When you press me to your heart

I'm in a world apart, a world where roses bloom

6 MONTHS LATER

Five minutes of sleep. That's all I ask for. That's all I literally need. Five minutes of sleep with no crying, no drools, and definitely no dirty diapers.

"Liam!" I open my eyes and sigh. Getting up from the green dinosaur children's play mat, I make my way out the room and downstairs to the hurricane my children call fun. Oliver running around playing catch with Emily while Isabella was in her arms, giggling and drooling on her pink bip that said I 💙 daddy and yes, I specifically bought that bip because Emily got Oliver the I 💜 mommy t-shirt.

Had to find a way to even things out.

Emily stopped and looked at me. Her forehead is sweaty with all the playing but she loves it. Her brown had this shine and I was afraid that one day it won't be there. I don't care, I will never let that happen no matter what.

Running towards them, I grabbed Oliver and picked him up, kissing on his cheek as Emily tried to catch her breath. His giggles were the most satisfying sound in the world.

She said, "Where were you?" Kissing her cheek, answered "Hiding," I tackle Oliver in the touch and started ticking on his ribs "from this ticklish dinosaur!"

I smiled watching Liam play with Oliver.

I still can't believe how Liam has changed in the past year. I remember him being angry at everything— at me and the world. but now, there's nothing but love and happiness in his eyes. The fact this beautiful man has a lot of love in his heart, makes me almost cry every night. The courage to love a child who's not his own and the courage to love a woman who's been through things that she still can't talk about... it's unreal, his strength.

I've begun therapy. Liam's idea. Sometimes I'd cry in front of the therapist and sometimes I'd hold it in till I get home to him and make him hold me till I'm better- till the pain in my chest soothes a little. He tried getting me therapy before but the reason I agreed to it now was because of my children. I don't want them to grow up and have memories of their mother crying at her pain, I don't want them to have memories of their father consoling her no matter how tired he was. And because of me, I don't want them growing up thinking that I never loved them enough because I couldn't face my fears and weaknesses.

I still get panic attacks and sleep paralysis, but he's always there for me. He somehow knows when I'm having a nightmare— he'll hold me and whisper sweet things in my ear to calm my body down if we're in public and I'm shaking, he'll take my hand and take me to a quieter place and hold me—no matter for how long—till I calm down. He is my calm, my freedom, my happiness. He's my whole life. His children and my life. The old Emily inside of me is weeping with happiness as she has just found her light at the end of her dark tunnel. A light that's so beautiful overwhelms my heart.

Every night I sleep, I hold him against me because I'm afraid that when I wake, this will all be just a dream and I'll still be in that abusive house, thinking every second to end myself with the blade that was taped behind the broken nightstand of my room.

I didn't recognize I was staring until he took Isabella from my arms. He asks "Where did I lose you?" I smile and whisper "You didn't." He smiles back and kisses me as I get emotional over the smallest things. Oliver wraps his arms around my leg but Liam still doesn't pull away from the kiss.

I opened my eyes to his lips on my ear as he whispered again and again "Come back to me, Emily." I gained control of my body again and I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, pulling him down on me and crying in his shoulders. My lips pressed against his bare warm skin to the point, my cries are muffled. He whispers sweetly in my ear "I'm here with you. There is no one else. Just you and I. That's it." He pulls back and looks at me. His eyes were red with sleep but he still whispered "You and I, Emily, against the world. Just you and I." He wiped away the tear with his thumb and planted his lips on mine, assuring me that this is real. That he is real. That I am safe.

My body is exhausted to the point sleep is slowly taking over me. When he moves off me, I whimper with my eyes closed and reach my hand out for him. But he pulls me close against him, tightly wrapping his arms around me, silently telling me that he will never let me go. I mumbled almost sleeping "I'm sorry." But he pulls me closer, kisses my brow, and says "Go to sleep. I'm right here to protect you from everything, I promise. Go to sleep."

Not cool, you guys🙄

#BrownNippleLivesMatter#SingleLivesMatter

-Who Killed Blue Jones

-Rogue Prince

-Love, Curvy.

That's crazy, I know!

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Love, Hope

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