"They say we are what we are,

But we don't have to be,

I'm bad behavior but I do it in the best way,

I'll be the watcher of the eternal flame,

I'll be the guard dog of all your favorite dreams,

I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass

I try to picture me without you but I can't."

--

A hand on the shoulder that's exactly from where everything starts. A horror movie, a murder story, but apparently, and rather ironically, I felt like it was where my life would start to end.

I couldn't see my face but I am quite certain that all the blood would have drained from there. All sorts of negative thoughts came into my mind. This was too good to be true. I should have known.

But then I reminded myself of the promise I had made to myself and I told my heart that I would not drain my energy in worrying. Instead, I'll drain it all out in fighting.

Fight for myself. Not for anyone else this time. It's just me now.

Taking a deep breath, I curled my fists, ready to attack as turned around to see the very flustered face of our very own Patricia. 

Before I even had time to register my relief, she grabbed my hand and started dragging me down the corridor.

"What are you doing, Pat? I was escaping through the window—" I began saying.

"That would take too long. Breaking the glass with something, then getting through it and did you fight the electric fences? We don't have time for that," she picked up speed till the point where we were both running.

In other words, she was running and I was dying.

"The pack has been attacked and that is why you don't see any guards here. It's the perfect opportunity to escape. I have found an emergency tunnel only Keith and his specials knew about after years of spying. We'll use it and it will take us to a forest behind the electric fences. Meaning, we can escape this whole enclosure altogether."

My eyes widened. "Attacked?"

"Yeah," she turned around again to look at me. "I think it might be your pack."

I scoffed bitterly, my heart filling with familiar sourness. "Wishful. I don't think so."

Patricia gave me a discouraging shake of head, "Don't be so pessimistic, Olivia. Your pack wasn't strong enough but they were trying to help you, right?"

My jaw clenched and my eyes glared daggers at her. I didn't mean to be harsh, but I couldn't help it. I was just so bitter about my pack and the members. Specially the ones I once considered as my well-wishers who turned out to be snakes.

Venomous snakes that dissolved poison in my life and veins and turned into the sour person I'm today.

"No!" I said, angrily. "I thought that they were trying to help me. I was so wrong. I was blinded by faith, just like you are."

"But—" she began but I cut her off.

"They send someone from the pack, Patricia!" I said, my eyes daring to fill up with angry tears but I forced myself to stay stoic. "They had sent someone to confirm the rumor that I'm the Luna so that Keith kills me. They decided to sacrifice me for their selfish interests. I am not stupid, alright! I got it. I was so optimistic. I tried to keep Keith busy so that my 'pack' gets enough time to attack. But they never did. I waited and waited, only for them to pull this?"

I took a deep breath and saw Patricia's widened, yet sad eyes.

"It's​ not easy to turn a silly, optimistic, loving and caring person into a shrewd, pessimistic, odious and uncaring one, Patricia. But once you do it, it's irreversible."

"You don't have to do this to yourself, Olivia." She whispered, her eyes turning glassy for me. "You don't have to punish yourself like that."

Old Olivia would have sobbed like a baby, but I refused to do so anymore.

I maintained a neutral face and emotionless voice while saying, "Please don't​ cry for me, Patricia. My life isn't worth your tears. And what I am doing, is for myself."

I didn't wait for her reply and I started running down the path we were following before.

"We're here." Patricia said, as we reached the end of the tunnel.

"We're now officially out of the enclosure."

I nodded and started taking a step outside before she stopped me.

"Olivia, wait!" She said, making me turn around​. "Remember, there's a war going out there. We have get through those people without them noticing. It's not going to be easy. But we have to try."

I nodded again, "alright. I an ready."

"Promise me one thing before we go," she began. "You won't try to interfere in the fight. Let what's happening, happen. You have to be selfish now. You can't let your emotions take over, understand?"

She said and I nodded.

"Okay." I whispered, sealing my promise.

She pursed her lips and nodded, her eyes determined as we eyed the exit together.

"Run."

Life doesn't go the way you plan it. That's something that I've learned the hard way.

Life has turns and curves you can't even think about and you have to face them unarmed, unprepared.

Just like when we set off to escape, we didn't know we'll encounter someone unexpected.

And we sure as hell didn't know that it would be Patricia's mate. The very one she had been trying to find for years.

When we ran off towards the forest, an arrow suddenly came and fell right in front of us, barely missing me.

I gasped, stepping back.

All I could think about was that this arrow could have hit me had I been just a few inches ahead.

"Don't stop, Olivia. Keep running." Patricia whispered from behind me, and I nodded, my mind almost still frozen.

With faltering steps I started towards the forest once again but this time, after just a small distance, I was blocked by a wolf which came in front of me to block me way.

"Shit," Patricia cursed, from behind me as my eyes zeroed on the fur colour of the wolf.

My brain was still trying to process something. I was still trying to remember where I had seen this fur colour. Because I had definitely seen it somewhere before.

The wolf started taking steps towards me, making me back up slowly. It was not growled, neither did it snarl, making me feel a little better, but Patricia wasn't so calm.

"I...I have brought a knife with me, Olivia." She hissed in my ear from behind me.

"We can stab him and then run away. He won't die but we can injure him enough to distract him." She whispered, but I am sure that the wolf heard her as he growled at her, making her shudder.

But surprisingly, he still didn't attack her.

Averting me eyes back to the wolf, I registered his fur colour and raked my brain for the information. Which wolf do I know who has an Auburn fur like that.

I frowned, this kind of fur belongs to a peculiar family I know. Katherine's family.

Katherine.

Looking back at the wolf, I gasped.

Turning around, I grabbed Patricia's arm that was raised to throw the knife towards the wolf.

"Stop," I breathed. "Don't hit him, he's Katherine's brother."

"Who?" Patricia whispered.

"Katherine's brother." I said, suddenly remembering that Patricia doesn't know who Katherine is.

"A pack member." I corrected.

"I told you it's your pack who attacked." She said, sounding a bit smug.

I glared at her, making her sigh at me.

Turning around, I looked back at the wolf of Katherine's brother.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, before remembering that he couldn't​ speak in his wolf form.

"Shift," I said.

But he shyly turned his head away, reminding me of the fact that he'll be naked is he shifts.

It's kind of alright in the werewolf world, a lot of people are not shy anymore, but perhaps he is.

I sighed. "It's alright. We'll look away—"

My voice was cut off but a howl of pain that reverberated in the air around us.

I shuddered at the intensity of the howl, my heart almost skipping a beat.

It was the howl of a female, I could tell. Like someone in extreme pain, begging with the last shreds of life they had in themselves.

"I hate wars," I whispered, thinking about how many people could be in that situation right now.

"I—" I began, but then I noticed that Patricia wasn't saying anything behind me.

Worrying, I turned around to see her standing frozen.

"Patricia?" I asked, shaking her, but she still didn't say anything.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, giving her some time, thinking that she too, was shaken from the intensity of the howl.

But she didn't take too long before a mere whisper left her lips saying something that could change the course of her life.

"It was Alissa."

<><><>

Alissa is Patricia's mate she had been searching for years. The very mate who had been abducted and kidnapped away from her, just like I was.

Except, that Alissa had a mate who cared for her.

So when she heard Alissa, it was obvious, that she couldn't help but want to run towards her to save her.

And I wasn't surprised either. I knew she loves her.

"I have to go, Olivia." She said, her eyes glassy and panicked.

"You go, run for your life. Don't stop for me." She said, taking her steps towards where the voice came from.

I watched her steps and a lump formed in my throat.

I was at a fork. A turning point. Where I could make a choice. And I had two choices.

One was to be completely selfish and run away to save my life, not caring about the pack mates who had perhaps risked their lives for me and not caring about whether Patricia and her mate live or not. That way I could get out of all of the mess and start a new life for myself. I won't have to worry about encountering my past again. I'll be out of this. I could turn my back towards the one person who helped me when no one else did. I could have it easy.

That, or the second choice that I had was to be brave and selfless and go after Patricia to help her. Although I won't be of much help, but the maximum I could do is give my life for her. I could be for there the pack I had lost hope in. The pack that took forever to attack— but they did. The pack that I have always loved and respected. The pack that was too late, but not that late indeed.

I could have it hard. I could throw myself into the mess again and look back into the life I was running away from.

Two choices. Any sane person would have chosen the first one. Any person who had been hit, bruised, beaten and broken would have chose the selfish way.

But I couldn't bring myself to do that. In my head, I couldn't leave Patricia alone. She helped me when no one else did.

And today, she needs me. I can't run away like this.

I will never be able to forgive myself if I did so.

In the moment, when my steps began moving back towards the place, I had thought I had escaped, I knew.

I knew that I was breaking the promise I had made to Patricia and myself.

I had thought this was about me now.

But I was so wrong.

It's not only about me. It can never be.