The days. I could've counted them If I needed to but it seemed other people counted them for me. Doctors and personnel would walk in like clockwork. They also mounted a TV to the edge of the room. I couldn't see it, but I'm sure it looked nice. It has since that moment been turned on in the morning and every day, a radio voice would cut through all the noise of the hospital equipment. I wouldn't have known a month had passed if not for the daily dose of his obnoxiously happy voice, like every day before.

"Good morning everyone, it's a brisk 3rd of July and I hear everyone is gearing up for the big event! I hear it might be a brisk day today of rain, bring an umbrella. For more on that business, I direct you to my colleague with the weather, Janet?"

My body had started to ache, and my parents hadn't seen me for a month as far as I could remember. While still subdued, the pain medication was noticeably less than before. They even removed the oxygen tube when they realized that I was able to breathe on my own, and when they were sure I wouldn't try to bite my tongue off when doing so. Instead of following my innermost wishes, my health wasn't declining, my condition was improving. The good news was that the probability of sudden heart failure was still incredibly high.

Also, the ward I was in wasn't desolate any longer. Someone else had been shoved into the pile of rejects. I couldn’t tell what was wrong with him but for him to be here meant that it was just as serious as my predicament with low chances of survival.

His eyes were always open and unfocused. They never shut, not even once. If not for his chest fluctuations, he could have easily passed off as dead. There were the occasional hand twitches and the very rare and by rare I meant I'd only seen it happen twice in a month where he turns his head ever so slightly.

And his eyes lay emptiness and despair so deep, My feelings felt like hypocrisy, maybe they are… The nurse before was pregnant and now was on maternity leave. How could I possibly know this you say? I got assigned a new nurse who for some reason thought it was sane to converse with me or rather a one-sided blasting of all her life problems, she first tried talking to Larry (have no idea what his real name is) but I guess she got creeped out by his unblinking gaze.

And so every day she would come to my bedside and vent about her day, problems at work, her toxic parents, and her crush. At first, I wondered why she would pick me out of literally everyone in the universe but after a while, I got used to it and listened wholeheartedly. Either that or madness due to boredom and currently semi-isolation.

'I guess she's not coming, oh well…'

Today, it had been far too long not that I could tell the time in this wretched place. I heard hurried footsteps towards the door eventually, and the familiar shadow in between the hinges. She walked in, her gait shifting restlessly—something was wrong.

"Hey," She whispered while adjusting the perfectly fine bun on her head.

I slowly blinked in response. She sat down beside me, the familiar smell of peppermint.

"How are you holding up?"

I stared at her.

‘I'm a freaking mummy’

"Of course, you can't answer that."

She paused and stared at the ceiling for a while. Now I knew something was wrong.

"I'm getting transferred" She dropped it quietly.

'Oh, of course, why not?'

The only thing left to take was my sanity, well looks like that's going soon.

"Each time, I look into your eyes, I don't say it but you've lost all hope, haven't you?"

'Close enough'

"I don't know what you've been through but I know you should never give up, I know you'll come out of this, just believe."

'Don't curse me please'

She reached out intending to touch my hand but eventually withdrew and left. Now it was only a time game, the countdown to isolation insanity. Her image popped into my head, my sister, her smile haunting me. I shut it out immediately. I wasn't even worthy of being haunted by her.

'Why didn't I die?'

A thought that came every time I opened my eyes and saw the fluorescent lights above. I also wondered what happened to my phone, most likely shattered into a million pieces but I was still curious. It was weird, I was lying here on the verge of death, paying penance, not enough for my sins and my phone was on my mind. It wasn't only that, I had been replaced by now at my old job. Probably better at it than I was, best of luck dealing with the employer though. I imagined the guy who was to replace the glass, staring agape at a human-shaped hole in the glass. like in the cartoons. In reality, it would be a shapeless hole with dried blood at its edges, a gory sight. And then maybe, if they actually noticed me, a random employee there would say "Oh, poor thing, he was such a gloomy kid, maybe I could have tried to get to know him".

But again, the only thing they probably remembered was the gore, not the guy who jumped, no he didn't matter, what mattered was that the guy jumped, right in front of them and it was an incident that their workplace would now be permanently associated with. Bummer. Now they have to fill out those statements because of me. And then there were the students at my university, especially the ones in my faculty, who might be interrogated because suicide can be caused by several factors and blackmail is a crime, I think. Never got to look that up. Now, if things turn out well I won't get that chance. I didn't care, okay maybe a little.

'It's so uncomfortable in this cast'

It itched a lot too, and there was nothing I could do about it, another parameter that is going to be greatly responsible for the loss of my sanity. That's what I get for breaking out of prison, I receive an even stricter sentence. If I made it out of here, I wouldn't be able to face anyone with those insincere looks of pity, people I'm not important to would try to make a 'connection'. If it was the old me, I might've welcomed it finally, an avenue to cling to the hope that I am important. But I have since learnt the wisdom in the words, 'Abandon all hope…'

'What the hell did I land on?' 'Wasn't it the concrete floor?' 'How the f did I survive?'

The questions plagued me, it was impossible at least from my perspective, I should be nothing more than a splat scooped off the sidewalk…

I felt something inside, so little it was negligible. Suddenly the fluorescent lights switched off, which meant it was already nighttime. The time of witches and whatnot. The teammates I had online may notice my absence then again going AFK for weeks was not uncommon, and I was only a minor player. They would be on right now, getting ready to slaughter unsuspecting players, I'd be at the rear for support or the recon as cannon fodder to attract enemy fire…. good times… I could have made it to the gold ranks by now, not that it would matter to anyone.

It's so quiet in here, even though I had no real friends, sometimes overhearing their conversations would make me feel like I was involved—not that I ever did this intentionally but ambient noise was far better than this dead silence, I couldn't even hear the air-conditioning or maybe because eardrums were busted along with the rest of my body.

'I don't deserve to die, to be free'

Yet, living was a pointless waste of resources

'I just...want to feel okay for once' 'I'm tired...and hungry'