrows raised, Ryder came closer to me. "Weren't you going to tell me?"

"No. I wasn't." I snapped again.

"Too bad."

Oh he can be so smug!

"Dad!"

For the first time in weeks, I felt relieved I told Rowan about his father as I watched Ryder disappear to Rowan's room.

****

Dear University Student

I highly recommend you to take an offer. Any offer. Having three job offers from around the world is an amazing accomplishment and a great start to your career. To be recognised as an outstanding member that they want on their staff is wonderful. It may not be the exact job you want, but you might realise that this path was chosen for a reason. We all can't get what we want in life, but we all have the opportunity to began our journeys.

Congratulations on the offers and your scores, I believe you will go far. Very far in life. Take one of the offers and travel and meet new people. Life is amazing in all its glory and some days can be rough, but it leads us still to where we want to go, even if we haven't fully admitted it yet.

Good luck, R.

I sighed as I sat back on my chair. Done. Jan had agreed to make my column smaller again as I was also studying and being a single parent and trying to find the time for myself was pretty hard.

But I get to finish at one every day instead of five on Mondays and three every other day.

Sasha walked in then as I was packing up. "Going home to your beau?" She teased me. I spoke to her yesterday, telling her everything between Rowan and I.

"No, I'm going home to study." I bluntly said.

"Sure." She grinned. "So do you want me to bring anything for Sunday?"

I shook my head. "No. I've got it covered. Just a few chips, juice, some snags on the barbecue. Nothing over board." I smiled as I put my bag on my shoulder.

"Is there anything in particular that you want Rowan to have as a present?"

I sighed as I went to her. "No. Just be there. Don't go buying him a thing. He doesn't need it." I said goodbye and walked away.

"You know I will." I heard her shout as I smiled shaking my head.

****

Flashback

"Dada! Dada! Dada!" Rowan laughed as he sat in the high chair.

"No. Momma." Rhea repeated herself as she fed Rowan his dinner.

"Dada." He smiled at her, flashing his two bottom and top teeth.

Rhea sighed as she sat back. "Momma." She tried again. "Not dada. No dada." Rhea tried feeding him more mashed pumpkin and gravy, but Rowan wouldn't have a bar of it.

"Okay. No more." Cleaning him up, Rhea placed her eight month on the ground as he started crawling to his toys. Rowan has been saying dada for a couple weeks now and as hard as Rhea tried, she couldn't get him to say Momma.

Rhea watched as Rowan sat up by himself, playing with his toys, listening to him say dada over and over as she wiped a tear away. If only things were different, she thought to herself. She would have loved for Rowan to grow up with his father, but Rhea had decided long ago that Ryder didn't deserve that choice. It would be easy for everyone if Ryder didn't even know.

Now

I stared at my laptop screen. The words becoming a blur, even with my glasses on. I looked over to the shelf next to my TV for a photo of Rowan. Every time I believed things were getting tough, I always looked at it. It was a newborn portrait of Rowan, asleep on a fur blanket.

With a small smile, I turned back to the screen. It was getting late and I needed sleep.

I heard my phone ting and looked at it. Who is sending me messages at eleven at night? I opened it up, reading the message from Ryder.

Can we do dinner tomorrow night?

Frowning, I decided to ring him.

"Hey." Came his voice. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

I frowned even more. Why would he care? "No, I'm studying. I don't have time to do dinner tomorrow night, Ryder."

"Actually, it's more of a you and Rowan thing."

"Like I said, I don't have time." I repeated.

"At my parents." Ryder added.

I gulped. "Oh, uh..." I didn't mind Ryder's parents, even though I didn't know them long. "I don't know."

"But you said they could come on Sunday. I just thought that maybe Rowan could meet them before then."

I took a deep breathe. It did make sense. "Fine. But I'm only sparing three hours, tops."

"Great!" I heard the happiness in his voice. "I'll pick you up at five."

"No." I cut in. "I'll drive Rowan there."

"Like I said, Rhea, I'll pick you up at five." Came his serious tone before he hung up.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I dropped my phone on the counter. Why does he have to be like this?

My phone buzzed again and I quickly answered it before it woke Rowan up.

"Hello?"

"Sorry to wake you."

"Gabriel!" I smiled. "What are you doing? Shouldn't you be working?"

"I am." She laughed and muttered something. "Hey, I'm hitting the shops after work, what do you want for Rowan?"

"Huh?"

"His birthday?" She teased.

"Are you flying in?" I squealed.

"Yes! My plane leaves tomorrow at noon. So I should be at your place nearly a day later, so about 2am Friday morning if I worked that out correctly. Is that fine?"

"Yes!" I squealed again. "Of course it is!"

"So what do I buy him?"

"Oh no. Don't. Just you being here will be great."

"Don't start that again." Gabriel laughed. "I'm buying him something!"

"Get him a big apple shirt or something then."

I heard Gabriel blow out a raspberry. "Uh, no. Cool aunties don't buy clothes, that's the grandparents job. Oh, I'm sorry."

I knew what she meant.

"It's okay. I'm actually taking Rowan to meet his grandparents tomorrow night."

"What the," Then she muttered. "There are kids here. When did this happen?"

"I'll tell you when you get here." I smiled again as I heard a school bell in the background over the phone.

"Okay. I've gotta go. I have a class to teach."

"Okay. I'll see you Friday." I said as I hung up. I felt so much better now that I will be seeing Gabriel again. It's been so long.

I saved my work and shut my laptop down, putting it on charge as I cleaned up the bench around me, ready for tomorrow morning.

Another big day of work, study, then dinner and more study. I don't know how I'll sleep knowing that Gabriel will be here soon tomorrow night. It made me feel happy. Giddy happy. I've missed her so much.

I turned the kitchen light off then checked on Rowan and finally crawled in to my bed.