《Welcome to the Caped Club》Issue 19: Chicks Dig the Car

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Lisa yawned, turning her alarm off. The sun streamed in through her blinds, and she groggily raised her head to greet it. She paused.

Something didn’t feel right.

Blinking the sleep from her eyes, she shot up in bed, panicking. She looked around her white room, but the problem was splayed all around her yellow ducky comforter.

She stared in shock, picking up an incredibly long, ultra-luxurious lock of shiny raven hair. She ran her hand through it, marveling at the silk-like consistency of it. She stood up, going to her full-length mirror.

Lisa’s hair had grown overnight to her ankles.

“No no no no no…” she muttered in disbelief. Her hair was finer than any model’s a far cry from the short, bristly spikes they normally grew in. She glanced fearfully over at their bookbag, where the amulet rested. It had to have done this, no other explanation. But...why?

Every other time the amulet manifested a phenomena, it had been straight out of a horror movie. Rains of blood, strange faces in the mirror, weird thumping and mutterings in a language she couldn’t understand as she was drifting off to sleep, which led to nightmares. At this point, she almost expected it. But...this? Her hair looked like it spent a week at the salon, and grew to unnatural length. That’s it. She nervously shook her head, tensing her scalp. Her hair didn’t try to strangle her, or fall out or stand up on end. It was just normal hair. Beautiful, flowing hair.

“C’mon sis!” Her brother Mikey hit her door on his way down, snapping her to attention.

“Just a minute!” She almost hated to do this, but there’d be way too many questions otherwise. Lisa grabbed her scissors and started hacking away in an approximation of her old style, though nothing could be done of how fine it looked now.

She frowned in the mirror. This was too weird. She thought she’d figured out the amulet’s patterns. This brought so many more questions, and Lisa was tired of it. She needed answers.

She nodded, snipping her hair. No matter what, she needed to get to the bottom of this.

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“Good of you to join me.” Dirge said brightly as an ecstatic Morph and grumpy Star-Strong climbed into the long, sleek black car. “I’m glad you accepted yesterday’s offer. Like the wheels? Completely custom. Lincoln Futura chassis with a V8 engine, this baby’ll go from zero to sixty in under three seconds. A hundred if’n you use the nitro.” he bragged as they reclined on the leather seats.

“Sweet ride! It must’ve cost a fortune!” Morph said, buckling up in the back.

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“It’s not exactly my style, but it is nice.” Star-Strong had to admit.

“Jumping and running around gets old after too long, even if you move faster when you’re young. My powers don’t improve my body, so might as well travel in style.” Dirge said with a chuckle. The engine roared to life, and with a screech of tires they were on the road.

“This baby’s got everything. Floodlights, leather interior, reinforced polycarbonate windshields, extra-large cupholders, the works. Even has a killer stereo system, same as my guitar.” Dirge explained, Morph oohing and aahing.

“So, how often do you go out on patrol?” Star-Strong asked politely. It may have grated on his nerves, but the giant could put pride aside and be the bigger man. His kibvaghn would want that, after all.

“Me, personally? Not too often, nowadays. Usually just let the cops handle it, unless there’s a super involved. I’m usually on tour, but when I’m not I’ll troll around town fer awhile. Got a police scanner, but they call me in when I’m needed.” Dirge said.

“I...see.” Star-Strong said tersely.

“It all works out anyways. You guys’re young, gung-ho. There’ll be plenty of action, just gotta wait for it. I used to run into tons of trouble when I was a kid, tore up a couple blocks when I was starting out. Heh heh, boy were the cops pissed. Wasn’t like now, of course, things were rougher back in those days. Was scraping every night, seemed like. Saturday nights you could find me in a godforsaken back alley ‘round here, throat hoarse and knuckles scraped beating down street punks. Seems like yesterday, but my knees tell me it was a long time ago.” the senior hero said, reminiscing. “That was before the music career took off. Though still go outta my way for those in need, of course.” he added quickly.

“Of course.” Star-Strong said flatly.

“So where are we gonna patrol first?” Morph piped up, unable to control his excitement any longer.

“Figger we’ll head up past Silver heights first, then swing downtown ‘til after lunch. Gotta hit the uptown park, but after that we can just cruise ‘til we want, we’ll have covered most of the city by then.” Dirge explained.

“And what of across the river?” Star-Strong asked. The rocker blinked.

“A-Across the river? Why?” he said.

“Well, seems obvious to me. That’s where a great deal of crime is, shouldn’t we be there?” Both Dirge and Morph stared at him.

“You...haven’t been to Silver City before, have you.” Dirge said at last.

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“I’ve only moved here quite recently.

“I lived here most of my life, so I know how things work around here. Lemme say this: Grott’s Ghetto’s more trouble than it’s worth. Big strong guy like you, might be able to take on the scum there’n live, but can’t say the same for your protégé. Place ain’t for civilized humans. Besides, finish off one street thug or even a gang, another pops up the next day.” Dirge said authoritatively.

“I didn’t think it was that bad.” Morph said, frowning. Dirge sighed.

“How do you think I know? Every young hotshot in Silver City takes on Grott’s Ghetto at some point. I did, Fireforce did, the Crimson Cat did, may she rest in peace, Electric Ace did. Some had better luck than others, but nobody’s been able to clean the place out. City talk about just razing the place all the time, but that’ll just make the bastards in the gangs scatter, spread ‘em out. But they stay on their side, we stay on ours.” he said derisively.

“Oh God, did they kill the Crimson Cat?” Morph asked, horrified.

“Nah, cancer two years ago. Her daughter’s the new one, she’s down south somewhere travelling, currently.” Dirge said.

“Ah. But you’re telling me that you’ve given up? The officials and heroes just look the other way when it comes to the district?” Star-Strong asked pointedly. Dirge lowered his sunglasses.

“You got a way with words, don’tcha.” he growled at the giant. “Look, you ain’t from around here, you don’t know. So don’t act like you do. Got it?”

“My apologies. I simply want to be sure which way I’m going.” Star-Strong said, staring at Morph. The sidekick looked down.

“Ah, don’t worry ‘bout it. I know how it is to be young’n eager. Tell you what, let’s get some doughnuts. I know a good place.” the rocker offered, forcefully changing the subject.

The rest of the patrol passed uneventfully, even with the tension in the car. Wherever they went, Dirge was greeted with smiles and cheers, often signing whatever was placed in front of him. Morph enjoyed it all but Star-Strong was reserved throughout, staring out at the city in contemplation. Even downtown, the sirens could be heard every half-hour at least.

But Dirge was like a magic charm; wherever they went, there was no trouble for a full block. Even when Max was sure a mugging was going to take place, a bigger man following a woman down the street, as soon as they passed by both stopped and waved, the man awkwardly rushing off. It reminded him of being with Talaxnia, in a way.

Thinking of her brought his eyes to the darkening sky, the stars obscured by lights but the moon shining all the same.

“What’cha thinking about?” Morph asked the introspective giant.

“Oh, just some old memories. What she would think of all this.” he said. She probably wouldn’t have left a building standing. “Also thinking about dinner, haven’t decided on that yet. How long are we going to keep patrolling? I need to get to the store.” he asked Dirge.

“We can call it a night. Got dinner with my producer tonight, we’re meeting with Yvonne Claire for a collaborative track on my next album.” he said, making Morph gape and Star-Strong confused.

“She’s a...singer?” he hazarded.

“Dude, she topped the charts last year, she’s the biggest star right now! They play her songs all the time!” Morph said.

“Where you been? Under a rock?” Dirge smirked. Star-Strong shrugged.

“Yes.” It was true, after all. On Vausnr IV he was buried alive that one time.

“So where’m I dropping you off?” Dirge asked.

“Anywhere’s fine, but we’re heading across the river anyway. I can make it across the city in minutes.” Star-Strong said. Dirge blanched.

“What? After everything said, you’re still going there!?” he burst, making the windows rattle.

“We kinda...live there.” Morph said, looking nervous. He kept glancing from the calm Star-Strong to the agitated Dirge.

“Ah, well, ah, no offence. J-Just caught me off-guard. No self-res...no hero’s ever actually lived there. Anyone with powers comes from there, they’re usually a villain.” he said.

“Noted. Still, we’re headed away from the river, I’d like to make as few jumps as possible. Here will be fine.” the giant said curtly.

“Y-Yeah, sure. Sorry, gotta make that meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dirge said. He pulled over and waved as they got out, then zoomed off with a shake of his head. That Star-Strong was a crazy bastard all right, and he was in charge of the kid? His manager and Yvonne could take a rain check, this was worth looking into. Besides, the kid was that Shepard boy, it was obvious. Who’d he think he was trying to fool? He got out his phone and made a call.

“Yeah boss. I checked ‘em out. Looks like you were right. He’s delusional at best. Waaay full of himself. Yeah. Want me to...oh, really? The retrieval team’s on their way? Sweet. I’ll see you at base, Mr. Knightsbridge.”

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