Hobgoblins were already two-thirds of their way up the hill where Yuusha was hiding.

If Yuusha could crush the useless crystal by clenching it in his fist, he would have already. In anger and frustration, he didn’t even notice that the sharp-edged of the crystal had already pierced his skin.

Great! I have no chance against them! None! Yuusha cursed and put orange crystal back into his jacket pocket. Hell, I probably don’t stand a chance even against one of those small goblins.

Panicking Yuusha looked around. Loot the bodies for some equipment to raise my stats? As if! If there was anything better than what the goblins were wearing they would’ve taken it already.

Yuusha looked at the broken wooden shield lying next to one of the bodies and commanded in his mind, “That shield’s stats!”

[Name: Broken wooden shield

Shield

Requires: Level 1

Physical resistance: +1]

Yeah, sounds about right, Yuusha thought and sighed. He crawled further back and found himself on the edge of the hill he stood upon just a couple of minutes ago. He looked around at the hill itself. On all three sides, the hill ended with a sharp rocky edge. The only gentle slope was the one facing the goblin army. What kind of a hill is this? Yuusha complained.

Looking down from the edge, opposite of the goblin forces he confirmed that the rocky edge was steep, almost vertical with about six or ten meters of climbing before it leveled out. Well, it’s not impossible to get down, Yuusha thought. Beats facing off against the goblins-

Looking down Yuusha saw half a dozen goblins running up to the bottom of the edge he planned to climb down on. The little critters... Erm... Plan B!

Yuusha rolled over to one of the headless corpses and touched the puddle of blood beneath the neck. Phew, still fresh, he thought and hastily smeared himself with it – hands and chest. He couldn’t bare smearing someone’s blood on his face. Then Yuusha tore his jacket and trousers and laid face down, with his head as close as possible to the neck of the corpse and with one hand put the broken shield over his head, pretending to be dead.

The Hobgoblins were on the hilltop moments later. Yuusha not only heard but could also feel each of their heavy steps, churning the soil beneath their boots.

One of the hobgoblins slowly walked up to Yuusha.

“Sneiv ot met mitoid at iconen miš ulvag,” he said in a voice that sounded like a mix of pig squealing and gravel crushing.

“Dat tricon! Se ušēlkem ukūlīz,” the other replied.

Yuusha knew the sound that made his heart stop beating – metal sliding against another metal. The hobgoblin drew one of his swords.

The heads, you idiot! They collect the heads! Yuusha didn’t wait a moment longer after his realization – he rolled away from the hobgoblin and jumped to his feet and looked around. One of the hobgoblins was to the left of him, probably dumbstruck by Yuusha’s appearance as the hobgoblin froze in place and just stared at him. The other, with a thick, curved blade in his hand, stood four meters away from Yuusha and also, just stared.

Then both hobgoblins dropped to their knees and prostrated themselves before him.

“...”

The fuck? Now Yuusha was dumbstruck and stared at them.

“Ra ok sem mase išujīn usjū intublāk?” one of the Hobgoblins murmured. Even though Yuusha could not understand a single word, he still noticed a change in the monster's tone. He was afraid.

“Adak ri usjū elevap?” the other asked, trembling.

“...” Yuusha said nothing.

Shit! I don’t know what they’re saying! They must have mistaken me for someone else. Their ally or commander or something. But they expect me to understand them. Which means that as soon as they figure out I don’t know their language – I’m dead!

One of the hobgoblins ever so slowly raised his head to look at Yuusha.

Shit! Think! Think! Erm... eh.

Hobgoblin stared at Yuusha, then slightly tilted his head.

Erm... eh...

Yuusha pointed at his throat with one hand, opened and closed his mouth, shook his head, pretending that he can’t speak.

“Usjū ri smem?” the hobgoblin to the side of Yuusha whispered to his buddy as best it could with such a voice.

“Makial,” the other said and stood up. He then pointed his blade in the direction of the body laid a moment earlier and snorted, “Ok usjū tieš tajirad?”

Yuusha understood that it was a question. Pointing at the body, huh? So, if I’m one of your allies why was I lying in the dirt, covered in blood next to one of the corpses is that what you’re saying? Hm, good question!

Yuusha slowly walked closer to the hobgoblin and the body. Can’t just stand there like a moron, I need to give them an answer. Fast! While they still think I am what they think I am and will swallow any excuse I give them!

Covered in blood... What if I show them that I was eating the corpse? It's not that unusual in fantasy for villain's monsters to bite and/or eat humans- Urgh! No way! I’d have to literally show them to make them understand and there is no way in seven hells I’m doing that! And God-forbid they- Ah!

Yuusha walked up to the body, looking in the hobgoblin's eyes all the way. As he walked Yuusha pretended to wipe his hands with his torn jacket and reached into his pocket as he did that. When Yuusha got to the body he kneeled down, reached to the dead man’s neck and slipped his fingers inside while looking away.

Urgh, so disgusting! What the hell am I doing? Yuusha thought and removed his fingers, lifting up a small orange crystal, covered in blood.

“Ooooh,” hobgoblins eyes glowed looking at the shiny relic.

“Ri sat as? Sat ajib aški?” asked the other one.

Yuusha got up and cleaned the crystal with his jacket. Then he again showed it to the goblin, pointed at the body and demonstrated pretending to eat the crystal and again pointed at the body. Then Yuusha put the crystal into his trouser pocket, turned around and walked down the hill.

One of these soldiers ate a crystal I was searching for. I got what I wanted and have no more reason to stay here or wait for your approval. Yuusha repeated in his head what he was trying to show to the goblins. Is that a far fetched excuse? Yes! But if I show no fear of any of them, they might buy into the bluff more. They’re the ones who were afraid of me in the first place.

“Pagaideit mūs!” Hobgoblins shouted from behind and ran up to Yuusha. Yuusha’s heart stopped beating again, but he did not waver and did not change his pace.

Hobgoblins ran up to him, one from each side. They sheathed their weapons and apparently were trying to speak to him, as they continued in their incomprehensible language.

Bingo! Yuusha thought.

During their speech, one of the Hobgoblins pointed at himself and said “Inam cua Sidzarboz.”

Huh? Is that your name? Or maybe Sizarbob means chest? Whatever. Sizarbob is your name from now on! Yuusha also noticed while walking next to the two Hobgoblins, that Sizarbob was at least ten centimeters taller than the other hobgoblin, and had clearly longer teeth sticking out from his square jaw, that no doubt has all the goblin ladies fawn over him.

“Supkē ok meijētev meijātov sāvediz takvas sēm ilgev majanīc,” Sizarbob continued talking to Yuusha. The trio had already reached the goblin force. As soon as the goblins saw Yuusha they all dropped to their knees.

Yuusha stopped and looked down at them from above with the smuggest expression he could muster. Then he signaled with his hand that they can rise.

“Sajak!” Sizarbob commanded.

“Sēm seimadod torakei Foric utēlip. Usjū van umudlibei? Sat ēcuartzien usjū sunālp? Iav usjū urētav smus seitoneivei? Sat utub sleil dog tretsnomed uvas sukēp!” Sizarbob was clearly asking Yuusha something.

Figuring that he needs to give some sort of a response from time to time, Yuusha gave Sizarbob the thumbs up and nodded.

Sizarbob turned to the other goblins and growled “Saišmut kseiniņur ri ra smus!”

The goblins raised their weapons and screeched in unison. They created a noise so horrible that Yuusha flinched, but did not dare cover his ears. Where was it ever seen that an ally of orcs and goblins would cover his ears from their speech? He’d probably be ripped apart on the spot.

“Zu uškeir!” Sizarbob growled and raised his own weapon. “Tir sem misidē sagvair satvis!”

Sizarbob turned around and walked forward on the dirt road, towering above his army. The goblins followed him.

The goblin force resumed its march, which Yuusha, the hero, was somehow now a part of.