"I got my mind made up and

I can't let go.

I'm killing every second

'til it sees my soul.

I'll be running, I'll be running,

'Til the love runs out,

'til the love runs out.

And we'll start a fire, and

we'll shut it down,

'Til the love runs out,

'til the love runs out."

I don't know for how long we stayed there, mourning over our loss. I don't know how many tears I shed over my lost friend, but all I know is that I felt like there was a void in me. A void that could no longer be filled.

Even after all that had been happening in my life- I was still holding up. I was still able to gather myself, I was still in one piece and I had not let myself be broken. But this felt like that last brick in jenga before everything went down.

Like the fort of my dreams, my life, my aspirations, my hopes and my beliefs came tumbling down till it was all a heap of mess and unfulfilled promises.

My faith in kindness and love that was hanging by a thin thread snapped and nothing so loving was left in me anymore.

I felt hollow.

I felt lonely. Like I was surrounded by people but still I felt stranded. I felt clueless. I had no idea what to do anymore.

What are my aspirations? What are dreams? What do I want to do? What arey beliefs?

I was still pondering. Lost in my own thoughts when the news came that all the members of the rogue pack had been killed by the army of my pack.

Katherine suggested that we should all go to the tents they had set up for the night, before we leave for the pack house tomorrow.

I didn't want to go back to that pack house. And which pack? Whose pack? Is it even mine?

I don't think I'll be going back there anytime soon. Maybe I'll request to shift packs and join some pack more faithful.

The thoughts of losing childhood memories and friends passed my head but I scoffed at it.

Memories are lies. They make you think it will be okay again. Memories give you the greed and the hunger for happiness again. They arouse hope in your heart but they never fulfill it.

And friends? I don't even know whether I have any anymore.

Andrew, for sure, he's a gem of a person and I'm glad that he's okay and doing well. But then again I'm certain he'd do good without me too and he really doesn't need me.

The rogue attack at school incident was stuck in my head and I couldn't​ help but fear that being with a werewolf like me could risk his life.

Then there's Ryder.

I don't know how to feel about him. I am certainly not mad at him for not showing up before. Because I know that he wasn't even here to begin with.

But I still remember the way he had treated me because of Cindy and I don't know whether I'm ready to forgive him or not.

He is one the of those people who actually know me but that's of no use anymore because I, myself have changed.

But he has always been there when I've needed him. And even today he didn't think twice before risking his life.

So where does he stand?

And how did he even get here in the first place?

No clue.

Mess. Mess it all was.

<><><>

Katherine, Ryder and Chance were with us when Alissa and I decided to stay with Patricia's body in one tent.

They first protested saying that it wasn't safe but finally compelled when we insisted. Provided their tent was put up near ours.

Alissa is a quiet girl and I don't know if it has always been so or if the recent change of events made it happen. But either way, I felt guilty and responsible for it.

I felt as though it was because of me that she was suffering one of the biggest pains in the werewolf world- the pain of losing your mate.

I wanted to comfort her, and I did, but I was afraid that she'd throw me off and accuse me for the death of her mate.

I don't know whether I'll be able to take those accusations.

Alissa still had Patricia's head on her lap as she softly brushed her forehead as if her mate was asleep and could wake up anytime.

I don't know if she was in denial or just really mourning silently, but either way, my heart went for her.

I decided to give the girl some privacy and excused myself from the tent.

Coming out of our tent, I finally looked up at the forest for the first time in days and realised that I was finally free.

The realisation hit me like cold water on a winter morning and I was left gaping. It surprised me how I had not enjoyed the sun overhead and the fresh smell of leaves and air as soon as I had come out of the hellhole.

How had I not enjoyed being free?

I shook my head and decided to not ponder too much as my legs took me towards the other tent where in Ryder and Chance were staying. There was another seperate tent for Katherine's family.

I hesitated a bit at the entrance. Should I go inside? Am I ready to? Do I want to face the person named Chance Sommerfield? The person who potential broke my heart and led me into doing things that ruined me?

Am I ready to face Ryder? Someone I hadn't seen in months. Someone I never understand. I had always thought I knew him the best before Cindy happened and I don't even know anymore.

But in the end, I realised​, I have to face this all. I have to face these people and I have to face these situations no matter how much I want to run away.

And if I am planning to never go back to the pack, I have to talk to them one last time properly before I leave forever for the good after Patricia's funeral.

I sighed, closing my eyes as I mustered courage. I could do this. I told myself. I have been through so much. This is a piece of cake in front of it all. I can do this.

"I can't believe that he turned out to be such a snake," Ryder's voice came from inside, making me stop right on my tracks.

I narrowed me eyes and stood still, eavesdropping their conversation even thought I know it's wrong and rude and it shouldn't be done.

I wasn't guilty though and I needed to know if I could trust these people or not.

"Tell me about it. He's been my best friend for years. And now I feel ashamed to even think that was true. Goddess knows what's got into him. He was never this selfish."

Best friend? My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Are they talking about Reece?

"He's the Alpha. It's high time for him to start understanding his responsibilities and take actions on them." Ryder said again and suspicions were proved to be right.

They were talking about Reece.

Now that I think about it. Reece is not here. And I didn't even notice this face till these guys talked about it. Maybe because I've been too upset because​ of Patricia...

I should have noticed though. It's quite evident. The army is here, but the alpha is not. Neither can I see Reece's father. Katherine's father- the head of the warriors, Katherine, her brother- Mason, Ryder and Chance are the only high ranks here.

Why didn't Reece come though? Did he not want to fight this war? A thousand thoughts ran in my brain as I kept in mind how Ryder had called him a snake.

"But I still don't get it. How did he do that?" Ryder asked.

"He exploited her trust to save his nonexistent mate. He told me that he was scared that the rogues will take his mate away when he meets her, so he decided to use my mate as a pawn to get the rogues out of the way forever."

"Oh and-"

Shock. Betrayal. A sense of being fooled and hurt. Again.

All over again.

Why me, goddess?

I took a step back from the tent, not wanting to here anymore of their conversation. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it or not.

My numb legs walked slowly back towards me tent as my mind buzzed with thousands of thoughts.

Their voices ran in my head like a broken record till it became hard to breathe without wanting to scream in frustration.

I can't believe that he turned out to be such a snake.

He exploited her trust to save his nonexistent mate.

He decided to use my mate as a pawn to get the rogues out of the way forever.

I slipped on the floor right outside my tent as the night fell in front of me. Looking up at the stars, I let out a deep breath.

Things had started making sense to me now. I had always wondered why someone so famous and busy like Reece would want to get into my business or would want to help me.

But I had hoped and thought that it was for his friend- and that's what he had told me me.

Told me too. I scoffed at my own words. Have I not already learned that what people say here is totally opposite of what they feel?

Accepting his offer of making Chance jealous was a bad idea. I knew it. I freaking knew it. I had established that as soon as my car crashed into that truck and I woke up in a dark room.

I also knew that my pack was hesitant to help me. Maybe because they thought that they'll lose like the cowards they are.

I even knew that Reece was an idiot for sending that letter to Keith, which made him even more angry.

And let's not forget that messenger who was sent to this pack, who spoke absolute rubbish.

But never had I ever thought that this was all intentional.

Never had I even in my wildest dreams thought that this was all actually planned to kill me.

Reece had never been the nice guy. I knew that. But I didn't know that he will be ready to stoop down to such low means.

Everything came like a motion picture in front of me now. When on that the day the school was attacked and the rogues had warned about wanting the Luna, he must have been warned. Then it was the exact day when he had approached me but saying that he was sorry for what his friend did but he had own his own reasons and I should stay to attend the meeting as a rightful beta female.

Then from there things ascended for him as they went downhill for me and he kept getting me more and more trapped. He made me pretend with him like we were dating which is why the rogues thought that I'm the Luna and they kidnapped.

I thought it was a case of bad luck. But of course not, of fucking course not. I'm Olivia Hart, how can people go around me without wanting to hurt me and use me like a tissue paper?

It's not their fault. It's me, I'm a fool.

Then when I was finally kidnapped, he tried everything he could just do that they could kill me and think that the Luna of this pack is finished and move to another pack.

Slowly the shock of the situation precipitated into anger and then finally​ into deep hurt.

How can someone intentionally do that? How can he intentionally throw me into this lava of hate and malice? How can he wish death upon me?

He cared about his mate, alright. But did I deserve all of this?

Did I deserve to be starved for days? To be beaten to pulp? To be chained to silver? To be drugged to sleep? To be...

I let out a shaky breath as it suddenly became hard to breathe.

No no no Olivia don't go there. I told myself.

But I couldn't​ help it. That night came like a movie in front of my eyes as I remembered every cry, every screams, every plea of mercy I had made. Everytime I had tried to escape and he had overpowered me. Everytime I had begged him to stop but he just didn't​.

How my soul and my body was scarred forever and how I'll never be able to trust anyone like I used to before.

Had he known this would happen?

I pulled my legs to my chest as tears accumulated in my eyes as I thought of that night. I couldn't help but blame him for it all.

Because of him. He did this. Him and I selfish means.

Bitterness and hatred filled my veins as I felt like yelling out in disgust.

I wanted to hit him, kill him, hurt him, make him feel the way I did.

I wanted revenge. For what had happened to me. For what he done to me. Because if it wasn't for him, I won't have been so hollow today.

Patricia's death. His fault. Had he not thrown me into this mess, this won't have happened.

Bastard.

I furiously wiped away my tears and bottled up that hurt to make it into anger and vengeance.

Vengeance.

I wanted to bottle all the frustration, the hurt and the scars away so that I can use them to plot against him.

In that moment I had decided. These people will always hide the truth from me. Because they're afraid that I'll be hurt.

But it's okay. They can think what they want.

I'm use this hurt and hurt all of them.

I can't walk away like this. I decided. I can't walk away before making Reece Miller suffer like I did. If I do so, it will be unfair and he'll get away just like that.

I will go back to the pack house and wait. I'll stay dormant till I get that perfect opportunity. That perfect opportunity to stab him so that he'll never be able to stand again.

And I won't literally stab him obliviously. I'll be passive. Because I know that emotional hurt is way poisonous that physical hurt.

You better be ready Reece. Because this time I'm not going to let it go.

I'm going to hold onto it even if it hurts me too.

Because you need to be taught a lesson. People's lives are not to be played around. I'll teach you that.

"Livy?" A voice said from behind me and I turned around to see Ryder jogging towards me.

"What are you doing outside the tent?" He said in a scolding voice.

Something I would have loved before because it made me feel like someone cared for me.

But now I felt nothing

"I can take care of myself​." I said, looking straight ahead.

He sighed and hesitated a little before sitting beside me.

"We'll leave for the pack tomorrow. Are you okay with it?"

"More than okay."

I said in a stoic voice but my inner self was smirking at him.

I was beyond ready.

And in that moment I knew why I wasn't happy to be free.

Because I was really not free. I was still bounded by my demons and my evils. And I was bounded by the feeling of betrayal. I also knew that nothing but revenge can make me feel free again.

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