Placed in the backyard on a pool chair, soaking up the sun, Alto was enjoying the hot weather; her base was even wrapped in a towel to prevent her from rolling off. A pair of sunglasses adorned her head. If there was one thing that Gram was right about in her book, it was that these quiet hours were really nice to take in. Yes, the old days were fun, but there was something to enjoy about the tranquil suburb. She wasn’t alone, there, in the right corner of the grassy, emptiness of the backyard, sat Misfit. Who, as she usually does, staring off at nothing, with her ever present toothy grin on her face.

So peaceful...

Then, a clanging was heard from the house, stepping outside, headed towards the center of the yard, was the duo of Gram and Romero. Gram was without his usual cloak, instead was wearing an apron reading "WE BE GRILLIN." Romero, following after him with his usual hobble, a bunch of frozen steaks wrapped in plastic, was wearing a similar apron reading "HOT STUFF."

Gram was carrying a large BBQ grill shaped like his head, complete with blue lights in the eye sockets; the only difference, of course, was that top was flat of course unlike Gram’s round skull. The horns of the grill even acted as hand holds for carrying it.

"I hate that thing." Alto groaned, looking over but barely moving, too busy with her lazy sunbathing. "Big ego much?"

“Insulting the Gram Grill? How harsh. You would get one just like it if you could.” Gram said with a tone of smug satisfaction. Once he set the grill down, he quickly lit it up, with a flick of his wrist the grill erupted with a brilliant pillar of blue flames. A pillar of flames that calmed down into a smaller one, perfect for cooking. Gram nodded, as he removed a book from his apron’s pocket.

Mother Magpie’s Book of Alchemical Cooking, the cover read.

Once the flame was at its reasonable level, Romero worked on unwrapping the steaks, and tossed them on. The red meats sizzled loudly as they landed on the metal. With a whimsical smile, as good as a man with petrified flesh could manage, Romero let out a satisfied grunt, equally as proud as Gram.

Sure, they were a group consisting of an ambiguously human warlock, a zombie, a severed head, and a “dog,” but that didn’t eman they didn’t enjoy a good meal. The duo got to work on tending to the 3 steaks. With Gram sprinkling a dash of spice or sprinkling an unidentified liquid on to them, while Romero flipped them to make sure they were evenly cooked and seasoned.

Alto looked back to the two, lifting her sunglasses from her face. “So you two know that Mother Magpie isn’t going to be happy that you’re using her cookbook for barbecue? Store bought steaks at that?”

Romero made an understanding grunt.

Gram only looked over to her and nodded. Still possessing the same smug satisfaction as before. “Well, we haven’t talked in centuries… Plus, there are no rules about what it can be used for, does it?”

“Hey, I said she’d have a problem, didn’t say I did! Make mine medium rare!” Alto laughed, flipping her sunglasses back on.

“ Of course, this is a rare to medium household… If anyone wants it well done, well, they can leave.” Gram said as Romero checked the color of the meat.

Misfit, still sitting in her usual spot, staring at everyone (one had to wonder how she saw with her hair covering her eyes), heard something over the fence behind her. Someone looking over there? She had to check. With a cracking noise, the human headed dog creatue twisted her neck to stare at whomever it was; bending her neck in a way that it looked like it was broken, twisted beyond what was possible. The next door observer was a stout woman with white hair and glasses, looked to be rather old, but not haggard. Next to her was a man of similar age, wearing a brown hat and similar pair of round glasses, looked to be a yard worker with those green overalls.

Staring at Misfit, the woman cooed, “What a lovely dog you all have, what breed is he?”

From his grill, Gram looked over, frozen in place. Well, that was the last reaction that he expected. Gram whispered something to Romero, who grunted with acknowledgement, he’d attend the grill alone for now. With how nonplussed the woman and her husband were, Gram treated the situation casually as ever, walking over to the woman and removing his apron. “Ah, Misfit’s a girl actually. She’s a mutt, with a bit of greyhound thrown in there.” Gram got to the fence in front of the woman and knelt down, petting Misfit on her back; Misfit was still staring at the woman, her neck still bent in its broken position, that was until Gram nudged the side, prompting her to snap it back to facing forward. “Where are my manner. Nice to meet you, we’re your new neighbors. I’ve only been around for about a week, so it’s nice to finally meet who I’m living next to.” Tapping one of his horns, Gram hummed, “Ah yes, names. I’m Gram Bloodfeast. I’m just your typical old retiree.” He said, giving the proper pronunciation of the name before the spelling. These are my roommates. Romero over there by the grill and Alto over there suntanning. You already met Misfit here.” Gram patted Misfit on the head, who gave a giggling sound.

Alto didn’t even look at the couple, only waving with a lock of her hair.

Flipping the steaks, Romero waved as well, giving a groan that could only be interpreted as a greeting. Despite his rather flammable body, he thankfully had a heat protection ward. Otherwise he’d likely burst into flames at the slightest mistake.

“What’d happen to your body.” The old man said, pointing at Alto, stern and straight to the point, his tone loud and brash.

“You mean me? Lost it in the war!” Alto said. “Communist machine gun blew my body clean off! Got my eye too! Show some respect to a veteran of… The war!”

With tears in his eyes, the old man saluted and nodded, saying no more words. She was a true hero!

Gram, looking over to Alto with a sigh, looked back to the old woman, “So, you two are?”

“I’m Mrs. Blur, this is my husband. We’ve been living here ever since we married. That was decades ago. Son has moved out long ago and started a family of his own, so it is just us.” All the while, she was completely cheerful, even stopping to stare at Misfit, looking like she was tempted to reach down and pet her. Completely unperturbed on their appearances, they made the perfect neighbors for a bunch of freaks.

“Good, good… I’d hate to leave this meeting as soon as it started, but I have to get back to those steaks. I have one of those fast cooking grills after all.” Knowing how well Alto’s excuse worked, Gram felt he could tell the couple that he was Santa Claus on vacation and they’d believe it. “But, before I go, do you know anything about the other neighbors?”

Mrs. Blur pursed her lips in thought, as her husband was going back to the house. “Well, might as well tell you about the other houses next to yours. You have Mr. Tanto in the other house next to yours. He’s a retired musician.” Mrs. Blur clasped her hands together with glee. “You two could be retirement buddies!” Then, the old woman then pointed to the house behind Gram’s. The homes of the neighborhood were connected in a sort of grid fashion. From a birds eye view, they were a bunch of houses connected by their backyards, sharing their fences. “Over there are the Willa family. Husband and wife, with their 20 something daughter.”

“Mr. Tanto and the Willa Family, very well.” He wasn’t about to judge someone for living with their parents into their 20s, he had heard times in the human world were difficult for some. But, it looked like they did had a good mix of people to get along with. An old couple, an aging musician, and a family… With a thumbs up, Gram departed over to the collection of chairs near the BBQ, ready to spend the rest of the day on his rear. “Well then, see you around, Mrs. Blur.”

The two of them departed and Gram went to sit down next to Alto. Just as Gram predicted, Romero finished with the art of grilling, letting out a grunt that sounded like “Tah-dah!” The trio of meats all had a strange red glow about them. It was nothing new for witches and wizards to enchant their foods after all. Misfit remained in the same spot she was, then as soon as Gram took his eyes off of her, she was gone.

Alto, raised her sunglasses by jerking her head back, and looked at the spot Misfit was. “Uh… The dog got out again. You want me to go look for her or-” She snapped her sunglasses back on her face. “Just kidding, I ain’t getting up. This chair is too comfy.”

“She’ll turn up eventually. The worst she’ll do is give some poor soul the scare of their life. Give it a minute or two and we’ll hear the screams. She doesn’t bite unless I tell her to.”

Romero, placing each of the steaks onto a paper plate, he presented them to his two companions, Gram taking his plate, while Alto’s plate was just sat down in front of her. As he removed his apron, Romero too sat down, with his plate in his lap, and a book in his hand. Opening it up to a bookmarked page. The name of the book? How to Court Fair Maidens: First Edition.

“Thank you, Romero.” Gram said, “Your skills never falter.” With a fancy pair of cutlery appearing in his hands, Gram cut into his meal, while Alto tore into hers, foregoing cutlery. Gram shook his head in jest, poking fun at his roommate. “So uncivilized, Alto.”

“I have no hands,” She stated with a mouth full of food.

Sometime passed with the three not speaking, too busy enjoying their mood, although the occasional remark was made here and there. Gram planned to go off and find Misfit as soon as he finished his meal, but knowing her it was unknown where she went off to. He just knew that she always returned home, as any dog should. It was just best that he at least find out where she went.

Then, as Gram finished, taking his paper plate and getting up to find the trash, he heard a loud scream from behind, in the yard behind theirs. The Willa Residence if Mrs. Blur’s directions were anything to go by. Suddenly, tossing his empty paper plate like a frisbee, landing it right in the trash can by the door, he walked over to the direction of the noise. Then, suddenly, Misfit was back with him, sitting down next to him, still smiling, still giggling. Hopefully the owner of the scream didn’t have a heart attack… He might as well check either way.

“Nice shot, Gram,” Alto said, commenting on Gram’s throw. “Also hi, Misfit.” Alto stated casually. “Hey, Grammy, while you go check, tell me if they’re hot or not. That scream was definitely a girl or a really effeminate guy. I want at least one hot neighbor!” She had one hell of a motormouth, being just a head.

“First: thank you, second: Please be quiet for this.” Gram said. With a snap of Gram’s fingers a glowing band wrapped itself around Alto’s mouth, keeping her quiet. Looking over the fence, he notice a familiar face. She had fallen to the ground out of fright. Long blonde hair, a face full of freckles, and a rather lanky build. He recognized her, even out of her uniform from yesterday, it was the Ash girl! “Well, isn’t this a coincidence… Greetings again, Ash.”

Meanwhile, Romero had yet to look up from his book.

Still trembling, Misfit having wondered into her yard, she looked up only to see Gram looking over her fence. “You got to be kidding me…” She murmured, before standing up. The man from last night was her new neighbor? True, she had heard someone recently moved in to the neighborhood, sometime around last week. She could’ve never guessed it was the skeleton man of all people. “…Gram, was it…?” She asked, “Nice to meet you again… I guess.”

“Pleasure is all mine. Forgive my dog, she must’ve appeared in your yard, no? I’ve been trying to teach her to not wander into people’s yards, but keeping her on a leash is troublesome. Given her… Nature.”

“That was a dog…? I… Nevermind.” She said, calming down. “Seems we’ll be seeing each other around more often, huh…?”

“Perhaps.” The warlock nodded, “…Or we can stay free from each other. I frighten you, don’t I? Plus, I’m not sure a young girl like you wants to spend time with a grumpy old man like me.”

“Yeah, I have school work to do, college and that kind of thing, day job thing.” She said, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Good, good, school is important…” Gram nodded, rubbing his chin. “I have been doing a lot of studying myself, getting acquainted with the human world even since I came here. It’s a long story, you see… Pull up a chair, I can tell you if you wish.”

“I think I’m good. Some other time, maybe?”

As the two conversed, Romero, getting curious, set down his book and approached the two, walking with his usual hobble. In less than 24 hours, had already seen two horrifying beings that she wasn’t ready to see. Romero made the third one; honestly, there was a reason why Alto considered herself to be the pretty one of the bunch. But this time, her reaction was nowhere near as horrified, maybe she had become accustomed to it already, or Romero was nowhere near as terrifying; he at least looked human, albeit a petrified one. Staring eye to empty eye sockets, Romero gave Ash a friendly hello.

Ash waved to Romero.

“That’s Romero, our housekeeper. While I am master of the house, he does most of the chores. Not that I don’t help out.” Gram looked to Romero, who was still slowly waving at Ash. Gram chuckled, “Again, sorry about Misfit. I hope to see you again, most likely shall, given our proximity. But word of advice, if you see any monsters out and about in the street, well, you know who to call.” Gram pointed to himself with his thumb, then walked off, leaving Ash and Romero alone. Once more, he snapped his fingers, which removed the silencing hex on Alto.

“Fuck you!” Were the first words out of Alto’s mouth. But, not one to be left alone, now that everyone was going inside, Alto climbed up onto Gram’s back with her hair tendrils. Something that the ever easily frightened Ash caught witness of. There was a forth member of the family?! She was just a head?! “You’re lucky I’m in a good mood or I’d get revenge on you!”

Alto’s protests were ignored, Gram giving a playful laugh, everyday the two would have their share of friendly arguments. “Will you now?”

The young woman, realizing that Romero didn’t seem too much for conversation, or facial expression for that matter. So, Ash waved bye to him. “I’ll be going, uh, somewhere else… Maybe talk to you later?” She cursed her lack of social skills. But, Romero didn’t look all too offended, giving a nod and a slow thumbs up. Hesitantly, Ash headed back to her house. Yes, maybe she’d lie down for a while after that. Just for a while.

Departing from the fence, Romero headed back over to the grill, to help clean everything up. So this is the retirement that Gram had been hyping up since their arrival here? The quiet… He could get use to this frankly. With just enough chores to keep a loyal man like him busy.

Misfit stayed in the yard, often choosing to stay in one spot for hours on end, yet always coming to the foot of her master’s bed by the end of the day.

Up next on the schedule for Gram: Magic practice. In his own words, retirement simply meant no more empires or armies. Practicing magic and staying in top shape, as proclaimed master of destruction and illusion? Maybe go off on a trip somewhere like Alto proposed last night? That he could do!

In her home, Ash walked into her kitchen, her heart rate completely calmed down.

Why was she such a weightless weakling? Why did she almost have a heart attack and still feels like on the verge of one from seeing people who weren’t even hostile? What was it in her that made her so meek? Passing through the kitchen, pasted the various cans of beer on the counter and trash been that was stuffed to the brim, she went to the fridge to grab something, only to stop when she noticed the note on the front.

We’re going out again, make something for yourself.

As per usual, she went hungry, so Ash departed to her room. The one place that gave her peace of mind. A room that was kept relatively clean compared to the rest of the house, a fact that had changed very little since the day she was born. The same bed that she had slept in since she was a child. On her back, staring at the ceiling as the hours past, all she could think about was both of her meetings with Gram. Then, somewhere in the back of her mind, she wished that she had stayed and listened to Gram’s story.