Although I repeatedly told Connor that I was okay and not to make a big deal of things, he pulled out his phone, called my brother, and told him what happened. Connor made the whole event sound a lot more dramatic than it actually had been. Also, he didn’t mention Shane at all.

That was good because it felt like my heart had crumbled in my chest, leaving nothing but a hole. The cold way Shane had looked at me…

I had deserved it. Didn’t make it hurt any less, though.

“Yeah,” Connor replied to whatever Asher was saying. “No, she says she’s fine, but…. Yeah. Okay.” He looked at me. “Do you want to talk to your brother?”

Not really, but it was clearly what Asher wanted. If it was one thing I was good at, it was doing what other people expected.

“Sure.” My voice sounded a little disconnected from my own ears. I felt nothing. Was this shock?

Connor handed me his phone.

“Are you okay?” Asher asked.

All I could think about was the expression on Shane’s face when Connor had hugged me. “I’m fine. I wasn’t hurt.”

A pause. “Connor said you were welcome to stay at his place. Is that okay, or do you want to come home?”

He had? When had that been? I must have zoned out. Thank goodness my twin brother had my back.

I blinked rapidly and was surprised to find I was battling back tears. Maybe this was an adrenaline crash. I’d had those after I’d been held too long under a wave, or missed an underwater rock by a hair. That had been a sense of deep exhaustion, though. This was different.

“Yeah,” I said and my voice sounded as weak and childlike as Connor probably thought I was. “I want to come home.”

“All right.” Asher’s tone was a little too steady to be natural. “Put Connor back on the phone.”

I was glad to hand the cell phone back over and let the boys discuss things for a few minutes.

I’m sure Connor meant well. He just wanted to keep me safe, and his house was practically a fortress. It was stocked with all types of food, and he literally had staff on beck and call. Made sense that he’d think I’d be comfortable there.

But his house also had his father, and he creeped the hell out of me. I couldn’t deal with him right now. I just couldn’t.

Connor was mostly quiet as he drove me back home. “Well, I think this counts as the worst date of all time.”

Despite everything, I hiccupped a laugh. That broke me out of my daze and I glanced over at Connor. He was pale and looked incredibly unhappy.

“We’ll do better next time,” I said, because it was the thing I was expected to say.

I forced the image of Shane walking away as far down as I could squish it.

* * *

Asher was there at the door, taking charge and nodding briskly to Connor. “Thanks for bringing her back.” Then he not so gently shut the door, cutting him out.

I expected Connor to barge back in, but he must have realized he pissed Asher off—and I couldn’t bring it in myself to leap to his defense—because after a few moments he retreated back to his car and drove off.

Asher turned from the door with a shake of his head. “I called Dad.”

“Oh, come on—seriously, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

He glared at me. “Yes, it is.” Then he sighed. “Not that it mattered. Got his voice mail. He’ll call back when he checks it.”

“Sure.” I breezed past him.

“Where are you going?” Asher asked.

“To my bedroom. I have a headache.” And that headache’s name was guilt.

* * *

I felt brittle all through that afternoon and into the evening, my emotions osculating wildly.

I texted my friend, Lydia. She called and we talked for a bit about a stupid reality TV show that I never got into, but was currently her obsession. Whatever made her days more bearable was fine by me. It was also a nice distraction.

As I spoke, my eyes drifted to my window again and again.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Lydia, that’s great,” I said. “I gotta go. My dad’s calling me for dinner.”

She cut off her rambling—I had no idea about what. I hadn’t followed her at all. “Sure, Astrid. See you at school tomorrow.”

“See you,” I answered vaguely, and then hung up.

Then, making sure my bedroom door was locked, and the light was off as if I was sleeping, I went to the window, popped out the screen, and climbed out.

* * *

I am insane, I thought not for the first time. There is no way Shane is waiting for me at our cave. The water will be too high, or someone else will be there. I am risking being killed by a crazy rando twice in a day for no good reason.

But my feet still carried me further and faster until I was jogging along the cool sand. The exercise felt good. It pushed the guilt and everything else that had happened in this terrible, awful day to the background.

The sun was almost down and I had to slow to keep from tripping on the sea rocks. Despite the fact I was breathing hard, I held my breath as I rounded the last corner in the cliff.

Shane was there.

He looked up at me once and frowned, though he didn’t seem surprised. “You shouldn’t be here.”

My heart squeezed in my chest. “Do you want me to go?”

He hesitated only a moment, but I swear my poor heart didn’t beat that whole time. “No,” he said at last. “It’s just not safe to be out this time of day.”

“I’m starting to get used to being not safe.” I took a tentative step forward. Then, when he didn’t object, I took another. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Um, because that guy shot at you, and then you left…” I trailed off. I didn’t want to make it sound like I blamed him for leaving. “I just wanted to make sure.”

He gave me a quizzical look. “He wasn’t firing at me. He was firing at you.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t realized. It wasn’t like I’d heard bullets whizzing by my head or something. No wonder Connor had been so protective.

Taking the final step, I sat on the rock next to Shane. Together, we looked out to sea. It was like the first day that we met.

There were so many things I wanted to say, but I was afraid of what would happen if I gave voice to any of them. I’m glad you’re okay. I wish you had stayed. It’s so wrong of me, but I wished I had gone home with you instead.

Shane was the first to break the silence. “So, is he your boyfriend?”

“No,” I said. “He’s my fiancé.”

He choked.

I swear I meant to laugh, but the sound that came out was a sob. Before I knew it I was crying. It was as if a dam had burst in my heart and broken through the wall of shock I’d tried so carefully to build up today.

Shane slid an arm around me and pulled me in close. He smelled like the ocean, windy and wild.

“You’re serious? Are they making you?” He looked around wildly as if afraid human traffickers were going to burst in through the cave walls. “Do you…do you need a place to hide?”

“No,” I gasped shakily. “No, it’s my choice.”

“Is it?”

His question brought on a new round of tears and it took a few minutes before I could get control of myself, wiping my eyes and trying not to look too snotty, before I could speak.

Then I blurted out everything. Connor’s offer, my acceptance, and his horrible father.

“But I’ll be saving my brother and father, and I have to do it to get in the SAFEsite. Connor’s not a bad person,” I insisted.

Shane looked doubtful. “Astrid, this whole Romeo and Juliet thing is not the start of a good marriage.”

Trying to figure that one out had the effect of snapping me out of my crying jag. I took one deep, stuttering breath, and wiped the tears from my eyes. “I don’t think that’s how the play goes.”

His smile was lopsided. “You know what I mean.”

“It’s just…Connor will be good to me. He’s going to be a great father to all the babies I’ll be expected to put out,” I added. I wanted to kick something.

Shane looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“Sorry,” I said.

“No, no.” He squeezed my hand. When had our fingers become interlaced? “It’s just really messed up. I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve been trying to tell me something—I thought you’d all won the lottery after all, or something else was going on. But not…this much.” He shook his head and repeated, “This is really messed up.”

“I know. But my family will get to live, and Connor—”

“He’s a great guy. Yeah, but is he the right guy?”

My breath caught and Shane looked away. “Never mind. Forget I said that.”

“If things were different…”

I stopped at the look in his eyes. When he leaned forward I didn’t stop him.

His mouth pressed against my own. I tilted my head, deepening the kiss, my hands sliding up to twist the cotton of his t-shirt. I didn’t want to let go.

I don’t want to lose you. I can’t. I can’t… I thought nonsensically.

But eventually, the desperate kiss had to end. Shane cupped my cheek, his thumb stroking the side of my jaw. “I wish I could ask you not to marry him.”

Tears welled up and I quickly blinked them away.

He sighed, taking my silence for the answer that it was. “But that wouldn’t be fair. I have nothing to offer you in return.”

“You do.” My voice sounded small and thin. A pathetic denial.

“Astrid,” he said, “I can’t ask you to die with me.”

Those words, said so plainly, broke my heart all over again. I threw my arms around him and hugged him close. His heart beat strongly against my own.

I thought, a year from now I’ll be locked in an underground SAFEsite and he’ll be dead, or starving. Or freezing.

I couldn’t bear that thought. I just couldn’t.

Yet, Shane didn’t seem to think less of me for my choice. He only felt bad that he couldn’t offer me a way out. I had told myself over and over that Connor was a great guy…but with Shane, it was like he knew my heart and accepted me for it, blemishes and all.

This time he was the one who drew back. “Do you have your phone?”

“My phone?” My hand hit my side pocket only to find it empty. Normally, it wasn’t three inches away from my hand. I had been so preoccupied I’d left the house without it and hadn’t even realized. “Um, I left it at home.”

“What’s your phone number?”

I told him and he pulled out his own phone, turning the screen so I could see. He typed in a street address and sent it. “No matter what happens, if you need to get away for a while, just come here. My aunt is cool. Just show up, day or night. Okay?”

“I promise,” I whispered.

I leaned forward and he wrapped me in his arms. We stayed like that, holding one another, for a long time.