Lorraine Lebedev

"Mother!" I screamed.

I quickly rushed towards her and placed her head on my thighs.

My chest tightened when I saw tears streaming down her face.

"Mom, mom, no, no don't worry you will be okay..." I sobbed. "You'll be okay." Nodding my head rapidly, I convinced myself that this was a dream. That I should pinch myself awake.

She grabbed my hands and kissed it. "Don't worry baby." She whispered, smiling weakly.

Blood rushed out of the open wound as the warmth of life was slowly fading away.

"Mom, no you can't leave me now, not yet..." I gasped for air as the harsh tears flooded my face like a river. "Please." I pleaded, my voice cracking at the end.

Mother squeezed my hand tightly as she sobs. "I'm not ready either, my angel. I'm not ready." She sobs and whistles gasping for air.

"HELP!" I yelled out, hoping a guardian angel will come and save the day. "HELP, PLEASE!!" I yelled out again and moments later I noticed Dante rushing towards us from a distance with a wounded leg and shoulder.

"Help's on the way." I told her. "How bad is it?" He asked with wide eyes. I pointed towards the wound and he froze.

"Let's get you somewhere safe." He said.

He tried picking up mother but she winced in pain. "No, no, leave me here." She said, "No mother, we have to get you somewhere safe so that we can treat your wound. Okay." I declared, tears blurring my vision.

She shook her head, placing her bloody hand on my face she gently stroked my wet cheek.

"It's okay mon amour." She uttered.

"Mom, please..." I begged. "I need you."

She smiled softly.

"Don't cry, you're perfect."

Her blue eyes met mine, The emotion in her eyes was warm and loving. It broke me to watch her slowly die and yet still be filled with love and pure joy.

She was being strong for me but I did not want her to be strong.

I wanted her to be alive.

I watched her carefully, not knowing what to say to her all I could think of was watching her as she was slowly being taken away from me.

Her body twitched and she coughed out blood.

"I-I didn't wish you a happy birthday." She laughed painfully. I giggled and roughly wiped away the tears even though it didn't make a difference. "Yes you did." I told her.

She slightly shook her head. "I m-mean personally."

"Happy birthday Lorraine." She whispered.

"I-"

Her eyes slowly drifted away as she took her last breath. A single tear shed from her pale flesh.

My lips quivered, vision blurred and body trembling.

I held her tight, rocking back and forth sobbing onto her chest. Instead of her sweet lavender scent, the smell of iron filtered my nostrils.

"Wake up, please wake up." I whispered my voice coming out weak.

My chest was heavy, my head was pounding, my throat was tight, my eyes were sore.

Everything I felt was pain.

All I could think about was pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Fucking pain.

She was taken from me. I was not ready. SHE WAS NOT READY!

I could have done something to save her. I could have saved her.

My whole world, taken away from me in seconds. My biggest fear is becoming a reality.

My mother held my soul in her heart, she cared for it with kindness, love and happiness. She was my shelter, a shoulder to cry on, a best friend, a sister.

She was my everything. I looked up to her.

She was my sun, moon and stars.

And just like that, she's taken away from me, my world completely shattered. I'm lost in the darkness.

My sun.

My stars.

My moon.

Gone forever.

I whipped away the tears and lifted my head, staring at her lifeless body. I gently placed her on the ground, brushed back her hair and kissed her on the forehead.

"They will pay, mother. I promise." I whispered before standing up.

Dante was still standing beside me, sadness filled in his eyes.

I grabbed the rifle from the ground and ran towards the ongoing conflict.

I picked up another rifle without a second thought and opened fire. Rain of bullets impacted dozens of bodies.

I did not care who I killed, the only thing that invaded my mind was revenge.

I wanted them to pay.

I was angry, hurt, lost, confused.

Tears poured out of my eyes as I continued to shoot anything in my way. I was blocked out from the world.

I didn't even recognize myself. A monster within me took over my body.

I'm becoming the worst version of myself.

I was on autopilot and I didn't notice a hand on my shoulder. I immediately turned around ready to kill the person but was shocked to find my father.

His green eyes stared back at me with curiosity.

No emotion was shown.

My hands were trembling as I pointed the weapons at my father.

He didn't flinch nor say a word.

His eyes scanned the ball filled with dead or injured people, caused by me losing control of my emotions.

"You did this?" He asked. I glanced over at the injured and dead bodies.

I did not feel guilty even if half of these innocent people were injured or killed because of me.

I did not feel anything.

I turned to look at him, not a single word leaving my mouth.

"She is dead, mother is dead." I blurted out.

I did not get a reaction from him, instead he took slow steps towards me, forced me to lower the weapons and pulled me into a hug.

He gently stroked my hair as I stood there, frozen.

I closed my eyes and repeated myself. "She is dead."

-

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