My favorite times of the year is when it rains. Rain is the most magnificent thing I have ever seen. It looks like shiny crystals falling from the sky through a dark storm. I usually feel joyful when it rains, well that's when I am not crying.

Pluviophile

That's someone who loves rain.

But my reason for loving rain is quite different from others. I love the rain because when I am crying, no one can hear me. No one will hear me be weak or break down and show that I really am broken inside. Scratch that, I'm not broken. I am shattered. My thoughts constantly haunt me. My own conscience is my enemy and I cant rid myself of it. When it rains, I can drown in the rain, not my thoughts.

For once, I don't have to cry alone.

"Ms. Stewart!" a nasally voice yells snapping me out my thoughts. I look away from the window that's giving me a perfect display of the beautiful rain and to the blond haired teacher up front.

"Is the rainy day outside more interesting than my lesson?!"

Yes.

"No Ms. Francis." I lie and she glares at me one last time before returning to her lesson on the history of colors.

Art is the most boring class I have to endure throughout the day beside math. I find it quite irrelevant in my opinion. If you are interested in art, then take the class, but if not, then I think we shouldn't take it and take another class instead. I have to put up with Ms. Francis's nasally voice every morning. The real art is what is displayed outside: rain.

When the class is over, I go straight to my locker to put my stuff away and take out my lunch. I wait at my locker for Issac to come. He emerges from around the hallway and when his eyes land on mine, a smile spreads on his face. When he reaches to me, he embraces me in a hug. I hug him back briefly and then pull away.

"Hello kind friend Bay"

"Hello obnoxious friend Issac" I say with an innocent smile on my face.

"If you didn't pair that off with a smile, I would be tickling you by now. Oh and by the way 17" he says and opens his locker.

"Do you have a journal where you just copy down how many times I smile? Because I am getting creeped out." I honestly don't have a problem with it to be honest. It's flattering. I just like teasing Issac about it.

"I have no journal. Just good memory and a liking for when a particular girl's smile"

"Really? I wonder who this girl may be..."

"Hmm how to describe an angel?" He asks and looks up in the air and hums. He then looks back down at me and says, "Brown skin, long curly brown hair, a very fierce and formidable young woman, snappy attitude, and a very pre-possessing smile."

Why is my heart beating so fast and why does my stomach feel fluttery?

"Don't have a clue who you are talking about." I say and clutch my books close to my chest.

"Really?" he asks with an enchanting smile places on his face. He moves closer to me and I lean against the locker next to mine unable to peel my eyes against his grey eyes that are a few shades darker than normal. He stands right in front of me and looks at me with his intense grey eyes. My breathing becomes scattered and I struggle to take a breath without it coming out raggedly. He leans even closer, our breaths mingling together and he rests his hand against the locker besides me.

"You really don't know who I am talking about?"

I shake my head no.

My heart is beating so hard against my chest, I am afraid that Issac will hear it because we are so close. Time seems to slip away from my conscience along with the noise from my peers in the hallways and the watchful glances of people curious about Issac and I's friendship. All I can focus on is him.

And that scares me. I don't want to drown in Issac. I did that with one other man in my life and he left me broken. If I drown in Issac and he leaves too, I will be shattered.

"Issac, w-what are you doing?"

"What am I doing Bay?" The smell of his minty cold breaths wafts into my senses and it all just adds onto Issac's perfection. He leans his head closer. One more inch and our lips would connect.

My first kiss

His eyes flicker to my lips and I didn't think it was possible until I looked into Issac's eyes for their to be so many shades of grey.

"Woahhh Issac buddy. I thought you weren't a fan of PDA" a deep voice says and I look to my left to see Armani Clarke. Issac pulls away from me and walks over to his friend and does the boy handshake thing. I take this time to take a few deep breaths so I could calm my breathing and my erratic heartbeats.

"Hey Bay" Armani says.

"Hi" I say and wave. "Issac, I have to go" He looks back at me with his usual twinkle in his eyes and he smiles and says, "See you later beautiful"

I shake my head and walk towards the east wing to go to math class, but one thing is left floating in the back of my mind.

Where is Zoe?

I haven't seen her. She left to go to school early. I haven't seen her here at school and I am quite worried.

....

I was beyond worried. My sister hasn't shown up for lunch and I haven't seen her since...last night. I jog down the hallways checking in every classroom and I can't find her and a lump in my throat grows and my worry thickens that it almost feels suffocating. Hurried footsteps near me and I spin around to see Zoe.

Relief washes over me and I run over to her and hug her. She looks shocked to see me, which I don't understand.

"Why is your hair messed up?" I ask and try smoothing out her hair. "Your clothes are crumpled and messy. Why did you leave early today?"

"I-uh I have to go Bay. I am fine, just stop worrying about me. I am a big girl" she says with a smile and runs off somewhere.

That wasn't weird at all...

But the only way to find answers, I have to speak with Issac. I walk back into the lunchroom and and I try to locate Issac among the huge population of students here. I locate him at the "it" crew table where him and his friends and Victoria and her friends sit. But something is off. Asher isn't at the table with them. In all my 4 years, Asher has never not been at lunch sitting with them. I know he is here today.

I pull out my phone to text Issac.

/ Bay

Hey, can I meet you outside the lunchroom. I need your help with something

Because...can you just come!

Issac looks around the lunchroom and then he finds me in the corner by the door. A smirk is plastered on his face and then he looks down at his phone and begins typing.

ISSAC...this is an emergency!

Issac says something to his friends and then gets up and walks over to me. Every step he takes towards me not only makes my heart beat a little faster, but causes my mind to fog up and replay our last encounter we had this morning at the lockers.

I walk outside and he soon follows suit.

"What happen?" he asks.

"Something is up with Zoe."

"What do you mean?"

"Something, I don't know- where is Asher?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him all day. He hasn't replied to my texts, nothing."

Asher is missing.

Zoe was missing.

"Do you think-"

Oh Zoe don't tell me you did.

"Asher and Zoe doing each other, 91% chance with how easy it is for Asher to score girls these days."

"Zoe isn't like that. She wouldn't be that stupid."

"Which direction did she go?"

"Uh towards the south wing."

Issac sighs and runs his hand through his hair obviously frustrated, "I know where that bastard took her." Issac starts walking in the direction of the south wing and he stops out front of a burgundy door that has a sign that says 'Authorized Only'

Issac looks at me and says, "I'm sorry about him Bay" Before I could say anything, Issac opens the door and it reveals a big room. Maybe an old faculty room. In the corners sat on the couch is Zoe straddling Asher and kissing him.

I cover my face in embarrassment at my sister's stupidity and I release an angry sigh. I walk over to the pair and I rip Zoe off of him. Asher looks stunned when he looks at me and then Issac at the doorway. His lips are plump and more pink than usual. His hair is messy and his clothes crumpled.

I look at him with utter disgust and contempt and then I look at my reckless sister. Out of us two, she has always been the reckless one. The irresponsible one. The outgoing one. She has never had a problem when it comes to guys. Her looks, personality, and constant smile has boys at her knees if she wanted.

"Seriously Zoe! How reckless can you be?" I snap feeling frustration take me over.

"God Bay, mind your own business for once. It's not about you. You may be older than me by 5 minutes but that doesn't mean you have to dictate my life and stop me from doing what I want. Back off!" she says and fixes her clothes and puts her straightened hair in a ponytail.

"You're right. I am done. Your recklessness will destroy you and what am I of all people going to do to help you? Do whatever the fuck you want with him. Bang him for all I care, god, i'm over it. Prepare yourself for the drama you will be neck deep in." I say feeling exhausted. I storm off and out the toxic room and navigate my way to my locker. I open my locker and take out my bag and slam my locker shut.

"Bay where are you going?"

"Home"

"But-" He says and I cut him off.

"Issac, I can't stay here. I am so tired of worrying about people who don't want my help. I'm tired of trying to help someone who just pushes me away and continues to be reckless."

"Now you see how i feel" he mutters. I don't think he intended for me to hear that, but I did and my anger flares up again.

"No one told you to be my friend Issac!" I lash out and instantly regret yelling at him.

"Bay-"

"No just...please." My words get caught up in my throat and I feel the lump growing in my throat.

I run past him and out the door of the building and towards my house no longer having the energy to wait for the stupid bus.

20 minutes later and I reach home. As soon as I get home, I run up to my room and I take off my clothes and take a cold shower, turning the water to icy cold. I need to numb my body. This way I won't feel anything. Hopefully, I won't feel the hurt my best friend, my sister just put me through anymore.

Dad left, Zoe pushes me out, Mom barely speaks to me.

And me?

I am alone

I let the icy cold water run down my face wetting my hair and numbing my body.

I always loved the cold.

Once I am out the shower, I wrap my body with my towel and look at myself in the mirror. My hair sticks to my face because of it's wetness. My eyes are puffy from my crying in the shower and I am in dire need of some moisturizer on my face. I dry my face and begin diffusing my hair. After all that, I put on a shorts and a tee and then climb in my bed.

All the drama this week I've had to endure at Eastside High has been draining for me. I am not used to it. It's like it's all being thrown in my face all at once and I don't know how to handle it. Zoe hasn't made any of that easy for me despite knowing my struggle.

My phone rings beside me on the table and Issac's picture pops up on the screen, but I decide to just let the phone ring needing time to myself to just...not feel. Issac makes me feel things. Things I have never felt before and it scares me because I don't know how strong it is. I don't know if I can fight this. I don't know how I can fight this...thing. When he is near me, my heart beats faster than usual. My stomach feels fluttery. Every nerve in my body feels like it's on fire when he touches me.

How can I fight something so potent? I can't control this. And it's caught me off guard completely.

I need to not feel and get used to that again so that when Issac eventually does come to his senses and realizes his mission is pointless and he leaves, I won't be broken all over again.

And do you want to know the crazy thing?

I am scared that if I continue to push him away, he will really just leave and not come back and despite everything. Despite needing to detach from him and ignoring my feelings, he is probably the only good thing in my life and I don't want him to leave.

But if he stays I'm afraid I will taint his golden personality with my dark heart.

And that's even scarier than Issac leaving me on will.