《The Fat Prince: The Saga Begins》Chapter 12
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The streets of Moonlit Village were even colder than the forest Cyrus and Henry passed through. The dirt roads were meshed with ice and the windows cracked from the sudden sub-temperate chill. Grass turned brown and curled up, dealt a swift death by the cold. The most bone-chilling aspect of the village was not the temperature but the way that some of the men staggered around like living cadavers with pale faces and frozen smiles. Women and children, both retaining an air of sanity, avoided these creepy men. “What’s wrong with them?” Henry asked quietly with wide eyes.
Sadie, still hooked onto Archibald, groaned, “I’ll tell you when we get to the Full Moon Tavern.”
A little black sign stretched out of a building on the dirt avenue. In thin blood-red letters, it read from top down, “Full Moon” with the O’s replaced with yellow moons. The windows were frosted from the cold, and Cyrus smudged them so he could peer inside. The tavern was a cozy building with two large wooden tables where large men tore at mutton with their teeth. Glazed legs of lambs, turkey and liccan were all piled on plates as men reduced these morsels to bones, and clinked square cups of beer together. Pangs of hunger filled Cyrus eyes and he quickly dashed inside.
“Henry,” Archibald intoned with false seriousness. “Did you feed Cyrus when you traveled with him?”
“I tried…” Henry responded dead-pan. “Emphasis on the word tried.”
Cyrus marched in and pretended the bear skin carpet was a royal red carpet. He made his way past two long dining tables carved of fresh pine wood, and a cobalt chandelier filled with white wax candles. Along the table, many burly men enjoyed their meat and beer with the same creepy grins plastered on their face. Cyrus, thinking more with his stomach paid no attention to their grins and stood at the bar counter where a plump, gray haired barmaid waited on an equally large bald man. Cyrus pointed his chubby hand at the barmaid with his other hand on his hip. “Prince Cyrus of the Coates royal family has arrived. Fry me up some of your finest mutton.”
The barmaid looked surprised and glanced to the person next to Cyrus. Sir Henry stood beside him, making a nonexistent muscle and brushing his beard again. “Good lady, brew me up some of your hardest liquor,” he said in his falsely deep voice. “A real man like me is looking to get plastered as fast as he can.”
“Don’t listen to this poof head,” Cyrus responded. “I’m a royal and my order comes first.”
For the first time, the fat bald man turned around on his bar stool, causing his suspenders to lift and reveal a large hairy butt crack. Henry and Cyrus cringed, not only from the large white behind but the man’s face as well. His yellow teeth were arrayed in creepily wide grin. “I’m the proprietor of the tavern, and to me, the only royalty is my fair mistress Rosemary.”
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“Now I know what this knave named his bloody tavern after,” Henry said “And I think I’m going to be sick.”
Cyrus and Sir Henry quickly backed away and headed for the door.
“Hey,” Archibald cried out.
They turned and saw Archibald and Sadie Belle sitting on wooden benches parallel to a small coffee table. Henry and Cyrus joined them. “So people in this town really like Rosemary?” Cyrus said with a shiver.
“The hormones are so thick you can cut them with a knife,” Sir Henry added.
Young, twenty year old Sadie Belle’s eyes caught ablaze as Henry and Cyrus spoke. “Oh you don’t know much I loath that hussy. She’s been stealing every man’s heart who lays eyes on her. You know that dorky but lovable man who was guiding you around the fairgrounds?”
“Who, Nick?” Cyrus asked as Sadie Belle’s eyes watered at the mention of his name.
“That’s my nursing assistant and fiancé,” Sadie cried. “But ever since he saw Rosemary perform, he acts like we’ve never been together. I don’t even bother him anymore because all he says is Rosemary, Rosemary, ROSEMARY!!!”
The thin, short haired woman stood up like she was going to lead a rebellion with her fist raised and her eyes burning bright. “Me and many other women have tried to confront that Rosemary, but her thuggish clowns keep us away. Oh how I wish I was a sorceress so I could reduce that Rosemary to a haggard old crone!”
Sadie Belle collected herself as many of the man shot hostile glares at her. Archibald put his good hand on her shoulder. “Easy now, love. It’s very easy to incite those men, but just know, that while I sometimes find myself susceptible to the charms of a seductress, I know that home is where the heart is.”
“You’re a much better man than my boyfriend,” Sadie Belle said, before her anger gave way to tenderness and vulnerability. “Don’t you feel inadequate when someone’s looks and body outclass your own and they steal the heart of the one you truly love?”
“I don’t let that get me down,” Archibald responded with a grin. “I’m the number one Majester in the land…In fact, I’m the only Majester in the land!”
Sadie Belle’s watery blue eyes turned to Cyrus. “And I’m Prince Cyrus the Magnificent. The one and only heir to the Coates throne!”
“What about you?” Sadie implored to Henry who had remained silent as she spoke. “You seem a lot more sensitive than them. Surely you must feel inadequate sometimes.”
Henry’s lip tightened and he looked around nervously. “I-I-uh sorry. I’ve never felt that way,” he said softly, before he deepened his voice. “But I can understand where you’re coming from fair-maid. We’ll find out what has reduced Nick to lechery.”
“Something is definitely off about this Rosemary.” Archibald said and he held a closed hand in front of Sadie Belle’s face. “Seems that magic”—he opened his hand in a poof—“might be involved. We’ll have to find a way to her….and…”
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“Oi,” a high pitched raspy voice came from the entrance. Everyone looked towards the door and saw the now-feminized Bungo and Snipps in floral sundresses. Bungo’s bright purple sundress hugged her burly towering body tight, while Snipp’s yellow dress hung off her body like a skeleton.
“Oi,” Bungo said again, “We’re looking for a man by the name of Archibald. He’s a Majester for da royal family. Ee did something to us dat was unforgiveable and we’re looking to get some payback from im.”
“Archie,” Sadie Belle said, holding a hand to her fair face. “What did you do to these women?”
Archibald looked to speak but his tongue tripped at the last second.
She gasped. “Did you have their children and run away because they were so ugly?”
Archibald swallowed hard. Cyrus began to laugh, and Henry joined him with his hearty man laughs.
“Uh let’s just go with that,” Archibald said.
Sadie Belle stomped on his foot. “Is there no such thing as a good man in this world?”
Henry gave a cough. “Me, my dear lady. But I’m afraid I’m a little too young to wed you.”
Sadie Belle sighed and buried her face in her hands. “I can’t believe my luck with men….and idiots…”
The commotion surrounding Cyrus and his allies drew Bungo and Snipps’ eyes to the hubbub. They drew large knives and headed for them.
Archibald gave a worried expression, but soon, a mischievous smile curled on his face. “You know, these two lovely ladies weren’t my only encounter. I just met Rosemary today. She said, it’s a good thing that you visited me from the castle. The men in this village are sooooo ugly, you’re by far my favorite.”
“What did you say? There’s no way that’s possible,” shouted a gruff man with an orange braided beard. “She said I was her favorite.”
“You kidding me, Angus?” said his friend with an equally large blond beard. “Rosemary said I have the bushiest beard in all the land.”
“I believe she was referring to me,” said a skinny man with thick rimmed glasses and a soul patch. “For I have a little patch of heaven.”
The men began to quarrel among themselves until finally Angus punched his friend in the gut. “Bar fight!” They all screamed.
Sir Henry’s eyes shone like twinkling stars and he held his hands to his face. “Did I hear someone cry ‘bar fight?’ That’s the perennial sport of choice for macho men all over the globe! You cannot have one without counting this gentleman in” he said and he jumped over the bench.
Henry in a fit of mania grabbed hold of the cobalt chandelier, swinging from it and jabbing his sword at many of the patrons. “Take this, and that, and some of these,” he shouted, as Cyrus, Archibald and Sadie Belle stared at him bewildered.
“Is that kid even old enough to drink?” Archibald chuckled.
“He didn’t even have anything,” Cyrus responded.
Sir Henry swung on the chandelier and Snipps and Bungo stopped to gape at him. “Quick, while the little nutter is distracting them,” Archibald said, and he helped Sadie over the bench towards the kitchen.
Everyone continued to rumble until they heard a creak from the ceiling. They stopped what they were doing to gaze up at Henry who continued to rock back and forth. Cracks formed like spiderwebs around the chandelier’s post and a man screamed,“Get out of the way! Get out! It’s going to fall!” Henry swung off the chandelier right before it dropped, bringing down several tons of metal and burning wax candles down with it. With a thunderous crash, the tables burst into flames and food and wax went flying all over. All the burly men ran scampering like frightened children except for Bungo and Snipps who gave chase to Cyrus and his allies.
The heroes ran through the kitchen exit into the frost bitten air. Finding themselves in a two way alley surrounded by wooden buildings, no one had any idea which way lead to the streets and which to a dead end.
But when Bungo and Snipps emerged from the exit, they had no choice but to move. Cyrus saw a weird circular shadow moving along the ground. He felt an air of mystique tug at his body and he started to follow it. He darted left, the opposite direction that all of his friends went.
“Cyrus,” Henry cried out, but Bungo and Snipps gave chase to Archibald, Henry and Sadie Belle rather than Cyrus.
“Don’t worry,” Cyrus shouted. “I’ll get help! Where ever this leads, I’ll find a constable.”
Cyrus chased the circular shadow down the alley way, and followed it when it made a turn. It headed into a dead end full of rotten vegetables, frozen mud, animal bones and feces. Cyrus hid his nose in his shirt to prevent smelling such a rancid stench. The shadow passed into the large overarching shade from the roof tops and disappeared. “Stupid shadow,” Cyrus said. “Why am I following you anyway? I’m supposed to be getting help.”
A faint shadowy figure with features outlined in silver appeared at the end of the dark alley way. The man had short dark hair, a gray robe and a very sorrowful face. He held his hands out in order to petition to Cyrus. “I’m…trying to…get…help…as…well,” he said.
“Who are you?” Cyrus asked.
“I’m Nick…” the shadow man said, before a look of regret came over his face. “Or at least, I used to be Nick.”
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