The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." –Caroline Myss

[18]

the plain envelope with nothing more but my name on the front. I know the truth lies just inside. Maybe that's what is keeping me from opening it up?

I've always wanted to know why my life is the way it is, always been kept in the shadows and not understanding anything.

Why had my parents made Gary my godfather? Why had they left?

Give or take the fact that perhaps it isn't entirely their fault they left this world, but, why? I was just a young girl. Nothing made sense then.

Nothing makes sense now.

I've just wanted to know the reason why my life turned out the way it did. Now though?

I don't want to know why my life had been made like this. I don't really care. I don't want to know the truth, I just want to be happy.

Now, the truth doesn't matter. Now, my friends matter - my new family matters.

I grab the envelope and walk down the hall to where my bedroom is. The once plain house is now a lot brighter and decorative than it was when I first moved in.

I admit I'm not the one who'd chosen the theme. All the credit goes to Lily who had somehow turned my extremely boring and depressing house into something that had some colour. Not a lot, because - I, myself - am not a particularly happy person, but it works.

I huff and open the closet doors where a box of photos lie.

Tearing the box open, I rip and pull out all the memories I've been trying to forget for years, the scar finally reopening.

Smiling faces, happy people. My family.

Tears slowly start to build up at the memories. My shaky hand pulls out the one thing I am looking for.

Our old videotape.

I fall back against the wall and pull out the first tape.

"Ma, look what I've got!" My five-year-old self-screams. The camera shakes and a laugh is held back.

"Put that down, Izzy!" My mother yells, her Dutch accent evident.

"But - Mama! It's a chocolate stone!" I laugh at how oblivious I was to the fact that I was holding a piece of shit in my hands.

"Boo, put that down now!" My father angrily shouts from the back door.

"But - " Younger me was cut off by my mother's laughter. I grinned at her and lifted the piece of dog shit up to my nose before quickly throwing it and running away.

"Ma! That's Tales poo!" I screamed pointing towards our old dog.

"Oh, honey..." My father walked over to me and started tickling my little belly. My mother once again, cracked up laughing before the camera shut off.

I pull my knees up to my chest and cry. The pain is unbearable and is slowly suffocating me. The dark shadow is - once again - casting itself over me.

The memories I've been trying to bury for years are now fresh in my mind, coming back to haunt me.

"Why?" I scream. It feels like something is ripping itself apart from inside of me.

"Why?" I scream louder this time, maybe someone will hear?

I sob and lie down on the warm carpet. Maybe I shouldn't live alone, maybe I shouldn't be near monsters.

The only problem is, is that they're not the monsters.

I'm the monster.

A bright light streams through my window indicating daytime. I sit up but quickly cover my eyes with my arm and flop back down on my back.

It's too bright outside for me to move. I rub my neck painfully. It must be sore because I did just sleep the whole night on the ground.

I sigh and sit up again, my eyes now fully adjusted to the light.

I drag my hand down my face in annoyance before standing up and walking to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and let the hot water cascade its way down my back, burning it in the process.

I hold my forearms out in front of me and examine them. Faint scars trace their way up to my elbows before the blotchy red marks take over. I've been bruised too many times.

Way too many times.

After another ten minutes, I finally step out the shower and get dressed. I quickly brush my hair before heading to the kitchen for food.

I don't know how long it's been since I last ate...

I angrily bite into an apple and plop myself down on the couch. An angry feeling keeps bubbling itself up in the back of my throat. I don't know why I just know that I've had enough.

Enough of life. The life I was given. A life where, apparently, something good happens but then...it just goes, like it was never there in the first place.

Those videos I watched last night, they reminded me of what my parents looked like and sounded like. I'd forgotten them and now I remember them.

It's pretty crappy that I hate remembering my parents.

Really crappy actually.

A loud thud on the front door awoke me from my depressing thoughts. I stay seated for a few more seconds before huffing and standing up, walking towards the door.

"Isabelle!" Lily runs in and hugs me. "How are you doing? Adam told me what happened the other night..." She trails off.

I smile and shake my head. "I'm fine, don't worry."

"You sure? He said you were quite shaky and anxious..."

"Mhm, I'm fine," I repeat.

"Okay...Well, anyways, I've got some news for you!" Lily's whole face changes within seconds.

"Ooh, tell me!" I mutter, not so enthusiastically, but still managing to fake my excitement.

Just for Lily, will I pretend to be happy. Only for Lily.

"Tomorrow I'm taking you and some of my girl's shopping!" She screams excitedly. My eyes widen and I smile.

"Really?"

"Yes! Nolan's also taking his friends though, so fucking Adam's going to be there. Ugh, I hate that boy," She cusses loudly.

I laugh and playfully punch her in the arm. We sit there in silence for a little before I finally speak up.

"What movie?"

"Oh. My. Gosh. Obviously, it's going to be fucking Teen wolf, what sort of question is that?" I frown and shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"What's Teen Wolf?" I ask.

Lily stares at me for a few seconds before frowning. I sit there and watch my best friend die silently, while I have no idea why. 

Just great.

"We can't be friends."

"What, why?" I shift, my eyes wide and surprised.

"You're serious, aren't you?" She asks. I nod my head.

"Oh...well there's always a first time for everything, right?" I grin at her and laugh.

"I'll get the popcorn," I say standing.

"I'll get the blankets!" She shouts before I leave the room.

I laugh and shake my head. Fucking Lily, I love her so much.