《Death, Taxes, and the Second Law of Thermodynamics》Interviews with Aliens

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Day 2

“Sir, the World Ending Trials have begun on the planet known as Earth. Will you look for any disciples on this world? The Collective has shown great interest. That hasn’t happened since Henax?” -Recorded in the Vaults of Gordano

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“Sir, he did just defeat a Commander. We should let him recover.” Ethan heard a voice say as he slowly regained his senses. Mana burn was nothing to sneeze at apparently. He slowly started moving again. “Oh god he’s awake. Quick everyone leave, let me handle this. Uncivilized planets are so annoying.” The voice was harsh, almost as if two rocks were grating together constantly.

Ethan opened his eyes to see a ceiling that looked like it had been pulled out of the movie Aliens. Black, and covered in odd growths that pulsed and even seemed to squirm with different colored lights flashing inside of them like some kind of alien christmas lights. His muscles tensed for a fight, and he sat up quickly turning and pointing his hand towards the voice he heard as he was waking up. When he saw the origin of the voice his heart nearly stopped in his chest.

The owner of the voice looked deformed. The basic template for a human, with horrendous growths all over his body, each one glowing a different color. The being was much larger than Ethan himself, and looked almost annoyed as its red eyes stared into Ethans own. “You know your mana coils are burnt right? You can’t channel mana even if you could kill me with your pathetic organics.” The being said and glared at him some more.

“Why am I here? I passed out in the safe zone.” Ethan said as he started checking the room of an escape route. If he had somehow been sold out by everyone at the safe zone he needed to escape, and if he had somehow been captured by an invader then it was even worse. What would they do to him, especially if he had tortured all those Goblins.

“Calm down. This is the base of The Mutant Multitudes on the Moon.” The things voice grated on his ears as it explained. “We brought you here to showcase our products and do a small interview.” it explained and smiled, showing off its flat grey teeth. “You’re the only human that used our products exclusively to defeat a Commander. Good job.” It said and stepped closer to Ethan. “You are being broadcast at all times from Earth, your every word and move is recorded and sold to the universe at large as part of a game show. Like your ah….your family feud!” It said as its red eyes seemed to stare right through him.

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“Invaders travel the universe to take part in this show. The companies send in waves of beasts and invaders, the more they kill and pillage the more they get! It’s the most popular show in the universe, most proper space faring civilizations are apex predators after all.” It said with a gleam in its dark red eyes. “Come along now, Julius wants to interview you.” It said and turned to walk out of the room, clearly expecting Ethan to follow.

Ethan stared at the creatures back for a moment. Was this just a delusion in the moments before his death? Was this creature real? Was any of this real? If it was real...then maybe he could get some answers. With a sigh he got up off the ledge he was laying on and swung his feet onto the floor. His hurried steps quickly brought him through the hallway behind the...thing that greeted him. It held up a hand and touched one of the glowing squirming pustules on the wall.

As soon as the beings pressed down on it a hole opened in the wall, relieving yet another monstrosity. It was...terrifying. Deep glowing blue eyes peered out of its eye sockets, staring directly into Ethan’s own even as he stood behind the glowing alien. Its mandibles clicked and the black fur that ran across its entire body seemed to sway and point towards him. The things four segmented arms spread out wide “Welcome honored guest! My name is unpronounceable to you humans so may call me Julius.”

Ethan’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “Uh, what?” He laughed nervously. “What is this? Why am I here?” He asked timidly. Here he was, trapped in an unknown building with no idea where here actually was. With some sort of massive bug wolf hybrid telling him to call it Julius? At least he knew he probably wasn’t going to die. Unless this was all just a trap.

With his job done the gray glowing human stepped into the opening and walked off into the room. Ethan didn’t bother to keep track of it, the massive bug wolf was walking forwards.

“Ethan! It’s great to meet you! Killing that goblin commander, a stroke of genius. Drawing in ambient mana and bypassing the limiters on the Sun’s Heart? Amazing. I designed that organic and even I didn’t know that was possible.” It said somehow, its rapidly moving mandibles somehow speaking english. It was now easily within arms reach of him. It reached out a fur covered appendage which twitched and morphed in front of his eyes into a hand.

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Ethan looked at the monstrosity with fear in his eyes as he stepped back away from the offered hand. “What are you? Where am I? What’s going on?” He asked rapid fire as he looked the beast up and down.

The beast stood still for a moment before laughter echoed in the room. The beast clutched its sides and laughed. “Oh, I knew you were dumb Ethan but that? That sets a new bar. I know you didn’t miss the starting message. You’re on the moon, in the base of The Mutant Multitudes. You may call me Julius, and you’re here to talk about that wonderful battle you had with Gorbnap. Unfortunate name, what a poor fellow.” It said with a grin as it loomed over Ethan, easily reaching ten feet. It reached out its hand agan. “Now, shake my hand so we can get this interview over. You can ask questions afterwards.”

Ethan looked at the offered hand. The rewards outweighed the benefits, if he was really on the moon. Then he needed to follow along, this Julius could likely kill him at any moment. If he was going to get back to a safe zone an interview was a small price to pay. He raised his hand and grasped the things hand. It was surprisingly human, only covered in fur. “Alright so do you want me to sit down somewhere or are you just going to start right here?” He asked.

“Oh we have a seat right over here, please sit.” Julius said with a grin and gestured with two of his extra hands at what appeared to be a chair, made of the same black material as the walls.

Ethan walked over and sat down, noticing how he was facing Julius as the massive bug monstrosity sat down and looked at him. “Now Ethan, we’re live. A fair portion of this galaxy has been watching your progress. What was it like to get attacked by a goblin as just a base human?” It asked as its mandibles widened into what Ethan assumed was a grin.

He looked down a moment, it was probably best to say he was prepared or not scared at all but they had seen him that whole time. Lying would get him nowhere. “I’ll be honest Julius I almost cried. That was a hard day for me, how was I supposed to know a goblin would show up in my bathroom of all places?” He joked, perhaps that would garner him more attention. Maybe someone out there in the universe wanted to help him.

Julius laughed and chittered at his response. “There you have it vertebrates and invertebrates of the Milky Way and beyond. The one and only organic wonder of Earth! Now Ethan, what kind of life did you live before the World Ending Trials? Were you a warrior, no perhaps you were a genetic engineer designing your own primitive organics?” It asked with a gleam in its eyes, almost as if it was trying to humiliate him.

Ethan paused, this question was clearly placed there to throw him off. Bring him back to before the trials, before his upgrades. “I fed the people of earth bit by bit. I did my best, but no I’m not nearly smart enough to design organics like you. I understand I have you to thank for building the Sun’s Heart that now beats within my chest.” He said, paying respect to the thing sitting across from him. As well as obscuring his old job, he had been through enough job interviews to know how to answer questions like that.

Julius’ eyes flashed from across the room. “What a wonderful job, I’m sure that your planet will need your expertise after the trials. It’s always so hard to watch a planet recover from this show. Environmental activists are always protesting that, ah well. I’m glad you’re enjoying your Sun’s Heart. Now here’s the real question. Why did you choose to only run with organics?” This time Julius leaned forwards, actually interested in the answer.

“Well you see. They can’t break, and I can’t lose one in the heat of a battle. Plus I figure being stronger on a physical level is probably a good idea.” Ethan said with a small smile. “You see, before the trials I was a bit absent minded. I can misplace a void sword, but that Sun’s Heart is a little more difficult to misplace.” he said, unsure of where the camera was he simply looked across the room at his horrifying interviewer whose mandibles clicked as laughter filled the room. This was by far the weirdest thing to happen since the world ended, but if he was honest with himself. What was he expecting?

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