《Nobody's Way》Chapter 6 - Blind Dedication
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"They think I should go closer to the source, to where I can meet others like Aselun. People who live with the old-world magic."
"Leave Elsinoor!? You're joking!" Gillele's voice, suddenly panic-stricken, made it clear she didn't think the suggestion was funny at all. "You never wanted anything like that!"
"I don't. But it keeps coming back again and again. I saw another vision, Gil, and this makes three. Always the word 'Homeland.' They've started to think maybe Maere wants me to go there myself."
"You can't go! Please, I'm begging you. Don't leave the village. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Despite himself, Madrigal couldn't help being intrigued by the conversation happening on the other side of the door. He'd grown fond of the girl called Gillele in the three nights he'd stayed with her, but even more interesting was her friend Jian, who seemed to be the unluckiest young lady in the village, with dreams invaded by her Goddess night after night.
"Do you think I want to leave?" Jian's voice rose.
"Shh! Madrigal's still sleeping. I'd rather he be in a good mood when he wakes, because he's said he'll leave tomorrow, and who knows if he'll ever come back? I don't think I made much of an impression, sad to say."
"Is he still here? Stars above. Well, you tried."
Madrigal smothered a grin. It hardly struck him as a surprise that Gillele had lured him to her home in hopes of catching his interest. He'd met a hundred girls like her, eager to beat the statistics and settle with a life partner, and knew he'd probably meet hundreds more. It was just the way things were; an unmarried man was a hot commodity back in Laudonia, and here, things hardly seemed different.
Except, of course, that this village was under the Goddess Maere's protection.
That fact rang a little hollow with Madrigal, though he couldn't be surprised. At half a day's walk from Kesmet, the blessed spot, he'd known Elsinoor would likely be under Her jurisdiction. He could tell from the girls' conversation that this place hadn't ever fallen from Maere's favour: Pathfinding and worship of the Creator were simply a way of life.
What interested him was the open, irreverent way these girls spoke about Her. That alone told Madrigal this village was quite different from their southern neighbour: to question Her directives would be unfathomable in Kesmet. To express a lack of confidence in their Elders, equally unthinkable.
"Sorry." Gillele said. "I didn't mean to divert you from something so important, but you don't have to try to go all the way to Homeland! Not when you don't really know what She wants."
"How is anyone even supposed to find out what She wants?" Jian's voice again rose in pitch and desperation, despite her friend's hushing. "Maybe I should go to the source. I could go and ask Maere myself, just like in the olden times, when people used to visit the Homeland Sanctuary for their Pathfindings--"
Gillele cut her off. "That was the southerners, not us! Nobody would ever dream of going all the way to Homeland and back just for a Pathfinding. You'd be walking at least a full moon cycle to get there. Maybe more!"
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"But I know what She said was important. When I saw the face with the violet eyes—Her face—and heard the word Homeland spoken, that was it. Because everything else is so unclear. The water, the ice, the hot feeling, magic or whatever it might be...I know none of that is as important as what She was saying to me in the first vision, but I can't remember most of it, and what I do remember, I don't understand."
"But you didn't see a vision of yourself in Homeland, right?"
There was a long pause. Madrigal strained to hear, in case the girls had moved further from the door, but it seemed the question had simply silenced them.
"No," Jian said at last.
Gillele pounced on the admission. "So maybe She doesn't really want you to go there. If She did, you would have seen yourself there, right?"
"I don't know what She wants. I only thought that if I went, I might find the answer."
Madrigal's stomach growled, and he was conscious of his patience growing thin. The longer he stood there, listening to them prattle on, the more he wanted to open the door and scatter the girls so that he could go about finding something to eat and preparing to leave.
He'd already stayed later than planned. Elsinoor was supposed to be a quick recharge; a brief stop before he continued southeast to the End of Lands. He hadn't intended to linger any longer than it would take for word to get from home to here, yet Madrigal had slept soundly all three nights, soaking up Gillele's hospitality. Even so, he felt no urge to spend time unravelling Elsinoor's mysteries.
He edged open the door only a crack, ending the whispered conversation.
The girl Gillele leapt to her feet instantly at the sound. "Oh, you're awake! How are you feeling?"
"Much better, thank you." Another sound night's rest had done much to chase the shadows from his eyes. Madrigal wasn't used to sleeping until the sun was so high. "I appreciate the hospitality."
"Not at all. We're happy to do it." Gillele's friend, Jian, stood to pour him a glass of water. She was attractive, Madrigal noted, with flaming red hair of a shade that was popular back home. Her features were small, but well-defined, and although she was nearly as tall as he and wiry in stature, unlike the taller women he knew in Laudonia, he could tell from the way she carried herself that she didn't consider her height a detriment. Here was a girl who was unpractised in the art of catching a husband, and didn't much care.
How refreshing. Elsinoor might have been a nice spot to stay, except Madrigal was certain his reputation would be quick to follow him if he lingered too long.
"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation," he said, ignoring Gillele's deep blush. "It's brave of you to consider going all the way to the southlands for a personal visit. Though I don't know how successful you'd be at winning such an audience."
"Nor I," Jian said. "But I don't know what else to do. The other option might be going to Kesmet and joining the priestesshood there. You came from Kesmet, right?"
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"I did." He hoped she wouldn't ask too much. Kesmet was the one place Madrigal didn't want to talk about right now. "But I don't think you'd find your answers with their priestesses."
Jian's shoulders slumped. "No," she said softly, "I didn't think so, either."
"But you don't actually have to go all the way to the southlands. Your Path," the word felt so alien coming from Madrigal's mouth, "will happen whether you like it or not. That's what they teach in Kesmet, at least. It's just a matter of time."
The fiery-haired girl drew herself up again. "That may be, but I'm not sure I'm fine with guessing what I'm supposed to do. If I stay here, how many years might it be before I understand my visions? And they're frightening," she said in a low voice. Madrigal thought he detected a tremble, though she was obviously trying to be brave. "In one of the visions, I'm drowning. Dying. I could be seeing the end of my life, not the beginning of my future."
"It's awful," Gillele agreed.
Setting her jaw, Jian reached for her friend's hand and grasped it tightly. "That's why I came to talk to you, Gil. I think the Elders are right, even though I don't want to go. But I can't sit by simply waiting for the scenes in the visions to be set. Surely Maere wouldn't send so many if it weren't urgent that I heed Her. I think She means for me to take action somehow."
Her words struck Madrigal like a physical blow, because Niall had said the opposite, time after time.
"Maere will show us the way we need to proceed."
"If we are patient, Maere will reward us."
"Trust in the Goddess, Madrigal. She led me on my Path to you, and so I know She has great plans for us."
But She hadn't. No amount of patience and waiting had reaped any reward, and now Madrigal knew Niall had suffered from blind dedication to her Goddess. And here was this girl, just as adrift, but determined to steer her own craft forward.
Something about Jian reminded him of Niall. Not physically—while both had the light brown eyes typical of northeners, Niall was elfin and frail, where tall, robust Jian looked as though she could take on the rigors of a pilgrimage. No, Madrigal was certain they couldn't be more different in appearance, and her spiritual connection to her Goddess couldn't be more different. Her resolution in the face of uncertainly, though, that was very like Niall. She always held her head high, even when facing the unknown; even when the unknown was disturbing enough to give even Madrigal pause.
Jian was afraid, of that fact Madrigal was also certain, even if she concealed it well. And fear was one thing he had become used to sensing. Fear was the norm, not just in Laudonia, but everywhere he'd been so far.
"What will you do?" he asked, trying not to sound too interested.
The girl looked at Gillele, wary of her reaction. "The Elders are talking about how I might set out on a pilgrimage. Like the ones our ancestors took before they left the southlands, that they write about in the old texts. Elder Tuina has been reviewing old travel diaries from the village's early days."
Gillele groaned. "Please, at least give it a little more thought. Your mother isn't going to agree this either, you know?"
"Mother doesn't understand the visions any better than the Elders do. What else do you suggest?" Jian closed her eyes. "And I have to decide soon, because the leaves will fall, and then I won't be able to go on my own. If I wanted to return before the first snowfall..."
"All the way to Homeland and back, before winter?" The brunette looked aghast. "Who would go with you?"
Jian waved away the protest. "I don't need anyone to come with me. My Trial was a full year, after all. I can handle myself."
Madrigal couldn't hide his amusement. "You're planning plan to go to the southlands by yourself? Now that's funny."
"It isn't at all." Gillele's annoyance translated into a sharp rebuke directed at Madrigal rather than Jian. "You don't even know what's out there."
"I'm just as capable as you, even without a sword, thank you," Jian said, in a tone that suggested she was trying to convince herself as much as she was her audience. "I'm one of the most well-studied in Elsinoor on foraging."
"But you're a woman," Madrigal said. "Really, not even a woman yet, if you've just seen your Path. You're only a girl."
Jian's brown eyes narrowed. "Maybe you do things differently in Laudonia, but around here, we don't think that way. If you're concerned that I'm not knowledgeable enough to survive on a long journey, I assure you, I am. I'm used to being alone."
Madrigal waved her words away. She was delusional if she thought she could get all the way from here to the southlands on her own, that was for certain, and it wasn't his job to talk her out of it. No matter how capable Jian thought she was, a journey of that magnitude called for mental fortitude and top-notch survival skills. Playing house while gathering sticks and berries wouldn't get her there and back alive.
He had confidence, at least, that her fellow villagers and Elders would try to talk her out of going on her own. Not my job. I'll probably be out of here before she even makes up her mind whether to leave or not. After all, the Goddess isn't usually nice enough to be direct about what She wants!
Madrigal tuned out the girls as they argued between themselves, Gillele begging Jian to reconsider. He'd stay out of this, as he should have stayed out of things in Kesmet. The last time he'd weighed in on what the Goddess might want from him, he'd been mistaken; so horribly mistaken he doubted he'd ever know where things had gone wrong.
Still, Madrigal's heart ached a little to see another struggle so with her ambiguous Path, and crushing those feelings took more resolve than expected. Maybe, he thought, it was because Jian had been chosen by Maere, just as Niall had been.
He could only hope Jian would fare better.
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