The greatest villain and the hero, once sworn enemies, were now casually dining together at the one eatery at Euphoria. Whatever there relationship was, enemies, friends, something in between, it was impossible to tell now. But it did look like they were having a good time. All eyes were on them, incredulous stares, most of them focused on Gram, others on Gatecrasher. The eatery, a large circular room, with several tables, was usually crowded, but with the presence of Gram there, one side was barren while the other was crowded. There in the center, was the chef himself, a massive multi-armed golem made of stone and ceramic, a hollow space in his chest burned a bright orange fire. His square shaped head was topped with a large, clean, chef’s toque.

What was on the menu today? Fish platter, with a side of beer, for Gram, and for Gatecrasher, seared pork, with a side salad. The chef, originally created for the purpose of building was now putting his skills to cooking. Normally, one would be hesitant to serve someone as infamous as Gram, but not this one. In his own words, a language of whirs and grinds, he was a chef, and to feed people was his purpose, who they were didn’t matter.

As she nibbled on a carrot, Gatecrasher had her feet propped up on the table. For someone in armor, she could move surprisingly well. “Oi… So how long exactly have you been awake?”

“Mmm…” Gram cut his meat, daintily and patiently, “I was sealed away for, what, 100 years… After that, I spent a little over the year in a Back Alley of my own, learning about Gaia; I already knew a tiny bit of its history, but I needed to know more. As well as its customs, present day events, and etiquette.” He took a bite of his fish. Abyssal Widemouth… The premium stuff. “To no surprise, there are several parallels between here and Aesir. A lot of similar cultures and places, but I’m sure you know that more than I.”

“Haven’t you been here before! I would’ve thought Old King Nothing would’ve been to Gaia before, like to conquer it or something. Hell, I half expected to see you here long long ago.” Just like a certain dullahan, she had no indoor voice. Brash, rude, and arrogant, it was a wonder how the church ever let her become a paladin.

“No, I had no use for a land so devoid of magic. Plus, I’d be spreading myself too thin if I were to set up bases in several different dimensions, I’m only one man after all, not omnipotent. The point is that the reason I took so long to come here, even after I woke up, was to avoid being a fish out of water.” He said, tapping his plate of fish for extra emphasis on the word fish. As silly as this sounds, I think ice cream is one of the best things I discovered while learning about the place.” He chuckled, recalling his first ice cream cone, a vanilla waffle cone with a chocolate dip. In all his centuries of living, that was one thing that he hated to have missed out on. He was still getting use to this whole internet thing… How did Romero figure out how to use it better than him?

“Right, sorry, guess you’re probably wondering what I’ve been doing for the past 100 or so years or why I still look so sexy.”

“Not really. You’re gonna tell me anyways, aren’t you? Between you and Alto, as well as Magpie, I seem to have a great skill for meeting smug, overconfident women.” Gram said, as straight forward as he could.

“Fuck you.” Gatecrasher said, “But thing is, I signed up for this whole ‘heroes in the time of need’ thing. Basically great heroes were kept in stasis until a great evil arose, they woke me up time and time again. There was actually a lot of great villains lining up or at each other’s throats when you were sealed away all those years ago. But in time, all the chaos wound down. Also frankly, it got boring as shit.” Sighing, she stared blankly at her food, “All the stuff I missed over the past century, put to sleep time and time again, that’s no way for a women to live…”

“I see your point, really I do, young hero. Just doing the same thing for centuries, making evil plan after evil plan, fighting heroes after hero, that’s no way for a man to live. What is the point of eternity without variation?”

For a moment, a bit of silence fell between the two, the horribly abrupt shift in tone becoming apparent for them both. Both of them munching on their meals, still getting the occasional stares from passerby, including the vampires from earlier. Patiently, both Gram and Gatecrasher waited for the other to say something…

The role fell upon Gram. “Ah, I’ve been meaning to ask.” He said, looking at the vampires in the corner of the eatery. “Besides Aesir, how have the neighboring dimensions been? Are you aware?”

“Not in the slightest, only through vague mentions and the occasional rumor around here. Vampires from Sanguine come here a lot but otherwise they are recluse as ever, Ex Nihilo… I don’t fucking know what is going on there. Pretty sure they tried to invade Aesir again at some point while the two of us were asleep but were fended off by someone else.”

“That’s good at least. Glad to know they haven’t tried anything especially stupid while I was gone.” Gram rubbed his chin, “What about Null and Void?”

“Again, I don’t know about either of them. I still remember people summoning stuff from the Void. Null is an enigma as ever, and unlike you, I’ve never been there. I don’t quite have the skills to hop between dimensions whenever I want.”

“Thanks… That just about answers all I need to know.” He said, nodding. Sounds like things were more or less the same. 100 years, in the grand scheme of things, especially when it comes to immortal beings like him, is a very short amount of time. Plus, with everything quiet with the multiverse, he didn’t have to worry about his retirement being interrupted. But just maybe he’d visit them sometime in the future. As a little vacation from his vacation. “In any case, you want to visit my house sometime? It’s just a small little home in the suburbs, just over yonder.”

“It’ll beat whatever the hell I’ll be doing in my crummy apartment.” She shrugged, “I’ve been getting by with odd jobs, mostly mercenary work in Aesir, yet even then I can only afford some shit one room apartment…” Raising her voice again, she groaned, “Do you know how hard it is to exchange money from Aesir with money from Gaia? This is the only place it can be done and it’s a pain in the ass!”

“You’re always one to express your opinions as forward as you can…” Gram sighed, only half listening to her rant. “I wanted to know if you wanted to… Hang out, as youths say… Not hear your economic troubles.”

“Sorry, King Funslayer.” Having finished her meal, she stood up and stretched, she finished far quicker than Gram; he for one, preferred to savor his food rather than inhale it in a few moments. “By the way, how is your relationship with that one lady…? Lady Chilopoda, was it?”

“We separated long before I was sealed away. But she is still alive from what I heard… I would love to meet again. One day…”

“Well, sounds like you have a lot of catching up to do? Rekindle an old flame maybe?”

“I’m good for now… She is elusive and I don’t feel like visiting Aesir for a while. For now, I want to take up a hobby that doesn’t revolve around magic. Have you ever heard of golf?” He said, intertwining his fingers together.

“Yes, actually, but I prefer minigolf. Why-” She cut herself short, as she saw the look on Gram’s face. It was that malevolent grin he had whenever he challenged someone. When he was forcibly pulling them with one hand and warmly inviting them with the other.

The greatest villain and the hero, were going to take to their next battlefield.

The golf course.