I open my eyes.

I woke up feeling like I have slept in a very uncomfortable position. My whole body feels sore and I have a splitting headache. Feeling every muscle in me, I realized that I was sleeping while sitting down. I don't really remember much but I know for certain that I am forgetting something very important.

"You're finally awake devil. No, whatever you are"

I seem to have heard a rather unfamiliar voice. The voice contained an authoritative tone. As if I am listening to a king talking to a lowly peasant. That's what it sounds like. Like those movies that have a medieval setting. Despite my knowledge of certain shows on TV, I can't seem to remember the most crucial thing which is my own identity.

I opened my eyes expecting my sight to be blurry, but it seems that my vision is perfectly clear. The entire room was white but in different shades. I could notice what seems to probably be some sort of furniture but lacking in any other detail that could tell me what it actually is. I look towards the direction to where I thought the voice came from and I was taken by surprise.

I see a figure. It's humanoid but no distinct feature; sort of like the furniture. Have I gone blind or am I just hallucinating? Despite its plain and featureless appearance, I seem to have an inherent fear over this being. This is not a fear of having been suddenly awakened by something strange, but rather my instincts tell me I shouldn't even speak with this thing. I remain silent waiting for it to continue whatever it wanted to tell me, hoping that it merely wanted to converse with me and do no harm.

"Why do you remain silent? Do you not have any questions?"

The strange being asked as if it was expecting something from me.

"What are you?"

"God"

God? Really now. I guess those religious books were true? He really is featureless as if no one could discern his features, but still shaped humanoid to a degree that it could be associated with mankind. I start to wonder if this being is currently determining whether or not I'm suitable to go to heaven or hell. That's the usual gist of it, right? Do good things and you go to heaven, and you go to hell if you do bad things. But despite my worry, I wonder why it called me as something so ominous earlier.

"If you are a god, then why did you call me a devil? Aren't I being judged right now?"

"Being judged? Also, that was a mistake. We have determined that you are far worse"

Far worse. Really!? My acts were so evil that even calling me a devil is insufficient!?

"I don't understand"

"Do you not remember?"

Think, me, think. Who am I? What have I done to even receive the scorn of god who is supposedly ever-loving and merciful? What was my name?

Trying to jock my memory, I finally recalled who I was.

Samuel Tuckerman. A therapist.

Also, I was executed by public hanging despite it being the modern times when the world had already become much more civilized and no longer resorted to such barbaric forms of punishment. I was a criminal. If my memory is correct, I have killed a large number of people. Possibly thousands since I've stopped counting after a hundred. I've also done other crimes far worse than murder. I've done it for so long that my skin had been akin to prunes and my sight was no longer clear.

Indeed, I remember now. My country was supposed to use lethal injection but the Supreme Court found it more appropriate to execute me by hanging to set as an example. It seems that my onslaught had not only generated fear amongst the masses but also fanatics who wish to be just like me. My accomplishments fueled the growing doubts over the competence of the government. My very existence has inspired copycats to do the same all over the world. Some also tried to take over my own infamy and had claimed to be me prior to my reveal.

So, I died. Remembering it now, getting choked by the weight of my own body was truly painful. Especially for a fragile old man in nearing a hundred years old.

"We assume you have remembered".

"Indeed"

I smiled knowing that I have accomplished so much prior to my death. My lack of composure earlier is something I did not wish or expect to show. I'm feeling quite embarrassed at the 'me' of a few minutes ago who was so naive and innocent. I have forgotten for just a couple of minutes on who I really was. I wonder why though? For something I take pride in to be so easily forgotten just like that, it might probably be due to my own death. At least I remember it now.

"For you to show a smile as if you have accomplished something grand…"

"But I have. I have succeeded in ruining and taking the lives of countless innocents. That I managed to get away with everything and have only been discovered when I have personally surrendered myself to authorities. That's an achievement no one could ever accomplish. I can now understand why you called me a devil earlier"

"And I say to you that that is wrong. Even devils know their place"

"I see"

Even devils know their place? So there are even rules for devils? Since I surely won't be going to heaven, will I be subjected to such rules? Will I be immediately promoted to their boss in hell if I were to be sent there? I'd probably be a decent devil.

The conversation quickly died down as my mind was occupied on whatever sort of judgment this being may decide.

"Did you know that you have been an eyesore to countless gods before me?"

"Pardon?"

Other gods? So this is not the Christian god? Then who is this? Zeus? Odin? Buddha? Asura? or probably... Aliens?

"We throw you to the cycle of reincarnation for countless times but every time you are born again, you will start doing atrocities-"

"This is a rather interesting topic, tell me more"

Reincarnation! So Hinduism or Buddhism! It's either of those unless there are other religions that believe in that.

The being that calls itself a god paused for a bit and then continued.

"Whatever creature you were reincarnated as, you would always find ways to do harm to countless lives"

So I have entered the cycle of reincarnation before!? That's awesome!

Containing my excitement, I made further inquiries.

"I'd like to ask a question. Since you are a god, why not just change my personality to influence my actions when I get reincarnated?"

"We have done that but you would always follow the path of evil"

"Maybe because of the environment I was raised in?"

"We have also fixed that countless times making sure you would only meet the nicest of people…"

The voice of the being grew weaker for a bit. I seem to had done something during that lifetime.

"What about giving me a bright future of having an easy and fulfilling life?"

"You'd abuse your wealth and power. You caused more harm."

"Have you tried killing me before I do evil?"

"We can't and are not allowed to do that. We can only indirectly influence the lives of you mortals. Memories and personality may be renewed, but your actions never change"

"Then why not stop reincarnating me?"

"We can't. It's the law of the universe. Even if we want to, the reincarnation of you mortal creatures is something natural and will always transpire"

Mortal? Then is it saying that gods and other similar beings don't reincarnate?

"Okay. Since you are explaining all these to me, then I can assume that this is the first time I am talking to someone like you?"

"Yes"

So like devils, even gods are bound by a set of rules. Huh. For supreme beings, they are still following rules on conducting things despite it only being the life of mere humans and other creatures.

This is the first time I am talking to a god. In the countless times I've been handled, this would be the first time that those beings from a higher plane of existence are discussing this matter with me.

"I wish to ask you something, it is about-"

"Have you noticed that you've stopped speaking in that rather commanding tone of yours?"

The being did not reply but his silence assures me that I have pointed out something that could've troubled it.

"You're not doing your job very well"

"I now understand why the others did not want to speak with you"

"I'll take that as a compliment"

"Are you not afraid?"

"Not anymore. With you explaining my numerous 'accomplishments', I understand that I seem to be an existence that even the gods have trouble with. You have simply boosted my ego"

The stillness after that has made me sure that this being before me is trying to find ways to somehow win against me in this conversation. I decided to make a suggestion.

"Since you lot can't seem to stop me from spreading chaos and evil, then why not just turn me into a devil? Who knows, maybe I'll be good this time."

"That is a risk we are not willing to take. Also, we were too late…"

"What do you mean?"

"To incorporate you in the celestial realm now would cause chaos in the universe. The bad karma you have accumulated had already reached the limit and couldn't be fully consumed by the devils in the Underworld and would overflow here in Heaven. You becoming a celestial being would create an imbalance, and would therefore cause a disruption to the cycle of life and death. Initially, the karma you had before could be processed but that is no longer the case. Your countless reincarnations and endless actions of sowing bad karma had made it too thick"

So many strange words I did not bother to understand other than something about bad karma accumulating. Despite that, I decided to act like I understood him. I'm starting to grow bored conversing with him.

"So, there's no other way then. Why are you talking to me when the only choice is to reincarnate me? Wipe my memory now. Send me back"

"We can't. Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"The moment we conversed and interacted with you, not the you known as 'Samuel Tuckerman', but the you that is your 'soul'; this conversation, as well as the thoughts that ran through your mind during this, has been embedded into your soul"

The being then lowered its head. Although it had no face, I could tell what it was feeling. Regret. Worry. Fear. So even gods know this delectable sensation. Then what separates a god from any other intelligent lifeform other than the miraculous power and authority they hold? What qualifies them to be gods? I decided to break the silence.

"That wasn't very smart for someone expected to be omnipotent and omniscient"

"You expect too much from us. The miracles of the past were a mistake. We shouldn't have interfered too much, and those who did so suffered the consequences."

"So it's all just a whole misconception that gods are these powerful beings that could shape worlds and create lives?"

"No. We are capable, but that does not mean that we are able"

"Is what you are doing right now, conversing with a soul of a deceased, relaying this bare information to me, without being capable of erasing my memory... Part of what you are allowed to do?

"No. We paid a grave price to do this. We had hoped that it would be possible to reason with you. A gamble that somehow, you would consider to willingly changing your ways."

"What do you think is my answer then?"

"We do not know, but we do know that this will be the final time you will be reincarnated without disrupting the cycle. If you are to accumulate more bad karma, then the next time you die and sent to this realm would probably result in the destruction of the balance, and then the universe"

"'Probably'? So it's only speculation"

"It is what the Progenitor has said. Despite it being His assumption, as no record similar to your case has ever transpired, it is not something we are willing to risk"

Progenitor? Since it might be something important, I might as well remember that term.

"So what do you plan on doing? Have you come up with a foolproof plan that will somehow be greater compared to your predecessors? Some plan where you can supposedly "save" the universe?"

"No. But we are willing to do something that no other would dare do"

"And what is that?"

"We may not be able to stop your reincarnation but we will sacrifice our own karma to control your next life"

The being then pointed its finger at me and I feel like my body had started to weaken.

"You will be born in the mortal realm much closer to this realm so that your actions may be easily monitored by celestial beings. Our margin of influence will be stronger and we may even speak directly to you mortals if we choose to. However, this world will be the realm wherein even mortals can attain the power of gods!"

"That's your plan? To put me in a world where I am capable of causing more destruction?"

"We will be restricting your capabilities. We will even use up almost all our karma to make sure of that!"

My body then started to grow weaker again and I can slowly feel as if certain restrictions have been put in my mind.

"What have you done to me?"

"I have given you shackles that will make sure that the acts that you are capable of doing will be only those that sow good karma!"

After the being said that, I noticed that the being grew smaller and its voice grew weaker.

"With this, we can no longer keep you from your reincarnation"

My vision started to become blurry until I could no longer see anything clearly.

"We are tired… We hope… our sacrifice… was not in vain"

My body then slowly started feeling numb. My sight grew dimmer until all I can see was darkness. I could no longer hear anything. I ponder over the restrictions that being had given me. I wonder what world I will be born in to. What sort of grand world will this be? I do not know how long I was in this state but I do not seem to feel anything. No stimuli. I attempt to move any limb I thought I have and touch any body part I believe remains. And yet, nothing. I wonder if the previous conversation with the being was all an illusion. A delusion I created to keep whatever sanity I have, as I am left to remain conscious in this void.

Pondering over the certain things that have happened to me, I started to question my own being. For a start, I did not bother checking what I actually looked like. Well, there wasn't a mirror in that white room earlier but there seemed to be a strange sensation in my body prior to me being suspended in this void. As if I was missing something. But since I didn't bother to check, I might as well stop thinking about it.

I then start to doubt the experiences of my former life. I was supposedly 97 years old. Back then, although my memory was still somewhat clear despite that age, my mind had difficulty recalling things without assistance. My body was also incapable of any sort of extreme movement so I could no longer kill people as I wished. I could still walk but other than roaming the streets looking at potential victims and wishing I was young to be able to kill once again, my desire to kill could only be satiated by watching the recorded videotapes of the moments when I torment my victims or reading through my journal detailing all that I had done.

After dwelling over every foundation of my being for so long, I am greeted with neverending silence and darkness. Is this the punishment that I must face for the crimes I have committed? Was the concept of "reincarnation" just a tall tale to give me false hope, then later shatter every shred of it by introducing me to this void?

I do not know how long I was in this state but suddenly, I can FEEL once again. Touch. Taste. Smell. Various sensations assault me.

Then, I feel as if my entire body was being guided to somewhere; a destination I have no choice but to go to. I finally see the light and this made me feel disoriented. My vision remains blurry and I can hear voices but can't seem to understand them.

This is just my speculation, but... could I have been born? I hope, with the final strand of sanity I have left.