Sigh, what was I expecting. I think up a Mercedes with four hundred and twenty-nine horsepower and they give me a damn horse.

Isn’t this my dream? Replace you fucking piece of shit!

I looked over at a white steed covered in golden armor. Hmm, not bad at all. I could probably pick up a female knight or two with this. Question is, can I ride a horse?

“General, this is your steed.” Knight one said.

As I was smiling graciously at the luscious horse in front of me, Knight one walked from around the tent leading out a fucking red armored pony!

It must have been half the size of the five other horses!

“Ummmmm, may I ask something?” I said, walking towards Knight one.

“O-of course, sir!”

“Great, good, wonderful. So, it has come to my attention that… you all hate me.”

Knight one fidgeted in their tin armor like I would buy it. I’m done playing a fool in your act!

“General Grim, what do you mean?”

“I mean look at this thing?! A child could sit on this thing and have both his feet planted on the ground! Yet, you expect me to enter amazingly with this? You must be out of your mind, Knight one.”

Another minus ten points! You now have a total of negative eighteen Knight one. I sure hope you find a way to dig yourself out of my quicksand of despair.

“Sir! It’s so the enemy has a harder chance of hitting you from the hills above.” He retorted brazenly after already losing twenty stars on his first day.

I glanced around our surroundings and it was somewhat eerie. Two thick forests were on our sides with a large plane of land in the middle where we stood.

There were tons of other tents around ours going for rows on end, but the place was basically a ghost town. The knights are all probably down there fighting. Even more the reason for me not to come in on a bloody horse made for a Carousel!

Sigh.

“Listen, Knight one. I will be riding this horse. No matter what else you say, I will not be convinced in riding this thing.” I said, smiling while running my hand down the nose of the large beauty.

If I can’t have a car, atleast give me this!

The knight after a few moments, nodded his head and tied the child horse onto the side. I watched with my jaw dropped as the fucker brushed past me and hopped onto the white horse.

“What are yo-“

Before I could finish talking, the knight patted the empty space behind him like I was seriously going to ride a horse with him. Like, I’m pretty sure my armor would be rubbing on his and wouldn’t that just make everything awkward?!

I’m all for trying new experiences but I feel like rubbing thick metals of armor is on the very bottom of the list next to country music and cat girls!

...ok I take it back. Cat girls are actually very high on my list. Probably next to being the president?

As I was lost in thoughts of an aristocrat, the knight grabbed my arm and pulled me up with the strength of a demon. I mean seriously, my face probably must have shown the shock of twelve hundred volts when I was pulled behind this negative-point knight.

“Keep your head down, General. We have our scouts in the hills, but who can know if they have been killed off or not.” He said naggingly.

Psh, it’s not like I wi-

The horse jerked forward and we started riding on this death machine. I wrapped my arms around the Knight’s torso and he looked back at me like he was surprised. Is this not what he wanted me to do?

The knight stared at me longer before I smiled and put a thumbs up saying ‘I’m good!’ making him turn back around.

But in actuality, I was thinking ‘Look ahead you fucking negative point knight! God, even in this dream world people can’t look at the road in front of them.

I buried my head down when the wind started to make my cheeks flap along with it.

We rode with the four other knights surrounding us. Two on each side to cover from the hills I guess. Though, I find this seriously overdramatic. Why can’t I just summon a giant shield and the problem solved.

Still, a smile crept onto my face while I looked at the knights around me. I must have been subconsciously wanting to be a movie star or something because this entourage thing is honestly not that bad.

Upon reaching a slope, I could see arrows littered over the ground along with the sound of metal on metal. As we reached the top of the slope however, the hundreds of people that Knight one told me about finally came into view.

We were staring at a whole bunch of knights on their feet, engaged in the middle of the field. I glanced up to see brown cloaked cavalry knights rounding up at the side, getting ready to charge at the crimson knights on our side.Just by looking at the battle, I couldn’t tell who was who and who was winning. It was like just one giant blob of insects hurdling together trying to fight for the love of an ant queen.

I moved my eyes farther to the left to see that the cavalry haven’t moved at all! They weren’t even preparing to move! Bloody bastards slacking on the battlefield. Behind them, was something even more outrageous. The archers weren’t archering! Shoot your damn bows!

“Knight one! Why aren’t the horse people and the archers attacking?”

“They are awaiting our orders. You ordered us to come to you because you said you want to revise the strategy. We are awaiting your command, sir!”

So it’s my fault?! At least let me start this dream from the beginning. Why did they send me smack dab right in the middle of the battle?

“Alright, I have played a ton of Civilization V to understand how to do this. Granted I never won or got past the renaissance stage, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have a hella good early game! Send in the cavalry to the uh just let ‘em run at the enemy! And tell the archers to just fucking let loose! God, what other strategy could there be?” I bellowed, my hands to my hips and feeling pretty excited.

Giving commands gets me slightly aroused if I am honest. Who knew this was a kink. Oh wait, bdsm.

I noticed something move at the corner of my eye so I looked to my right. The knights started to remove their helmets one by one.

On the far right was a knight with short orange hair. Beside him was a guy with black hair and matching length but had a scar from his neck to his nose.

Glancing to my left, they also seemed to be taking off their helmet. Revealing one guy with wavy brown hair and the other with curly black hair.

From a distance, these knights could probably be mistaken as some boy band group ready to enter the stage.

They all reached to the sides of their horses and brought a white ivory horn with a golden end to their lips.

As I looked on in astonishment, I wondered who my negative point knight that I’ve been rubbing metals with is.

I leaned back and watched as the knight grabbed on both sides of his helmet. For some reason I felt my mouth dry as I gulped air down my throat.

The knight in one motion, lifted up his...helmet… letting out long gleaming blonde hair….

Holy shit it’s a female!

She turned slightly to the side where I could see her lips rest on the ivory horn.

Her side profile matches that of a Victoria Secret model or some cutie on tinder who tries to look mysterious.

As I looked starry eyed at the girl, all five of the knights blew the horns simultaneously trying to blow out my ear drums. I brought my hands to my ears to cover myself from the loud noise.

Is this an assassination?! Have I been baited? Death by loss of hearing?!