"Goodbyes are hard. It is harder for the person leaving but hardest for the person left behind."

-Maddie

➢ 3 years ago....

" it!" I squeak, covering my face with my trembling hands. I can feel my heart furiously pounding against my chest. My face flushed into a dark shade of red. "C'mon Maddie...." Capella groans, face palming. She gives me an exasperated sigh and shakes her head lightly. "You have been practicing all day."

I slump slightly, my hands shaking a bit. Letting out a sigh, I mumble out loud. "But..what if I—" She places her hand on her hip and faces me. "What? Get rejected?" I give her a slight nod, letting a shaky breath escape my lips. "If he did reject you, well, we can always meet up at Maria's Parlor and stuff our faces with ice cream ." She says, a grin forming on her cheeks. The thought of the cold creamy dessert made her eyes twinkle. I sighed, nudging her on the arm. "Not helping." She cracks a small smile.

Suddenly, he walks past us. His dark brown locks bouncing a bit as he takes huge steps. His dark eyes scanning the room before landing on the exit. I turn to see Capella wiggling her eyebrows. "Capella~" I whine, tugging her sleeve like a five year old begging her mother to buy her candy.

I see him exit the school doors, the door shutting with a small squeak. "Whatcha waiting for?" She whispers, poking my sides. I jolt up in surprise, my eyes widening at the sudden contact. She pats my head, her lips forming into a wide grin. "Tell me everything." She shouts, shoving me to the exit. 'This is it Maddie' I took a deep breath. My sweaty hands grasps the metal door knob tightly before twisting it. 'It's either now or never.' Flashing one last smile at Capella, I walk out.

Upon getting out, I quickly memorize my 'confession speech' that I wrote earlier today. It was quite cringey but I hope I could pull it off. As soon as I finished memorizing, I quickly scurry over to our meeting spot. I was lucky I wasn't late because it'll be really embarrassing. Okay, play it cool Maddie. "Hey." I say, my lips curling into a smile. "Hey." He replies, giving me one of his signature smiles. The afternoon light illuminated a part of his face making him look more ethereal. Damn, I wish I looked that good.

I gulp slightly, stopping myself from staring at his face. He pats the bench, mentioning me to sit down. With a pounding heart, I sat down. Breathe Maddie. Breathe. It became quiet for a moment. I dig my fingers into my palm, leaving red marks. I couldn't calm my beating heart no matter how hard I wanted to. My heart rate increases as adrenaline rushes through my veins. "Ah, damn it." I curse under my breath.

'You can do it' I tell myself.

Clearing my throat, I look at his face once more. He looks at me. "U-Uh...." I stammer, nervously fiddling with my fingers. "Yes?" He asks, his eyes baring into mine. Oh, shoot. "I have something I've wanted to say for a long time.." I mumble, averting my eyes on the ground. Strangely, the ground seemed more interesting now than earlier. "Same." He says, moving down so that he could meet my eyes. I started to internally panic. Calm down...calm down..

"You first." I say. "No no. Ladies first. " He replies, making a dramatic bow before grinning cheekily at me. Seriously, can this guy not? If he continues I might get a heart attack because of how cute he is acting right now.

"You."

"You!"

"You."

"You."

After a while of bantering, he gives up. "Okay, I will go first." He chuckles. Blood rushes to my cheeks as I stare at him, my mind completely blank. His eyes meet with mine once more. Now it is going to be hard for me to—My train of thoughts was interrupted when he spoke. "I'm leaving." He whispers.

My smile quickly fades. My heart squeezes at these two words..I'm leaving. I face him and laugh nervously. "Wait, did I hear correctly? You are-" "leaving." He finishes. He looks down, shuffling his feet. I felt a lump form in my throat as I avert my eyes to the ground.

"Where?" I ask. I prayed silently, hoping that he wouldn't move to somewhere too far. "To London, tomorrow." He mutters, his voice shaky. That's half across the globe. My heart sank but I could only mutter out a small 'oh' while blinking back unwanted tears. "I wanted to tell you first because you are.." He pauses. "The closest friend I have."

My eyes widen at what he said, my breath hitched for a moment. It was as if someone was trying to choke me. All my words were caught in my throat as a wave of sadness washes all over me. I clutch the strap of my backpack. 'Who am I kidding?' I thought. He only thinks of me as a friend.

No more.

No less.

"Anyways, what did you want to tell me?" He asks, looking at me. "Ah" I say, blinking back tears. At that moment, all I wanted to do is to run away from that place. I've lost a best friend and got rejected by my crush all under five minutes. Would you dare to think that I would still have the face to confess my feelings? Of course not. Mustering all the courage I have, I look at him. "Nothing important." I lied.

It is important.

"Hey....are you okay?" He asks. "I'm A-okay!" I lied once again, grinning as I gave him a thumbs up.

I am not okay.

We both sat down not saying anything. I held in the tears that were brimming in my eyes as I looked everywhere but at him. I know I shouldn't act this way. I should have expected this. I am just a mere friend to him.

"Hey, we'll stay friends forever won't we?" He asks. He looks at me as if searching for a reaction. The word 'friends' at that moment felt so foreign to me. I wished we could've been something more. "Yeah...." I mutter, moving to side. I still couldn't look at him in the eye. I might just cry in front of him. I just don't want to show him how weak I am.

He lifts up his pinky and grabs my hand. My eyes locks with his. Ren flashes me a grin as I felt my heart get crushed all over again. I forced a smile, knowing I won't see him for so long. We link our pinkies together as he hugs me. Before I knew it, a few stray tears of trickled down my face.

Suddenly, the rain started to pour. "I have something to give you.." I mutter, looking down as I quickly wipe the tears. I handed my gift to him. "Don't forget me." I whisper. "I won't." He assured me. "I promise."

"See you soon, Ren." I smiled. I slowly turned and began to walk. Why did it have to be this way? Why can't I have the courage to tell him?

Soon, the tears I've held in for so long finally streamed down my cheeks.

↜flashback ↝

"There all done!" I exclaim, clapping my hands as my eyes glimmered in excitement. "Ren is going to love this." I look at the picture frame with the picture of the two of us. We were eating ice cream while wearing mickey and minnie headbands. This was the first time I have been to Disney land.

I could still remember the rides and the games.

I remembered Ren's amused face when I told him that I would like to try the roller coaster. He was terror stricken. I laugh, clutching my stomach.

"Ah...the good days.." I smile as I paused. I took out a pen and scribbled down two simple words.

Thank you.

I held it up and smiled in satisfaction. My eyes travel around the room eventually landing on the promise rings I got for me and Ren. I smile putting his on a necklace. Placing it in a small box, I put it into the bag.

I smile widely, hoping that he'd like the gift. He better...I thought, slightly chuckling to myself. "Time to go to bed." I say, yawning. I wrapped the gift and placed it gently in my back.

— — — — — — — — — — —

I walked slowly in pain. I couldn't register the fact that Ren will leave. Although knowing I won't stand I chance, it wouldn't hurt if I still waited for him right? He'll be back soon, wouldn't he?

I stopped walking as I held my hand near my heart. I took one last glance at Ren and whispered:

"Goodbye"

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