The next few weeks were tough for Jade. She saw Helen 3 times a week and when she wasn't talking about what had happened to her on her last tour she was talking about her childhood and opening up about things she had told no one before.

The first two weeks after the seizure were hard. She was always tired and her nightmares had become worse. She struggled to stay awake on a day-to-day basis and when she wasn't with Helen; she was sleeping. However, after the second week, something clicked, and the nightmares became less and even though she was still tired, she got out of the house and back into a somewhat normal routine.

Marcus was there for the first two weeks never leaving Jade's side and staying over most nights and Marco would stop by whenever he could. However, once Jade started to get better Marcus stopped staying over as often and Jade felt like she hardly saw him anymore. He always said he was busy and whenever she tried to push, he would shut down on her.

She felt herself getting stronger both physically and mentally the last four weeks, but she knew she still had a long way to go. She had also found a temporary job teaching self-defence class as a sport at the local school once a week to occupy her time.

"Do you think you will ever have the relationship you want with your mother?" Helen asked and Jade sighed she wished she could, but unless her mother changed she knew she could never have the relationship she wanted.

"I don't think so which is sad because as much as I hate my mother she is still my mother at the end of the day." Helen nodded her head and went onto the next topic of her father.

"You told me a few weeks ago you hired someone to track down your brother and Father. Did you end up doing it?" Jade looked at her hands remembering when she told Marcus about tracking down her father and brother. He thought it was a terrible idea and said she didn't need the disappointment if they didn't turn out the way she wanted. They had gotten into a huge fight about it where he walked out and she hadn't seen him for 3 days.

"Yea, I talked to someone, and they found both my brother and father, they both live close by, but I haven't had the courage to get in contact with them." Helen looked at Jade and the sad look she had.

"Why haven't you gotten in contact with them. Jade, you said your father tried to be there when he left, but your mother wouldn't let him." Jade sighed again and started shaking her leg up and down.

"I'm worried about rejection." Helen nodded her head and waited for Jade to explain.

"Marcus and I got into an argument that they might disappoint me when I met them, then it got me thinking about what happens if they reject me or want nothing to do with me. That means I'll have no family. At least if I don't meet them I know I still got family out there." It was an idea that had kept her up this past week when she found out where her brother and father were. She knew she would never have a relationship with her mother, but she knew she still had a family.

"Let me ask you this Jade if you had a child you could never see again and found there was a way to get in contact with them after so many years, would you not try?" Jade thought about it for the rest of the day and when Marcus came round later that night she had decided.

"I don't care what you say or think I will ring my father and ask to meet up. So either you will support me or you can walk out the door right now." Jade said the moment Marcus stepped into the apartment.

Marcus stopped dead in his tracks the moment Jade started speaking and when she had finished all, he did was hold the flowers that he had bought on the way home as a sorry for being such a dick.

"This means nothing," Jade said as she grabbed the flowers with a smile and went to go put them in a vase.

"Okay then." He said with a smug grin as he started on dinner like every night he stayed over. He cooked and Jade cleaned up afterwards that was their unspoken rule who every cooked didn't have to do the dishes.

"You going to call him tonight," Marcus asked as he stirred the sauce for dinner.

"I think so. I'm scared though I haven't spoken to him since I was 10. I don't know what I will say." Jade said as she set the table. Her chest and stomach felt tight just thinking about what she would say to him.

"You will find something to say Jade and I'm right here." Jade smiled as she finished setting the table and went over to Marcus hugging him from behind and resting her head on his back.

"What happens if he doesn't want to meet up?" She whispered and Marcus stopped cooking and turned around and grabbed Jade face between his hands.

"Well, that's his loss Jade, not yours." He kissed her forehead, and she sighed and sunk into his embrace. They both stood there for a minute or two before Marcus turned the stove off and served up dinner.

Throughout dinner Jade tried to stall so she wouldn't have to make the call and by the time dinner had ended she knew there was no way she could to the call today.

"Maybe tomorrow." She murmured as she cleaned up as Marcus got a movie ready to watch. Marcus didn't want to push her to call her father yet at the same time he didn't enjoy seeing her so stressed out.

"Stop worrying about it and come and watch a movie with me. You will call him when you are ready so relax." Sighing jade finished the last of the dishes and joined Marcus on the couch. She curled up into his side and wasn't long before she fell asleep nestled against his warm side.

When Jade was finally asleep Marcus sighed, closed his eyes and tilted his head back on the couch. He could feel the stress oozing out of him and in the back of his mind, he could hear his brother yelling at him to tell Jade. However, with everything going on he found it harder and harder each day to tell her.

"Fuck." He whispered under his breath as he reopened his eyes and watched Jade sleep. She looked so peaceful at this moment, with the rise and fall of her chest as soft snores escaped her every once in a while. Things had been hard for her lately and he didn't want to add it so did what he did best.

After a while, he lifted Jade from the lounge and took her to the bed where she didn't even stir. He tucked her into the bed, kissed her forehead and left the apartment without a single word. knowing it was a dick move, but he didn't have the heart to say goodbye.

When Jade woke the next morning, and she wasn't surprised to see Marcus had left already. Lately, she had been waking up and he would already be gone off to whatever he was doing these days. It made her upset, but she felt she didn't have a right to say anything because she didn't know what they were. They weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, yet at the same time, they weren't friends with benefits. She didn't know where she stood with Marcus. He came over most nights to cook dinner and go to bed with her while having what she assumed was casual sex.

However, as the days went on, the more she found herself falling for the arrogant sergeant which was something she wasn't too sure she wanted to do.

Rubbing her eyes, she rolled out of bed knowing these thoughts were too deep to think about so early in the morning. She did her morning routine of shower and coffee before getting ready for the day.

Jade didn't have much to do today aside from shopping for food, so she had the whole day to herself. Once Jade was ready she did her shopping and by the time she had finished, it was lunchtime. Stopping by a café nearby and ordered some lunch and pulled out her phone going through her emails for the day. After she found nothing interesting, she found her way into her contacts and hovered over the number that was her fathers.

Her finger hovered over the call button and all it would take was a simple tap and the number would dial. Biting her lip, she almost rang, but chickened out and closed her phone putting it on the table. Sighing, she took a sip of her coffee knowing she should get in touch with her father, but her mind and heart were conflicting with each other again that made the decision so overbearing it would cause her hands to become sweaty and she would suffer shortness of breath.

Jade was halfway through her coffee when her phone rang and when she looked at the caller id and her heart jumped a beat.

"Hello, Jade speaking." She answered despite knowing where the call was coming from.

"Corporal Jennings I am ringing to book a re-assessment day for a follow up on your condition. What day would suit you best?" Jade smiled as this has been the call she had been waiting for since Lucas gave her the all-clear a few weeks ago.

"I'm free this Monday coming up." She heard the on the other side, flipping through papers before she cleared her throat.

"The only free time we have on Monday is at 9 am is that okay with you?" Jade's smiled grew and she agreed to the time before being informed of the paperwork that she needed to bring in. Once she got off the phone, she rang the first person who came to mind. She dialled Marcus's number and was sent straight with voicemail. Confused she tried again thinking something was wrong with her phone, however once again her call took her straight to voicemail. Shaking her head, she decided she would call him later because lately he always seemed to busy. She remembered when the day she bought it up and he just shut her down saying he had to help his mum in the shop.

Jade finished her coffee before she headed back to her apartment to put the cold food away before it went off. After she put her food away, she found she still had the whole day to herself so she decided it was time to go do a much-needed shop for some new clothes.

6 hours later Jade sighed as she tried on yet another top that didn't fit her because she was in-between sizes.

"I think that looks great on you." The sales assistant said to her and Jade smiled politely at her as she felt like her boobs were about to spill out over the top if she breathed the wrong way. Jade changed back into her normal clothes and remembered why she hated shopping so much because one, there was never anything she could find that she liked and when she finally found something she liked it was too big and too small. Sighing, again Jade left the shops and headed back to her place after being defeated by clothes yet again.

When she arrived at her apartment, she went next door to see if the boys wanted to join her for dinner, but when she knocked no one answered. Shaking her head, she headed back to her apartment contemplating if she should call Marcus or not, but not wanting to seem needy she made dinner for herself and ate by herself that night.

Monday came round quicker than Jade expected and she found herself back on base in the waiting room for the doctor.

"Corporal Jennings?" Jade looked to her left surprised to see Corporal Tucker smiling his way over to her.

"Tucker how have you been.?" Jade got up and went to hug him surprised to see he had recovered much quicker than she had.

"I'm going great got cleared earlier this week. A bit rough at the start, but I can imagine you had a rough time as well." Jade smiled at him and neither of them had to say anything to each other, but be grateful that they were both still alive.

"You ever find out what happened to the sergeant we saved?" Corporal Tucker looked down with a sad look on his face.

"He passed away. He was doing fine and when they released him he broke. He couldn't cope living in the real world after everything that happened, and he overdosed on his medication." Jade looked down and tried to hold in her emotions. She lost her whole team, but Tucker to save him and his other teammate for him to give up.

Jade knew she couldn't blame him, but there was a part of her that wanted to blame him despite it not being his fault. It was one of the things that happened more often than people thought. Many soldiers would do well in recovery then when they had to transition back into the real world they struggled and couldn't cope after everything they had been through and would crack under the pressure and take their own life. It was the sad truth that many people try to overlook and not see it a major problem that it is.

"He had a family didn't he?" Jade asked remembering him muttering to her to tell his family that he loved them.

"Yes. He left behind a wife and two children 16 and 8." Jade shook her head wishing soldiers would speak up more and get the help they could get.

"Corporal Jennings?" The doctor called her and she waved her hand.

"We have to catch up sometime." Jade agreed and gave Corporal Tucker her number with the promise that they would catch up during the week for drinks.

Jade flew through her medical and the doctor gave her a smile and shook her hand at the end.

"I will post Your results during the week, but I can tell you everything was fine. Hopefully, we can get you back into the field in a month or two." Jade had a huge grin on her face when she left base even though she knew she had more work to do to pass the psych test, but with the psychical done and good she felt a huge weight lifted off her shoulder.

Excited she rang Marcus and frowned when yet again she got his voicemail. Shaking her head, she knew where he should be so she caught a taxi towards town to his mother's shop where he was meant to be helping out.

When she arrived, it was lunchtime, so the store was busy so instead of asking for Marcus she sat down and had some food. It wasn't long before Marcus's mother spotted her and walked over with a smile on her face.

"Jade hello dear how have you been?" Jade smiled as the older lady came and sat down with her.

"I've been good. I came down to see Marcus and tell him some good news, but I haven't seen him yet." Jade watched and Mrs Blackwood's face dropped and she knew straight away why he wasn't answering any of her calls.

"He was meant to tell you. They have deployed him and his brother again. He promised me he would tell you. Hang on." She watched he rush away and Jade sat there frozen. Deployed. She didn't even know they were working again. The more she thought about it the more it made sense. The early morning starts always being busy. She should have pushed him more.

She watched as Anne came rushing back.

"He left this for you. You told me to give it to you if you came looking for him. I am so sorry Jade he promised me he would tell you before he left." Anne gave her a pat on her knee and left her with the letter. Still in shock Jade opened the letter to see it was from Marcus

Jade,

I am a coward I know. I wanted to tell you so many times that I was working again and that had I would be deployed but I couldn't. I tried so many times and every time I got close I backed away. If you are reading this, then I have been deployed again. You are just starting to recover and I didn't want to ruin that but more than anything I couldn't stand it if you told me not to go. I know you would understand, but I was still a coward and couldn't face you and tell you to your face as you deserve.

I am sorry, Marcus.

She felt her stomach churning at his short explanation and her heart break into tiny pieces. She could hear the noise of the busy cafe around her as she sat there staring at the letter in her hands as they began to shake. Jade stood up unaware of everything going on around her as she made her way back to the apartment. When she got back to the apartment she walked straight into her bedroom and lied down on her bed and shut everything out for the rest of the day just so she didn't have to deal with the thousands of different emotions running through her at the moment.