Chapter 16: Results of Torture (Training)

Before Desmend could even cheer at the thought of boosting his stats, he heard some strange roars around. He looked at their source to see two green, monstrous creatures the size of children running his way.

"Goblins here?" Ruby wondered out loud. "Why would goblins be here?"

Desmend's mind was racing as fast as it could. The goblins were dangerous creatures, but they weren't a threat like that giant monsters or anything he had seen in bestiary books. It seemed more likely that these goblins were just average and not an organised band or anything like that. They might be raiding a nearby farm for food or something.

"They're coming this way," Desmend said.

"We can handle them," said Ruby. "Just make sure you stay back."

"Of course, I'll stay back!" Desmend said quickly. "You go ahead and take care of those goblins!"

Ruby rolled her eyes at him. "Fine, fine. Just get ready."

The goblins charged forward with their weapons drawn. As they got closer, Desmend noticed that there were six of them, all carrying crude clubs and axes made from sharpened tree branches. He also saw that they were carrying small sacks full of potatoes. Their armour was simple leather with a few bits of iron tied on. None of them were wearing helmets. They didn't seem to have any armour beyond the clothes they were wearing.

In no time, Ruby killed all six of them in two seconds.

Feral Forest Goblin (G) | 0 → 1 LP

Feral Forest Goblin (G) | 1 → 2 LP

Desmend killed no monsters or demon beasts in this world, but he guessed the creatures that were just killed were feral weakened goblins, and for defeating each one, he had gained 2 LP life points again? He'd hadn't earned that since his dragon egg, which is stuck on his forehead. The 'G' letter was something he didn't know about. But his gamer knowledge told him it must be the ranking of the monsters.

The South African remembered something Eliza said about them. Feral Forest Goblins, a subspecies of the goblin that lives in the dense forests and woodlands of Aurarock. They are known to be violent, dangerous creatures. Still, there is some evidence that they may have once been intelligent beings like their goblin cousins—the trolls.

Congrats Dude!

What up, gangster!

Congratulations on killin' ya first grody monster!

U be awesome, bro

By killing enemies, u r startin' your protagonist, shiz, by accumulating Life Points, or LP. LP is the only currency accepted by the universe I created. Sweet, huh!

U cannot transfer LP to others. Your LP is the sum of your triumphs, killz, lovin' me!, and my totes ballin' System only rewards those who deserve it.

U totally like use your LP to increase any of your base stats. The cost of each can be checked by saying "Stat Store."

Later on, LP will also purchase items, enhancements, and skills. Those options are currently blocked.

Sorry, boy!

At least it wasn't that god awful Grammer mistake from before. But what were base stats? Didn't he already have a stats screen?

Attributes

Think of these are your "Base Strengths."

Talent

Vespa: Golden Bindings- Conjure multiple, golden, shapeable vines that spawn from the User's hands. The ropes react to your will.

Mana: Abyss Eyes- Eyes from the Abyss itself. Boost all mana effects by ten times.

Strength: Raw physical strength. Duh. 17 Dexterity: Coordination and the ability to move well. 25 Endurance: Stamina and physical toughness 15 Intelligence: Knowledge, wisdom and the ability to think quickly 30 Perception: The competence to see, hear, taste, and notice unusual things. 29 Charisma: A combination of appearance and charm. A high charisma is necessary for dudes and dudettes that want to influence people with words. 15

Desmend resisted the urge to groan. So the other stats screen were for his Vespa and Mana!? Or were those his RTS stats as a leader? Great, more work! But look at the stat, man, those are unfair and should be banned! Ok, let's think about what would the other stats screen would mean.

Affinities: The element attuned to your Vespa or Mana.

Lightning level 1. - You have the innate ability to control electricity. While you are not a master of it, you can use your Lightning Affinity to cast spells or sword attacks that involve electrical effects or cause lightning damage.

Fire level 1. - Innate ability to control fire, and you are able to cast spells that manipulate it. This may manifest as a simple flame or heat source, but more often you can summon ablaze from nothingness. The range of your powers is limited by the size of your body.

Transforming level 1 - Innate ability to control objects with your mind. This power can be used for a variety of purposes, including simple tasks such as lifting small items and controlling the position of inanimate objects. Telekinetic powers are not limited by distance, but they are weak against other forms of magic that affect the physical world.

Light level 1. - Innate ability to control light. This makes you a master of illumination and can be used for both offensive and defensive purposes. You are also able to create light in darkness, though it is much weaker than that produced by a torch or lantern.

Wood level 1. - Innate ability to control wood. Essentially converting your Vespa or Mana into a source of life. At its greatest, mighty trees of various sizes and shapes can be created. The vegetation can sprout from the user's body or grow from the surrounding environment. A plant can only exist for so long in this form before it withers away, but if you can keep the mana circulating through your system, they will remain alive for longer periods of time. You are also able to manipulate, suppress, and/or absorb a target's Vespa or Manna. If there is a wood-based creature nearby, it will be drawn towards you.

Strength: G: Must mean how strong his Vespa and Mana are.

Agility: G: How fast it flows and able to use it outside.

Charisma: F: How it appears to people. Or how it feels.

Intelligence: E: How potent it is, or maybe the size of the pool.

Resistance: G: his internal energy against other Vespa and Mana?

He glared at the last small section, willing the evil status menu to die, but it ignored his bloody wish.

Again, why him and not his friends Drake, Arthur, or Kuzco! But even he has to admit that the stats board was correct. He worked his butt off in being flexible, agile, and dancing around his enemies while trying to be the next Jackie Chan who is black. So it makes sense for his strength to be low. Was this the reason his mana skills are sorta good?

"Walk straighter, stop slouching," the short girl snapped at the black-haired boy, breaking out of his thoughts. "You, sir, have been ignoring me for the last 30 minutes! Walking off to goddess knows where! You also need to carry yourself with poise and respect. How is anyone supposed to respect you if you don't respect yourself? On that note, keep in mind that, as my partner, your actions reflect on me. With that in mind, we'll be working to make sure you are at least in the top three male knights at all times - in all quests! And every single subjection!" She didn't even look back as she spoke, for if she had, she would have seen Desmend drooping lower and lower in his stance. "I'll set out a study and exercise plan for you. If we consider two hours each night to ensure your swordplay and potion work are at the standard I demand, that will leave you at least five hours of sleep each night."

"Doesn't the average person need eight?" Desmend felt compelled to ask, but he knew better. So far, he only slept for four hours a day. Two if doesn't pass the test Eliza or Clementine set up.

"Not with me...You cannot afford to be average," Ruby huffed. "If you need more sleep, then I suggest you sleep harder. Now Desmend,"

The Chosen One stopped listing. Great, she like a mixture of Aura and Tangerine.

"Aye, my lady…" he sighed, not paying attention at all.

"Indeed. All you need to do is listen to every single thing I say and commit my words to memory. Always give your all and undertake and training I set out for you. I'll soon have you up to the standard a person like me expects of those that would stand beside them."

"You are too kind…." Desmend responded, his voice dripped with sarcasm. Blake was impressed at how well he answered.

"I realise. It's possibly my only fault and one that I'll fix in time." She sighed and turned around, bringing the party to a stop. One hand came to rest on his broad shoulder, Ruby's eyes looking up into his with an almost comforting expression. "Know your limits, Desmend. While you are ambitious to reach so high, I don't want you to feel hurt when you cannot reach my level. So there's no shame in settling for second place."

Oh, still so arrogant, little sister, Blake thought, as she watched her arrogant sister turn around and start walking away. Oh well, good luck to the handsome boy then.

"You contacted each other first..." Desmend said, his voice sending shivers down her spine, startling her slightly. What was that accent?! She glanced up at his eyes, noticing how they were locked onto hers. "The-"

"Nope." She flushed, not feeling bad for the lie but to get the man away from her. His attention was intense and felt too intimate like he could see right through her. He'd probably seen enough people in the past who couldn't handle their own emotions. "I'm just a little surprised you're still alive," she admitted honestly, hoping to change the subject.

"Girl," he groaned, "I know you made eye contact wi-"

"Nope!" She pretended she didn't see the way his eyes had narrowed into thin lines nor hear the faint growl coming from between his lips. "Come on, silly; we need to catch up with your partner, my sister before she leaves us behind." The amber-eyed girl quickly left after her sister.

Blake doesn't know why his gaze made her flush and scared? Maybe he is a powerful warrior? She thought as she turned back to look at him. She had been attracted to him since she first saw him, but this was so unlike her to be attracted to a guy. Still, she had to admit that he was attractive. A darkly handsome man who looked like he should be an actor or something. Not that she knew much about actors.

I don't need another Aura, Desmend thought to himself as he trudged through the mud behind the short gorgeous redhead. All he wanted to do was skip out on training with the busty tomboy and face like fifty knights again! But no looks like Karma had come right back and hit him in the balls, however, by giving him possibly the worst person he could ever meet instead. So was Lady Luck and Karma in collusion as to his misery? Were they collaborating!?

They better be hot women and making out.

In thirty-six hours, he would be transported to the damn mountain dungeon to free some people and get some workers who can build the fucking roads and rare metals or stones.

"Diana!"

"Oh…" the amber-eyed girl stared at the amazon like a woman. "Um… greetings Ruby and Blake, fancy meeting you here. Are you two partners?"

"Actually," Ruby began.

"Nah, thicc woman." Desmend appeared behind the red-haired girl as if by magic. His hand fell on her shoulder, both staking his claim and preventing her from running away. His South African accent behind his mask makes all three girls in the area blush. "This is mine. You're mine now."

The redhead's eyes widened at the sound of his voice. Then the redhead glared at him with fire in her eyes.

"Yes!" Blake squeaks, practically yelling. Diana looked a little confused until the black-haired girl coughed, "He is my sister's partner now me!" The girl quickly went to the champion's side.

"Nothing is set in stone yet," Ruby coughed. "The position is still open. In fact, why don't you and I become partners, Diana?" To her credit, the scythe wielder looked a little embarrassed to say that, not meeting Desmend eyes in the slightest. However, any joy that she was maybe doing his work for him was quickly washed away when he considered the two alternatives.

Prank her or have let her have what she wants.

"But haven't you made eye contact with either of them?" Diana asked.

"Um... it's complicated?" The former adventurer fiddled with the hilt of Harvester.

Diana sighed, one hand coming up to rub her forehead as she turned to regard them fully. She wore an ever-polite mask, though he could see right through it. She looked a little frustrated – and he could figure out why.

Must be the famous person who just wants to have genuine friends and not fake friends type of girl.

"Well, it seems clear to me that one of these two must be your partner, then. I suppose I should take whoever is left over, since technically, after you, they would have seen me first. I'll let you choose, however." This Diana woman seemed to have a brain on her pretty little head. Phrasing the offer in such a way that made sure Ruby wouldn't be partnered with her.

Bitch move, you won't get a friend like that if have too high standards. But It wasn't Ruby' fault… she'd just made a mistake approaching a woman like Diana from the professional angle. Whoever she was was in the market for a best friend, not a potential sponsorship deal.

Still bitch move.

"You are right." She said, falling for the political trap.

"On thank goddess..." Blake cheered, relieved of not having Desmend as a partner, shaking hands with Diana so fast that the older girl seemed to vibrate. "Thank you for saving for me!"

"Sister!" Ruby growled.

Desmend grind under his mask. Ok, now he feels happy and refreshed.

"Do you have anything to add to that, partner?" Her silver-grey eyes seemed to glow as she looked at him.

"Nah"

"STOP TALKING!" Both sisters shouted at him.

Desmend nodded and stretched out his muscles in his arms.

"Does any know where the cliff is? I've been more focused on trying to find a partner than making my way there."

"It's north of here," Ruby said proudly. "I got a good look as everyone was gawking at my partner jumping said cliff. So follow me!"

"But Ruby?" Diana said as the proud girl stomped away, "Isn't that easy?... north is this way."

"Wha-? But we've been travelling in this direction for the last ten minutes." Ruby's eyes widened, made all the worse by Desmend not-so-silent chuckle. The red-faced girl spun on the Chosen One. "Why didn't you tell us we were going in the wrong direction?"

"Because you told me I should just follow your instructions and learn from your example," he sounded like he had a smirk on his face for the extra sarcastic effect, waiting for the explosion.

"Hm, you're right. I'm glad you were listening. Well, you can't be blamed for following my instructions. Clearly, this was all just a terrible misunderstanding."

Is she serious…? "Perhaps there was some moss growing on the tree wrong, just to trick you?"

"You may be right. However, I can blame none of us for such an event." He could already feel that special vein by his eye twitching. "Northwards then, and let's hope we all end up in the same subjugation unit. Team Destiny!"

"Destiny?" Her older sister asked as they pushed through the trees and deeper into the forest.

"Of course, it's a wonderful name for the team, with me as the leader, naturally."

"And what? Led to us to barnyard on the east coast?" Desmend muttered quietly. The amber-eyed girl had to hold her hands over her mouth to hide her laughter.

"What was that, Desmend?"

"Oh, nothing, girl!"

Somebody help me… where Clementine when you need her?

Then again, that might be a dreadful notion since he is skipping out on training with the tomboy demon.

"You're saying our destination is on the other side of this mountain?" Ruby wasn't so confident as she looked up at the vast mass of rock and stone that had risen from the treeline. It was like the blasted thing had appeared just to spite them.

Climbing the mountain was out of the question… while the direct route would be faster than going around it; It did not suit their clothing and equipment for such a task. Javelin armours are only used when faced with a formidable adversary. The vitality drain on them is no joke, either. There had to be another way… they couldn't be the only people to have fallen on this side of it. Her eyes widened as she saw something to the right, barely visible through the branches and foliage.

"Or we could take the direct route," she cheered, rushing through the trees with her future team hot on her heels. It was only about fifty metres further down that she broke the treeline to reveal what had caught her attention. "Ta-da~"

"A cave?" Diana asked, no doubt impressed with her find. "Do you think it goes all the way through?"

"Most caves do," Ruby nodded. " Some are small alcoves cut into the rock-face, which this obviously isn't, then it makes sense that there would be an exit point. Look," she pointed to some vines on the outside of the cave.

"Vines!" Desmend gasped. "I love vines! How did you know?!"

"Not the vines, you moron! See how the leaves are blowing back and forth, as opposed to just one direction? That's a sign that there is some air coming from the cave – which means…."

"That there might be an enormous demon beast inside?" Desmend answered. "Its breathing is moving the leaves."

"That there must be an exit on the other side," she corrected with a roll of her eyes. Oh please, Ruby, she rebuked. It wasn't a terrible guess, and he was new to this. You need to give him some time.

But the giant monster," he repeated, leaning forward to look inside. She couldn't see anything, and apparently, neither could he."I will tell you this. And I'm usually right on these types of things."

"No more likely a monster in there than out here," she argued. "Stop being a baby, and let's go."

"Did I mention that I have a bad feeling about this?"

"Yes, you did."

"What if there's a giant Deathstalker or Syxx Viper in there?!"

Ruby snorted. "The entrance is only as big as you. How in the goddess's name would a scorpion or a snake monster fit in there?"

"I want it on record that I don't like this…."

"Consider it on record." Ruby rolled her eyes as she walked into the cave, drawing a simple light spell. She heard Blake and Diana enter after her, and a second later, heard her partner's grumbling as he, too, gave in. "See?"

"Don't rush it, baby…."

Honestly, what a worry.

"I see the light at the end of the tunnel!" Blake stated, making Ruby jump a little as she pushed by. She considered calling her sister back. Why was the air so hot?

"Blake!" Diana called out, one hand held out to stop her. "I think you shouldn't go running up to that light!"

"Why?" Ruby asked.

Blake sighed as they sped through the forest, the agile girl idly ducking beneath a low-hanging branch. It would have been a reasonably delightful moment were it not for several hundred pounds of death chasing them.

"Nobody could have predicted this!"

"Bitch don't even! I said so because I have that sauce!"

"Are you two still arguing?" Blake cried, not sure which of them was worse. If she weren't so focused on making sure she didn't trip over or run into a tree, then she would have sped off and left them all alone! Okay, she wouldn't have done that – mostly because she wasn't one to leave a friend behind, but also a bit because no one should have to admit to losing two partners in as many hours. "Less talking, more running!"

"Blake has a point, guys", Diana agreed, her partner as she coughed, struggling to keep pace with the faster and more agile rookies not burdened by plate armour. "How about we consider who was right or wrong once we manage to escape this thing?"

"What's there to consider?" Desmend said, "I was right, and you were- ow!" Diana ducked as the Deathstalker barrelled into another tree, causing it to explode and send splinters everywhere. Thankfully, she had a six-foot shield jogging behind her, who was currently picking bits of wood out of his hair. "Aight, fine... Let jet!"

As the three girls and one boy ran through the forest with the giant black ball of death behind them, destroying everything.

"We need to get back to cliffs and bring the head of demon beast."

"We are being chased, and you're more worried 'bout passing some stupid test?" Desmend asked, vaulting over a root.

"You are not?" She sounded incredulous or perhaps just disappointed. "Remember, I won't allow anything but the best results from you."

"I see some people ahead," Diana piped up, silencing the duo as Ruby strained her silver-grey eyes to see. There were four figures, becoming more distinct as they moved closer. Ruby didn't take long to identify that bright shock of solid gold hair.

"Reno!" she cried, loud enough that the girl in question turned to see her. Her former guildmate waved happily, shouting her name back. Apparently, they didn't realise what was lumbering after them. But, eh, she shrugged; they soon would.

"Hey Rub-" Reno paused, hair billowing back as four figures dashed past her. "Hey Reno," Ruby said, "Bye Reno."

"Bye…?" Reno watched the former sliver-class adventurer run off with a raised brow, only to turn back as the black-haired girl tapped on her shoulder. The quiet girl pointed back in the direction they had come from, just in time to point out a tree being hurtled towards them. "God damn it, Ruby…."

"Would anyone care to explain why this is chasing us?" Ruby didn't recognise the black-haired girl with the bow but didn't think this was the best time for introductions either. Not now that their party of four had become eight.

"It was an unfortunate accident," Ruby winced. "No one could have predicted it." She pretended she noticed the intense gaze that Desmend gave her. "I'm open for ideas on how to stop it."

"Any plan is a good plan right now." A girl said with brown hair and a war hammer on her back.

"Break apart and surround it," Ruby called to the others. "If we attack it from all angles, we can bring it down. The girl with the bow passes the message onto everyone else."

"My name is Ember," the girl rolled said started passing the message down the line. Ruby saw them all nod in her direction, signalling their agreement to what was going to be a doe or die moment.

"Scatter!" Reno shouted, ducking off to the side as they all split into different directions. Ruby breathes in, feeling the Vespa in her legs and shot to the left so fast that the Deathstalker could barely register her. Harvester deployed in her hands, the blade cutting a furrow into the ground as she used it to halt her flight, spinning her round to land on two feet, weapon at the ready.

Only to see the Deathstalker bound off into the trees, leaving them all behind.

Ruby would admit to feeling just a little cheated.

"Well," she coughed, being put her weapon and trying not to look like she'd just pulled an epic combat pose and then had a monster ignore her, "Maybe it wasn't actually chasing us after all?"

"Oh, oh!" The ginger girl jumped up and down. "Maybe it was on a jog! I should join Cottonmouth on his run."

"Nora, please don't name it…." A man with twin daggers signed.

"At least it's over-wait. Where's my partner?" Ruby was looking left and right, even going so far as to lift one shoe and look under it.

"All's well that ends well?" Reno shrugged.

"Why!?" Desmend ducked back as the demon beast's giant stinger buried into the ground he'd once occupied, grass and plant life withering as it injected poison straight into the soil. The nature of the `why` could have applied to many things. Why did such an enormous creature have a poisonous stinger in the first place when its primary source of prey was small enough to be crushed by it rather than pierced? Why is it only chasing after his ass?

But for Desmend, it was more of a "Why do my plans always never go right?" sort of thing. The plan had been so clever, too. They would all scatter and surround it. And Desmend, in his infinite sophistication, would disperse onwards – ergo, out of the fight entirely.

It wasn't hiding… it was napping. And if the others just so managed to kill it before it was his turn to have a go? Well, that would have been a shame, but one he could live with if he tried hard enough.

Except that the asshole had followed him and only him, leaving all the other more powerful combatants behind. This is Karma again, isn't it? He ducked behind a tree, only to wince as it was reduced to sawdust and splinters, not a nanosecond later.

"You know," the Chosen One called out almost conversationally, "I'm supposed to be fighting off five well-trained dudes right now." The tail came down again, slamming into the ground as this time Desmend stepped closer to the beast's maw. His Jian sword Ironside slid from its sheathe, twisting in a one-handed grip as he swung it at the struggling stinger. There was a roar of agony as it reared back, bleeding stump of a tail flailing angrily.

"Yeah, I know, right? That's sort of how I feel, too. That feeling of more training when I get back," quick step to the side to avoid the pincers, a hop over the other set as they tried to snatch his feet. "Why are you after me, huh?!" The Chosen One carefully parried Ironside against the creature's pincers.

Okay, those pincers were getting annoying now. Desmend ducked under them with a sigh, sliding forward to pass beneath the two snapping mandibles. The creature's legs skittered angrily as it tried to turn its heavily armoured bulk back to face him. It stumbled, however, as Desmend lopped off two of its right-hand legs.

"Do you have any idea," he sighed, circling the demon beast as it tried to turn to follow him, struggling with its unbalanced number of legs, "How annoying training can be?"

He was, what, three hours into initiation? Best three hours of his life.

"I really want to be a Gary Sue so bad." Desmend sighed, hopping a little faster around the flailing creature before cutting off another leg. "Did that hurt guy?"

It screeched at him. The sound was indistinct and undulating, filled with fury and… well, more fury.

"Any last words?" Desmend asked the thing. The Deathstalker's mouth opened, spewing another high-pitched scream, only to go silent as Ironside bit into its maw. "Sheesh, forget I asked." It twitched and spasmed for another ten seconds, legs slowly curling up beneath it as the claws came to rest against its face.

Feral Toxic Deathstalker (D) | 0 → 504 LP

Now what? Desmend wondered as he watched the scorpion dissolve into the ground. Is that normal?

Desmend bit back a yawn. All that running had taken its toll, not to mention the lack of sleep and dangerous early morning. Usually, he liked to wake up at the crack of noon. But, this was going to be a rough transition.

Might as well check on his stats and read everything this time. Taking out a piece of paper he got from the divine nobles. Desmend looked over the information. He'd never had the chance to do so before, but this paper can tell him the information about the kingdom.

Looks like woman based crime is on the rise; the people are content. I lock half the royals up, and their assets are seized. Trade is on the rise. The four lords are still having problems, not to mention the stuff I started. What crimes are these girls doing?

"Why are all the women in this so violent?" he sighed dramatically. Theatrics aside, it was actually a rather pertinent question. The kindest person he knew in this world was probably Tangerine, and she was an absolute monster when she was in a bad mood. Plus, the whole breaking the land with her fist whenever she felt like it.

He'd been wondering about that for a while now, but no one had any answers. So he asked again, more urgently this time. "Why is everyone so violent? I've never seen such fighting."

"Ahem?" Someone coughed from nearby.

"Maybe bring roller derby to this world," Desmend said to himself. Derby girls were always so hot and sexy. They wore skintight outfits and did crazy stunts on their bikes. If they could just get some of those girls here...

"Ahem!"

"Or wrestling! Divas are always so lit!"

"A-HEM." The voice shouted this time.

"Oh, for the love of God-" he sighed, turning with a frown, "Do you mind-?!"

He froze at the sight of who was standing behind him. A girl. Not just any girl. It was Clementine and Ruby... Wow, they both have the same glare.

"Please," Clementine Aucrulethen and Ruby, the girl with twin shape-shifting gardening tools, smiled… the gesture filled with teeth. "By all means, don't let me distract you from what must be a very important conversation with yourself. We can wait." Behind her stood the rest of the two groups and the five knights, and though none looked prepared to step between the two of them. Likely because none of them was that stupid.

"Thank you... Now, where was I?" Desmend turned his back on them.

"I think you were saying how you're going to have all the girls wear 'bikinis?" Ruby drawled, her eyes twinkling.

"You know, you really shouldn't take everything so seriously," Desmend replied without looking back. This time was loud enough for everyone in the quiet clearing to hear. The Knight-Commander's eyebrow seemed to rise even higher, threatening to take flight and leave her face entirely. Harry, Reno, and Blake were snickering, and even the birds were cracking up. Clementine, however, was not amused. She didn't bother to hide her annoyance as she spoke up, her tone full of warning.

"Desmend, we've already told you." Clementine started.

"But I left before you tell me anything."

"Why am I not surprised?" Ruby sighed, eyes flat, looking down on him as though he were some terrible insect that had dared to appear before her. Of all the impressions he'd made, hers seemed to be the worst. Harry's snickers had turned into full-blown laughter by this point.

Goddess, the king, doesn't make things boring.

"So you're done with your thinking?" Ruby asked, calming down but not that much, also feeling embarrassed talking to her king like this.

So the moron was telling the truth.

"Yeah, actually, thanks for waiting."

"No probl- WHERE IS THE DEATHSTALKER!?" Her shout frightened birds from the nearby trees.

"Deathstalker?" He tried, only to wince as two deceptively small and delicate hands fisted in his shirt, lifting him back onto his feet.

"Big Demon Beast, chasing you, did that." She pointed back to where the living bulldozer had chased him from, and more importantly, the rather obvious trail of destroyed trees and churned up soil. All of which ended literally at this point, where he'd been sitting.

"It…" Could he say that he'd killed it? Easily enough, they might believe him – but then that would also paint him as a competent Vespa Warrior in training, which would mean he would get more exercise even after the dungeon thing. "Tripped."

"It tripped…?" Clementine did not sound impressed.

"Yeah… it was chasing me, going absolutely crazy. I did not know what to do. And then, as though by Lady Luck hot bod, it tripped on its own legs – falling into the crevasse." Desmend nodded sagely, crossing his arms. "Truly, the dumbass was hoisted by its own petard."

"You expect us to believe," Diana started.

"-that you were chased alone… and brought it here," Blake continued.

"-where after chasing us with no problem for so long, the Deathstalker," Ruby took over.

"Which has eight legs, mate..." Harry added – just for good measure, still laughing up a storm.

"Tripped over," said Clementine, joining in the party, "fell into a crevasse and died?"

"Totes." Desmend nodded happily. "You're all acting like that's unusual... Scorpions are foolish and totally don't have eights legs. They don't exactly do well with strategy. And I, of course, being an intelligent and adaptable human, was able to use that to my advantage." He held his arms wide as though inviting them to shower him with praise.

"You're covered in blood," Ruby pointed out.

"Don't worry, and it's not mine."

"That's the point, idiot! If it killed itself, then why are you all bloody and tired!?" Clementine snapped.

"Ah, that." The Chosen One hedged, fighting for an excuse. "I also tripped and fell."

"…" Clementine's eye twitched. "Did you hit your head on the way down as well? Should I see about taking you to the infirmary once we return?"

"Why, Clem, are you worried about me?" Deflect with teasing. It had always worked before, usually to drive her into a stammering mess if you suggested that she actually cared about you.

"Of course, I'm worried about you!" She retorted, but her eyes softened. "You're my friend."

"Well, thank you," he said, grinning under his mask. "And yes, I'll go to the infirmary..."

"After you face my entire platoon, you MORON!"

And there is the Clementine he knows, which means it is time for his last resort…

"Behold!" Desmend dramatically pointed behind them. The group looked back but saw nothing, and when they looked back to Desmend, he was gone. Sneaky little shit.

"Wait, where did he-"

"Desmend?" The Knight Commander called, "I'm going to kill you!"

"You have to catch me if you want to kill me." he shot back, running off through the woods.