SURPRISE!! Merry Christmas to you all! To celebrate the holidays and it being Christmas, I've decided to do an early update!

There will also be another chapter this Friday!

This chapter is dedicated to @mylittlemochi1013 for voting and commenting! Thank you :)

••••

My anger burns through my veins, like smoke clogging up my brain.

My hands clench into fists as I remember her words.

It's like I don't even know you.

Drag you into a relationship.

We have a break.

Each word she said drove a dagger into my heart and poured fuel over the fire that is my anger.

As I walk away, my body seems to go into lock down.

Usually as a footballer, you're trained never to be shocked. To never give up, always be expecting next move. I thought there was nothing that my mind or body couldn't handle.

Yet, here we are.

I'm totally fucking thrown.

Over some stupid fight with a girl.

But as I walk away, her cries seem to be the only thing I can hear. Despite me being on a busy street with club music playing thirty meters away from me. They shoot through me, her cries like the wind extinguishing my rage.

I turn around for one last look, I can't help myself. I want to see her smiling and laughing her eyes lighting up in joy.

Because this could be the last time I see her for a while.

I've broken her and in the process, I've broken myself

Her small frame is being comforted by my best friend who I've never been so jealous of.

That should be me.

Only then does it occur to me why I'm so thrown, it's because she's not just some girl.

She's the girl of my dreams.

And I've fucked it up.

••••

The lights of the city seem to blur, the cars seem to go unusually fast and I feel like I'm falling.

Reaching my breaking point, tears clog up my throat, my anger completely diminished.

Reaching my apartment, I unlock the door only to want to walk straight back out.

She's everywhere.

The table which we ate the food that we made together, not quite chef level yet, but edible all the same.

The couch where we've laughed, watched films, kissed a fuck ton and I've gazed at her more times than I can count.

Every single fucking piece of furniture makes me want to cry.

Get it together, I scold myself.

But I can't, it's impossible.

Biting my lip in the hope that it'll keep the emotions at bay, I head to my bedroom.

Lying down on the bed, I cover my face with my hands. The tears that I've kept at bay seem to creep forward. However, I only allow a few to slip past me. I can't let myself be destroyed like this.

It's happened before and I won't let it happen again.

Rolling over, I bury my head into the pillow beside me.

Her smell hits me like a fucking train. It grips my heart like a vice.

It's not the smell alone that makes me want to cry, it's what it represents.

It shows that at some stage, I hadn't messed up. That we were together, we were happy and we were content. Plus, it represents that night.

The night that obliterated any chance of me loving another girl.

Her laugh, her smile, her body. That whole night was like a dream. But now it's like a dream gone bad, my mind twisting it. As if taunting me to say, you'll never get that again.

As my mind continues to torture me, I get out of bed.

Reaching the living room, I turn on my TV and try to concentrate. Impossible is an understatement, my mind cannot turn off. Throwing a cushion across the room in frustration, I lie my head on the back of the sofa. My tears resurface for the millionth time tonight and I don't stop them.

There's no point in trying to stop the inevitable.

Just like there's no point in convincing myself that I don't love Skylar.

••••

I turn for the millionth time that night, sleep not seeming like an option for my emotionally battered self.

Rolling over, I groan as my alarm clock flashes 5:37 am.

I attempt to sleep for another half an hour before calling it quits.

Getting up, I quickly throw on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts before heading out for a run.

Anything to get my mind off of the girl who's haunting my thoughts.

••••

"C'mon guys, this isn't finalist material." Coach barks at us as we do sprints.

After finishing a three mile run this morning and then going straight to training, my whole body is burning.

But my tactics have worked. Kind of.

By pushing myself physically, my mental thoughts seem to have zoned out.

With sweat pouring down my face, I shout instructions at my team.

With both coach and I in shit moods this morning, I can only imagine the violent thoughts my other team members are having about me.

Meh.

Coach calls training to a close and my teammates and I quickly head for the shower.

Staying unusually quiet throughout the whole ordeal of getting changed, I'm not surprised when someone catches up to me when I'm heading to my first class.

Rory, the team's pervert.

Also the guy who was commenting on how great Skylar's body was only a couple of days ago.

Like it needs pointed out.

"What's wrong?" He asks, skipping normal greetings.

"Nothing." I grumble, trying to ignore him and keep on walking.

He grabs my shoulder and harshly turns me towards him. My anger begins to bubble, my patience completely destroyed after last night.

"Whoa, slow down. What? Skylar not allow you into her pants after all."

At this point, the rest of the team are emerging from the player's tunnel. Sensing the tension, they make their way over to Rory and I.

"What's going on?" One player shouts as they approach us. Forming a circle round us, Rory lets out a sinister smile.

"Axel didn't get laid by his girlfriend and now he's mad." Rory smirks as he folds his arms across his chest.

The crowd lets out a laugh at this statement, but I glare at all of them.

They don't know a fucking thing.

"Look, you little twat." I seethe, my lack of patience triggering my anger. "You know nothing. You're just a shit that thinks he has the right to shout insults like that. But, you know what? You don't. You have no idea what Skylar and I had, no idea what's even happened. And you won't ever get to experience something like it if you don't get out of your stupid, conceited head." I bark.

"Take a chill pill, mat-." Rory starts, but I cut him off.

"No, you take a walk and get the fuck out of here. I'm not your mate." I spit.

Blowing a breath out through my nose, my eyes swivel round the group. Each of my teammates stand there frozen in shock. Probably because I'm usually the guy to laugh with them and do impressions of coach.

Not today.

Today I need people to just give me some space and not try to get in my face. Instructions some people obviously couldn't get through their skulls.

Realising that nobody's going to move anytime soon, I push my way through the crowd.

And for the first time, I leave my teammates behind me.

••••

I stumble across a coffee shop and immediately go in, assuming that sugar and caffeine will help me come back to reality a bit.

She always loved coffee shops.

That thought completely destroys my appetite, so instead I choose a secluded corner with my back to the door, I pull out my phone.

Rob answers in the first two rings.

"You okay?" He immediately asks, concern in his tone.

"I just totally blew up at Rory outside football with the whole team watching." I sigh, shoving a hand through my hair.

"Jesus, what did he say?" Rob asks. He always wants the whole picture before giving any opinions or advice, a quality that I lack.

"That Skylar didn't allow me into her pants and then I just kind of went for him."

"Verbally?" Rob double checks, his voice going higher in pitch in his reluctance to hear the answer.

"Verbally." I confirm.

"Thank god. So, not any better than last night?" Rob asks, reminding me of the phone call we had where I basically explained the whole argument to him.

"Not at all. I'm a fucking mess. Can't sleep or eat. She's constantly in my head." I groan pathetically, running a hand down my face.

"If it helps, she's in the same position." Rob offers sympathetically, thinking that it might reassure me.

Instead it sends a spike through my heart, knowing that she's struggling. She's struggling because of me.

"It doesn't, fucking hurts to know she's feeling what I'm feeling." I sigh.

"I'm so sorry, mate."

"Just make her feel better, yeah? How's her arm?" I ask, hating that we've decided to take this stupid break when she's hurt and vulnerable.

"It's fine, just takes her longer to do things. Her head's better." Rob says and I can almost hear his sympathetic smile for me.

God, I'm a mess.

"Yeah? That's good then." I murmur.

"What are you going to do here, Axel? You getting her back?" Rob asks.

"I honestly don't know."

••••

What's our thoughts? I would love to know!

Next update will be THIS Friday as usual!

Much love,

Jade x