"The northernmost perimeter is secured," reported Nolwud austerely. "I was planning to line the border then move inwards, if that works for you, my liege. That will give you a perfunctory barrier until the whole kingdom is outfitted." The Technologist spoke as if existence hung in the balance. I expected my order to be carried out, though I didn't see it as important or noteworthy. I said it, it was to be done, and so it would be.

I tapped my finger on the arm of the golden chair. It was too much. "I don't need to be bothered with every minute detail." I slouched down. "If I told you to fill the kingdom with electricity, fill it with electricity!"

"If I didn't tell you," Nolwud countered, losing much of the pomp to whinging, "You'd cry foul over something. You'd invent a reason. You like to complain."

Did I? I did so with good cause. "This is a meaningless conversation," I snapped. "conducted by an idiot who would provide as much use to me in the dungeon."

"There you go." Then, "My liege, I am a perplexed by the size of the Kingdom of Ever-Worms. It doesn't take more than an hour's time to journey from here to the northern limits. You talk as though it's bigger."

"It's sizable," I said.

"Actually sizable," poised the Technologist, "Or in the 'I consider the lands I've yet to conquer my kingdom as well' sense?"

"I haven't factored in the future," I said. "Perhaps I should."

"Can you give me a rough estimate of how far your domain stretches? I would like an idea of what area I'm working with and plan how to best utilize my time."

"In total?" I frowned. I never concered myself with specifics. Distance was relative. I reiterated. "It's sizable."

Nolwud had doubts. "Is it?"

"Yes," I seethed. "I wouldn't claim it were it not the case." "You ought to hire a cartographer," interjected Painyll from his cushions. He wriggled to face us and join the conversation uninvited. "I notice a severe lack of artwork in this palace. A large map, framed in gold leaf, hanging behind your throne... think of the power that conveys! The absolute sense of domination!"

I shook my head. I was not in the mood for him. I addressed everyone assembled. "I intend to take the whole world. It's pointless to make a map that needs to be changed every day."

"You are a ruler," Painyll remarked, rolling back to his writing, withdrawing from chat as soon as he'd butted in. "It would behoove you to live with some luxury."

"Is there a map?" Nolwud inquired, seizing on the poet's suggestion.

Annoyed, "Yes, somewhere." I called out to the worms, "Bring the map." Where is the map, my liege? asked one. Did we not eat the map? Another remarked. She spun in a circle. Did we not eat the map? I frowned. An exercise in futility, this would be. "You didn't eat the map." I wouldn't have permitted it. Probably. No map was brought forth. The inventor took note. "Are the worms able to recognize a map from anything else? Can they be expected to find it?" It was a fair question. "This is a specific map." My leeeeige, echoed a voice beyond the room. The map is goooooooone! "The map is not gone." I rose, stomping down from the throne. The worms surrounded me, crying apologies until I was overwhelmed. "You're all worthless!" I shouted. "I'll get it myself!" Nolwud followed as I stormed into the library. Wisely, the Technologist refrained from commenting. I climbed to the top of a shelf and tugged loose a rolled document. Hopping down, I unfurled the print and spread it across a table, laying flat. "Here." Nolwud pawed around the edges, smoothing them until they went without wrinkle. The map wasn't very colorful, primarily a monochrome collection of black lines. The inventor gave a cursory glance and asked, "Where is Fourmikari on this? Help me find my bearings." "Fourmikari isn't on the map." I would have torn it off had it been. "It's to the west." I indicated the north-western corner. "The palace is here." "This section here?" "No," I said. "That's High Hill." I pointed firmly at the labels. "High Hill, the Farms, and the Marketplace. And that's the palace." "What, the dot?" Nolwud's skepticism was understandable. It was a daunting map when one took the scale of the drawing into account. "The area surrounding the palace is only this here?" "Yes." "Then what is all this?" Wasn't it obvious? "The Kingdom of Ever-Worms." Nolwud's eyes nearly bulged out. The inventor looked once, twice, thrice at the map, then at me. "That's impossible! That would mean..." Nolwud dragged a finger to the key, reading the information provided. "But that's three-thousand square kilometers of land! What are you doing with it?" "Nothing particular." I had what I needed at the palace. Nolwud 's fingers slid lower, stopping upon a reference marking. "...You have mines in your realm?" "Salt mines." I allowed. "On occasion, Fourmikari would ask my predecessor for additional contributions. The land was largely unexplored at that time." "I thought you were sitting on three-hundred kilometers at most. I had no idea your kingdom stretched as far south." Nolwud stared long and hard. It was a struggle to parse. "Three-thousand kilometers and you're doing nothing to defend it?" I folded my hands and rocked on my heels. "You know first-hand what happens to unwanted guests." "Lordavis." No 'my liege' or show of respect. "This is insane. No lone ruler can single-handedly maintain control over this much territory. You're way over your head." "I'm doing fine, thank you," I dismissed. Nolwud bit, "Until a dragonfly tells you about the tent city of soldiers amassing under your gaze. Then what?" I waved it off. "The worms handle that." "Tell me honestly-- what defenses do you have?" Nolwud stressed, obsessed with the revelation. "Three-thousand kilometers and you rely on beacons that can be neutralized by bandits?" "I just told you." This was going nowhere. It had been a mistake to bring out the map. I ought to have made the Technologist walk the distance and see firsthand. "The worms." I motioned at the expanse beyond the former village of Nova. "This is theirs to use as they like." I tipped my head. "You didn't think the worms around the palace were indicative of the totality of my subjects, did you?"

"This is three-thousand kilometers," Nolwud grumbled. "How many worms could there possibly be?"

I mused aloud. "Let's see. Worms are fertile within the first week of their lives. You figure they're capable of between one and two thousand offspring approximately every two days and there are eighty-nine days in a year..."

The reality of the situation dawned."Oh." The Technologist's face was a tapestry of emotion. The numbers were considered. They were amended. They were considered over again. Nolwud stammered, "There must be billions! More than billions!"

I feigned modesty and demurred, "I wouldn't deign to count."

"What do they eat? A population of that size, if what you say is true, cannot support itself."

I shrugged. "Each other. Wanderers." I gestured flamboyantly. "They're prevalent, Nolwud. You should see them for yourself. I'd liken it to an ever moving stream of writhing that flows everywhere." I ruminated and clarified, "Except the gargantuan worms. They crush everything in their path. Keep an eye out." Nolwud frowned. "The land must be absolutely destroyed. That many worms? Is there any other life left?"

It was a bleak landscape, certainly. It left no impression on me one way or the other. "They're content with their lot in life. Worms don't ask for much."

My liege! huffed Rott from my shoulders, thereunto silent. This is my jurisdiction! I should be speaking!

I sighed. "The Royal Ambassador to the Worms would like to make a statement." A terrible title. Rott had suggested it himself.

The annelid rose up and adopted an imposing stance were I half a meter tall. Worms live in harmony with one another. We do not judge or disparage our kin for feeding upon us if they are hungry. A chance to be, to exist, however brief it may be, is what we strive for and what we-- Rott stopped, disappointed by the silence. My liege, you have to translate. The inventor doesn't understand me.

I applauded mockingly. I wasn't going to play interpreter. The 'Royal Ambassador to the Worms' could solve the language barrier himself. "Well said, Rott. Excellent speech."

My liege! Rott pouted.

Nolwud didn't notice the snub and continued to grapple with the map. "You have all this land. So much land. And you're not using it."

I reiterated, "The worms are." It was the Kingdom of Ever-Worms. The title was chosen with purpose. They were my loyal subjects and the land was theirs.

"Why hasn't anyone tried to take this from you? They must know what you're up to. I can't imagine neighboring kingdoms want that many worms multiplying unchecked!" Harsh words for one who doted upon my servants.

"How?" I mocked. "With an army? That would be an act of war." I gestured to the written statement in an intricate crest at the center of the map. "Granted to Revegnols and successors hereafter, the lands of Nova to be passed down thusly and not removed under penalty of issuing unjust warfare." In Nolwud's opinion, I was wrong. "You're trying to destroy Fourmikari. You've declared it. You've attacked them. They have grounds for war. They can rightfully take your kingdom from you."

"Fourmikari sent an army, or part of one, back in the beginning," I said with a yawn. "War has never officially been declared, of course. Anyhow, they stopped doing that. Now they send Gallivur if they want to stop me."

"That doesn't make sense," said Nolwud. "That's not a solution. The issue of the worms remains."

A beacon alerted. I was privately relieved. The discussion had grown tedious. "Oh, look. An intruder." I turned to Nolwud mockingly. "I thought you said you had the electric traps up."

"In the northernmost reaches. Everywhere else is exposed. It's a work in progress." Nolwud moved beside me and peered at the image as it formed into a whispy figure in dark clothes. "In a hurry, aren't they?" the Technologist observed.

I agreed. The figure jogged swiftly, pausing briefly to assess the surroundings before taking off again. Average build, obscuring outfit, no discerning features. I issued a command to my subjects. "There's someone in the marketplace. Get rid of them." The worm on my shoulders inched down in preparation of a speedy getaway. I scowled at him. "Rott, get back here."

Nolwud was nonplus. "You're sending worms? You're not going to talk? I was going to ask to come along again."

"No," I said. "The last intruders I talked to whined their way into my court, which doesn't actually exist. I'm content to let the worms feast on this one."

"That's not fair," said Nolwud in a misguided appeal for mercy. "It could be a mistake. It's not easy to tell when you're trespassing, especially when you're not sure which road leads to Fourmikari--"

I brushed the projection away. "I guess that mistake won't be made again." "We ought to investigate," urged Nolwud. "It might pay off."

"No," I said.

"I'm going to talk to them," asserted Nolwud. Oh? Was that right?

"Really? On what authority?" "I have authority as the Royal Technologist," the inventor tried to argue. "I will act accordingly."

"I gave you that title," I said. "I can rescind it." My ring flashed a second time. I glared. "Another intruder? A pair?" That wasn't very nice, coming at me with more than one. The projections began anew. My face lit up as I beamed, "It's Gallivur!"

Goodbye, my liege. Rott said and vanished down the hall.

"I didn't realize Gallivur had come with a friend." A chance to torment Gallivur. I was excited. "This changes everything."

Nolwud looked at me with restrained incredulity. "Then we will be going to engage them?"

"Gallivur will come here," I said bluntly. I would wait as usual. "You're not going to have anything to do with that. I don't want Gallivur to know I have any connection to--" My mind went to the throne room and the large, useless male splayed across his cushions. "Painyll! He has to go! Gallivur cannot see him!" "We should let the other kingdoms know about Painyll. We can't benefit until they're aware," debated Nolwud. "Why should we hide him out of sight?"

"Because I say so!' I opened a portal and traveled to the Dramatist, leaving the Technologist with the books in the library. It was well and good to advertise my power over Painyll so long as it was believed he rotted in a cell. If Gallivur saw him as he was, it wouldn't carry the same weight. I grabbed the lazabout by the arm and tugged. "You. Out. Now."

Painyll was aghast and startled. "What are you doing, my liege? I am comfortable here!" "I'm expecting a very important guest and I won't have you ruin it!"

"Important?" Painyll tapped his jaw. "I should like to meet someone important myself! Why should I go away?" Upon reflection, he put forth timidly, "It's not the queen is it?"

"Yes," I said. "Yes, it's the queen and she will be here any minute."

Painyll scrambled to his feet. "My liege, how could you invite her? You know my feelings!" His guards, sensing his distress through means unknown, joined him by his side. "Oh, no! No!"

"Yes," I emphasized. "Yes. Go to the dungeon. You'll be safe there."

"Don't send Painyll to the dungeon," Nolwud chastised, having caught up and walking through the doors. "My liege, this is ridiculous. There's no reason for any of this."

"The queen's on her way," whimpered Painyll in an attempt to inform Nolwud from behind the guards.

"No, she's not."

"She's not?" Painyll breathed a sigh of relief. This was bad. They were wasting time. Gallivur was on the way. At this rate, the champion would appear before they cleared out. Something had to be done.

"Why can't you two do anything right?!" I screeched before teleporting away through a portal. I would head Gallivur off at the pass. If Nolwud and Painyll were unwilling to leave the throne room, I would see that the champion never made it there.

I came upon Gallivur not far from where the beacon had been tripped. Given the amount of time, I would have expected the do-gooder to be further along. Instead, Gallivur hunched over the original intruder in a bizarre embrace. I called out, jeering, "So, Galli! You thought you could sneak in undetected?"

Gallivur turned. On closer inspection, it seemed the stranger was unconcious and held fast by the champion. "Lordavis! I...didn't hear you." Eyes dropped. Gallivur issued a nervous laugh. "I bet you're wondering about this."

"Yes," I said. It was unexpected.

"You see," said Gallivur. Then nothing else. "...yes?" I said again after an uncomfortable silence. Gallivur peered about. Spying the body of a recently deceased worm, declared, "Your means are nefarious, magus! Does your cruelty know no bounds?" Hoisting up, Gallivur continued, "This poor drunkard was never a match for your worms!"

"Drunkard?" It was an odd claim. The figure hadn't struck me as inebriated. I hadn't observed any swaggering. "Why is a drunkard coming into my realm? Everyone knows to stay away."

The figure roused slightly, head rolling, mumbling, "The rumors." "Oh, you," Gallivur chortled, swatting hard at the back of the skull. The figure went limp. "Rumors this, rumors that! It's always rumors with you! So silly."

"What rumors?" I asked. "My rumors?"

"I don't know, probably not." Gallivur shrugged me off. "More trouble than you can imagine, this one. Gets drinking, says a manner of strange things, does crazy stuff. If you ask me, you should forget about this."

"Gallivur," I said plainly. "This is strange." Our interactions did not play out like this. We ought to have been at each other's throats by this point. The champion behaved out of character and I responded in kind. "What's going on?"

"Oh, I was running my mouth," Gallivur insisted to an almost comically overdone extent. "Sitting in a tavern, having a drink. I guess rumors of our history inspired this lightweight to try and take a stab at you." The champion gestured. "I'm lucky I got here before your worms succeeded."

"You're clearly lying," I said.

"No, really," Gallivur said. "That's what happened."

"What's the drunkard's name?" I demanded.

"Oh, this one?" Gallivur lifted the figure. "This is...uhm..."

"'Gallivur-thinks-I'm-an-idiot'?" The champion smirked. "What a good guess!"

I folded my arms. "What's actually going on?"

Gallivur caught my eye. "It's as I said. An overly ambitious drunk came here to challenge you. I arrived just in time to keep it from turning fatal. That works for everyone. Your reputation remains unspoiled and I get to leave with this one." I made to protest. "Or I think-"

"Or," interrupted Gallivur, "Nothing. That's what happened. End of story."

I drew forth a pair of flames. "I beg to differ." I was the one to make that determination.

Gallivur moved with a speed I rarely saw. In a swift motion, the champion had my wrists. Unbothered by the heat of the flames, Gallivur bent the joints back in a painful motion. "Anymore and I break them off." Then, "The choice is yours, Lordavis."

I glowered. I gave in. "Very well. Your friend was no match for my power. A drunken fool! If only you hadn't arrived, Gallivur!"

Gallivur released me. Satisfied, "Since we're in agreement, I'll be on my way."

"Will I get to know anything about this?" I asked. I could make whatever boast I wanted and it would be fact. Yet I had my own curiosity. "This is my kingdom. You're in my domain. By right, I should know what business you have with--"

"No," said Gallivur sweetly. "This is a private matter." Then, "It's you and your worms here. It's not like you have to justify yourself to anyone, right?"