Now, you may be asking yourself how I ended up in a medieval courtyard about to be pushed to my death by a man wearing armor and no sense of what good music was.

Well, I’ll tell you.

My name’s Kyle and I’m an alcoholic.

No, wait. That’s not correct. I mean my name is Kyle, but I’m not an alcoholic. Although anyone I’ve told this story to seems to think that I am. But I’m not. Really.

Ok, so the story.

I guess it started at work…

I was working at a game store. You know the ones. The kind where you buy a game for fifty bucks, play it for a month, then bring it back and trade it in for roughly five dollars. The store then turns around and sells said game to another victim—I mean customer—for forty-five dollars. Rinse and repeat until the game is three years old and they sell it for the last time for two dollars on the discount rack.

It’s the place where people basically rent games for an insane amount of money.

I was working there, pondering the life choices that led me to be twenty-three, single, with no college education, and answering to a manager who was dumber than I was, named Marv, when I decided I needed a break.

Not like a break in my life to find myself, but more like a “Hey, Marv, I’m going to lunch, you want anything from Taco Bell”, kind of a break.

Marv’s wife had put him on a diet recently. He was 5’6” and weighed as much as a small elephant. He needed to lose a lot of weight.

Marv gave me a ten and asked for a number six with a large Pepsi, two more soft tacos’ and an order of cinnastix. He made a face when I suggested ten was not enough.

We were in the same shopping center as Taco Bell and a gas station. I didn’t have any interest in cinnastix but I did want something sweet. Chocolate is my weakness. And usually, some sugar in the afternoon was the only thing that kept me awake. So on my way to TB I swung into the gas station. I walked the candy aisle and concentrated like I was answering the daily double on Jeopardy and had wagered all my money.

Snickers? No.

Kit Kat? Naaa.

Reese’s? Maybe later.

I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew what I didn’t want.

My eyes fell on a large yellow bag of Peanut M&M’s. There it was. I picked up three bags and headed to the counter. Afternoon snack, here I come.

I walked over to Taco Bell and got our food after that. This was the one part of my day that I actually enjoyed. Not because I was eating Taco Bell; just the freedom, the outdoors, not being cooped up inside that little store with the walls feeling like they were closing in.

I soaked in the sunshine and the blue sky and thought about how I needed to get my life together or I’d be Marv in ten years, eating Taco Bell behind my wife’s back. That is if I could even find some poor desperate woman to be seen out in public with me. So far I had been pretty unsuccessful in that area.

I got our order and went back to the store. We sat in the small back room and ate, Marv telling me all the reasons to never get married.

I had just polished off my second beef burrito—two burritos and Pepsi for five bucks was not a bad deal. I tore open a bag of M&M’s and tossed a green one high in the air. I opened my mouth and caught it. Everybody’s good at something, right? If there had been a championship M&M toss I’d have won it.

We heard the chime of the little bell on the door. A customer at lunch on a weekday. Didn’t I have enough stress in my life?

Marv gave me a look that said “you’re the employee and I’m the manager so I’m going to sit here and finish my lunch while you handle the customer.”

I shrugged and held a red M&M up like I was going to throw it at Marv. He held his mouth open, his silver fillings still covered in “ground beef” – if you want to call the meat that- and I tossed one from six feet away right into his mouth.

If they'd had a championship for throwing M&M's into your mouth I would be the all-time best.

I headed out to see if I could help our lost soul find the entertainment that would change their life.

I was surprised when I got to the store floor. There were three men standing there, two in dark suits and sunglasses like they had just stepped out of the Matrix. The third guy, dressed in grey slacks and a white polo shirt, was casually browsing the new games section.

Not many guys can pull of white, but this guy did. He was impeccable. No creases or lines anywhere that weren’t supposed to be. I became suddenly aware that I was wearing a stained AC/DC shirt for some reason.

“This is all crap you know,” he said to no one in particular. “All these games are just time wasters, nothing of substance here.”

I couldn’t disagree.

“You want to pre-order something?” I asked. “There’s a lot of cool stuff coming out this summer.”

The guy looked at me, smiled. “No, I don’t think I do. But…” He looked around the store. “Are you the only one working today?”

Well that was a weird question. The kind of question someone asks before they rob or kill someone. The store didn’t keep much cash and I had spent my last few dollars getting lunch so I couldn’t see a successful robbery in this guy’s future. Which would piss these guys off and they’d kill me.

“Umm… My manager is in the back.” Good. Let them know we weren’t alone and they’d have to kill me another time. Or kill two people. Which when I thought about it they seemed perfectly capable of doing without a second thought.

The guy in the white polo with the perfect hair walked over to the counter and leaned up against it. He was in his thirties, beard neatly trimmed, hair perfectly cut. “What’s your name?” he asked me.

“Uh... Kyle,” I said.

“Well, Uh Kyle,” he stuck out his hand. “I’m Dennis.”

I hesitated, then couldn’t think of a reason not to so I shook his hand. “Nice to meet you, Dennis,” I said.

“Yeah, you too. Now listen, Kyle. I don’t want to be intrusive here, but how much do you make working here.”

What kind of question was that?

“I don’t think we’re hiring if that what’s you’re asking,” I said.

Dennis laughed and looked back at his bodyguards and they laughed. “No, Kyle that’s not what I’m asking. You see I’m asking if you make enough money and want to make more. I want to hire you.”

I had no idea what this guy was into, but I wanted no part of it. I guess he saw the skepticism on my face.

“I run a game designing company. Maybe you’ve heard of us.” He told me the name of his company. It was the largest game development studio around. Of course, I’d heard of it. They had an office right here in town. A testing facility. A place where game testers played video games all day and got paid. I’d applied twice. I hadn’t heard back either time.

“I’m looking for video game testers,” he said. “Guys like you. Loners, no family, no friends.”

Ouch.

“Do I know you?” I asked.

Dennis smiled to reveal perfect teeth. “No, we’ve never met. But I saw your application for the testing job a few months back. I’m putting together a special team of testers and I need a guy like you, Kyle.”

I hesitated and Dennis kept going. “This game we’re testing now, Kyle. It’s special. It’s going to revolutionize gaming. Forever. We’re doing something that no one else will be able to copy and something everyone will love.”

I nodded because what else could I do. “M&M?” I asked Dennis.

He looked at the yellow bag and shook his head. “Can’t. Those things’ll kill me.”

"These?” I asked holding up the M&M’s.

He nodded. “Severe peanut allergy.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize that was like a real thing,” I said.

“Very real. You mind putting those away?” Dennis asked me.

I shrugged and put the half-empty yellow bag in my pocket.

“This game it’s… sort of virtual reality. Only better.” Dennis said.

“So what kind of game is it?” I asked.

Dennis smiled, and if I’m being honest, it made me uneasy. Like a spider before it sucks all the blood out of its prey.

“It’s an RPG. But not any RPG. Super immersive. Way better than virtual reality. A new type of VR that is going to make everyone a lot of money. We’re in the testing phase and you’re perfect for it.”

This was crazy. This guy walks in off the street and starts talking about a job, mentioning that he knows I’m a loner with no friends, no family, and let’s face it, no prospects. This is so weird. I should tell this guy I want no part of this.

“Ok, so how much does it pay?”

Dennis smiled that creepy smile again. “A lot.”

#

Dennis told me a little bit more about the game. Kings and dragons and magic and potions and all the typical RPG elements. Only with some serious virtual reality. And the game needed unique testers, like me, guys in their early twenties; their target audience. He told me I’d make a fortune.

He’d given me an address and said to be there at mid-night that night. He’d told me the amount of money they were going to pay me. My mouth had fallen open. The only reason I wouldn’t be there is if I was dead.

I got off my shift at the game store and ate Taco Bell again. What can I say? It’s cheap and quick and I don’t cook.

I went home and took a nap, even though I was anxious about my new job. I hadn’t mentioned anything to Marv. I’d have loved to quit the store but I needed that big paycheck first.

I slept for a while, woke up with my alarm screeching that it was time to head out. I got in my small car that I would be replacing as soon as Dennis’s check cleared and headed to the address he had given me.

The address was in an old industrial section of town, warehouses and rusty fences lining the street. I got there, parking in front of what appeared to be an abandoned building. I stared at it; wondering why a company as big as the one Dennis worked for would be testing video games here.

The street was dark, no street lights lining the roadway, the sky ink black. The parking lot was cracked and busted and the whole place looked like it had been abandoned for at least five years.

I checked the address Dennis had given me. I was in the right place.

There was a tap on my side glass and I screamed. It was a manly scream though and not hi-pitched at all.

One of the bodyguards that had been with Dennis was standing at my window with a flashlight, the metal end making the loud sound that had scared me when he tapped on the glass. He didn’t speak, just motioned for me to follow him.

I got out of my car and made sure to lock it, although I’m not sure any self-respecting thief would have been caught dead in it.

I followed the security guard to a door around the side of the building and he stopped before he opened it up. He turned and made a weird gesture that I didn’t understand, then started to pat me down.

What the hell?

The guy felt me up a little too closely if you ask me, I mean I guess I could have been carrying something stuffed up my ass, but I’m pretty sure he would have found it with how closely he checked me. The guy groped my pockets and found the two full bags of M&M’s and the one that I had opened earlier. He shrugged and handed them back to me. He seemed satisfied, then used a key card and opened the door to the building.

I followed him inside to a large warehouse. The warehouse was light up with bright white lights, the whole place illuminated like a hospital operating room. In the center was a large room made of plastic sheeting for walls. The sheeting made everything blurry but I could see people behind it moving around.

Dennis came out from somewhere and greeted me. “Kyle, you made it. I’m glad. I didn’t want to have to come looking for you.”

Okay. And why would you have done that?

“Yeah, no problem,” I said. “I’m ready to test the game.”

“I bet you are,” Dennis said with a sly grin, “but first, let’s get you checked out, ok?”

I had no idea what he meant. “Checked out?”

Dennis led me behind the plastic sheeting where there was a chair a dentist might use. He motioned for me to sit.

I sat and a woman in scrubs started checking my blood pressure.

“Standard stuff,” Dennis said. “We need to make sure you’re cleared medically. This VR stuff is pretty intense at times. Can get the old ticker up, if you know what I mean.”

I guess he meant cardio. “Yeah, sure,” I said just to say something.

He picked up a small grey basket from a table nearby and held it out to me. “Empty out your pockets into this.”

I pulled the stuff from my pockets. Keys, phone, wallet, a crumpled receipt, and two full bags of peanut M&M’s and one half eaten bag.

Dennis looked disgusted. I guess Mr. Fancy Pants didn’t need to carry around a snack with him. He put the basket back on the shelf.

“Can I take those into the tester?” I asked. “In case I get hungry.”

As he was walking out of the room he said, “No outside food or beverage in the machine.”

The nurse came in and checked my blood pressure and decided it was ok, then she put a thing on my finger and did some other medical stuff I wasn’t too sure about. The only thing she didn’t do was put on a rubber glove and ask me to take my pants off. I couldn’t decide if I was disappointed or happy about that.

Finally, she brought out a needle and a syringe. “Just going to run some blood tests,” she said and took my blood with the needle. I didn’t pass out, so that was good.

I sat in the chair while everyone disappeared, the nurse checking my blood I guessed and Dennis making power calls I’m sure. I stared over at the M&M”s. I really wanted a snack. I got up from the chair as quietly as I could and quickly put the yellow bags of candy in my pockets.

What could it hurt?

After a while, Dennis finally came back.

“You’re good to go, bud,” he said in a tone that seemed friendly but forced. “Follow me and we’ll get started.”

Dennis pushed aside the plastic sheeting and led me to another section of the warehouse I hadn’t been able to see before.

There was a large console off to one side of the room with four guys sitting at it, each in front of triple computer monitors and wearing headsets.

In the center of the room, there was a large black box that looked like the TARDIS’s evil twin. There were about a million wires coming out of the evil phone booth and running to the computers the guys wearing headsets were sitting at.

“What’s that?” I asked Dennis.

“That is the game,” he said and smiled. “That’s where you’ll be testing the game.”

It looked ominous. It looked like something you’d have to be a fool to climb into.

“Ok, cool,” I said.

Dennis led me to the phone booth and stopped in front of it. “So are you ready for this?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess so.” How bad could it be? “So how do I control it? What’s the game about? What kind of tests will I be doing?”

Dennis smiled. I didn’t like that smile. It reminded me of a smile I had seen in a movie about a serial killer. A smile the killer would give to his victims right before, you know, killing them.

“You’ll be doing a general play-through test. You’re going to play through the whole game and our technicians over there,” he gestured to the guys sitting behind the computers, “are going to be monitoring your every move and looking for the bugs.

I nodded. “Ok, so what’s it about?”

“It’s pretty self-explanatory once you get inside,” he said. “All you have to do is have fun and play the game.”

“Sounds simple,” I said.

“Oh, it is,” Dennis said. “Now there’s only one thing for you to know.”

Dennis led me to the door of the evil TARDIS and it opened ominously. When it was all the way open he stuck out his hand and gestured for me to enter. I went inside the black box and it was as bare inside as it was outside. No controls, nowhere to sit, nothing to put on your eyes like a regular VR system.

“What should I know?” I called as the door shut.

Dennis stuck his face up to the small window in the door. “You can actually die in there, so be careful.” He gave me a thumbs up.

What the fuck!

There was a loud screeching noise and everything went white.