Zane didn't mention the kiss.

He didn't mention it as we pulled ourselves out of the water, shivering as our water soaked clothes left a chill clinging to our bodies.

He didn't mention it as we climbed into his car, the dampness no doubt sinking into the leather seats.

He didn't mention as we drove back to the city, the music loud and the windows open, so that the rush of the air whipped around our heads.

He didn't mention it. It was all I was thinking about.

It was so short. A second. One second. Fleeting.

I've kissed a lot of boys in my life. I've had a lot of first kisses. Most of them have been when I was drunk, at the height of my so thought feeling state.

I've had kisses that lasted for hours, passionate and heavy. I've had kisses that lead to the finish line. I've had kisses that I thought were great. None of them compared to that single second when my lips touched Zane's. It was the kind of kiss that left me pressing my fingers against my lips the entire drive home.

"Do you want me to come in?" Zane asked me as he pulled up to my house. "Is your dad coming back tonight?"

"Yeah. He should be back soon." I answered. It was already well into the evening now. "You don't need to come in."

Zane glanced between my house and me like he was expecting there to be a sign of what he should do. "If you're sure."

"I'll be fine until my dad comes home." I reassured him. I felt like that was true. I felt stronger than I had in a long time.

Zane reached over me again, like he had this morning, and dug around in his his glove department. "Here."

He handed me the small yellow bottle of pills.

"Just... only one at a time." He smiled softly at me.

"Thank you. I'll be okay. I promise." I told him.

"Okay but..." Zane started as I opened the car door.

"Call you if I need anything." I finished for him, stepping out of the car. I was about to close the door when Zane called my name again.

"Seren."

I looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

"This was the best day I've had in a while." He stated, looking sheepishly down at his lap, before flicking his eyes back up at me. "I had a lot of fun."

"Me too, to both of those things." I smiled.

"You'll be at school tomorrow?" Zane asked me. He must have noticed my hesitant look. "I'll be there with you. I can pick you up and we'll go together."

"Okay." I said after a second. "I'll see you tomorrow." I continued with a wave, closing the door. It was true, after all. This was the best day that I've had in a long time. Longer than I can remember.

As I entered my house, closing the door and locking it behind me, the bubble wrap of calmness that had surrounded me by Zane's presence slowly faded.

Dad will be home soon. I repeated in my head as I collapsed onto the couch, wrapping a blanket around me.

My dad didn't come home.

He called me not long after I got home, telling me he would be gone another two nights.

I didn't take my pills. Believe me. I wanted to. But I realized that they would make me go to sleep, and asleep is not something I could afford to be tonight. If he came. I spent the entire night with my back to the front door, a baseball bat that I had found in my dads closet clutched in my hands. I had thought about calling Zane. I wanted to call Zane. I almost did. My phone was in my hands. But I didn't.

The horrendous self doubt that I've known these last few weeks crept in my head. I know Zane said to call him. I know he did, but was that just a thing you say but you don't mean? Like how are you?

By the time the sun reappeared, my eyes were achingly tired. I didn't care what I looked like as I pulled an oversized sweater on, tied my hair in a knot on the top of my head and forewent makeup all together. I didn't care today. I didn't have the energy to care.

"Did you sleep okay?" Zane asked with a dubious look in his eye when I opened the door to his car. He had pulled up to my house at exactly the right time, because if he had taken any longer I would asleep on my living room floor.

"My dad didn't come home." I told him as I climbed in.

"Seren." Zane breathed out in a exasperated sigh. "You should have called."

Zane reached his hand out, gently cupping my face, using his thumb to lightly stroke the skin under my eye. No doubt he was noticing the black eye bags.

"Yeah." I hummed out. "I probably should have."

The day went by painfully slow. People looked at my dishevelled appearance with curious looks in their eyes. People also looked at Zane, who had glued himself to my side today. They darted their eyes between us, making their comments with their hands over their mouths to their friends. I barely cared.

Lunch wasn't as painful as I expected. No doubt due to the way Zane sat beside me and placed his body in front of me, completely blocking me from Jax's view. That, and the way he held my hand under the table the whole time.

By the end of the day, Zane's presence had almost lightened the darkness I felt. We didn't have our last class together, so when day ended and I had gathered all of my things from my locker, I went searching for him. The logical reason was that he drove me to school, so I figured he would drive me home. But the real reason was I wanted to be around him again.

I was about to call him, when I saw him at the end of the hallway. He didn't look at me, he didn't look anywhere except the room he was heading for. He didn't look like the peaceful, calm Zane that I knew. He had a determined look on his face, and his eyes didn't shine with brightness the way they usually did. I picked up my pace as I followed him, watching as he disappeared into the room.

By the time I reached the room, I could hear Zane speaking inside. I was about to enter, when I heard Jax's voice respond to him.

"What do you mean?" Jax said.

"Look, I don't know what went on between you two, but you should leave her alone. I think you're scaring her." Zane replied, his tone was serious.

"Scaring her?" Jax let out a laugh. "Is that what she told you?"

"She didn't have to tell me. I can see it when you're around her. I know you're into her and everything bro, but it's enough." Zane said.

"You don't know anything, bro." Jax replied, spitting out the last word.

"Look, Jax..." Zane started.

"You don't think you're special, do you?" Jax interrupted him. "She's just using you."

"Using me?" Zane asked.

"Yeah. We've been together for a while, and we got into a fight at the lake house. She used Carter to make me jealous and when that didn't work, she moved on to you." Jax lied.

I felt my heart drop.

"We're just friends. And even if that were true, its gone too far now. She's scared of you. Leave her alone." Zane told him.

Even if that were true? Does Zane believe him?

Jax chuckled darkly again. "You know it's Seren we're talking about, right? She's not scared of me. She's a slut."

I blinked the tears that had formed in my eyes away.

The ice was back. The ice was back and it filled my veins.

I thought nothing as I walked away. I felt nothing as I walked out of the school. I felt nothing as I walked the whole way home. I felt nothing as I turned my phone off, silencing the tenth call from Zane.

I felt nothing as I walked into my house, not bothering to lock the door behind me.

I felt nothing as I dug the bottle of pills out of my drawer, leaving it open.

I felt nothing as I placed five of those pills under my tongue.

Have you ever read about the Dead Sea?

I remember my dad telling me about it, as a kid. He told me the amount of salt in the water could support your whole weight. You could lay on your back and feel weightless.

This is what I imagined it felt like, as I laid flat on my back on my bed. I didn't have any concept of time. I didn't care to, either. I was perfectly content in not knowing anything at all.

I didn't care as I heard someone open the front door. I didn't care as I heard someone stomping up the stairs. I didn't care as I heard my door open. I didn't even look up.

"Seren?" Zane's voice rang out. I didn't answer.

"Are you okay?" He asked, and I heard him moving towards my bed. I didn't answer.

Zane's face came into view as he leaned over me, and it was only a split second before his face changed from mild concern to extreme concern.

"Seren?" He scooped a hand under my head, and another one under my back, pulling me into a sitting position. "Seren. What did you take? Your pills?"

His voice was panicked. I wanted to tell him that it didn't need to be. I was okay. I was good.

"Seren. You need to tell me, or I'm going to take you to the hospital." Zane rushed out. He was looking into my eyes, but not in a sweet way. The way your doctor looks into them after you tell them you hit your head.

"No hospital." I finally slurred out.

"What did you take?" Zane asked again.

"My pills." I wanted to lay back down.

"How many?" He asked, his voice was urgent. There was no urgency here, Zane.

"5." I muttered. I watched as he grabbed the bottle that was still sitting on my nightstand. Taking his phone and tapping on it furiously.

"Alright. It's less than 10 mg, so I think you're okay." Zane sighed out after a moment. "What were you thinking, Seren?"

I didn't answer. I didn't care.

"Were you trying to overdose?" He asked me.

"No." I mumbled. I wasn't, it was the truth.

"Then what?" Zane sounded angry.

"I just want someone to see me." I sighed out, closing my eyes.

Zane gently grabbed my face, one hand on either side of it. "I see you. I see you, Seren."

"See me? You don't see me. Not all of me." I kept my eyes closed. I knew how close Zane was to me because I could feel his breath on my face.

"So tell me what I'm missing." He said gently.

I placed my fingers on Zane's wrists, pulling his hands away from my face. I collapsed my body back into the bed, curling my knees up to my chin.

"Jax raped me."