If it weren't for Ethan being so angry I probably would have cheered Maddie on when she got into Mark's car. I don't think it's the smartest decision, but she deserves to have fun. I haven't seen her like this in years.

On the myrtle beach trip the summer before my freshman year with their family, Maddie wanted us to sneak out. It was our last night there, and Ethan was passed out already from our long day at the beach.

I didn't want to do it, I was so chicken back then, but Maddie was pleading. She was desperate to get away.

I remember thinking about how wrong it was as we snuck out the patio onto the beach, and when we talked about what it was she exactly wanted to do, she couldn't even decide. She was just excited to have done something wrong for once in her life.

We talked on that beach for hours until the early hours of the morning, and after that trip I think that's when things became different between us. We were getting older, and instead of seeing her as my own little sister, I began to see her in a different light. I'm not sure what exactly happened, but it scared the shit out of me.

Is that why I pushed her away?

As I see Marks mustang speed down the road, I can't seem to wipe the smile off of my face. I missed this Maddie. The same version of her that was on the beach that night.

"I'm going to fucking murder him." Ethan spits. "Just wait until practice on Monday. Just fucking wait."

"Dude, maybe just chill out a little. She's not going to do something stupid. It's Maddie. She's just having fun."

"Did you not hear him at practice?" He shoots back, and when he thinks about it he scoffs. "No, you didn't because you left early for god only knows what."

I smirk.

Michelle.

And yes, she was worth leaving practice early for.

"Gross." He starts. "Anyways, he was talking shit about how he hadn't gotten laid all weekend and how he was going to try and fix the situation at Kelsey's party."

I suddenly begin to feel the anger that Ethan has, my body going rigid.

"Piece two and two together." Ethan mutters. "If he tries to lay a finger on my sister I'm telling you he won't be able to play next game."

I nod, my jaw clenching as the image of Mark and Maddie floods through my mind. She wouldn't do something like that, would she? Lose her virginity to some douchebag at a party?

She was daredevil Maddie tonight though. Not good Maddie.

Fuck.

Why am I so angry? I know I've been having some dirty thoughts about her lately, but I've never felt this way about Michelle, or Sadie, or Kelsey, or any other girl that I've messed around with.

Maybe it's because she's Ethan's little sister. I've grown up with her. I'm protective over her in the same way he is, right?

Letting out a sigh, I follow Ethan to his car and see him shake his head in disbelief as he stares down at his phone.

"What is it?" I blurt out. "Is she okay?"

He glances at me questionably for a second until he finally says, "it's nothing. Maya just said not to worry about her. She'll make sure she's safe."

"Oh." I let out a sigh I didn't realize I was holding in and sit back more into the passenger seat.

What the hell is wrong with me?

"Are you going home, or..." Ethan yawns and rests his forehead on the steering wheel. "I'm not in the mood anymore to party. Mark fucking ruined it for me."

"I'll probably just crash at your place." I shrug. "If that's cool."

Without another word, he pulls out onto the road, his fingers gripping the wheel tighter than I've ever seen them.

———-

Ethan passed out around one when we got back, but something about Maddie being out still made me stay awake.

I couldn't sleep knowing she might get in trouble. I know Maya is with her, but still. My mind wouldn't stop racing. I kept thinking about where she was, who she was with...

Was she still drunk?

Finally, around three, the front door quietly opens and just Maddie walks in, her heels from earlier dangling from her fingertips.

Ethan was in his room, and whenever I stay over I always sleep in the living room, so she's not surprised when she sees me.

"Didn't think you'd be up." She mumbles tiredly, yawning as she walks into the kitchen.

I get up and follow her, watching as she takes a water bottle out and places it on the counter. Her makeup is smeared from earlier, but somehow she still looks hot.

"How was it?" I ask, attempting not to seem too eager.

She shrugs and leans forward to rest her elbows on the countertop, pushing her tits directly towards me without realizing. My god.

"It was... okay, I guess. Mark was gross, but it was fine."

"Did he try something?" I hiss.

She furrows her eyebrows together in confusion before she gets a little smile on her face. "What if he did?" She asks.

It's so quiet in the kitchen right now, just a single light shining over the oven. The same feeling from earlier courses between us, and I have to force myself to take a step back, placing my hands on a barstool. I have to literally force a barrier between us.

"It wouldn't matter." I say, and I don't know if I'm lying or not. "Ethan was pissed, so I'm sure he'll want to know."

"Okay." She nods. "Well then I'll let him know in the morning."

Leaving me speechless, she takes the water bottle and heads for the stairs until I grasp onto her wrist to stop her. She looks down at my hand, then back to me before she gulps.

Hard.

"It was nice to see daredevil Maddie come back." I tell her, and she doesn't know what to say. "I miss that girl. The one from that trip in Myrtle beach."

"You remember that?" She seems surprised.

It'd be impossible to forget.

"Well, yeah, it wasn't that long ago." I laugh until I realize her face has grown serious, almost sad.

"It seems like it." She breathes out, and it must be because there's liquor still in her system, because her gaze meets mine again, a sudden surge of confidence washing over her. "I miss that nerdy boy that collected Pokémon cards. The boy before high school."

The thought makes me smile softly. The version of me before my mom passed. The version of me before my dad became so angry at life. Angry with me.

"I miss him too." I find myself saying, and I realize that my hand is still holding onto her wrist. I make no efforts to move it though.

"I think he's still in there." She says, seeming to realize how sad I've become.

"Yeah?" I ask, and instinctively my thumb brushes against her wrist. "And what makes you so sure of that?"

"Because I'm talking to him right now." She laughs softly and looks at my thumb, which is currently still rubbing circles around her wrist. "I miss talking to you. I'm not sure what happened, or what changed..."

"I changed." I reassure her. "It had nothing to do with you. You know about my mom, and how my dad has just been..."

"A dick." She finishes.

"Exactly. I just pushed everyone away after everything happened, and you unfortunately were included in that. I'm so sorry, Mads. You didn't deserve that. You've honestly been one of the only people who has always seen the best in me during both versions of myself."

It's so easy to talk to Maddie about my feelings. I had so much resentment towards her after that night on the beach all because I realized I might actually have feelings for her. As I stare at her, that's when I realize it. That is why I pulled away, and so that wasn't her fault. She did nothing wrong to ruin the friendship we had. It was me.

I got scared.

"Does this mean you're not going to call me a bore anymore?" She teases. "We're actually going to be friends again?"

"I make no promises about the bore comment." I joke. "However, the friends thing I can agree on."

"Okay." She grins, and I love the way that smile looks on her. It makes me want to put it there everyday.

We stand in silence for a few more seconds, and the tension between us overwhelms me. I take my hand away and scratch the back of my head. "We should probably get some sleep." I end up saying, even though the only thing I want to do is stand here with her and talk all night just like we used to.

"Yeah, we probably should." She agrees, but when she turns away from me I ask her the same question I did earlier, because I need to know if I'll get any sleep tonight.

"Did he try something?" I ask.

A slow smile spreads across her face again, and at this point I know she can tell I'm flirting with her, and It's like I suddenly understand what Ethan was talking about yesterday with Maya.

I can't start something with Maddie, no matter how much I may want to. I'm not built for a relationship. I never have been. I'm a wreck of a human being, and getting involved with Maddie will just drag her down with me. I don't want to hurt her.

Plus, If I did start something with her, I'm not so sure I'd be able to stop it. She's dangerous for me, and she seems clueless as to just how much she gets to me.

"He did," She admits, my entire body going still. "But I stopped him."

I want to ask her why, but I think I know the answer. She's looking at me in a way I've never seen her look at me before until tonight. The same look she had on her face at the party. The same look that could make me come inside of her over and over again.

"Good." Is all I say, leaving the kitchen before I do something I'll regret.