April's POV

I hung my head miserably, half listening to Beau and Daniel making small talk.

"April."

I looked up.

"Stop looking so miserable."

"My mum hates me. I think I'm entitled to feeling like a horrible child."

He pouted at me sympathetically, resting his warm hand on my shoulder, "she'll get round to it – she's your mum, Ap. I've seen how close you are. You wouldn't leave each other on this note."

"He's right," Daniel agreed seriously. "You would never chose between them... and your choice – it's your choice, not Aiden's and not your mum's."

"Daniel, that's the smartest thing you've said since you came out of your mum." Daniel grimaced and whipped forward, clapping Beau over the head sharply. 

"Thanks guys – for the food too." I glanced down at my half-eaten sandwich and squinted at the concoction they had prepared for me collectively. I'm fairly certain parts of it weren't edible, but they had made it with such excitement, that I didn't have the heart to upset them. And besides, I really did appreciate the gesture. "It was great."

I excused myself after a while, and pulled out my phone from my pocket. I checked my messages but nor Aiden or my mum had texted me back, leaving me feeling somewhat hollow. A sudden thought dawned on me. I quickly typed a message:

Me: Hey, can I attend one of your sessions?

A reply came after precisely 54.7 seconds.

 Sure. Come on over, you're more than welcome. – Slap

Me: Thanks. Be there soon.

Grabbing my shoes, I shoved my feet into them and tied it up tightly. I was at the main house where everyone seemed to be nowadays – ironically, I don't think I was welcome in my own apartment anymore.

Truthfully, I was too scared to go back because I wasn't sure what to expect – or more realistically, what was expected from me.

* * * * * *

"Well... I don't really have a problem." I looked at Slap nervously. He nodded once encouragingly and I threw my head down again.

"But... I just have a confession to make." I took a deep breath. "I'm a horrible child. I hurt my mother in the worst way possible and I can't fix that now, because what I did - or said – was permanent. I can't change it. And, I hurt the one other person I care most about. So yeah." I trailed away. I glanced up, half expecting to see people shaking their heads at me in disgust. But they weren't; they didn't even seem remotely surprise. "That's it."

"Thank you for sharing with us, April." Slap said in his most serious of voices. When the rest of the group had droned a half-hearted repeat of: we understand that life sucks sometimes, April. Slap shot me a small, reassuring smile and I nodded at him minutely.

Once the session was finished, my 'self confession' seemed pretty lame. People's parents were divorcing, one boy just got out of juvenile detention and was struggling to adjust – another girl was recovering from losing the ability to swim, a lifelong dream, after an injury.

My confession sounded like a whining school girl complaining about everything and anything.

Which I was.

And hated that I was.

* * * * * *

I swung my legs from the high chair, burning my hands from the cold radiating from my iced tea. I was back in the old cafe I had once worked in, but of course, after being kidnapped and missing numerous days of work, I'd inevitably been fired.

Plus, I'd gone into a coma for 6 months, which really didn't help business on my behalf.

A couple had just walked into the cafe. The boy, with chocolate hair and bronzed skin, the girl, fair-haired and porcelain skinned. It took me a few moments to realize who they were – Noah and Kayla. Glancing down at my coffee, I felt a jolt of disappointment run through me. It was too large a cup for me to down in one go, meaning leaving wasn't an option. 

Footsteps approached my table.

"Ap? Hey, what are you doing here?" Kayla's voice floated into my spectrum of hearing. I glanced up, waving my coffee around half-heartedly.

"Getting high on caffeine." She shot me a strange look. A familiar looking man stepped in behind them – he had several piercing and periwinkle coloured eyes – but they were cold, mean eyes.

The man's lips curled up from the corners. "April." 

I lowered the coffee cup from my lips slowly. "Rick?"*

Noah interjected. "Rick, maybe we should go and order and leave Kayla here to talk with April."

"Or," Rick pulled away from Noah's firm grasp, "we can join her."

I narrowed my eyes, pushing myself out of the booth so I was opposite him. "Or you can ask for my permission before making decisions involving me."

He grinned, his lip ring glinting. "Ooh, sass. Where'd you learn that from? Was it Beau? Or Daniel? The two stooges."

"It's actually the three stooges."

He scowled at me.

I gritted my teeth. "I don't want to argue with you – I don't even want to talk to you. I just want to drink my coffee in peace."

Kayla gripped my wrist softly, squeezing. She shot me an apologetic look. "Is it okay if I sit with you?"

"Of course. Noah too." I added, nodding at him.

He nodded back curtly. "I'm going to get us something to drink. Do you want the usual, Kay?" She nodded and slipped into the booth, giving me a smile. "And you," Noah gave Rick a hard look, "are coming with me to order."

Rick looked annoyed, but didn't protest.

After they'd left, Kayla made small talk, half-glancing in the direction of the two boys still waiting in line irately. "Isn't Nina with you?"

I shook my head.

"Aiden?"

"No."

She looked at me worriedly. "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"Then why the lonely coffee fest?"

"Kayla, let's not talk about me. Let's talk about you – and the devil you decided to take along as well –" I glanced sharply at Rick, arms crossed and muscles flexed as he and Noah edged forward in the queue.

She sighed. "He's – he's a complicated guy. A total jerk and sociopath, but he's part of my pack and underneath all of that, he's a little bit nicer, I guess. Well, at least I've seen him be nice to his little sister."

I looked at her pointedly. "You bought a psychopath to a lunch."

She laughed, "I'm not going to try and redeem him. I don't condemn him his behaviour towards you and never will, so go ahead and bitch all you like about him, sister. I'm with you on that. He is pretty shitty."

I smiled dryly at her. "Bitching isn't really my style." Then, I quickly downed my coffee and left before Noah and Rick – well more specifically Rick - could get back to the table.

* * * *

The sun was shining brightly – so brightly.

I took a drag of the marijuana cigarette and felt my body wash over with a sudden calm. I swayed on my feet and smiled at Nina who glanced at me worriedly. "You know, I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea."

"Oh, don't be such as prude, Nin. We're young and having fun – this is our – no, my – first time trying weed and it's not too bad. I think I'm old enough to try it, right?"

She shook her head at me in exasperation, plucking it from between my fingers and taking a small drag too. "This is so stupid."

I stared at the side of her face. We were in my currently empty apartment – my mother had taken to residing in a hotel now to give me space – and my room mates weren't there either. "Nina, we're not old women – we can try new things, you know? It's like we've built this boundary for us, not allowing us to do anything – it's like we've confined ourselves to misery and that's it." I tapped her on the shoulder, grinning. "Lighten up my friend. We're not always going to be this young."

She smiled back at me and leaned against the wall – we'd perched ourselves on the small rooftop area that jutted out from my room window, against a red brick wall overlooking the small communal garden area that residents rarely used.

"I'm guessing Kayla can't make it?"

I shook my head. "She has some pack meeting to go to."

Nina pushed herself off the wall, eyes bulging. "Shit. I think that it was the Silvermoon and Pinewood pack meeting –" she glanced at her watch. "I think we're late."

"Relax. It probably won't start until evening."

"Ap-"

"Come on. Stop worrying – you're beginning to sound like Emma."

Nina laughed at this. I felt her relax besides me. "Yeah, I suppose. You know, if Emma was here, she'd probably make us repent for trying this."

"She likes to look out for us."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence. "Donna, on the other hand, would probably bring Class A drugs in for us to try though." I added thoughtfully. Nina snorted ungracefully.

My vision pulsated with colours and shots of gold erupted from the sun's surface from the corner of my eye – but I think that was just my eyesight and vivid imagination taking its toll on me. I didn't care about all the crap I should have cared about. I just wanted to stop thinking. 

If Aiden needs space, fine, he can have his space. But he's not going to make me feel bad about my decisions just because he's wallowing in his own guilt. Screw him. If he wants to talk, he can make the first move this time.

My mother? I love her with all my heart and I'd never reject her – she had done everything and anything for me, but I need her to respect my decisions. Granted, I should have elaborated more on my point so as to justify myself, but no-one decided to hear me out.

I thought after the accident I'd suddenly become one of those people who live in the present.

 But my true character lives on.

I'll justify myself and make things right – but for now I was going to enjoy this dodgy, totally reckless moment of amity with myself, which a small amount of marijuana gave me. This marijuana – pronounced mary-juw-ana by me which was completely wrong but I thought sounded funny – was provided by one of Nina's good acquaintances.

We passed it back and forth, talking as though we didn't have a care in the world, allowing ourselves to lapse into the most long-awaited nirvanas ever, accompanied by waves of peace and the illusory fantasy of there being a rainbow sun crying tears of gold as it went down. But again, I think that was just my imagination taking its toll on me.

 A.N. Things to clarify:

1. Rick - is the jerk dude who was at the BBQ and called Barbara's crush on Aiden out.

2. April is simply trying weed; I mean she's not this totally good teenager - she is obviously going to try new things because that's part of life - you have new experiences - it doesn't mean she's addicted or anything before you jump to conclusions.

Also, I've started up a new story (I'm not discarding KBAAJ, don't worry, I'll still update it!) It's called 'Dead' and I would really, really appreciate it if you checked it out, and maybe drop a comment on how you find it/review type thing.