***********************

************************

Thick, daunting, black water surrounds my body.

I have to swim... I have to...

The dark water keeps pulling me down.

It's suffocating me.

Cold... It's so cold here.

I'm supposed to remember something...

Something important.

But I cannot think past the consuming blackness enveloping me. I'm supposed to fight it. I don't belong here. I must get out... I must get back to...

To what?

I'm so tired...

***********************

"Something isn't right... Why isn't she waking up?"

"My Lord, we are doing our best. She is stable, that is what's impor-"

"Your best isn't fucking good enough! You need to do more, this is unacceptable! She's been out for far too long!"

"Please, My Lord, shouting is not good for her. We must be patient. All we can do is wait. She's going to be alright..."

"... I-I'm sorry... I just can't take seeing her like this... I can't..."

"My Lord, perhaps you should get some rest. You've not given yourself time to sleep, or bathe, or even eat a decent meal."

"No... No, I won't leave her."

His voice... I think I know his voice...

Who is he? I can't remember...

I want to reach out, to soothe his discomfort.

I try...

My arms are blocks of lead at my sides.

Where am I?

I am in the dark place... It's too cold.

I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. No sound comes out.

The icy, midnight water is up to my neck.

I'm kicking. I'm treading water. I'm trying to stay afloat.

I don't know how much longer I can fight this.

I'm so tired...

************************

"Come back... Come back, my love... Please... Come back to me..."

"Don't listen to the lovely voice." The black waters whisper to me.

They tell me not to fight them anymore.

They say they'll take away the cold. They'll take away the fear. They'll let me sleep forever...

But only if I stop fighting.

The dark place feels like home, now.

I feel like I've always been here. Was I somewhere else, before?

I can't remember...

I have to remember, I have to...

Remember...

I can't breathe.

I'm so...

Tired.

********************

There's not fight left in me.

I am inside of a shell. I long to break free of it...

Why should I fight?

I don't care anymore.

I'm too tired. Too tired...

I'm ready to sleep, now...

Wait.

There's someone here. I feel them, holding me. But I can't open my eyes.

"Who are you?"

"I am you." The stranger whispers, like gentle wind through autumn's trees.

"Who am I?"

"You are me." The voice makes me feel warm.

"Who are we?"

"We are the earth. We are the wind. We are the flames and the sea. We must go back. We must remember..."

The warmth spreads.

"Remember what?"

"Remember..."

Fuzzy images fill the darkness...

Faces...

A man. Dark skin, kind eyes...

Another man... Eyes so blue, long, golden hair.

And a woman... Beauty personified.

They're so familiar... I can't remember... It's at the tip of my tongue...

I see a ballroom... A wolf... A key, a book...

A dragon... I see a black dragon...

He's not a dragon... He's something more.

The dragon transforms.

A man...

Deep, ocean blue eyes.

The scent of earth and pine needles.

He isn't a dragon...

He isn't a man...

He is my home.

Dristan...

*********************

My eyes flew open, and I gasped, immediately squeezing them shut again when the bright lights of the room blinded me. My nose wrinkled. The strong scent of antiseptic filled the room, along with plastic, and the flowery scent of soap.

I blinked slowly, letting my eyes adjust to the brightness, and gazed around the room in confusion. I was in a bed. Not my bed... There were other beds here, too. All of them were vacant. A long table, pushed against the far left wall, held an array of sharp needles, bottles, and bandages.

There were no windows. No clocks. I had no idea if it was night, or day. A single, wooden door was settled into the far, right wall.

Was I in the infirmary?

Why was I alone?

"He-hell-hello?" I croaked, my voice like sandpaper. My throat was so dry... I coughed, trying to clear it. "Hello?" I said again. I sounded horrible. Weak, and fragile.

The door opened, and a doctor stepped into the room. It was the same male that had tended to me when I'd first arrived at the Aviary. His eyes widened as the door slowly clicked shut behind him. He stared at me, his features frozen in shock.

"High Lady Brenya... I mean, Princess... Your grace..." He stuttered, taking a small step toward me.

Why was he so flustered? He hadn't behaved this way the first time I'd seen him... But that was before I'd grown such a respected reputation here, I supposed.

"What happened?" I groaned, rubbing at my sore eyes.

He slowly walked toward my bed, his eyes never leaving me.

"You drained your magic. You nearly died..." He said softly.

My eyes widened. I'd drained my magic? But... I didn't even know that was possible. In fact, I had no idea how I'd even done it. It just... happened.

Flashes of the fight came back to my mind. The frozen bodies around me, clumps of earth and rock flying down the pack leader's throat...

My father...

I winced at the pain that rocked through my chest as the image of my father's broken, mangled body flashed through my mind.

"Are you alright?" The doctor asked, concerned. He reached down and picked up my wrist, pressing his index and middle finger against the inside of it. His brows furrowed as he counted in his head.

"You don't need to do that, I feel perfectly fine." I said flatly.

"Are you experiencing any pain?" He asked, letting go of my wrist.

I hesitated, lowering my eyes. "Not physically."

He was silent.

"Where is Dristan? Why isn't he here?" I asked, changing the subject.

"He is training with the wolves, your grace... And the Fae... And the dragons... He trains with them every week day. He spends the evenings and weekends here, with you."

I furrowed my brows and blinked up at him. What the rutting hell was he talking about?

Evenings and weekends...?

"What do you mean?" I felt panic rising in my gut. My breathing sped up, my eyes growing wider.

"Princess... Stay calm... Everything is alright, now."

"How long have I been here?!" I shouted, sitting up further.

"Take it easy... Sit back, please." He said, placing a hand on my shoulder. He pushed back, trying to get me to lay down.

"Get off me! Let go!" I shouted, jerking away from him.

He lifted his hands in surrender and took a step back. He stared at me with pity as he watched me struggle to stand. My legs felt like paper beneath me.

Weak... I was so weak. Even being Fae, I felt weak.

He'd been shocked to see me awake... Now I realized why. I'd been unconscious for a long time. But how long?

I sat back down, my eyes burning with tears. They fell over my cheeks as I groaned in frustration. How rutting long had I been in this bed?

"Please..." I whispered as more tears fell down my face. "Tell me how long."

I turned to look at him. His throat bobbed.

"Princess... You have been in a coma for two weeks."

"What?" My voice was hardly a whisper.

I felt dizzy. I was going to vomit. I doubled over, gagging, and the doctor appeared in front of me with a bucket. I emptied the contents of my stomach into it. My throat burned with the acidity of the bile. I groaned and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Princess... I know this is shocking. Let me draw you a bath. After that, I'll have some food brought in for you. We need to stretch your muscles so that they can heal properly before you go walking around."

"Why am I so weak?" I asked, leaning back onto the bed, my eyes closed.

"You've not moved in two weeks. Your body is weak and you are still recovering from the loss of your magic. When your magic is depleted, your body loses it's ability to heal as it should. With such low levels of energy and magic, your body reverts to an almost human state, which is why it can kill you when you use too much. You need to eat and exercise your muscles in order to gain back your strength." He explained.

"How long does it take? If I've been out for two weeks, doesn't that mean my magic has been refilling?" I asked.

"Your magic has been slowly returning, which is why you finally woke up. But it will probably take a few days before you are able to use it again, safely. Your body will recover within twenty four hours, as long as we practice some physical therapy."

I sighed as I digested all of this information. I felt my breathing calming down a bit as the shock passed. At least I was alive...

"Okay." I whispered.

"Alright... I will go draw your bath." He said. He turned to leave, and I spoke again, stopping him.

"Doctor?"

He turned toward me, his face wary. "Yes?"

I tried to smile. "Thank you for helping me."

He blinked a few times as his cheeks grew pink.

"Of course, Princess." He said softly.

I watched him leave. I leaned back onto the pillows, my mind numb.

My father was gone.

Guilt crashed over me in a wave that was a thousand times more suffocating than the dark waters of my mind had been.

I stared up at the ceiling as tears continued silently falling down my cheeks.

*********************

After I'd bathed and eaten, the doctor placed a long, thick mat on the floor in the center of the room. I'd been instructed to sit on it. The physical therapy was strange and awkward, but I could feel my limbs growing stronger as time went on.

It had been about two hours of this, now. Stretching, and bending, and pulling... My strength was returning, little by little, minute by minute.

I was lying on my back, while the doctor had one of my legs stretched above my head, when the door suddenly opened.

My head snapped toward the door.

Dristan trudged into the room, his eyes tired, and glued to the floor. His hair was a wild array of dark tufts, and his bare chest was covered in sweat from training all day. His dark pants hung loosely from his hips. Had he lost weight?

He looked... different.

There was a dullness about him. His aura was blue, and sad. His stance was withdrawn, and weary. His facial hair had grown out quite a bit.

My mate... My poor mate. What had it been like for him, to see me in such a state, for such an extended period of time? He must've been so worried.

The doctor's hands were still on my leg when the door clicked shut, and Dristan finally lifted his tired eyes from the ground.

The whole room froze.

First, Dristan's eyes landed on the doctor. A brief moment of confusion flashed across his face.

Then his eyes slid to mine.

I stared at him, my eyes wide, my mouth parted, as his sapphire depths latched onto mine. His piercing, intense gaze nearly knocked the breath out of me.

A fleeting wave of relief seemed to cross his features, but when his eyes moved back to the doctor, pure rage took it's place.

He exploded into action before I could even blink.

I gasped as Dristan flew across the room, grabbed the doctor by the throat, and then slammed him against the far, left wall.

"Imbecile!" Dristan snarled, lifting him higher, as he squeezed his throat. The doctor's feet kicked wildly as he dangled against the wall, a horrible gagging sound gurgling past his lips.

"Were my instructions unclear?! I told you to find me, immediately, when she awoke! I told you to inform me right away! And I come back here, to find my mate awake, and bathed, and you, with your filthy hands all over her?! Do you have a gods damned death wish?!"

The doctor choked repeatedly, his eyes rolling back into his head, unable to answer.

I struggled to get to my feet. "Dristan! Stop it!"

He growled and glanced over his shoulder. His eyes were glazed with animal instinct, his sharp teeth bared. I hobbled toward him, my legs shaking beneath me.

"Let him go! He was doing his job, he was helping me!" I cried.

I stumbled forward and grabbed onto one of his large, rock solid biceps. His skin was slick with sweat. He stared down at me, his eyes wild, his nostrils flared, as he panted heavily. In that moment, I knew that it was his dragon looking at me instead of him.

"Look at me... I'm here..." I whispered, gazing up at him. I loosened my grip on his arm.

His slitted eyes alternated back and fourth between my own. He blinked a few times as his breathing settled down. Pain and fear flashed through his irises.

I let a small smile grace my mouth as I reached up at brushed my fingers over his lips. "I'm here, now... Let him go, you silly dragon..."

Finally, he let go.

The doctor fell to the ground, coughing and sputtering, as he clutched his throat in agony.

Dristan turned his body toward me, his eyes clearing.

"Brenya..."

He looked at me as if I were the most precious thing he'd ever seen. No, he wasn't looking at me... He was marveling at me.

He looked like he'd been through hell. His eyes held a tortured sorrow, and I felt guilt fill every molecule of my being. He'd suffered for two weeks... Two weeks... And it was my fault.

"Mate." I answered softly. My eyes raked over his face. "I'm so sorry."

A strangled laugh fell from his lips. It was almost a sob, except that he was smiling.

"You're sorry? I'm the one who should be sorry. I should've told you about the danger of using too much magic. It's all my fault."

From the corner of my eye, I saw the doctor slowly stand up. He side stepped a few feet toward the door, being careful not to make a sound. His eyes were still wide, his throat red and swollen. I threw him an apologetic glance right before he silently slipped out the door.

I shook my head. "No, I should've controlled my anger. If I hadn't been so hell bent on revenge, this wouldn't have happened. The guilt is mine..."

I lowered my eyes. "And my father... It's all my fault..."

"Stop." He snapped, stepping toward me. He pulled me against his chest. I looked up at him as tears filled my eyes. "Please... Don't do this to yourself." He whispered. "It's not your fault."

My lower lip quivered. "It is. All of it."

He shook his head. "No. I am also to blame, love. I should've let you go to him, before... Maybe this wouldn't have happened..."

I furrowed my brows. "You couldn't have known..."

"And neither could you." He said.

My throat bobbed. "I still feel guilty."

His eyes alternated between mine. "Then let me lessen your burden. I will share the guilt with you. I would take it all, if I could... If it would make you happy."

I stared up into those soft, deep eyes of calming water... And when I beheld the overwhelming amount of the love inside of them, love that I'd done nothing to deserve... The dam broke.

Tears spilled down my face as hysterical sobbing escaped from between my lips. I felt my legs give out. Whatever strength I'd gained back, it was long gone now...

Dristan swept me into his arms and buried his face in my hair.

"Shh, I've got you baby." He whispered, holding me tightly to his heart.

He took me out of the room and carried me through the endless hallways, whispering soft words of comfort all the while. I didn't know where we were going. I didn't care. All that mattered was that I was with him.

I was home.

**********************

********************

I wasn't sure how long we'd been there, lying in Dristan's bed. He'd held me through my entire breakdown, never letting go of me, never leaving my side. He just held me, rocked me, kissed my hair, my face, my hands... He just waited, while I let all of my grief pour out of me.

I'd stopped crying ten minutes ago, but I couldn't bring myself to move, or speak. I didn't know what to say, or how to feel. Everything felt so heavy.

My body, my thoughts, my heart...

I was just so weak. So tired. So torn apart.

"You scared the hell out of me, Brenya." Dristan said softly from somewhere above me. His chin was resting on top of my head. I was facing his chest, breathing in his scent, as we lay tangled together.

"I know..." I whispered. "I'm sorry."