I walked out in to the central square. The alley and my party at my back.

I shouted “Ok Alejandro, I’m here to bargain just like you wanted, come out to play!”

A small crowd of men came out. I noticed no women. Following my script so far.

A tall extremely good-looking man, In loose pants and a flowing silk shirt, clearly of South or Central American decent walked to the front. He eyes flashing and his smile and hair a bit too perfect. His posturing and walk somehow reminding me of George Hamilton’s Zorro movie. I wonder how many points this guy put into charisma. He looked like one of the hotter male telenovela stars.

To my surprise Alejandro speaks in accented Border Spanish/English, instead of Common.

“Hello Billiam. Took you long enough to show up. I have the girl, put down all your weapons and surrender and I will set her free.” The way he trilled the r in free made it sound way cooler than when say it. But his tone was playful, not the cold ice I’d expected from a hand-picked cartel member.

I continued in Common. “Yeah Fuck a bunch of that. I’m here to trade, not die for nothing Al.”

Alejandro continued in English “What do you have that I want, other than your life in exchange for Claudius’?”

“I can give you the Rathole, lock stock and barrels” I said

“I already have the Rathole. The moment you leave, I just walk over and take it. You offer me nothing.”

I put my hand behind my back and pulled out the deed.

“When I killed Claude the, I got this. A magical Deed to the property. I can’t believe such a thing would even exist, if it didn’t come with some massive benefits. This may be a Magical Realm, but magic clearly isn’t cheap. I’ve only seen one native person with any magic so far, and it was minor healing. If it’s that rare, then it’s super expensive. Why do you think my goddess claimed the whole river? She made it blessed to show how much power she has to everyone here.’

In common now, Alejandro continued “I agree, that was a surprise. We did not expect such a display of power. Especially not so close to our headquarters. It was an excellent declaration of your intentions as well. A move worthy of respect.”

Flippantly I began, “I have power, you have power, I have something to bargain. Show me the girl. Then we talk turkey.”

Alejandro waived his hand, and a smaller, younger Latin boy 16 or 17 brought out a tied-up Redhead holding her ahead of him like a shield. I quickly Id both.

Rey’s age matched with my theory from observing Yamina, she seemed to grow and mature about 1 physical and emotional year per level. Rey seemed to have followed the same pattern.

I quickly invited Ginger to the Guild, then added her to a party with Kat as the leader. That put her in our raid group, but let Kat have a private channel to talk to her. From this point, we’d won the war. Now it was time to win the battle.

[Kat, tell her to wait till she knows she has 10 safe seconds Kat, or when I shout “go”, Tell her to give no signs anything is up.]

Yamina spoke up [Bill, check the shop.] I did, I saw several new weapons, including several preloaded crossbows, and a dozen small daggers and short sword, all kids of Liquors were there now, from tiny hip flask to a hogshead of triple refined Brandy that showed as worth over a hundred pound of gold local prices. That’s 63 gallons of brandy. I bet Alejandro will be pissed when he finds that missing. Best of all, someone, had put several immense stones into the inventory. My money was on Granny, it fit with her straightforward, no illusions, but deeply clever mind. The stones had to weigh a hundred of pounds each, probably more. Yamina could pull them into her inventory and instantly drop them for massive Damage. Go Granny, the geriatric exploit queen!

[I see it Yamina, be ready if I call for them.]

All of this took about a second.

Al continued “I see you have something of worth to me. But it is not an even trade.”

The fool doesn’t know he’s already lost his bargaining chip. Let’s keep it that way.

“I agree, she’s worth far less than an up and operating business with real estate. Other than sentimental value to Kat over there, we wouldn’t even be here. What do you add to your side of the bargain?”

“No, I see it as you who comes up short.” At a gesture from Alejandro, Rey took several steps forward and shoved the girl down to the ground a few steps in front of him and pulled a crossbow from his back. Pointing it at her. Al’s men spread out in a line behind Rey, all pulling weapons. More came from the building lining up as well. Al had way more backup than I expected. Let’s see that the plan can flex to cover that.

[Shift Rey to Target 1, solid shot] I said in party chat.

[Ready] came back from Yamina.

Point Bill 1-0 Favor Bill

“What do you propose, you wouldn’t have wasted our time if you didn’t have a deal you thought I’d accept.’

“I agree, a business man after my own heart. My mistress has asked for your head, to buy it, I’ll offer hers and mine. We dual, to the death, winner take all stakes”.

“And what’s to prevent you from ordering your men to just shoot her if you lose? That’s a fool bargain.”

“If you’d brought your protégé along, I’d offer a deal of a duel between the 4 of us, but somehow I don’t believe Kat over there is your protégé.”

Point Bill. 2-0

“You seem well informed. My point stands, where is my surety you will not just shoot her”

“I could give you my word as a Spaniard?”

“No good, I’ve known too many Spaniards. Great movie though. Besides I think you are a Mejicano, not a Spaniard. Esse.”

“Ah good Norteno, you -are- from back home, that will make this even sweeter.”

“I Handed the deed to Kat. Pointed to a space halfway between us, but all the way off to my right side.”

“I set the deed there, you set the girl there, and we fight as men? Here in the middle.”

Kat runs lightly to where I pointed, drops the deed and continues back in my direction. Alejandro’s eyes follow her hungrily on the trip back. I feel my mouth flatten into a narrow line at that.

Alejandro nods to Rey and he pushes the redhead over by the deed and returns to his place behind Alejandro, as Kat returns behind me.

Alejandro reaches behind him and pulls a machete with one hand and a loaded hand Crossbow with the other even from here I could see the tip of the bolt glistening with a gooey substance.

I geek out for a second “A legit Drow hand crossbow, and poisoned to boot, my inner geek applauds.”

Beginning to sneer and posture more aggressively Alejandro continued. “Skinny lady too saw the value of knowing games backwards and forwards. Why river lady chose you over a seasoned killer I have no idea. That’s part of why I picked a duel. What are you with that poogey belly, an engineer? A comic book store owner?”

“A programmer, a 54 year old programmer to be exact.”

Alejandro laughed one back deep from the belly , “HA! This is going to be too easy college boy, you’ve never faced a real killer before.” Alejandro said drolly. Walking forwards pretentiously hands held out at the sides away from his body, like he was some kind of Bull fighter, or a movie star.

I took five steps forward, settled on the highest spot in the open area. Put my shield up with back corner up and the front bottom corner down. My body in a relaxed stance behind it. My langsaex, resting along the top of the shield edge point up towards my shoulder. What we call “sucker stance” except nobody in the SCA has been fooled by it for decades. You look lazy, relaxed, uncovered, and open, but actually you are poised to counterpuch. I lengthened and lightened my Langsaex till it was as long as my normal sword, against a machete and silk, I wasn’t going to need the strength of the heavy back blade it had been. I changed the tip from broke backed saex to spear shaped, and sharpened the back 1/3rd of the way up. It was more of a light sword now, than a saex, but it should fit my reflexes better than the chopping weapon it had been before.

Alejandro took a step with his left foot, feinting with his crossbow, then switching feet quickly to a rapid diagonal chop at my open face above the shield. I popped the corner of my shield up and into the way, throwing a fast inside triangle shot under his attack and into his elbow. The trick of the tringle shot is timing to hit the part of his sword arm that he thinks is covered safely by his weapon. My sword bit, as his machete bounced off my shield. Instead of a blossom of blood as I expected, there was a flash and a pop of a magical shield breaking, and he barely had a scratch. I quickly rotated into his weapon, and flicked a full speed and power shot into his face. Again, the pop of a shield. And only a slight scratch. This time I noticed it shimmered slightly when it popped and I could see it crawling up his arm and face, building to cover it again. Al was off balance from the face shot, so I knocked his machete off line with a shrug of my body, and moulinet-ed right into his crossbow, The first, decoy shot missing by a hairs breath to the left of the bow, then spinning the blade in a fast unexpected vertical 360 that hit, shattering the bow.

I shrugged to take his counter chop on my Helmet, and withdrew the sword with a slicing motion clearing it quickly, and took several steps back to observe.

The shield was crawling back up to cover his crossbow hand, when he dropped it, and Alejandro dramatically pulled a massive almost cartoonsih Bowie knife from his inventory, not even trying to hide his magical storage, flourishing the blade as it came out.

In my worst Aussie accent I said, “Now that a knoife!”

On party chat I said [Next time we clash, tell Ginger to recall]

“You are better than I expected American Puerco” Alejandro said with a nod.

“Maybe you took martial arts, I guess, played your stupid football with the pointy ends that you carry in your hands. Something.”

I replied coolly as I could, “Don’t you mean Norteno Pig, you’re starting to sound like Cuban Comunista now. Don’t mix your metaphors, it makes you look uneducated.”

I could see from his eyes uneducated had hit where Communista had missed. Good. I’m learning his buttons.

“Come one Aljeito, don’t let them see how simple you really are, keep up the show.” Aljieto being the way you’d refer affectionately to a child. Pride, this man ran on pride.

He didn’t have the temper of a cartoon latin man, but still I saw both of those barbs go home.

I changed my stance slightly, tucking my hand behind my shield and my blade up in front of my face.

I jerked my head up at him, looking him right in his eyes. My machismo pounding Into his Machismo. But in a way far less Gay Porn sounding than that came out. Not that I care, just not my kink I like my partners with tits, 2 X chromosomes and my wedding ring on her finger.

I shifted the weight of my sword forward, taking it out of the pommel and swelling the tip a bit. Geeze now even that sounds like gay porn. How is everything going on in my head suddenly sounding like a romance novel; Should I make the quillons into a pair of nuts next, call the sword “Turgid Member”?.

I laughed out loud at myself, my reflexes picking up his series of attacks effortlessly, because I was too busy laughing at myself to put in much effort to counter attack.

Clearly the laughter got to him a way my jibes hadn’t. I marked that down. He threw a really fast series of blows, moving into a fencing dagger and rapier stance and frankly doing pretty well from it. He bounced a bowie slice off my armored front shin, maybe marking the leather, but not doing any structural harm and bouncing back and lunging at my face. I rotated the shield for the first time, sending the thrust up barely skittering off my helmet and pivoted with a Powerblow, legs, abs and all into his leg. Then recocking (lol) my wrist and arm to feint a wheeling blow to the other side of his head. Drum Style Danielsan! He started to block the drum shot, clearly expecting exactly that, and I pulled in back into the double hammer and powerblowed his leg in the exact same place again. Not elegant, not pretty, but dammed effective if you’ve never seen it before. No flash of shield this time. A big gash gaped open in his leg. I stopped back in stance and when he began to withdraw, I blasted his machete straight up with a flick my sword upwards, and double powerblowed the leg again, not letting the shield recover. 3 big bloody chops in his leg. Most of his weight on the other leg. I let him retreat, and he whistled, and Rey Pasqual waved his hands covered in light and the wound on his leg stopped bleeding, but didn’t close. He swapped stance to put his left leg behind him more balanced. I went back to sucker stance with my blade up in front of my face. Alejandro flicked his left hand out from behind him and pulled another cocked hand crossbow and shot it straight at my face. I dodged most of it, but the broadhead left a cut along my left cheek. The cut quickly went numb. And a green Droplet icon appeared next to my buffs. You have been poisoned with Chara Viper venom. 5 hp every 10 seconds for the next hour.

Well fuck. That’s a long damn poison, I had maybe 2 minutes to finish this?

I stepped back again, to see Alejandro limped but his face looking triumphant. “So in this mano e mano dual, we’re allowed to use our proteges now?”

“Whatever lets me win Norteno” he said viciously.

“Okay, remember you said that, Al”

[Solid shot now, then move to target 3, nape]

And a 150 lb block of stone fell out of the sky, crushing Rey Pasqual beneath it. His health bar winking out like a light. Stone Cold Dead. Excuse the pun.

While Alejandro stared in shock, I put my sword into my inventory, swapping it for a bowl of water, and poured it over my face, moving backwards.

My eyes cleared. I took another step back. Pulled out an apple and bit into it.

I threw the apple on the ground, and repeated it.

And was at full health.

“Anything that lets Baby Alejandrito win, right there baby?”

Alejandro turned to me fury burning in his eyes, gotcha Al.

“Did the baby not think a college boy could outsmart him, did baby think his 8th grade education was going to hold up there Big Al. Did you think all those charisma points were going to make you smarter than a college boy?”

In rage, Alejandro shot 6 more crossbow bolts at me, resummoning new bow for each, decorating the face of my shield. Then turning towards his men.

Gotcha!

In party I said [Nape target 3 end to end, then hit target 1, Orth tell the guys on the roof to cut down any runners].

A string of flaming bottles of oil and casks and bottles of whisky went lengthwise along his men as they stood awaiting his command. 80% of his backup were on the ground engulfed in fire now screaming like mad men writhing in their agony. God that’s an awful way to die. The rest were busy running away beating out bits of fire here and there on each other. The roof top koreans started to pick them off one by one.

“What’s the matter Al, don’t like the taste of your own medicine? Anything that lets you win, wasn’t that what you said?”

With a that frankly barely insulting line, big Al charged me. I pulled my spear out of my inventory behind my shield and set myself to accept his charge once more. Just as he leapt at me, I thrust my spear straight into his gut, all of his momentum ripping through his shields on both sides and sticking out his back about a foot. I summoned my sword in its Heavy chopping langsaesx form, dropping Al and the spear to the ground.

I walked towards him, “Honestly man, you had a way better chance of killing me when you were fighting honestly, we Nortenos’ are stupid for that shit, the Noble cowboy duel at high noon and all that.”

“When you cheated, you let out my inner munchkin and you just couldn’t compete with that. Not to mention putting that many points into charisma at character generation? How ugly were you in your last life to do a stupid thing like that?”

Al fell over, bleeding profusely from his gut, I knelt down to talk to him, well out of his range, still covered by my shield.

“Why in the world did you count on shields over Dex or Con or even Strength man? Your shields pop after one hit for god’s sake. Sure, they regen fast, but It’s not that hard to figure out they don’t heal instantly. As if -any- low level shield was going to recover instantly. Honestly, I think you’re probably an alright dude when you’re not being a cartoon viallian. I hope your Goddess Rezes you both far from here. Just so I don’t have to do this to you again. Work on your basics man, Str, Dex, Con. Fighting skills. Your build is -way- imbalanced for picking up chicks instead of fighting. I mean LOOK at me, do I look balanced to pick up chicks?”

I stood up. “Bye Alejandro, if I don’t see you till ‘what come next’, do something good with yourself.”

And with 6 fast savage chopping blows, I cut off his head.

I put one foot on his chest, pulled my spear free, inventoried my weapons and looted his still warm corpse.

Oh wow, that’s nice. I selected all. But I didn’t even look at the loot or the combat logs. I walked back to the Mercantile and put my hand on it, taking a guess as to how this worked.

Well obviously, I chose yes. First and foremost, I Renamed the town to “Danaster”, the Latin name for the Danube River. Thematic, sure, but a lot better than “Miningtown”. I looked to my party, and told them to run in pairs and loot whatever they needed in the next 5 min, then we were all porting back to Danuholm. Future cartographers were going to think I had an obsession with my capital D if I keep up this naming theme. Well they were half right, I am obsessed with Little Elvis 😊.

“Yamina you there, blink once if you are. She blinked once, looking like a meteor, obviously not sold yet on this victory.”

[Yes Bill?]

[Danu, you there too, I -know- you are watching and listening.]

[Yes I’m here as well] came in Danus furry dulcet tones.

[Can you get Miss Death on the Horn and negotiate a withdrawal from this area, in exchange for leaving them alone someplace far away? By rights we could try to chase them down or something. Be kinder than I was to Al, I was kind of a dick, but I needed him to not see that airstrike coming. See if you can find out if he rezzed or if Rey Pasqual is starting over. Be magnanimous if you can. Offer to let Rey talk to us for advice, for a Death Demi god, he was pretty chill, I expected screaming and flames and shit. He chose a healer class for god’s sake. Same to Al If he Rezzes.]

Danu came back faster than I expected, [I got that far, Al didn’t. He’s firmly in “what’s next’. I pointed out to her how much she wasted by not spending there first and foremost. She was rather gracious and sweet about it actually. How’d you know?]

[Dios De los Muertos, the Day of the Dead, any goddess whose main ancestral celebration was a party with face makeup where you drink with the spirits of your loved ones and eat skull candy, can’t be all bad. Despite the ‘Goddess of Gangsters’ thing. Even then, she specialized in luck and protection, positive powers. Don’t get me wrong she’s got a dirty side, to run with the Mexican cartels, those guys are rough. Even then every name refers to her as “Lady”, in the honorific form of the word. Give her a chance. What if nobody ever trusted you because of how the winter fey turned out? Or the Morrigan? A new pantheon is a new chance for new allies. A newbie gang allied death goddess isn’t exactly going to be overflowing with opportunities for friends. Do it for me? Please? ]

I pondered my feelings for a moment before going on.

[Besides, I have neo pagan friends, pagan-pagan friends, neo Norse and polytheistic Asatru friends, Poly as fuck friends, excuse the pun. Other friends with odd notions, weird or fringe religions and beliefs don’t bother me. For the most part, people are people when you can deal with them 1 to 1. It’s when you pile them up into abstract that shit goes sideways. Not that some of them aren’t monsters in the abstract, or in the reality. But those are way out at the extremes.

This was a political battle cosplaying as a religious battle. Don’t let politics force your hand over your head. Odd to say after I literally just chopped a guy’s head off over it. I guess, I just feel bad about it now that I’m cold. Tell Miss Death that I’m sorry, for what it’s worth. I’d do it again if I needed to, I’m not stupid, but I’m sorry it had to be them, I guess.]